


Animoré

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Children of Earth Compliant, Children of Earth Fix-It, Episode: Big Finish Audio Drama 2.5: Broken, Episode: s01e06 Countrycide, Episode: s01e08 They Keep Killing Suzie, Episode: s01e10 Out of Time, Immortal Ianto Jones, M/M, Soul Bond, Soulmates, The Year That Never Was, mostly canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 90,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: "Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along." ~Rumi.A mostly canon soulmate story.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit different for me, so keep an open mind. You can read more in my author's notes at the bottom!

**Chapter One**

_"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along." ~Rumi_

It usually happened during one's teenage years, though it was known to happen to younger children on occasion. The steady presence of one's soul mate slowly emerged, the whisper of another presence tucked into the corner of one's mind. Not thoughts, precisely, but feelings, impressions. When it did happen to younger children, it was sometimes confusing and resulted in various psychiatric issues; more often the child accepted the comforting presence, developing that invisible friend so many children played with when they were young.

For most people, however, the initial psychic bond manifested during those awkward years of teenage transition—no longer a child, not quite an adult, but old enough to understand and accept what was happening. It wasn't illness, or insanity, it was the sign that one's soul mate was out there somewhere, waiting for them. In cases where one soulmate was significantly older than the other, it usually happened when the younger partner was at that age of change, leaving the older partner wondering if perhaps they were one of the few who were not destined to find their soulmate.

It was an odd feeling for Ianto, and from talking to others he was relieved to find that, at least, was normal. He was fourteen, and his teenage emotions were usually all over the place, but one day he found himself experiencing something he didn't often feel—incredible, breathtaking lust. And it wasn't as if he was with a girl when it happened, or even looking at pictures of girls; he was walking home from school when it hit him out of the blue, almost doubling him over. He chalked it up to hormones, had it off when he got home, and forgot about it. Until the next day when he felt a white-hot surge of anger whilst eating an egg sandwich at school, even though the sandwich was quite good compared to the regular lunch service.

He soon realized that these intense feelings were not his own, but those of his soulmate. They had learned about soulmates in school—that awful, awkward class in year five when they learned about puberty and sex—and how the initial impressions could be intense and even overwhelming when they first began to develop. He practiced the techniques they had learned for dealing with the foreign feelings invading their thoughts, sectioning off an area of his mind for the new presence and visualizing mental walls around it. It wasn't perfect, but it kept his own feelings separate.

It grew stronger every day, a steady pulse of all kinds of emotions—joy, love, lust, but also fear, anger, and more than anything, loneliness. His soulmate was lonely, and Ianto wished that the psychic bond was a two-way street, that he could reach out and reassure his soulmate that they weren't alone. Yet it wasn't telepathy, but more of a low-level empathy, and though he tried to go to that place in his mind given to his soulmate and radiate calm when he felt fear, offer comfort when he felt loneliness, he doubted his soulmate would recognize it for what it was.

Instead, his soulmate probably felt Ianto's own conflicted feelings. His difficult relationship with his father and the resentment he felt for his family. His lack of self-confidence with just about everything—his looks, his grades, his life. The shame he felt when he failed, the pressure he felt when he succeeded. And his awakening sexual desires; just because one had a soulmate waiting to meet them, did not mean one had to physically wait for their soulmate. Ianto was well aware that his soulmate had their own powerful lusts and felt no guilt acting on his own.

He began to suspect that his soulmate was male, and continuously wondered about it. Deep down, it didn't bother him, because he was so used to the strong, warm presence in his mind. Physically speaking, he was intrigued, but found that when it came to other men in his life, he simply wasn't interested. At all. It worried him, that maybe he wouldn't be physically attracted to his soulmate either, that maybe there was a mistake. He hoped there wasn't.

The problem with the psychic soulmate bond—the _animoré_ — was that no one knew when they would meet their soulmate; some people never did, and died having never formed the full bond. From what Ianto understood, most people met early in life, rather than later, though there were people who didn't meet one another until well into their fifties or sixties, and Ianto hoped to be retired and surrounded by family by that point in his life. The thought of never meeting his soulmate terrified him; he wanted to know the amazing presence in his mind, that felt so much, so strongly. He decided if he hadn't met them by the time he turned thirty, he would seek them out. Apparently, there was a growing business of people who somehow tracked down soulmates, though many were considered crackpots and frauds.

It wasn't until a few years after his _animoré_ developed that Ianto began having blackouts. He was in university by then, and was able to hide it from everyone but his closest friends. He didn't actually lose consciousness, but went blank, staring and unaware of his surroundings. His roommates thought it might be seizures, but Ianto knew what it was. It was the presence in his mind, disappearing with a snap. Sometimes it was a quick, like a small mental pinch; other times it was like a shock, hard and jolting, stunning him with the ferocity of it. Every time, the presence in his mind disappeared, leaving him feeling empty and alone, until it came back with a flooding gasp, like life returning to the desert.

Ianto had never heard of such a thing, and could find no information on anything similar. He was too afraid to tell anyone the truth for a long time, and hid it as best as he could, even wearing a medical bracelet that identified the episodes for emergency situations (it had happened on the tube, once, and he'd come to only to find paramedics hovering over him. He knew he was perfectly fine, but it had been impossible to explain.) And then he met Lisa.

When someone met their soulmate, they didn't always recognize the connection immediately, particularly if it was early, or simply a weaker bond. There were entire shelves of romance novels where the realization didn't happen until the end of the book, long after the couple had met. Sometimes they were best friends, sometimes they were enemies. Other times they were lovers, enjoying their time together and hoping the bond would grow stronger with their physical connection and reveal itself. In the stories, it always did; in real life, Ianto knew it would never happen with Lisa.

He loved her, fiercely and passionately. And she loved him. They talked about their _animoré_ several times; Lisa did not feel hers as strongly as Ianto, who sometimes felt like he knew so much about his soulmate already. He suspected that she believed it was him; Ianto, however, knew it wasn't her. His soulmate was a man, and his soulmate was lonely, and their presence wavered in and out of Ianto's mind. He sometimes wondered if his soulmate was sick and dying, always at the edge and always coming back. Then he decided his soulmate was probably a traveler, maybe an astronaut, flitting in and out of range. Not that he'd ever heard of such a thing, not when soulmates could live halfway around the world from one another and still sense each other's presence, but it was better than no explanation, and Ianto needed something.

When Lisa started talking about marriage, he finally told her the truth about his so-called seizures and the steady presence in his mind that disappeared and reappeared each time it happened. She was sad at first, disappointed that it wasn't her; they still loved each other, though, and found themselves among those rare couples who stayed together even though they knew they weren't meant for one another. Ianto suspected they were only prolonging the heartbreak, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Life was almost perfect with Lisa: they had good jobs with Torchwood, a nice flat in London, friends and family and everything he'd ever wanted with a soulmate. Why couldn't it be her? He started to resent the presence in his mind, and when it disappeared, he sometimes hoped it wouldn't return.

Three months later, as he ran through the ruins of Canary Wharf searching for Lisa, he reached out to the presence in his mind as the only thing he recognized, the only thing that was real. It was as if his soulmate sensed his terror and radiated calm; it shouldn't have been possible, and maybe he was imagining it, but Ianto needed to believe something good, and he clung to the feeling of love and protectiveness he felt within his mind.

And then he was in Cardiff, trying to get into Torchwood Three. He needed to save Lisa, more than anything in the world. She wasn't his soul mate, but she was all he had now. Everything else had been ripped from him in one terrifying day, the ruins of Torchwood One haunting even his waking dreams. He knew his way in was through Jack Harkness, the irrepressible leader of Torchwood Cardiff: a rogue, a flirt, and from all other reports, an exceptionally dangerous man. He would have to tread carefully.

When he first saw Jack Harkness in the park, he was struck by the man's distance. Yes, he was handsome and he was cocky, but he was clearly putting up some strong defenses and wanted nothing to do with strange men in the park. Which had surprised Ianto, because he'd heard Jack Harkness liked a pretty face, and he'd tried his best to present one, dark jeans, denim jacket, and all. Instead he'd got clobbered by a Weevil and blown off.

Still, he didn't give up. He tried again, sensing that same aloofness, and then again. And it wasn't until they were rolling away from an unconscious dinosaur that Ianto felt Jack let down his guard somewhat and relax. He laughed, he smiled. Laying on top of him, Ianto felt something familiar; it was as if he'd known the man beneath him for far more than a few days. He sensed raging passions beneath the captain's carefully crafted image, and a deep feeling of loneliness. At that moment, it spoke to his own sense of loss, and it was all Ianto could do to not move closer, lower his head, press his lips against Jack's. For the first time, he was well and truly attracted to another man.

And then he remembered that this man could be his boss. That his girlfriend needed him to get a job at Torchwood Three, not to sleep with its enigmatic leader. So he stood, and he closed his eyes, and he let the disappointment flow through him. And not just his own—it was as if his soulmate were disappointed as well. Strange.

He got the job. He tried to save Lisa. He stood apart from the others, always watching. He watched Jack the most, and was fairly sure he caught Jack watching him several times as well. Yes, there was definitely an attraction there: plenty of flirting and clever banter covering up their physical desires. Yet beneath it all lingered that continued sense of familiarity.

Ianto felt like he knew Jack, and as the weeks and months went by, he found he could read the captain better than any of the others. He often knew what Jack wanted or needed before Jack even asked. He sensed when Jack was upset and needed space, and after a few wrong turns, knew when the captain needed a friendly ear.

The blackouts were not as frequent as they'd once been, which was good, because Ianto came to depend on the soulmate bond to get him through long days and nights at the Hub, its steady presence grounding him when he felt like he might lose his mind living a lie. He was almost caught once, when he was on the comms with Jack late one night, helping him retrieve something that'd come through over in the Wetland Reserves. Jack was reaching toward the mysterious object when Ianto felt that sharp tug in his mind and gasped; he remembered nothing until several minutes later when Jack was frantically calling his name, and he shook himself clear of the episode and answered as calmly as he could. Jack sounded terrified, and Ianto assured him he was fine, only tired. Jack sent him home and told him to sleep in.

The night Lisa died was the first time he suspected anything, at least looking back. At the time, he had refused to even contemplate the possibility. He'd been so terrified that night, so angry at the others, and yet he was almost overwhelmed by the feelings of anger and betrayal he felt in that walled away part of his mind that belonged to his soulmate. It didn't make sense, until he remembered the look on Jack's face, the anger and betrayal. But it couldn't be…could it?

He tightened the walls around his _animoré_ during his suspension; if he felt anything—worry, concern, the ever-present loneliness—he immediately pushed it back, shut the door, and locked it over and over. He wanted nothing to do with it anymore. He'd lost Lisa, and the thought that the man who'd killed her might be…but no. It wasn't possible. Ianto would have _known._

He started going to a nearby pub when he could, trying to drown his feelings in alcohol. Anger, confusion, loss—no matter how many pints he had, it didn't work. He still felt it all, and the presence in his mind seemed equally upset. He mentioned it a few times to Mandy, the barmaid, but she'd never had a soulmate, and though she was a great listener when it came to his problems with Lisa, and Jack, and his job, she didn't seem to understand that particular issue—that he worked with the man who not only shot his girlfriend, but might be his soulmate.

When he came back to work, things were difficult. The others looked at him differently, and Jack…well. Jack looked at him differently, as if he were starting to suspect something as well. Talked to Ianto differently. Flirted with him differently. Jack seemed tentative and confused, no longer angry, but accepting and interested. Ianto refused to believe it was possible after all they'd been through and shut the doors of his mind tighter, ignoring the hurt and disappointment he felt, the same hurt and disappointment he saw on Jack's face.

Until his life fell apart again when he was queued up for dinner in the Brecon Beacons.

His defenses fell to pieces. He wanted nothing more than to wrap himself in the love and comfort he felt from his _animoré,_ and for a moment, he did. He fell asleep on the drive home, his mind curled up next to that comforting presence, letting it hold him, heal him. His soulmate understood and accepted him, calmed his fears and reassured him that he was alive and loved. When Ianto awoke outside his flat, it was to find Jack gently stroking his face.

"We need to talk," he said. Ianto sat up straight, shook his head away from the warm touch of Jack's hand.

"I'm sorry, sir," he said, deliberately misinterpreting Jack's words, even though it was obvious from the face-touching what Jack wanted to talk about. "I was captured and compromised. You'd be absolutely right to take me off field duty."

"What?" Jack said, stepping away. "What do you mean, off field duty?"

Ianto stepped out of the car and moved away from Jack toward the pavement in front of his building. "I failed and almost got both myself and Tosh killed."

"No, from what I heard, you helped Tosh escape and took the fall for it," Jack replied with a frown. "You did good out there, and I'm sorry that you…that I couldn't…I'm sorry," he finished. "But I'm not taking you off field duty."

"Oh." Ianto didn't know what to say and stumbled over his words. "Er, thank you, sir. I'll see you in the morning, then."

"No, you'll take the day off, maybe two or three depending on what Owen says," Jack replied. "That's not what I wanted to talk about."

"If it has to do with the report," Ianto began, deflecting once more, but Jack stepped forward and stopped him.

"That's not it either," Jack said quietly. Ianto met his eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ianto replied.

"I think you do," Jack said, moving even closer.

"Even if I did, it doesn't matter," Ianto told him. "It's not… and it won't…"

Jack laid a hand on his shoulder, leaned closer until their foreheads were touching.

"It does matter. Because I know it's you now, in my head."

"No," Ianto whispered, letting his eyes close. "It's not me. It can't be me."

"I know you can feel it too," Jack said. "We have to talk about it."

"No, Jack, we don't," Ianto replied, pulling away with a deep breath. Jack's touch did things to him, always had, and he couldn't think clearly if Jack was so near. "Because our past won't let us. I won't let us. I can't."

Jack's face went through many emotions: surprise, hurt, anger, then it went blank, and he stepped away. "If that's what you want," he said, sounding reluctant. "I won't bring it up again."

"Thank you, sir," Ianto replied stiffly. "I appreciate it. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Jack raised an eyebrow and offered a sad smile. "I'm sorry too." He brushed his fingers along Ianto's jaw again. "Because it could have been great." His fingers lingered before he dropped his hand and turned to leave. He went back to the driver's side of the SUV and started the car, glancing at Ianto. "You're sure you'll be all right alone?" he asked.

"Always am, sir," Ianto replied, hating the double meaning in his words. Jack turned toward the wheel and nodded.

"I know the feeling," he murmured. "Call if you need anything, me or Owen. I'll see you in a few days."

"Thank you, sir," Ianto murmured back, but Jack had already started to pull away, and Ianto wondered if he'd ruined his last chance for happiness by rejecting his soulmate. He wasn't sure what happened when two people found one another but didn't end up together. Because he couldn't be with Jack Harkness, soulmate or not. Jack was dangerous, full of secrets and lies. He'd killed Ianto's lover, held a gun to Ianto's head. Normal people didn't fall in love under those circumstances, and it seemed a cruel twist of fate for the universe to set them as soulmates with so much history between them.

Disappointment and heartbreak filled his chest, and in the part of his mind where he knew his soulmate dwelled, he felt the same heartbreak echoed back at him. And then it all went blank, Jack's presence gone from his mind, and he wondered if he'd done the right thing after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The soulmate trope: one of those guilty pleasures of fanfiction. And now I can claim one for my own oeuvre! I must confess, I do love a good soulmate story for these two characters. DinoDina has written several of them, and I have said many times, "I want to write one too, someday!" Many thanks to DinoDina for her help on this as I poked her for ideas. Please head over to her page and read some of her lovely soulmate stories! I will post the second part in a few days. I hope you enjoyed my attempt at something different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I decided to write a soulmate story, I wanted it to be canon—which can be a tricky thing as soulmate stories go. This part draws heavily on the Big Finish drama 'Broken', written by Joseph Lidster. The story, characters, and even some of the dialogue is all his, and if you have not listened to it yet, please do because it's wonderfully done! But the 'canon' part of the summary becomes a bit blurry here (if you even consider the BF stories canon), as I think that this soulmate bond between Jack and Ianto would change things in that story. And it did not turn out like I thought it would. More at the end—enjoy!

**Chapter Two**

Jack had left, and Ianto was alone.

He trudged back to his flat, trying not to think about what he'd just done. Instead, he had a drink, took one of the pills Owen had given him, and the next thing he knew, Mandy from the pub was there, trying to make sure he was still alive. But Ianto didn't care anymore—about living, dying, anything. It was over: he'd finally met his soulmate, only to push them away the same day.

He went back to work after his body healed, but his spirt wasn't in it; he was in pain, both mentally and physically. He regretted his harsh words from the night Jack had figured it out, but apparently he'd made his intentions clear, and Jack didn't try to talk to him about it. After a day or two of initial awkwardness, they slipped back into a somewhat distant but relatively normal working relationship, and Ianto found he missed the flirting and banter they'd once shared, the sense of easy familiarity, and more than anything, the peace and comfort he'd felt on the drive home from the Beacons.

Jack still seemed concerned, still checked up on him, but Ianto imagined it was forced, and he found himself retreating from Jack both physically and emotionally. The room in his mind where his _animoré_ had once been was empty, the familiar presence gone. It wasn't anything like one of his blackouts, when the bond disappeared but always returned; when it disappeared the night Jack had brought him home, it never came back. Ianto wondered if the bond between them had broken completely when he'd rejected Jack, or if Jack had somehow blocked it. Which made him feel the sting of rejection, even though he had been the one to reject it first, and once again he regretted it.

Confusion ruled his waking thoughts. His _animoré_ had always been a strong, stable, comforting presence—lonely, but not inherently malicious or immoral. He had felt love and lust and joy through the bond, even anger and pain, all things he now recognized in Jack. His waking mind had painted a different picture of Jack over the months, however: overbearing boss, shameless flirt, callous murderer. Only Ianto knew, deep down, that wasn't really what Jack was. Jack was far more than he seemed, and Ianto missed Jack's presence in his mind more every day, now that he knew the truth.

And then Tosh found a psychic pendant. Her alien girlfriend had given it to her, using it to get into the Hub. It was eerily similar to the night Lisa had died, watching the team point their weapons toward Mary, as Jack killed her—sending her into the sun, he said after, with little regret. Ianto felt a surge of white-hot anger, that Jack had done it again—that he had killed someone Tosh had cared about, without any care for Tosh, like he'd killed Lisa, without any thought for Ianto. It was followed by the realization that Jack was forced to do these things to protect others, no matter who was hurt; it was his job to make the hard decisions and do what had to be done. And finally there was guilt, that Ianto missed the connection he'd found with Jack and wanted it once more, no matter the cost to his conscience to be bound to such a man.

Ianto took Tosh's statement, comforting her as best as he could, because more than any of them, he could relate to her loss. Jack asked to him to stay, to talk, but Ianto could only imagine what Tosh may have heard from him, what she'd told Jack, and he did not want to talk about it. He left without a word, making his way to his local pub, the Ferret, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, guilt and anger, confusion and shame all licking at his heels.

He had too much to drink, said too much to Mandy. This time, however, she offered to help: she offered him a way out of his complicated mess of a life. Which was when Jack showed up and ruined it all. What were the odds that Jack was investigating a case that would bring him to Ianto's local? Slim to none, as far as he was concerned, even with Torchwood. Yet as soon as Jack told him about the missing people and the nearby Rift spikes, Ianto connected it to Mandy's offer, and it all made sense. Jack _was_ there for a case. And Ianto would handle it; he would make the difficult choices this time.

He sent Jack away, took Mandy's offer, and went to the cellar. There he met her Savior, then watched as the Rift opened before his eyes and he was offered a new life on the other side. It was tempting—too tempting. The logical part of his mind knew it couldn't possibly be real, but it was beautiful and perfect—an escape from his life, from so much pain and loss. From both finding and losing his soulmate. He took a step forward.

Which was when Jack showed up to ruin it again. He exposed the trickery and pulled down the curtain hiding the reality of the Savior's offer: slavery on a foreign planet. And Mandy had known. She had known all along, and was willingly befriending patrons at her pub to send them across the galaxy, all for a few new pub refits. She had talked with Ianto countless nights, even rushed to his flat to save his life when she thought he had taken it, only to offer him up as human chattel for an alien slavery ring. Ianto felt sick with the betrayal; a part of him wondered if this was how Jack had felt the night Lisa had been discovered.

Jack. Jack was there, trying to help, trying to stop more people from being lost. Ianto heard the Savior's voice, beguiling him to step through the portal to a new life, while Jack tore down the lies. But beneath the harsh words, the warm presence of his _animoré_ returned, projecting a feeling of calm and comfort. Jack's presence resonated deep within him, filled with strength and reassurance—and of desperate fear. Jack was afraid, and he couldn't hide it; he didn't want to lose Ianto. He _cared._ Ianto glanced up and met Jack's eyes. They begged him not to go, and it was as if all Ianto's walls—all his own doubts and fears— came crashing down. He couldn't deny what he truly wanted anymore, and he nodded, gasping as Jack's relief flooded through him and letting his own flow back. Raising his gun, both he and Jack advanced on the Savior.

But then, once more, it all went wrong— like the night Lisa died, like in the Beacons. Because Torchwood never won that easy. The Savior lashed out with some sort of glowing whip, or perhaps a tentacle, flinging it toward Ianto. Jack jumped in front of it, screaming in agony as it wrapped around his neck, strangling him. Before Ianto could do anything but reach toward him, the Savior declared Jack would be the first and pulled Jack through the portal; just like that, Jack was gone.

And so was the renewed presence of Jack in his mind, only it wasn't like the blackouts he'd had for years, when the bond disappeared with a snap. It was sudden, shocking, excruciating pain—in his mind, in his body, in his heart. Ianto fell to his knees with a shout, hands to his head as he tried to breathe through the agony and not lose consciousness. He had to stay awake, had to do something: Jack had been flung through the Rift—he could be anywhere, and even in another time. The bond had been ripped apart, shattered completely; clearly it did not reach across the vastness of time and space, and Ianto was alone—broken and alone. He only hoped it would return when he found Jack. Because he would find Jack.

He wasn't sure how long he was out of it. The Savior was speaking, something about it being his turn to join his companion on the other side. Ianto took a deep breath and stood on shaking legs. No, he would not be sent into slavery. He would step through the portal willingly—and bring Jack back, so that they could defeat the Savior together. Jack had tried to save him, and with the brutal breaking of their bond, Ianto knew that he could never live without it—without Jack—again. He would save Jack, and even if Jack rejected him, at least Jack would be back on Earth, alive and free.

He raised his gun and demanded that the Savior take him to Jack. When the alien refused, he shot the creature, ignoring Mandy's frightened cry behind him. Grabbing it by the arm, he forced it through the portal before him, stepping into a large, mostly empty room. He heard screams and forced the creature to walk before him and take him to Jack, to wherever he was being 'processed'—for what, Ianto did not want to know. As he walked through twisting corridors, the bond returned, and Ianto felt Jack's pain overriding everything. He forced the Savior to walk faster and sent his relief to Jack, trying to surround him with as much strength and determination as he could.

The screams continued, until he finally found Jack being tortured by some sort of electrical device—testing his abilities, the Savior said, assuring them it was safe. Jack screamed at them to shut it off. Ianto raised his gun once more; the machine stopped, and Jack fell to the ground, pale and motionless, his presence gone again. Ianto felt the familiar tug of a blackout, but ruthlessly shoved it aside, determined to help Jack.

Falling to his knees, Ianto forced back the terrified thought—he was too late—and checked for a pulse, breathing: nothing. Ianto knew CPR, but using it when his soulmate was dying on an alien planet was virtually impossible with his mind lost to panic, his heart racing, his body on the verge of collapse. He didn't know what to do, how many times to breathe, if he was even conscious anymore…

With a gasp, Jack's eyes flew open, widened with surprise, then clouded with confusion. "Were you…were you kissing me?" he asked.

"I just…I think I saved your life," Ianto replied, falling back to the ground next to Jack. He sensed Jack's presence in his mind once more, his fear and uncertainty, and almost laughed with relief to be able to feel it again. This was what he wanted, what he needed.

"Yeah, actually…" Jack laughed, weak but alive. "That was some kiss."

"That wasn't a—" Ianto stopped, shook his head, tried not to think about what Jack's lips had felt like, what they would feel like with a proper kiss. "I'm so sorry," he said. "About everything, but we have to go. We have to get back, before it's too late, and stop this from happening again."

Jack stood, and Ianto slipped under Jack's shoulder to support him. "Let's get out of here," he said. They turned to find the Savior standing right behind him, ready to stop them.

"You will—" it began. Ianto shot it again and would have left the creature lying in its own blood with no regrets. Jack walked up to it, however, Ianto still supporting him, and stared into its eyes, anger flowing between them toward the alien.

"I know what you are, and I know what you do. And I know how to get in touch with the Shadow Proclamation. Earth is a level 5 protected planet, so you leave it the hell alone or I will take you all down. Understand?"

They didn't wait for the alien to respond, but hurried from the room and back toward the portal. Making their way through the building quickly but quietly, they encountered little resistance, as if the very idea of a slave escaping had never occurred to the aliens. They made it all the way back to the portal, firing only half a dozen shots.

Ianto was surprised and relieved to find it was still open. He only hoped it took them back to the Ferret—preferably on the same day, and not five years later. It looked the same, but he knew the Savior was able to disguise the portal, as it had when it had showed them Heaven. He glanced somewhat nervously at Jack, who glanced down at his wrist strap and nodded.

"Should be the right time and place—and it can't be much worse than this." He stepped away from Ianto, stopping on the edge of the portal to reach back and take Ianto's hand, and they walked through together, leaving the alien planet behind.

They stepped from the portal into the cellar of the pub. Jack motioned him to check the room while he walked over to the control panel. He'd used his wrist strap to work with it once; now he used the wrist strap to destroy it, filling the area with sparks and smoke. The portal closed, leaving them in the dark. Ianto heard Jack sigh.

"Thanks for coming back for me," he said softly.

Ianto was silent for a moment, unsure what to say.

"Did you feel it?" Jack asked. "The bond…it broke."

"I felt it," Ianto whispered.

"It was horrible," Jack replied. "I've never felt it break before, and the pain was…" He trailed off. "I think it can hold over distance, but not time. Which means the portal traveled through time."

"So that was not only an alien world, but somewhere in the past?"

"It was the future," Jack replied. Ianto thought about it, and what he knew about Jack. He took a risk.

"Is that where you saw them before?" he asked. Jack did not answer right away.

"Yes," he finally said. A thousand questions rushed into Ianto's mind. He knew he should think them through, focus on more important things at that moment, but so much had happened between them, and he had to understand.

"Did you feel the bond then?" he asked. "When you were in the future?"

He heard Jack take a long, slow breath in the dark. "I never did, no. I didn't feel anything until about ten years ago, here in Cardiff."

"Are you actually from the future, or a time traveler?" Ianto asked without thinking, not sure how he'd come to that conclusion, but somehow sensing he was right. Jack had always been mysterious, always different; Ianto had glimpsed parts of Jack's records, come across other references in the archives, and knew there was much more to the story. It made sense, even while it didn't.

"Both," Jack replied, his voice barely audible. He sounded weary, and scared, and Ianto felt it through the bond as well. He started to move toward Jack's voice, wanting to offer comfort.

"You said you couldn't feel the bond in the future," Ianto said. "You felt it ten years ago. That's when I felt it. Is that when you first came here?"

"Ianto—"

Ianto moved forward again. "I need to know, Jack. I need to understand. Because I've felt the bond break before. It never lasted long, and it was never as bad as it was tonight, but I've been feeling it for years."

"You've felt it break before?" Jack whispered. He sounded horrified, and Ianto could feel the fear suddenly radiating from the older man.

"I've had these blackouts, and every time, the bond breaks, disappears … is that why? It breaks when you time travel?"

"No," Jack replied, his voice low, and now he sounded sick with a realization Ianto didn't understand. "I haven't traveled in time for years."

"But the bond holds across distance?" Ianto asked. Jack made an affirmative noise. "So why have I felt it disappear before? It broke tonight because you went through the portal to another time. If that's not what's been happening, what has? And why haven't you felt it break before?"

Ianto sensed Jack's paralyzing fear in his mind and took another step forward until he felt Jack's physical presence before him, though he stopped himself from reaching out. "Jack?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I can't—"

"Can't tell me?" Ianto demanded. "You can't tell me why I've been having these blackouts for years? That are always connected to losing the sense of my soulmate? When you know why?"

"Ianto, there are so many things about me that—"

He was cut off by footsteps on the stairs, a woman's voice calling into the dark. "Savior, is that you?"

Ianto felt a rush of anger as Mandy came down into the cellar, then Jack's hand on his arm, calming him. "I'm sorry," Jack whispered in his ear, punctuating it with a desperate kiss. It was like no other kiss he'd felt before, colors and light and sounds exploding within him, filling him with so much feeling, so much need, he thought he might burst. Ianto was torn between wanting to grab Jack and snog him senseless right then and hauling Mandy out of the pub to throw her into jail. He felt wry amusement from Jack, as if he completely agreed with both; it was a relief from the stifling fear he still felt simmering within the other man.

"Wow," Jack murmured when he pulled away. Ianto could only echo the sentiment. Mandy called down the stairs again.

"Your lead," Jack said, reaching down to squeeze his hand. Ianto nodded and stepped toward the light by the stairs. Mandy gasped when she saw him.

"It's me," he said quietly. "I'm alive. And it's over, Mandy. All of it. The Savior is gone, and he's never coming back to take another person to hell."

"Ianto!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I really am, but I—"

"Save it," Ianto snapped. "I don't want to hear it. I talked to you, I told you things…I trusted you. You saved my life! All so you could bring me down here and sell me as a slave?"

"He showed up and offered me everything, Ianto—and he was an alien, what could I do?"

"You could have said no," Ianto replied softly.

"He would have killed me!"

"Instead you've sent all those other people to their death," Ianto pointed out sadly. "It ends here, right now. Leave Cardiff, Mandy, and don't ever come back. Because Torchwood will be watching."

"Ianto," she started again, reaching out toward him.

"Go!" he practically shouted. "We'll clean up this mess. Take your second chance and use it wisely."

There were tears in her eyes as she nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, then fled up the stairs. Ianto knew he would never see her again, though he meant what he said: Torchwood would be watching. They would follow her every move, so that she never made alien contact again. And they would watch the Ferret as well, to make sure the Savior didn't return, and Tosh could come up with a program to track missing people, to pick up the patterns earlier—

"A second chance, huh?" Jack said, coming up behind him and interrupting his thoughts. Ianto felt something like pride through the bond between them, touched with a sadness he didn't understand. "Why?"

"She deserves it," Ianto replied.

"She sent all those missing people into intergalactic slavery thousands of years in the future," Jack pointed out. "She deserved to be arrested at the very least, if not more."

Ianto shook his head. "She's not a bad person, not deep down. At least, I don't think so." He turned and faced Jack. "And not so long ago I deserved to die, but someone gave me a second chance. I wanted to pass it on."

"Ah," Jack nodded with a sad smile on his face. "I see."

Ianto frowned in confusion. "Jack, is it okay that I let her go? We'll watch her, make sure none of this happens again. But I—"

"I understand," Jack interrupted. "And I trust you."

Ianto blew out a breath. "I'm not sure I deserve it. And I'm not sure I deserve another chance, either, but I'd…I'd like one." He tapped his head. "With this."

Jack looked skeptical. "That's quite a change from last time it came up."

"I was wrong," Ianto admitted, both to Jack and to himself. "I was scared, and I was wrong. It's always been you, all along, and that terrified me at first, but now… knowing it's you, I—" Ianto glanced around the dark cellar. "Look, do we have to talk about this here? This is about the worst place I could imagine having this conversation."

"Let's go," Jack said. He reached out for Ianto's hand. "Because there's a lot to talk about. Things I have to tell you that might…might change your mind."

Ianto squeezed Jack's hand, feeling the other man's apprehension. It worried him. Jack had wanted to talk about the bond the night he'd brought Ianto back to his flat, but Ianto had refused, rejecting the very idea of being with Jack. Now Ianto had changed his mind and realized what he wanted—but had Jack changed his mind as well?

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this got away from me, and there will be several more parts, until it straightens itself out in some sort of coherent way. The soulmate trope is fantastical and cliché, I know, but I also feel like it's a unique chance to look at these characters in a slightly different way and explore how they would react to such a thing. Here, the bond/blackouts are sort of like a heightened version of why they shouldn't be together. In canon, they had a number of obstacles, from their past to their work to their future; and yet we know they were still drawn together. Being soulmates both complicates this and offers a reason. I'm probably not explaining that well, but I understand if it's not your "thing." Know that I really am trying to stick to canon and see how this would work.
> 
> Many thanks to DinoDina and Avaantares for helping me figure out this much bigger than intended story. And thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter Three

** Chapter Three **

They left the pub behind, giving Mandy two hours to pack her things and leave town. Though it wasn't far to Ianto's flat, they took the SUV, riding in a silence filled with anxious anticipation. Ianto let them into his small flat, hoping it was relatively presentable until he stepped inside, glanced around the disorganized mess, and suddenly didn't care. Jack was behind him, shutting the door, and before the other man could take his coat off, Ianto turned and stepped toward him, pressing him backward with a long, hard kiss against the wall. After a small grunt of surprise, Jack returned the kiss with passion, his arms coming up to pull Ianto tight against him.

"I have wanted to do that for so long," Jack murmured when they broke apart. He ran his fingers along Ianto's jaw. "I had no idea it was you though, until the night I brought you home from the Beacons. And after that I thought I'd never have the chance."

Ianto stepped back, unable to meet Jack's eyes when he knew he had hurt the other man last time Jack had been there. "I'm sorry," he said. "That night…I was so confused, so scared…I didn't realize…"

"It's okay," Jack said with a shrug and a small smile. "You were right, in a way. We have a hell of a history together. It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke or something."

Ianto smiled as he gazed at the floor. "That's exactly what I thought," he said. "But maybe it knows what it's doing after all."

"With us?" Jack shook his head, laughing softly through his nose. "No, I think it's still messing with us. Or with me, at least." He grew very serious, and Ianto could sense his nervousness through the bond. Running a hand through his hair, Jack glanced around, as if wondering what to do next, where to go. Ianto felt his stomach drop, fearing that Jack had changed his mind and wasn't interested anymore, not after he'd been rejected the last time he'd been to Ianto's flat. The thought terrified him, and he saw Jack frown as the feeling resonated between them.

"Do you want some coffee?" Ianto blurted, hoping to diffuse the uncomfortable tension that was hanging in the air. "Or…er…" He tried to think of what else he had, but drew a blank.

"Something stronger, perhaps?" Jack suggested.

"I've got that," Ianto replied, turning toward his tiny kitchen and calling over his shoulder. "You can throw your coat on the sofa, if you like."

Stepping into the kitchen, he automatically grabbed two coffee mugs from the first cabinet, then grabbed a bottle of whiskey from another. He'd poured a generous helping into each before he realized what he'd done. With shaking hands, he leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths. Something was wrong. He felt it—his instincts were screaming at him, that something was wrong, and it had nothing to do with Mandy and the Savior.

Jack didn't want to be with him after all.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you, because I do," Jack said softly behind him. Ianto whirled.

"Are you reading my mind?" he asked. Jack shook his head, glanced around, and sat down at the tall table tucked into the corner. Ianto grabbed the mugs and joined him.

"Sorry, I automatically went for the coffee mugs," he murmured as he sat down. Jack smiled and took a sip.

"This is exactly what I need right now, no matter what kind of glass it's in."

Ianto took a long sip of his drink, enjoying the slow burn of it down his throat. Cupping his hands around the mug as if it were really a cup of coffee keeping him warm, he steeled himself for a difficult conversation.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" he asked first.

"I could feel your doubt, your fear," Jack replied. "And see it in your face. I'd be thinking the same thing, if I were you."

"You said it's not that you don't want to be with me," Ianto said. "But there is clearly more to that statement."

Jack took a deep breath. "I do," he said, his voice barely working. He cleared his throat and met Ianto's eyes before looking away. "I do want this. Ever since I found out it was you…and even before…but I can't. I can't be with you."

Ianto felt his heart start racing and took another drink, trying to stay calm. "Is it because of what I said that night? Because of our past, our history together? Or is it something else I've done?"

"No!" Jack reached over and took Ianto's hand, holding tight, as if trying to ground himself. "It has nothing to do with you, with anything that's happened between us. That's all in the past, at least for me. It's…complicated."

"Tell me, then," Ianto replied. "Tell me why it's complicated, when this—" he tapped his head, indicating their renewed soul bond, "—is telling me it's not."

"Because this—" Jack tapped his temple as well "—is not safe. It's not safe for you, Ianto, and I can't do this to you, especially when you never had a choice."

"A choice?" Ianto asked. "It's not about choice, and in some ways, that's the beauty of it. But why isn't it safe? Is it because of my blackouts?"

Jack nodded slowly.

"You know what they are," Ianto said. "If you're going to end this, I'd like to know why. What causes them?"

Jack shook his head and took a sip of his drink. "You really don't want to know. But I think if you maintain the bond with me, you'll keep having blackouts. What if it happens while you're chasing an alien? Using your gun? Talking to the Queen? I couldn't live with that, knowing something could happen to you because of me."

Ianto sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He stared at his knees, trying to keep his temper in check, but it was made worse by the determination he could sense from Jack. Blowing out a long breath in frustration, he finally glanced back up at Jack.

"This thing, this bond between us…like you said, we didn't have a choice. But I'd like to have a choice in whether or not we pursue it. And I can't make that choice if I don't have all the facts. I have blackouts directly connected to the bond disappearing. If it's not connected to you time-traveling, then what is it? I've never heard of such a thing, and I've looked for years! If you know what it is, maybe we can fix it together."

Jack knocked back his drink with a bitter laugh. He stood and poured himself more, took another sip, then paced in the tiny kitchen. "You can't fix this—I don't know if anyone on Earth can."

Ianto felt a stab of anger, that Jack had written him—and them—off so completely. Jack stopped and looked at him sadly. "I'm not exaggerating," he said. "This is…Ianto, you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew. You'd run as fast as you can."

Ianto stood up and faced him. "Is that what you think? That I'm so shallow as to run from a spot of relationship trouble? Maybe you're right, and I'm a bloody coward when it comes to facing real life and that's why I refused to let Lisa go, but I'd at least like the damn choice!"

Jack's jaw set, and Ianto was almost certain that Jack would never tell him, that he would never know why it couldn't be. Finally, Jack set his feet apart, arms crossed as if protecting his heart, and stared at the floor. "Fine. Every time you have a blackout, I die." He looked up to find Ianto watching him with confusion.

"What do you mean, you die?"

Jack huffed and looked away. "I can't actually die," he said. "Except I do. And then I come back. So I can't die for real. Forever. I always come back."

"What?" Ianto whispered, a sense of numbness creeping into his chest. "I don't understand."

"I don't understand myself," Jack replied. "But a long time ago, I was killed. I was fighting the Daleks, actually. I was exterminated." His voice turned bitter on the last word. "But something happened to me, and I came back. And ever since then, I keep coming back. Every time."

"Every time?" Ianto asked, feeling sick.

"Shoot me, stab me, burn me, run me through with a javelin—every time. I die, I heal, I wake up, and carry on." He closed his eyes. "And it is a living hell the likes of which I wouldn't wish on anyone."

Ianto sank back onto his chair, stunned at Jack's revelation. And yet…so many things started to make sense, things the team had always wondered about Jack, things Ianto had seen in the archives.

"If you can't die," Ianto said quietly, "you're much older than you look, aren't you?"

"Let's just say I could be your great grandfather several times over," Jack replied. "And if the age difference isn't enough to give you the heebie-jeebies, then the blackouts should. Every time I die, the bond disappears. I'm dead, but you feel it happen and black out. It probably doesn't break completely, because I always come back, so the bond reappears, and then it all happens again. That's why it's too dangerous," he said again.

Ianto nodded slowly. "I think I understand, but…god, Jack." He looked up, tried to catch Jack's eye. "That's horrible, that's…well, it's unfathomable, what you go through, what you've suffered."

Jack swallowed thickly and joined him at the table. He reached across and gripped Ianto's hand tightly. "And that's why I can't watch you suffer it too," he said. "When I first came here, I thought I would never meet my soulmate. I was so far out of my time, it seemed impossible. Year after year went by, without forming a bond, and everyone I loved was lost to me. So, I eventually stopped hoping and told myself it wasn't meant to happen. And then I started to feel the bond, ten years ago, and I couldn't believe it…yet it terrified me, knowing that even if I found them, I'd lose them one day, like I had lost everyone else I loved."

"Because you won't die, but they…I…" Ianto trailed off, unable to imagine how much loss Jack had suffered. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be," Jack told him. "It's not your fault. It's the universe laughing at me and only me. I'm sorry it picked you."

"No, I don't believe that," Ianto said. "There must be some reason, something we can do, some way to—"

"To die?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow. "Believe me, I have tried everything. Nothing sticks."

Ianto sat back, putting his hands in his lap. "How can you be so cavalier about it?" he asked.

"Because I've been hanging around here for over a hundred years, not dying," Jack snapped, then apologized before falling silent. Ianto didn't know what to say, but Jack continued. "You asked about time travel…I used to travel through time. When I first died and came back, fighting the Daleks, I was hundreds of years in the future, millions of miles from here. I had no idea what had happened—I still don't—but I thought I might find someone who could help me here, on Earth."

Ianto snorted. "In Cardiff?"

"He uses the Rift to refuel his ship," Jack said. "But I jumped back too early, and I got stuck here, and I still haven't found him."

"So there might be a way to help you?" Ianto asked. "You could have a normal life?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't think my life ever was or ever will be normal, but yes, I'm hoping he might be able to tell me what happened, why I'm like this. Maybe even fix it." He took a deep breath. "Which is another reason why we can't…even though I want to so badly…but when I find this man, I will go with him. I have to find answers."

"You mean, you'll leave Earth?" Ianto asked, knowing Jack meant more than simply leaving Torchwood, leaving Cardiff. When Jack nodded, Ianto asked the question he didn't want to ask. "When?"

"I don't know," Jack said softly. "But it will be this century, and soon."

He took a deep breath. "Will you come back?"

Jack's silence was his answer, and Ianto knew there would be no changing Jack's mind—from leaving, from returning, or from being together in spite of all the obstacles. It made sense, in a Shakespearean kind of way: Ianto would continue to have blackouts whenever Jack died and came back. One day he would die, leaving Jack alone, unless Jack left before then to find his answers, and when Jack left, the bond would completely break when he time traveled. The blackouts Ianto had experienced for years were nothing compared to the excruciating feeling of the bond completely snapping when Jack had been thrown through the Savior's portal. Why would either one of them want to put the other through the inevitable loss one day, let alone suffer the blackouts and fear and guilt they brought with them until then?

The thought of losing the person he was supposed to spend his life with hurt, though. It did indeed seem like the universe was being cruel in first taking Lisa, and now Jack. He hadn't had a chance to get to know Jack, or experience the full realization of the animoré bond, but Ianto already felt like he was losing a part of himself. It was unfair, and Ianto wanted to rage at the world for giving and taking so much from him already.

"If we…" He cleared his throat, surprised at how rough his voice was. Jack regarded him with his own heartbroken look, and Ianto felt the same sadness from Jack, tucked into the corner of his mind. He couldn't imagine losing the feeling of his _animoré_ forever. "If we don't do this…" He pointed between them, "…then what about this?" He tapped his head and waited.

Jack sat down across from him once more. "I know how to block it," he began.

"You did that after you left, last time you were here," Ianto said, and Jack nodded.

"You seemed pretty clear about not wanting it, so yes, I blocked it as best as I could. I've obviously never had to do it before, and it's been years since I first learned the technique, but I could block in again."

"What happens when you die?" Ianto asked.

"I'm not sure," Jack replied. "You might still blackout, or you might not even notice."

"And when you leave? If you time-travel?" Ianto knew the answer, but still had to ask.

Jack looked pained. "Then it breaks," he said. "Painfully."

Ianto pressed his lips together. "It was worse than any blackout I've had. If I'm driving or chasing a Weevil, I could be a dead man."

"I don't know what else to do," Jack said helplessly, staring at him.

"We could break it now," Ianto suggested, hating the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. "There are techniques…" He trailed off as Jack's eyes widened and he sat back in shock.

"Could you?" he asked, his voice rough. "Could you do that, willingly?"

Ianto considered his answer: he could be ruthless, but when it came to this, he doubted the ability to compartmentalize his life would be helpful. Bad enough when the bond slowly dissolved after one partner died; to willingly sever a soul bond was almost unheard of. The shock of a willing break most often resulted in long-term mental health and relationship issues. It was exceptionally rare that anyone ever choose to break the bond and not be with their soulmate, and few of those stories had a happy ending

"No," he said softly. He shook his head, and Jack sat forward, reaching across the table for his hand. "No, I don't think I could. But I don't know if I can stand knowing what we could have together and not having it, or knowing that someday it will break completely when you leave."

They were silent for a long moment. Jack's thumb idly traced back and forth along Ianto's hand; it was soothing, and Ianto liked it. He wanted it—Jack's touch, Jack's kiss, everything. Yes, he wanted it, but he couldn't have it, and he knew Jack felt the flood of heartache and disappointment when he sighed, squeezed Ianto's hand, and stood up.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want to do this, but I have to. I'll block it for now, and when I have to go… I'll try to let you know, although it might be very sudden."

He closed his eyes, and Ianto felt Jack's presence begin to drift away, leaving him empty once more. It was a cold, empty pocket of nothing in the corner of his mind where his _animoré_ had once been, and it was painful, knowing it would remain that way. He stood up before Jack, hands in his pockets. "So what now?"

"We carry on," Jack replied. His opened his eyes, and they looked sad and tired. "As best as we can. It won't be easy."

Ianto shrugged. "It's Torchwood," he said, offering a small smile. "I'll miss it, though."

"Me too," Jack replied with his own crooked smile, his voice catching.

"And I'll really miss…the chance to try it out," Ianto continued. "To know what it could have been."

Jack stepped closer to him and pulled him into a warm embrace. "I will too. I have been waiting for so long, and now…now it's like it never happened. I'm still alone."

Ianto turned his head toward Jack's. "You're not alone, Jack. I'm still here." He pressed his lips to Jack's, intending it to be a quick, chaste kiss, but instead Jack hesitated only a moment before pulling him close and kissing him back. It was a passionate kiss, filled with sadness and longing, and Ianto understood exactly what Jack had meant when he'd said it could have been great. It could have been amazing, to be together both physically and emotionally. Yet all too soon they were stepping apart, because they couldn't. It wasn't meant to be after all.

"I should go," Jack murmured, then turned toward the door. He grabbed his coat and flung it around his shoulders before coming back to Ianto for another kiss. When he stopped, he apologized one last time. "I am so sorry," he whispered.

"I know," Ianto replied, and found he had nothing more to say. What else was there? That was it: it was over before it had started. Jack could not be his soulmate, so they were nothing more than boss and employee, maybe friends. Never more. He watched as Jack nodded, let himself out, and pulled the door shut behind him.

And he wondered once again if he'd made the right choice, not fighting for more. But deep down he knew it would only lead to pain and heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is why the story exploded into several more chapters. I was all set to give them a happy ending here when Jack went all self-sacrificial. I could not in good conscience see any way to not let Jack be Jack: he may want it, but he sees too much danger in it for Ianto due to the blackouts, as well as himself. It's funny how little control authors have over their stories sometimes. In trying to stay true to Jack and Ianto's character, I signed myself up for a much longer tale. Yet there is hope: we know Ianto's character is persistent in pushing Jack and getting what he wants…particularly when it comes to stopwatches. And we know they eventually both throw caution to the wind. Thank you for still reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

It was worse than the first time Jack had blocked the bond between them, after Ianto had told him that they couldn't be together. He had doubted his decision then, but this time Ianto knew he did not want to lose the bond between them. For the most part, he understood the reasons why they couldn't be together, but he desperately missed the steady presence in his mind, and mourned the chance to be with his intended soulmate. It was as if the more he thought about the bond with Jack, the more he needed it: he  _wanted_ to be with Jack, physically and emotionally, even though the logical part of his mind knew all the reasons it would never work. There was their past, filled with anger, hurt, and betrayal; and there was their distinct lack of a normal future due to Jack's apparent immortality. Yet it was hard to accept the unexplained as well as the inevitable, and it made thinking about it in any way heartbreaking.

Ianto went back to the pub the next day with Tosh, to show her the control panel and get her help dismantling it for study and parts. He explained what had happened with Mandy and the Savior, though he left out the details of his personal life—of his friendship with Mandy and her offer of a new life, and the painful conversation with Jack after it was all over. The others had no idea about Jack's inability to die, and Ianto could not betray that confidence, nor did he want to reveal that Jack was his soulmate. Tosh was shocked and amazed by the entire story, and impressed by how he'd gone back for Jack; he brushed it off and tried not to dwell on the awful feeling of the bond breaking, or the relief when he'd found Jack and felt it once more.

After spending the rest of the day cataloging the parts and writing it up in the archives, Ianto hurried home. His flat felt dark and empty, and he wished he had somewhere to go, something to do, someone to see. He called his mum, connecting with her in a way he hadn't for years, and it was good. For a while he almost forgot about Jack.

Until work the next day, and the day after that. He quickly fell into a pattern: working in the archives through the morning, then the tourist office in the afternoon, with occasional trips into the field, usually with Tosh. She seemed to sense something was bothering him and asked about it, but he couldn't tell her—he couldn't tell anyone. What would the team think of him and Jack as soulmates? How would his family feel about his soulmate being a man? And what would the world think of them for deciding not to be together, when they had been given the chance?

At times, it made Ianto angry, that he'd had to willingly give up something he did not want to give up; he hated that the universe had handed him yet another obstacle to happiness. Other times he felt nothing more than dull sadness and loss; it was as if he were walking through his days in a fog, his stomach churning with regret. And sometimes he felt a grim determination to march upstairs, grab Jack and snog him senseless, everything else be damned. But he didn't; he stayed the archives, or the tourist office, trying not to think about what it had felt like to kiss his soulmate, and he managed to avoid Jack for over a week, until Jack finally tracked him down in his office in the archives.

Though the bond was blocked—and Ianto had no idea how Jack did it, it must have been something he'd learned elsewhere, perhaps in the future—he could still sense Jack at the doorway. He continued working, however, waiting for the other man to speak.

"I don't really like being ignored or avoided," Jack said quietly. Ianto wasn't sure if Jack was hurt or angry, or simply stating a fact. He took a deep breath and turned around in his chair.

"I don't like avoiding you," he said. "And I'm sorry, but it's how I have to deal with this right now."

"By not talking to me, not looking at me?" Jack asked, stepping inside and leaning against Ianto's desk. He picked up a stopwatch sitting on a pile of papers—Ianto had found it lying about the archives one day and kept it—and idly clicked it a few times. "I suppose I'm lucky that I'm still getting coffee."

Ianto rolled his eyes and stood, striding over to a nearby filing cabinet and mindlessly grabbing a random file so he had something to do. "I wouldn't be that cruel," he murmured, enjoying the smile on Jack's face.

"Thank goodness for small favors," Jack replied in turn. "But seriously…I know it's hard, but we do work together, and I think the others are noticing. Tosh asked me again if something was wrong."

"She asked me the same," Ianto replied with a sigh, leaning against the cool metal behind him. "And I'm sorry. You're right, we work together, and this shouldn't affect it."

"Only it is," Jack pointed out.

"Only it is," Ianto repeated.

"I don't like this either," Jack told him. "I don't like not being able to feel the bond anymore, now that I know it's you. I really wanted this."

"Then why—" Ianto started, his voice sharper than he intended before he stopped himself. "Sorry, but it's harder than I thought it would be."

"I know," Jack said softly, toeing the ground. He glanced up and met Ianto's eyes. "I'd like to be more than boss and employee, though. I'd like to still be friends."

"We were friends before?" Ianto asked lightly, shaking his head in apology when Jack gave him a hurt look. "I would too. We just have to figure out how, I suppose."

"You can start by coming upstairs and not hiding out down here so much," Jack replied. He jumped up and walked over to Ianto, placing a hand on Ianto's shoulder. "Please don't avoid me anymore. It only makes it worse."

The hand on his shoulder was strong and warm, and Ianto swallowed a lump in his throat as he nodded. Jack smiled, a small soft smile, and dropped his hand. But he did not step away. Instead, he held Ianto's eyes for a moment, before his gaze slipped to Ianto's lips, and he slowly leaned forward and kissed Ianto—soft and gentle and everything Ianto had missed since they had first kissed. Jack pulled back with a look of sheepish surprise.

"Sorry," he said, backing away. "I didn't mean—"

"It's fine," Ianto said automatically, even though it wasn't. One simple kiss made him yearn for more, and he wasn't sure how he'd be able to go on without it. "Only it doesn't make it any easier to just be friends."

Jack looked unsure for a moment, then cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Friends with benefits?" he teased. Ianto couldn't help but roll his eyes, knowing it was the expected reaction, and they both laughed quietly.

"Come upstairs," said Jack. "Lunch should be here soon."

Ianto checked his watch and realized he'd completely forgotten about lunch. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying not to swear. "Right. Sorry. I'll be up as soon as I finish down here."

Jack nodded his acknowledgement. "You have ten minutes," he said, holding up Ianto's stopwatch. "And counting." He clicked the button, pocketed the watch, and left the office with a wink. Ianto watched him go, then let his head fall back against the filing cabinet. He took several deep breaths, trying to forget the kiss and failing. After several minutes he cleaned up his desk and hurried upstairs. Jack was right: Ianto couldn't avoid him anymore. They worked together and had a friendship that was worth saving, benefits or not.

Besides, he was hungry and wanted his stopwatch back.

* * *

They were called out to a gruesome crime scene the next day, and before Ianto knew it, Jack was tossing him the stopwatch back to time Suzie's resurrection. Only it kept going, and going, and suddenly one of his dead coworkers was alive again. It was unreal and upsetting for them all. Ianto sat with Tosh while Jack and Gwen questioned Suzie, sensing how rattled she was.

Later, he saw Jack sitting at his desk with his head down, rubbing at the back of his neck, and knew even without feeling it through their bond that Jack was rattled as well. They all were, except for perhaps Gwen, because Gwen hadn't known Suzie. For someone who claimed to be the human one, bursting with compassion, Gwen had shown the rest of them little of that vaunted compassion since she'd joined, particularly when it came to resurrecting their dead coworker. She seemed to see the glove as a tool to find out the truth, to right the wrong she felt was Torchwood's fault. Only she seemed to have forgotten that everyone else had worked with Suzie, some of them for years. Tosh had left the initial resurrection, unable to watch; even Owen had admitted being terrified.

Ianto hadn't known Suzie as long or as well, but he still felt uncomfortable with what they'd done. And he could see from the lines of his body that Jack felt worse than any of them—something Gwen would never see. Jack was still carrying the anger over Suzie's betrayal, the grief of her death, and the guilt from his own role in both.

Taking extra care with a fresh cup of coffee, Ianto took it to Jack's office and knocked, relieved when Jack looked up and smiled. He sat back, his body relaxing as he invited Ianto to sit down. Ianto tried to offer what little comfort and support he could. Like he would always do, no matter what happened—or didn't happen—between them.

When Owen called Jack down to the cells to see Max Tressilian, Jack reached across the desk and clasped Ianto's hand. "I'm sorry about all this," he said. Ianto ignored the rush of feelings Jack's touch brought back and nodded as they stood.

"It's not your fault, you know," Ianto told him. "No matter what Gwen says."

"She doesn't need to say it," Jack replied bitterly. "Because I know it."

Ianto stopped him. "No, it's not your fault. Jack, you didn't turn her into a murdering psychopath who wiped a man's memory for two years."

"Yeah, then who did?"

"Torchwood," Ianto replied. "Torchwood did, and that's still not your fault. Don't blame yourself, Jack. You can't help her if you do."

Jack stared at him so long that for a moment Ianto thought Jack might kiss him again. He  _wanted_  to kiss Jack again, to feel his lips against his own. They did not have their mental connection anymore, but the physical attraction between them was obvious and strong. What was stopping them? Maybe it would help them get over losing the more intimate  _animoré_  bond. Maybe friends with benefits was more than a teasing deflection, maybe it was a valid idea.

Shaking his head as if he were thinking the same thing, Jack turned and left the office. Ianto watched him go, fingering the stopwatch in his pocket, and wondered if he could ever bring it up.

* * *

The words were out of his mouth almost before he could stop them.

"I've still got that stop watch if you're interested."

"So?" Jack looked puzzled, and Ianto almost lost his courage, desperately wanting to both take back the inelegant suggestion and finish the rest of the awkward proposition.

"Well, think about it," Ianto replied, trying not to let his nerves shine through. "Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch."

And  _thank god_ Jack got it immediately, a brilliant smile creeping onto his face. "Oh yeah. I could think of a few."

"There's quite a list." Ianto had only one idea in mind, but he could probably come up with a few more. And knowing Jack, he'd come up with twice as many, all of them kinkier than the next. Ianto found the thought of exploring those ideas with Jack immensely appealing at that moment.

"I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten."

"That's ten minutes and counting," Ianto replied, clicking the stopwatch and throwing back Jack's words from earlier. Jack was grinning ear to ear, and Ianto tried not to smirk to himself as he continued filling out the paperwork. He finished as quickly as he could, said one last silent goodbye to Suzie, and locked the door, not because he was superstitious, but because he said he would. He stopped by his office in the archives before he went upstairs, where he was relieved to find that everyone had indeed left early. Except for him and Jack.

Suddenly doubting his actions, Ianto straightened his jacket and tie, though he stopped himself from running a hand through his hair or checking his breath. He wasn't sure what he was so nervous about: Jack knew exactly what Ianto had been suggesting with the stopwatch, and Jack had accepted, so there wasn't too much risk of rejection unless Jack had changed his mind in the last ten minutes. Which was a distinct possibility, given his protective concern regarding their soulmate bound. Then again, Jack had kissed  _him_ in the archives the other day and joked about friends with benefits. In a way, it was Jack's fault that Ianto had been thinking about it ever since.

They couldn't be soulmates due to Jack's strange inability to die. Jack didn't want Ianto to get hurt, but Ianto suspected Jack was trying to protect his own heart as well. And Ianto understood, even if he was starting to think the risk might be worth it. He wasn't as old as Jack, however, and hadn't lost nearly as many people that he cared about—friends, family, lovers. Yet it was hard, being around Jack when they couldn't be together and develop their bond. So maybe they could be together physically—friends with benefits—but Jack could continue to block the bond between them. And maybe it would be enough, if they got it out of their system this one time.

When he knocked on Jack's door and entered, the other man jumped up and poured them both a drink, babbling about where the others had gone and how they had the Hub to themselves. So Jack was nervous as well, and the thought made Ianto feel better, that Jack felt the same. He handed Ianto a tumbler of scotch, and they stood side by side sipping it for a moment, leaning against the desk, before Jack turned to Ianto.

"Are you really thinking what I think you're thinking?" he asked.

"What do you think I'm thinking?" Ianto asked, trying not to laugh at the exchange.

Jack raised an eyebrow and took another sip of his drink. "I didn't mean to suggest anything when I made that comment the other day."

"I know," said Ianto, nodding. He finished his glass in one long gulp of liquid courage and turned toward Jack. "But I've been thinking about it ever since."

Jack sighed. "Me too," he said, draining his own glass. "Only we agreed that we couldn't—"

"We did," Ianto replied. He stepped closer to Jack, setting his glass down on the desk, and lowered his voice. "We agreed that we couldn't maintain the  _animoré_ bond, but we didn't agree that we couldn't do this." He placed one hand on Jack's waist, the other along his face, and leaned forward to kiss him. Jack returned the kiss immediately, setting down his glass without looking and then wrapping his arms around Ianto as tight as he had at Ianto's flat after the debacle at the pub. And even without the soul bond vibrating between them, Ianto felt passion and desire like he'd rarely felt before. He moaned in pleasure as Jack's tongue did amazing things with his own, before moving toward his jaw and down his neck.

His hands came up and pushed the braces from Jack's shoulders before starting to unbutton the blue shirt. Jack's hands had dropped to his arse, gripping it tightly as he left a love bite on Ianto's neck, then returned to Ianto's lips. When Ianto nipped at Jack's lower lip, the other man groaned, bringing their hips together so that Ianto could feel the other man's arousal through their trousers, and he pressed forward, delighting in the friction and drawing another moan from Jack.

Fortunately, Ianto was almost done with Jack's shirt; after undoing the cuffs, he pushed it to the floor, running his hands over the white vest, then stepping back and making clear his intentions when he pulled it from Jack's trousers. Jack grinned and let him pull it off, and Ianto stared for a moment at Jack's chest, at his broad shoulders and taut nipples, before he kissed him hard, hands exploring the glorious flesh beneath.

Jack began loosening Ianto's tie and undoing his cuffs. With one swift motion, Jack pulled both his shirt and vest off at once and tossed them on the desk. He ran his hands through the fine, dark hair on Ianto's chest before pulling him close for another bruising kiss. After which Ianto decided it was his turn to explore Jack's neck and ears. Jack's fingers danced lightly over his back, skirting the top of his trousers.

"Are you sure about this?" Jack asked as his hands continued to move lower. Ianto pulled back, his pants uncomfortably tight.

"Are you?" he asked, trying not to rub against Jack and mostly failing.

"I'm sure I don't want to stop now," Jack replied. Ianto grinned, relieved that he wouldn't have to finish things off in the loo by himself.

"Neither do I," he whispered. He let his hands roam down Jack's hips, right hand stopping to cup the other man's balls, left hand reaching into his own pocket to pull out the stopwatch. He clicked the button on top and set it on the desk beside them. "I want you, here and now."

Jack groaned again and crushed his lips to Ianto, and they kissed and touched and explored until they were reaching for buttons and flies, stepping out of shoes and socks and trousers and pants. Ianto was vaguely aware that any one of the team might come back to the Hub without warning; he found the risk to be another unexpected turn on. It also occurred to him that it would be far more comfortable to be on a horizontal surface, but all they had available at the moment was the desk.

Fortunately, no one walked in on them, and the desk worked brilliantly, even though they somehow broke the stopwatch.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm desperately clinging to canon here, which does give Ianto that great stopwatch line, and which definitely implies that Jack and Ianto's initial arrangement was one of casual shagging and stress relief. We'll see how well they manage that here, knowing it could be more! Thank you for reading—let a girl know what you thought? Comments keep the blood flowing to our fingers some days, especially when we're trying to get the characters to cooperate more!


	5. Chapter Five

 

 

Chapter Five

Ianto did not stay, nor did Jack ask him. Basking in the proverbial glow of post-coital bliss as they slowly dressed, it was not nearly as uncomfortable as Ianto would have thought. They shared a few grins and a laugh, and when he was finally dressed and ready to leave, they even exchanged one last kiss. Ianto left for his flat feeling satisfied and relaxed. Being with Jack had been amazing, and now that they'd given in to their obvious attraction, perhaps they could move on.

Ianto was worried it would be awkward the next morning at work, but instead he felt more comfortable with Jack than he had since their devastating conversation at Ianto's flat. Jack smiled at him as soon as he entered and asked how he was doing; neither shied away from acknowledging what had passed between them, and Ianto was glad. He didn't regret it. Only as the day passed and they flirted and bantered more than usual, he found himself wanting to experience it again.

So he hurried home and spent the night curled up with reruns of  _Top Gear_ , only to end up thinking think about Jack even more. He wondered if Jack was thinking about him, if he wanted to be together again. Maybe they hadn't got it out of their systems after all. Maybe they could be friends with benefits, and it would help take their mind of the  _animoré_ bond they couldn't build together.

The next day was far too busy to dwell on it much, but on the third day Jack came up to the tourist office in the late afternoon, wearing his greatcoat and offering that crooked grin. Only Ianto could see through the projected confidence, sensing both Jack's uncertainty and hope.

"How are you, Ianto?" he asked, leaning on the counter. Sometimes Ianto wondered if Jack would ever stop asking that question, he'd asked it so many times since Lisa had died. He suspected that this time, however, the question was leading to an entirely different answer, and the thrill of the endgame encouraged him to play along.

"I'm fine, sir," he replied, knowing the formality would provoke a response as he continued to type.

"You can call me Jack, you know," the other man murmured.

"I know," Ianto replied, saving the file he was working on and turning toward Jack.

"Then why don't you?" Jack asked. Ianto offered a small shrug in reply, touched with a smile.

"What can I do for you, Jack?" he asked, leaning back and placing his hands on his belly. He was only pretending at relaxed, because his body was already responding to Jack's nearness, imagining why he might really be there.

"It's been a quiet day, and after all the running around we did yesterday, I told everyone to bunk off early."

"Ah," Ianto nodded, standing up with a smile. "Thank you, sir." He went into the back room to put away a few things that didn't really need to be put away. Jack poked his head through the beaded curtain. "Was there anything you needed before I left?" he asked. Jack seemed to be gaging Ianto's reaction, so he stopped and put his hands on his hips, gestured around the room with a shrug. "I can leave all this until tomorrow."

"I was wondering if you wanted to stick around after the others leave," Jack replied. He stepped into the room, clearly more confident now as he practically stalked toward Ianto like a panther. "Maybe get a drink, grab something to eat…" He trailed off until he was standing before Ianto, who found he couldn't take his eyes away from Jack's lips until Jack cleared his throat. "Unless you had plans for tonight?"

"Nope, no plans," Ianto murmured. "Until now." Jack grinned and surged forward to kiss him, and suddenly they were up against the back wall, kissing and groping, touching and grinding. Jack pulled Ianto's shirt from his trousers and ran his hands up and down Ianto's back and chest; Ianto took it a step farther by unbuttoning Jack's trousers and slipping his hands into the other man's pants, cool hands against warm flesh. Jack moaned a throaty "Yessss," into the kiss, unzipping Ianto's trousers as well and cupping him firmly. They pressed against one another as close and as hard as they could, kissing and nipping and sucking as they brought one another to a quick but intense climax, right in the back room of the tourist office.

Standing there trying to catch his breath, his hand growing rather sticky, Ianto let his head fall back against the wall and started laughing. Unbelievable. It was utterly ridiculous, that they'd had one another off in the office, with the others getting ready to leave anytime. And yet, Ianto had enjoyed every minute of it, as quick and dirty as it had been. Being with Jack was like being with no other person he'd been with, and even now, spent and relaxed, he wanted more.

Jack looked a little worried at first, then grinned, then started laughing with him. They cleaned up as best as they could and were straightening their clothes when Tosh and Owen came out in the tourist office, arguing good-naturedly. Ianto felt a moment of panic followed by embarrassment, but when he saw the wide-eyed look on Jack's face, he burst out laughing again. The voices stopped. "Ianto?" called Tosh. He hurried from the back room to his desk, Jack following.

"Good night, Tosh," he said, smiling as he shut down his computer. Jack nodded but did not say anything, earning a suspicious look from Owen.

"Thought you'd already left," said the doctor.

Jack shrugged. "I did."

"Gwen's waiting for you downstairs," Owen replied. "She wanted to talk."

Jack rolled his eyes. "She can't get Suzie out of her head." Walking over to the intercom button on the desk, he buzzed down to her. "Gwen! Go home! We can talk tomorrow, I'm on my way out."

They heard her start to protest, but Jack cut her off again and closed the connection. He turned to Ianto with a grin. "You tell her, she'll listen to you," he said.

"Of course she won't. I'm not the one she's waiting for," Ianto protested. Jack and Owen started laughing, and Tosh smiled.

"Are you leaving now?" Tosh asked him. "There can't possibly be anything that needs doing tonight."

"I will, I just want to tidy up downstairs before I go. Have a good night, Tosh." He turned toward the doctor and raised an eyebrow. "I suppose I should have the coffee ready early tomorrow morning, strong and black."

Owen pointed a finger at him. "You'd do well to go out and get laid tonight yourself, teaboy. Then maybe you wouldn't be so jealous."

Ianto tried not to think about what he and Jack had been up to not minutes earlier; he deliberately avoided looking at Jack, knowing the other man would be smirking, and would probably make some sort of crass innuendo.

"The only thing I'm jealous of is your ability to work through a hangover," Ianto replied. "Enjoy slagging around."

Owen huffed and left the office, and Tosh followed with a wave and a sigh. Ianto turned to Jack.

"On your way out, sir?" he asked teasingly. "Would you like me to shut down?"

Jack sauntered closer. "No, I'd like you to join me for a drink, maybe get something to eat."

"And after?" Ianto murmured.

Jack at the door and leaned closer. "I can think of a much better place than the back office if you'd like to continue from where we left off."

Ianto nodded slowly, his mind already wondering how they might continue—and where. "Let me get my coat from downstairs. I'll send Gwen home and lock up as well."

"I'll meet you by the lift," Jack replied. He pulled out the stopwatch and placed it in Ianto's hand. "I fixed it, so ten minutes and counting."

Ianto almost shivered with desire as he took the timepiece and hurried downstairs. After grabbing his things, he literally dragged Gwen out through the tourist office and sent her home. He caught up with Jack at the lift, and hoped their time together was as good as the last.

* * *

It was even better. They had a drink, grabbed some burgers, then tumbled back into the Hub, tugging at their clothes. Jack took Ianto down to his bunk this time, and they spent hours exploring one another on his small bed rather than on the desk or against the wall. It was the one of the best nights Ianto had ever had, and he was so exhausted he eventually drifted to sleep, still in bed with Jack. And yet, waking up next to the man who was supposed to be his soulmate but couldn't be with him wasn't nearly as embarrassing as he thought it would be. It was fine—it felt nice, though he didn't dare say so.

Instead, he rolled with it, sharing a shower with Jack before changing into the spare clothes he kept at the Hub and starting their coffee before the others arrived. And when they did, it was still okay; it was his and Jack's secret, and Ianto loved it. He thought about Jack frequently throughout the day and realized he hadn't got anything out of his system; if anything, he wanted it to continue.

And apparently so did Jack. They didn't shag every day, and they took turns initializing their encounters, but they slept together several times a week, growing more and more comfortable with one another. Ianto experienced things he never thought he would experience, and he only wondered how much more incredible it would be if their bond wasn't blocked. But he knew they couldn't go there, because that would only lead to pain and heartbreak. For now, it was just casual sex, physical pleasure as a bit of fun, stress relief, mutual comfort, and release. And it was good…even if they both wanted more.

* * *

It began to slip dangerously past the line of casual at Christmas. The passengers from the  _Sky Gypsy_  landed and found their lives irrevocably changed. Emma coped well, leaving for London to start a new life, but Diane left, seeking her fate in the Rift and leaving Owen angry and upset. And John…John was not able to adjust at all. A rigid man set in his beliefs and goals, finding himself living in the future with an aged son who did not recognize him had broken the man. It was clear he was unhappy and only a matter of time before he did something about it.

And then he did. When Ianto realized John had stolen his car, Jack insisted on going after him. Ianto stayed at the Hub, waiting impatiently for word. He was trying to tap into local CCTV feeds when he felt the familiar pull of a blackout, though not nearly as strong as usual. He didn't blackout completely, but found himself somewhat dazed and confused, unable to concentrate.

So Jack had died then, and Ianto had still felt it.

He tried to call Jack, but received no answer and had another, stronger blackout that sent him almost toppling from his chair. It worried him, that the second one was so much worse. What had happened to Jack, that he had died twice? Forcing himself up to the tourist office, he called for a cab to meet him on the Plass and gave them the address where Jack had gone to find John, blacking out again during the ride. Jumping from the cab the moment they arrived, he hurried to the back of the house only to find his car in the garage—and Jack inside.

He was sitting next to John Ellis, both men clearly unconscious, if not dead. In fact, if Jack had died several times already, there was no way John could be saved. Turning off the car and opening the doors to let in fresh air, Ianto checked John for a pulse and found nothing; he was already feeling cool. Hurrying over to Jack, Ianto was relieved to find a very weak pulse. He grabbed Jack under the arms and dragged him outside into the fresh air. Within moments, Jack was breathing normally, and a few seconds later he opened red-rimmed eyes.

"Hey," he said, his voice dry and scratchy.

"Hey," said Ianto, sitting down next to him and letting his panicked heart start to settle. "You're back."

Jack cocked his head to the side. "And so are you." He tapped his temple. "I can feel the bond again."

"I don't think you can keep blocking it while you're dead," Ianto replied dryly. "Which makes sense when you think about it."

"Did you…" Jack struggled to sit up. "Did you feel it? Did you have a blackout?"

Ianto nodded reluctantly, and Jack swore. He glanced around and frowned. "How did you get here?"

"The first one wasn't bad. I took a cab after I had a second one," Ianto replied. "Jack…what happened in there? Why were you sitting with him?"

Jack hung his head. "I couldn't let him die all alone. So I stayed with him."

"The entire time?" Ianto whispered, sickened to learn that Jack had stayed in the car with John Ellis and died over and over; somehow, he had assumed it was an accident. And yet it made sense, that Jack would sit with a dying man; he was far more compassionate than most people gave him credit for.

"I knew I'd come back," Jack whispered, then glanced up with pleading eyes. "But I didn't know you'd feel it. I'm sorry."

"I…" Ianto stared at him before standing abruptly. "I don't even know what to say," he said. "But we have to do something, we can't sit out here and talk about it. We have to clean up this…all this." He waved at the garage. "My car." It occurred to him that both John and Jack had died in his car, and that he would likely never use it again. It was the least of their concerns at the moment, but he had liked his car.

"Right," Jack murmured, struggling to stand. Ianto helped him, kept his hand on Jack's arm to steady him. In truth, he wanted to grab Jack and hold him and never let him go, but he knew he couldn't. They weren't like that, plus they had a job to do. "Let's get John to the SUV, then call a tow truck," he said. "I'm really sorry about your car," he added.

Ianto waved him off as they walked back into the garage. The air was still filled with the lingering carbon monoxide, but they worked quickly and quietly and were back in the SUV within minutes. Even then Ianto needed an oxygen mask to stop coughing, while Jack called a tow truck for the Audi. They sat in silence as they waited for it to arrive, and when everything was finished and ready, Jack drove them back to the Hub. They lowered John to the morgue, leaving the details until the morning, and returned to the main part of the Hub, still quiet.

"You're welcome to stay if you don't feel well," Jack said quietly as Ianto pulled his coat on. He shook his head.

"No," he said. "I don't want to be here." Jack had been too busy, too distracted to block the bond between them again, and Ianto keenly felt the other man's disappointment. He turned toward Jack and held out his hand. "Come back to mine. You shouldn't be here either."

Jack glanced at Ianto's hand, then back up at his face, before nodding. He pulled his greatcoat on and took Ianto's hand. "Thank you," he said quietly, and Ianto nodded, his throat too tight to speak. Jack drove them back to Ianto's flat, and Ianto let them in, leaving his shoes at the door before taking Jack's hand and leading him straight to the bathroom.

Without a word, he stripped them both, leaving their dirty, odor-filled clothing in a pile by the door while he turned on the shower. Silently stepping in, he took Jack's hand and brought him in as well. He scrubbed Jack clean, and Jack washed him, until they could no longer smell the fumes and their skin was red from the hot water.

After toweling off, Ianto took Jack's hand and led him to the bed. They crawled under the covers and turned toward one another in the darkness.

"You didn't have to do all this," Jack said quietly. "Thank you."

Ianto was silent for a long moment. "I think I understand why we can't do this now," he said, hating the words even as they came from his mouth. And yet it was true. He'd been thinking about it ever since he had first blacked out. "I was so scared," Ianto continued. "I know what you said, about coming back, but when you didn't answer your phone, and then I blacked out again…it was terrifying. And seeing you in that car, knowing what had happened…" He sighed. "I get it now. I do."

"I'm sorry," Jack replied. "You have no idea how much I didn't want you to go through this."

"I know," Ianto said. "But I did anyway. And I don't know what to do about next time."

Jack did not answer right away. "We may have to sever the bond."

"I don't know if I can do that," Ianto said. "There's a part of me that doesn't want to lose it, or to give up the hope that maybe…"

"Maybe someday we can do this?" Jack sighed and rolled over on his back, hands over his head as he stared at the ceiling. "I've been here so long, waiting to find out what happened to me, to understand why this happens, that I've almost given up hope for a normal life. I'm trying to hold on until I find the Doctor, but it's hard, living and dying and living and dying, endlessly, day after day, year after year."

Jack's face was an open book of pain and loss, and Ianto wondered how Jack had managed to hold onto any hope at all. "How long have you been waiting?" he asked quietly, half sure Jack would shut him out. Jack smiled sadly, but did not turn to meet Ianto's eyes.

"Over a hundred and thirty years," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I watched the twentieth century pass by, leaving me behind."

Ianto sucked in a breath; Jack had said something about being old enough to be his great grandfather, but it was still incomprehensible, that a man could live so long. Jack had lived through the entire twentieth century, from the invention of cars to the invention of spacecraft.

"And in all that time, you've not met the Doctor?" Ianto asked. He had caught Jack's slip about the Doctor, which was curious because he knew that the Doctor made regular appearances in London. Torchwood One had kept a close eye out for him, and it had been Yvonne's crowning achievement to have captured the enigmatic alien right before the Battle of Canary Wharf.

Jack turned his head toward Ianto with a frown. "How did you know about the Doctor?" he asked. Ianto smiled gently.

"You just mentioned him. Must have slipped. So, he uses the Rift to refuel the TARDIS then?"

Jack laughed through his nose. "Torchwood One, that's right. Of course you know about the Doctor and his ship. Yes, that's why I came to Cardiff, to try and meet him when he comes back."

"Do you think he can help you?" Ianto asked.

"Not to sound like a movie cliché or anything, but he's my only hope," Jack said. "I was with him when it happened, so he's the only one I can think of who might have the answers."

"You were with him in the future?" Jack nodded. "Were you a companion then?" Another nod. "I see. And when he comes back to refuel his ship, you'll travel with him again."

Jack was silent for a moment. "I don't know. I'm not that man anymore. But I do need answers. I need to know if he can fix this. That's all I've been thinking about ever since I got here, how to be normal again, and I'd do almost anything to know."

"Of course." Ianto laid back and closed his eyes, thinking about Jack's long, hard life and wondering how a man survived such trauma. Another thought occurred to him, and he opened his eyes to gaze at the ceiling as he voiced it. "You said you felt the bond ten years ago, the same time I did. You've never felt anything similar…with anyone else before that?" He'd never heard of someone having more than one soulmate, but for a man like Jack, fated to outlive so many lovers, it seemed the only blessing the universe might offer.

"I've been in love before," Jack said. "But I never felt the  _animoré_ bond. I didn't think it would happen, given my rather unique situation."

"You said you were so far out of your time…are you actually from the future? You didn't just travel there?"

"Yes, I'm from the future, from a little colony called the Boeshane Peninsula. I was born in 5068, and I've traveled across eons of history."

The realization took Ianto's breath away once more. Jack was from over  _three thousand_  years in the future, from another world. How had he managed to survive on Earth, so many years in the past? It would be as if Ianto were flung back to ancient Egypt and had to rebuild his life among the gods and pharaohs of the Nile. It was incomprehensible, that such a thing could happen, that a man could survive it. And that man was his soulmate. Ianto wished more than anything in that moment that he could be there for Jack, love and support him, even if it was only for a few short years.

"I've never told anyone that," Jack murmured.

"Thank you for telling me," Ianto replied immediately, because he was very much aware of how close Jack held his secrets. They all did. "I…I don't even know what to say."

He felt Jack shrug on the bed next to him. "Not much you can say, but boy have I got stories…"

Ianto rolled toward Jack, propping his head on one hand and letting the other roam across Jack's chest. "I would like to hear them. I can't imagine the things you've seen and done, the people you've known and loved. Tell me sometime?"

Jack reached up and wrapped his arms around Ianto's shoulders, pulling him close. "I can do that, but I have to warn you, I can be a real talker."

Ianto smiled as he leaned closer. "That's all right, because I'm not. And I know you are quite capable of other things besides talking."

"Oh, such as?" Jack's eyes were smiling, and Ianto felt the other man's affection vibrating through their bond. He was so glad Jack hadn't blocked it again, and hoped he wouldn't now, not when he was in Ianto's bed. Ianto shifted closer and kissed him, then whispered the answer in his ear, sending a spark of desire through both of them.

If sleeping with Jack had been amazing before, being with Jack while the soulmate bond resonated between them was something even more miraculous, taking them to heights of pleasure neither had ever experienced before. It was the most incredible night of Ianto's life, experiencing the  _animoré_ bond while entwined with his lover, and he wished it could never end.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love stories where the events in Out of Time affected Jack and Ianto in some way. Whether Ianto found Jack and John and learned something about Jack he hadn't known before, whether it brought them closer or drove them apart, I think there was much more going on after that story ended. We saw the repercussions for Owen in Combat, so why not for Jack and Ianto?
> 
> Also, I told you this story got out of control. I'm hoping seven or eight chapters should get us through The Year That Never Was and to series 2. There will be some rough-going, though. Thank you for reading! Let a girl know what you think? It always makes an author's day when you leave a comment, because they know someone has been reading their hard work!


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

They slept that night with the bond still open and flowing between them. Ianto sensed Jack's exhaustion, but also his gratitude, that Ianto had taken care of him at such a difficult time. He also felt Jack's clear and obvious affection, and made no attempt to hide his own. It was similar to when Jack had brought him home from the Beacons, and Ianto had slept in the car, wrapped in comfort and peace; now he tried to do the same for Jack. With Jack by his side, he slept better and longer than he had since Canary Wharf, and he knew that Jack did as well.

Yet they both knew it couldn't last, no matter how much they wanted it. It was too dangerous, becoming even more involved. Blocking the bond had lessened Ianto's initial blackout, but he had still felt it, had still known the moment Jack had died. And when Jack left with the Doctor to find the answers he needed, it would be even worse.

So they laid in bed the next morning, leisurely exploring one another and enjoying the time they had together. After another shower—this one involving a lot more touching than the night before—Jack borrowed some of Ianto's clothes, though they did not fit well at all given that Jack was broader in the shoulders. There was still something about seeing Jack in his old jeans and sweatshirt, however, that warmed Ianto's heart, and Jack, obviously feeling it, glanced up and smiled.

"Thank you," he said, wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist. "For everything you did last night."

"You're welcome," Ianto replied. "I'm…well, I'm glad you're all right. Alive."

"I will always come back," Jack replied. "You never have to worry."

"I will anyway," Ianto murmured, thinking of how terrifying it had been to know that Jack had died and there was nothing he could do.

Jack sighed and pulled him close. "We have to block the bond again," he said, though Ianto could hear in Jack's voice how reluctant he was.

"I felt it anyway," Ianto said. "Even with it blocked, I still knew."

"But you said it was better, right?" Ianto nodded, and Jack continued. "It's not only that, though."

"It's everything else that happened last night, this morning," Ianto replied. He stepped out of the circle of Jack's embrace. "I know. And I understand, only it's…" He sighed.

"It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do," Jack said. "Because last night was amazing, and I don't want to lose that, but you know my life isn't normal, that I won't always be here, and I can't do that to you."

"My life's not exactly bog-standard either," Ianto pointed out dryly, earning a small smile from Jack. "I understand, I do." He shrugged. "It is what it is."

Jack sighed and pulled him into one last lingering kiss, cupping his face and smiling before he left. Not long after, Ianto felt Jack block the bond between them, and he sighed as his  _animoré_ disappeared once more.

Jack went to the Hub, claiming that since he kept most of his clothes there he may as well go back to change and keep an eye on things in case London was quiet and all the holiday excitement moved to Cardiff. It was Christmas and he'd given the team the day off, yet Ianto found himself reluctant to celebrate. He'd been invited to his sister's house, and though he looked forward to spending the day with his mum, he wasn't sure he could endure Rhi's questions about everything from his job to his love life. It was a big part of why he hadn't spent much time with them since returning from London. The civil servant cover was getting old, and keeping secret the fact that he'd found his soulmate but couldn't be with him even though they were sleeping together would be even harder.

A part of him wanted to be with Jack for the holiday, but Ianto knew that would be a bad idea after the intense experience they'd shared the night before. So he went to Christmas dinner and enjoyed spending time with his family, but when he Jack texted him about a possible Hoix sighting, he jumped at the chance to leave, dashing from the house with poor excuses and promises to call.

Owen joined him and Jack on a rousing Hoix chase, followed by a late-night snack at a local diner. They had just got back to the Hub with the body when the Rift alert went off, and they spent the rest of the night chasing down over a dozen prehistoric squirrels, one of which bit Ianto on the arm as he tried to wrestle it into a cage.

It was almost sunrise when they brought the cage of shrieking rats back the Hub. Owen cleaned and dressed Ianto's wound, pumping him full of antibiotics to prevent any ancient infections from setting in. Ianto was exhausted and tempted to kip in the Hub with Jack for the morning. He was debating bringing it up when Owen interrupted his thoughts.

"Got the good stuff for you, teaboy," he said, handing him a small bottle of pills. "Should get you through the next day or two if the bite bothers you. Need a lift home?"

Ianto shook his head, popping two of the pills. "I've got clothes here, and the day's about to begin, so I'll probably stay on."

"You should go home," Jack said, coming down to the medical bay. "Both of you. It was a long night."

"What if the Rift alert keeps going off?" Ianto asked.

"Then I'll call Tosh and Gwen," Jack replied. "And give them a turn to play hero. You should rest."

"I'm fine," Owen shrugged, exchanging a look with Ianto. "A few hours on the sofa and I'm good as new. Nothing for me at home anyway." Ianto nodded in agreement.

"It's Christmas," Jack replied, his voice sharper than usual. "Go home, enjoy the downtime, and come back tomorrow." He turned to leave, and Ianto felt a strong surge of worry and fear in his mind, as if Jack had relaxed the block on their bond to express his concern. Yet when he glanced at Jack in surprise, Ianto found the other man had stopped on the steps, wide-eyed and frowning. The bond disappeared once more; apparently Jack had not intended the bond to reappear, and he looked rattled as he left the medical bay.

Ianto sighed, wondering what it meant, that they were unable to maintain the block. Had their night together been a mistake? Had they inadvertently strengthened the bond, so that it was bleeding through the block? Ianto went home and tried not to think about it.

Though his arm was exceptionally sore, he went in later the next day, unable to stay at home turning things over in his mind. Jack and Owen had gone out on a Weevil call, while Tosh watched the systems in the Hub. She asked about his Christmas and fussed over his injury, until Ianto felt a tug in his mind and lost track of what she was saying. Jack had died, and there was nothing Ianto could do. He couldn't even tell Tosh what was wrong, and begged off her concerned questions by claiming his arm was bothering him. He went and laid down, reaching out for Jack in his mind and relieved to find him alive. As soon as Jack sensed Ianto, however, he blocked the bond once more.

Ianto sighed and laid his uninjured arm across his eyes. Jack had shut him out, and Ianto was getting tired of it. Yet he knew Jack's thoughts, and though his own seemed to be constantly changing, there was nothing anyone—except perhaps the Doctor—could do to change things.

* * *

They did not talk much over the next few days, and the silence only increased the distance between them. Ianto spent New Year's Eve with Tosh and several bottles of wine. Not long after ringing in the new year, she asked if he believed in soulmates—an odd question, since it was accepted in most parts of the world, though some people still denied it. He didn't hesitate when he answered, and she patted him on the knee with a sad look on her face. "I'm sorry she's gone," she said. "I can't imagine what it's like losing a soulmate."

He'd already spoken before he realized what he'd revealed. "Lisa wasn't my soulmate."

Tosh stared at him. "She wasn't? But you…and her…and what happened…"

Ianto swirled the wine around his glass as he considered his words more carefully. "I loved her, and she loved me. Just because she wasn't my soulmate doesn't mean I could let her suffer like that. I had to help her."

"Did you know, before she died? Did she?"

"Yes," Ianto said softly. "We knew. I think she still hoped it would be me, but my  _animoré_ is …well, unique. I always knew it wasn't her, though there were many times I desperately wanted it to be."

She leaned forward and clasped his hand. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I know I shouldn't ask, only I've had a lot of wine…" She paused and he nodded, because he'd had a lot of wine as well, and maybe talking about it would help him come to terms with the situation. "Do you know who your soulmate is?"

"Do you?" Ianto asked in return.

Tosh shook her head. "I know I have one, but it's very faint…I'm not even sure if it's a man or woman. I'd be happy with either, though I don't know how I'll ever meet them with this job!"

Ianto smiled into his glass. "I know my soulmate," he said quietly. She gasped again.

"That's fantastic," she exclaimed. "But you're seeing someone and you didn't tell us?"

"Ah, no," Ianto replied quickly. "It's not like that. We know each other, but like I said, it's a rather unusual situation, and…well, we can't be together. So we're not."

Tosh finished her wine and frowned. Ianto poured her another glass and waited for more questions. "But if you're soulmates, why aren't you together…soulmates are meant to be together."

"Apparently not always," said Ianto, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. "It's complicated."

"It's not Torchwood, is it?" Tosh demanded. "Because you can't let that hold you back!"

"No, not really," Ianto replied. "I can't really explain, which is one reason why I haven't said anything to the team, or even my family. I'd like to think we should be together, but we can't."

"That's awful," she whispered. He sighed and felt an unexpected stab of loneliness that was not completely his own. He cocked his head, reaching out in his mind to his  _animoré_. Suddenly Jack was there, full of sadness and despair, and Ianto sucked in a breath, the feeling was so strong and hopeless. And just as abruptly, the bond was gone, blocked once more. Within moments he felt the hazy tug of a blackout. Coupled with the wine, it was virtually impossible to maintain his focus, and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply, waiting for the dizziness to pass and the bond to return.

Tosh was calling his name when he refocused. Jack's presence burst back into his mind, guilt overwhelming everything until it was blocked again. Ianto was angry— that Jack had died, that he had felt it, that he couldn't be there to help him, and that he was celebrating the new year by telling Tosh how he couldn't be with his soulmate, even though he couldn't tell her why. He understood, knowing Jack's condition, yet he was still upset and disappointed, and starting to feel more resentful.

"Ianto?" Tosh asked again. He shook his head and offered her a sad smile.

"Sorry, too much wine," he said. He sighed. "The bond is unstable. We should probably dissolve it completely, but it's hard to think about doing that, of losing something I've felt for so long. Sometimes I don't know what to do."

"Unstable?" she asked. "Is that what just happened? You went a little funny there—was it the bond?"

He was surprised at her insight, though he shouldn't have been, and he nodded. "Yes, it comes and goes, and when it goes, I usually black out. I don't completely understand, but I know there's nothing we can do, only the thought of severing the bond completely…" He blew out a breath. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't say anything to the others, Tosh. It's not something I want anyone to know."

She was quiet for a moment. "Are you okay?" she asked. "These blackouts…are you in danger?"

"Only if the timing is bad," Ianto replied. He shrugged. "It's unexpected and uncomfortable, and I usually lose focus, though when it first started I was often catatonic for a few moments and would come to lying on the floor."

"I've never heard of such a thing," Tosh said. "I had no idea." She looked at him thoughtfully. "Have you talked to a doctor about it? Maybe Owen? He might be able to help you."

"Are we talking about the same Owen Harper, who sleeps around every weekend and has a distinct lack of bedside manners?" Tosh nodded sheepishly, and Ianto shook his head. "Owen is the last person I'd talk to. I'd get more sympathy from a monkey in a coma."

Tosh giggled, Ianto grinned, she burst out laughing, and he quickly joined her. "He's not that bad," Tosh finally pointed out when they'd caught their breath.

"Of course he is," Ianto replied. "He's brilliant with science, but not with people."

Tosh sighed. "Sort of like me."

"Bit like all of us, really," Ianto thought. "Except Gwen, who doesn't know a damn thing about science."

"And not much about people sometimes," Tosh replied, then clasped her hand over her mouth. "I did not say that out loud."

Ianto patted her leg. "It's fine. I get it. She can be a challenge."

They lapsed into silence for a few moments before Tosh reached out for his hand. "You should talk to Owen. We've seen so much at Torchwood, he might know something that could help you."

"I'll think about it," Ianto replied, knowing he wouldn't, not really. Jack had said no one could help him except the Doctor.

"Is there anything I can do?" Tosh asked softly, and he squeezed her hand.

"You're already doing it by being here," he told her. He stood, gathering his wine glass. "Although a glass of water and a cab might be helpful right now."

They cleaned up their small mess as they waited for the cab, and with one last embrace and a heartfelt thank-you, Ianto left for home, wondering where Jack was and if he was all right.

* * *

He tried to talk to Jack about New Year's Eve when he went into work, but Jack seemed distant. He said he'd been Weevil hunting and shrugged, as if that were the end of the story. But Ianto had felt such loneliness through the bond that he was torn between being worried about Jack and angry at him for being shut out. What had happened to being friends? Didn't friends talk to one another, support one another?

In the back of his mind Ianto knew that being friends wasn't working, because deep down they wanted more. Which was why they avoided talking about it, and their physical affair quickly dwindled to nothing as neither one of them approached the other for several weeks. He felt Tosh watching him with concern, but assured her he was fine, that he was working through the issue with his soulmate.

And he was. He was trying to work up the courage to approach Jack about severing the bond so they were both free of it. He thought about leaving Torchwood altogether, of making a clean break of it all, but he wasn't sure if he could give up the only thing that meant something to him. What would he do, if he didn't work for Torchwood? He'd seen too much, done too much, to work a normal day job anymore. He liked making a difference and couldn't imagine any other life.

And he couldn't imagine living without the bond, not when he still held onto the smallest hope that maybe it would work out someday. It had only been a few weeks, after all; some people waited years for their soulmate. He tried to be patient, but he still avoided Jack, because it hurt to be around him and not with him, and it seemed Jack felt similarly conflicted. Looks and smiles and touches became more and more rare; when they did happen, Ianto felt that familiar burst of feeling in his mind, as if the bond wasn't quite holding. Perhaps the depth of their feelings was too strong to deny.

He alternated between anger and sadness, distracted only by his job and his coworkers. Gwen was dealing with some personal issues, there was something going on with the Weevils, and Owen was still struggling with Diane's departure through the Rift. It was starting to affect his work, and they were all concerned about the doctor. Enough for Jack to set aside his reservations about being around Ianto and bring him deeper into the Weevil case to help.

When Owen went into the Weevil cage, Ianto had his suspicions. Had Diane been Owen's soulmate? What about his dead fiancé? But Owen wouldn't talk to them, and Jack went back to being distant, and Gwen was still working through her own problems. The team was a mess, himself included, and Ianto knew it was only a matter of time before they all imploded.

And it started with an old World War II dance hall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter grew quite large so I split it. You know what's coming…Captain Jack Harkness/End of Days. Many thanks to AvaAnatares for helping me figure out one of the things that's tripping me up with this story. And to everyone who has read and commented—I appreciate all the kudos and reviews and hope to live up to them!


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Ianto was at the Hub when Jack rode out to meet Tosh at an old dance hall to check into some strange reports. The Rift alarm went off at the same moment Ianto felt the bond snap completely, much like it had at the pub after Jack had gone through the Savior's portal. He was sitting at the computer one moment, then clutching his head on the floor the next. Curling in on himself, Ianto tried to shut out the pain, instinctively knowing what happened: Jack had traveled through time. Whether he'd gone willingly or been taken, Jack was gone, and Ianto needed to contact Tosh, to see if she was missing as well, or injured—or simply knew what had happened.

Taking several deep breaths, he tried to section away the pain and loss in another part of his mind, much like the  _animoré_ bond had its own space. He also tried to sit up, only to find an arm steadying him, and Owen swearing.

"What the hell happened to you?" the doctor demanded. "Did you actually just fall out of your chair and brain yourself?"

Ianto winced at the harsh tone of Owen's voice as he sat and closed his eyes, trying to block it out. "I slipped," he replied. Owen shook his head, flashed a light in his eyes.

"Why?" Owen asked. "The Rift alarm has gone off before, never spooked you then."

"Migraine." Ianto ground out the first thing that came to mind; his head did hurt, after all. Owen raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Since when do you get debilitating, fall-off-your-chair migraines?"

"Since I started working with you," Ianto snapped. "Look, it's not important right now—something's happened to Jack and Tosh."

Owen narrowed his eyes. "How do you know?"

"The Rift alert just went off, remember?" Ianto replied. "And they were investigating some strange readings at the dance hall."

"Doesn't mean they're hurt," Owen pointed out. "Call 'em."

"Right. Call." Ianto knew Jack was gone, but that didn't mean Tosh had disappeared as well. He took a deep breath and stood, feeling nauseous enough to grimace and steady himself on the chair.

"You need something for that headache?"

Ianto glanced at Owen in surprise; the thought hadn't even occurred to him, since the headache was more emotional than physical. "If you have something, that'd be great. I'll try to call Tosh."

Owen nodded and went down to the medical bay to get him some medication. Ianto could not reach Tosh, and sent Gwen to check out the hall as he took the pills. The pills helped tremendously, allowing him to think straight and figure out that both Jack and Tosh had somehow been taken to 1941. And it wasn't long before Owen insisted on opening the Rift to bring them back.

Ianto knew it was a mistake; Jack had always told them never to mess with the Rift. It was too unpredictable, and they were light years away from being able to control it. He tried to stop the doctor, but in the end, Owen won: he opened the Rift and saved Jack and Tosh. Ianto sensed the moment they returned, because he felt the bond with Jack in his mind once more. Yet he felt sadness and guilt more than anything; and when Jack returned to the Hub and looked at Ianto, he simply nodded in acknowledgement before blocking the bond once more, apologizing quietly as he went to his office with Tosh.

Ianto didn't stay to talk, and Jack didn't ask him to stay. Ianto had reached his breaking point; he could not deal with the blackouts or the bond breaking anymore, not when they weren't even together, and it was clear Jack wanted nothing to do with him. There was no point, so why hold onto hope? He couldn't live in limbo forever, waiting for Jack to change his mind or leave with the Doctor, accepting or rejecting him. He needed to live his own life, even if it was without his soulmate; at least he would be free of the blackouts the bond caused whenever Jack died, and free from the constant sting of rejection.

First thing the next morning he approached Jack. He seemed upset and uncomfortable, and Ianto wondered what had happened in 1941 that had rattled him so badly. They'd managed little more than an awkward greeting before the phones started ringing and the alarms went off. Once more they were thrown head first into the middle of a crisis as the Rift began splintering around the world.

Seeing Lisa was hard; leaving Jack's side after Rhys Williams died was even harder. Adrenaline got him through the vague tug of the blackout when Owen shot Jack, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened after Jack left to face Abaddon: he fell to the floor of the Hub, his body convulsing in agony as Owen tried to stabilize the seizure and Tosh watched in fear. And then it was over, and Ianto opened his eyes to find the doctor sticking him with a needle.

"Jack's dead," Ianto rasped. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry, because this was so very different; he had never experienced anything like it before, as if the very life were being sucked out of him—or Jack. Sitting gingerly, he shook his head when Tosh started to ask him how he knew.

"He went to fight Abaddon, to sacrifice himself." He glanced around the Hub with a frown. "Check the monitors. See if it's still out there." Owen helped him stand, looking ready to protest.

Tosh darted over to her computer, fingers flying across the keyboard. "It's gone," she whispered, reading three different monitors at once. "Whatever Jack did, it worked. Abaddon's gone…and time has reset."

"Reset?" Owen asked. "What do you mean, reset?"

Tosh shook her head. "It's like none of it ever happened." She glanced at them with hope. "So maybe Jack is all right."

Ianto didn't have the heart to correct her. He knew.

* * *

It had been hours, and Jack had not awakened. He was still lying in the medical bay, cold and pale, while Owen ran tests and Gwen sat and watched, reassuring them that Jack wasn't truly dead, that he would come back. That he always came back.

"You knew?" Tosh asked quietly. "You knew and you never told us?" She sounded hurt, and Ianto couldn't blame her. Gwen was the newest member of the team, and yet Jack had told her his biggest secret. To be honest, it bothered Ianto as well, and he wondered what else Jack had told Gwen. A small part of him even wondered if Gwen was one of the reasons Jack didn't want to be with him, but he told himself that was unfair, to question Jack when he had felt Jack's clear affection through their bond. It didn't stop the doubt and resentment, though.

"I couldn't," Gwen said softly, still staring at Jack. "He didn't want anyone to know."

"Would've been nice to know when I shot him," Owen grumbled. He slapped off his machines with a frustrated snarl. "He's dead, Gwen, and I don't think he's coming back this time. It's been too long."

"He'll come back," Gwen whispered. "He has too."

Ianto abruptly turned and left, unable to watch. Gwen had a boyfriend at home—the same man she had betrayed Jack to save. Yet here she sat, like a widow in denial, mourning at Jack's side as if he were the one she loved. And maybe she did. Maybe Jack loved her. Perhaps he and Jack couldn't be together because of the bond and Jack's immortality, but maybe Jack could be happy with someone else, if only for a time. Ianto would want that for him, wouldn't he? And then Ianto could find someone else, try to move on and live a normal life…a wife, a house, maybe kids someday…

Only he didn't want that. He wanted Jack.

His head still ached, and Ianto wondered if that was normal when a soulmate died. He wouldn't know because although Jack died a lot, he always came back. But not this time. Laying down on the sofa and flinging one arm over his face, Ianto choked back tears. He would not cry, not in front of the others. Jack was gone, but life went on.

"Migraine again?" Owen asked, and Ianto nodded, not bothering to correct the doctor. "I want to run some tests on you too, I think."

"Whatever," Ianto sighed. "It's just a headache."

"It's becoming a bad habit," Owen replied. He sat down in the chair next to the sofa, threw his legs on the table, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Especially when something happens to Jack."

"I don't know what you mean," Ianto replied, not bothering to look at the doctor. "Except that when something happens to Jack, there's usually all kinds of other shit going on, hence the headaches."

Owen leaned forward. "I don't think so. Tosh said she saw you go funny on New Year's Eve, and I know Jack was chasing Weevils alone that night because we had two new ones in the cells the next morning. You fell out of your chair when they got sucked back to 1941. You flinched when I shot Jack, and had a seizure when he went out to face Abaddon. Now you've got a headache that won't go away while Jack is getting cold on the slab." He paused and took a deep breath. "What's going on, Ianto?"

"Nothing," Ianto replied. "Absolutely nothing."

"I don't believe you," Owen snapped. "And might I remind you that I  _am_  a doctor? Because if something is going on, something that's causing these things to happen, maybe I can help." He paused. "As much as I hate offering it to the bloke who shot me."

"No one can help," Ianto murmured. "It is what it is."

"So what is it?" Owen demanded. "How did you know they were in trouble that day? How did you know Jack was dead? Why do you get massive headaches whenever something happens to him? Are you—" He stopped, sitting back and shaking his head. "You're not, are you? Because if Jack can't die… or dies and comes back, in his messed-up case…I can't imagine how that would affect it…"

"Affect what?" Ianto asked, sitting up. "I'm fine, and whatever you're thinking, you're wrong."

"So you and Jack aren't psychically connected somehow?" Owen asked pointedly. Ianto's eyes went wide. "Was it a tech accident of some kind? Do I need to call Tosh?"

"It wasn't a tech accident," Ianto said softly, staring at the ground. "There's no way to fix it."

Owen narrowed his eyes, then widened them. "Oh shit, tell me it's not an  _animoré_  bond." Ianto was silent again. "Christ, you're kidding…you and Jack? Soulmates?" Owen stood and started pacing. "Bloody hell—all this time? Is that why you came here?" He stopped and shook his head. "No, you came here with your cyber…with Lisa, god. Ianto, what the hell is going on?"

Ianto stood and faced him. "It's none of your business, Owen. I can handle it."

"I doubt it," Owen replied. "If you've got a bond with Jack, especially a strong one, then every time he dies, you must feel it."

"And like I said, I'm handling it," Ianto ground out.

"Like hell you are," Owen exclaimed. "You had a seizure! Look, I studied the bond some in medical school, and I've been through it myself…you're not handling it." He almost sounded like he cared; Ianto tried to reconcile Owen's words now with his words the day Tosh and Jack had gone back to the past.

"Look, it's not what you think," Ianto told him. "Yes, we have a bond, but we're dealing with it. I knew about Jack too. I've had blackouts for years, and when we realized we had the bond, he told me about his…problem. They happen when he dies, every time. So we're not together, Jack's been been blocking the bond, and the blackouts have been better. After he came back from 1941 I was going to suggest we dissolve it completely, only all this happened first."

Owen frowned. "Break it completely? No one does that, Ianto. No one who ever finds their soulmate breaks their bond. It's unheard of—it can cause huge psychological problems."

"I'm pretty sure no one else in the world has an immortal soulmate," Ianto snapped. "Who dies and comes back and travels through time! I can't do it, Owen…but it looks like maybe I won't have to." Ianto took a deep breath. "You said yourself it's been too long. He's not coming back this time."

"Damn," Owen murmured. "I wish I could say otherwise, but I don't know anything about this."

"Neither did he," Ianto shrugged. "It happened a long time ago, when he was time traveling, and he's been trying to find the answers ever since. One day, he'll leave and travel again." Ianto let his head fall back and laughed bitterly. "Yet another reason to dissolve the bond."

"Why?" Owen asked.

"Because time travel severs it completely. Bit like having a piece of your brain ripped out through your ear, actually."

"When you fell off your chair, the first time I gave you the migraine medicine." Ianto nodded and glanced at the medical bay.

"Please don't the others," he said. "It's none of their business, especially now that he's...now that he's gone. I don't want their sympathy, and I don't want your pity."

Owen pressed his lips together before he threw up his hands. "Fine. No sympathy, no pity, nothing. But I'm still the doctor here, and if you're having physical symptoms, I can treat them. Especially since we're now a man down—we can't have you faffing around on the sofa all day with a sore head."

Ianto stared at him. Owen was right: they were short a team member and Ianto couldn't afford to be in pain, or feel sorry for himself. He needed to move on, to pick up and continue with Torchwood. Because there would always be another Weevil, another rift alert, another apocalyptic monster.

"Fine. I could use something for the headache," he admitted. "Then maybe I'll see about something to eat for everyone."

"Right," Owen said. "Drugs first, pizza second. And if there are any other side effects besides the headaches, you let me know."

"I'll try," Ianto replied dryly. Owen nodded sharply and turned to leave. "Owen?" Ianto called. When the doctor turned around, Ianto tried to smile. "Thank you."

"Whatever," Owen replied, turning away before he glanced back. "I'm sorry you had to go through this, though. I know it sucks."

He left Ianto along then, and Ianto sighed, running a hand through his hair. There it was then: someone knew about him and Jack, and of all the people in the world, it was Owen. Owen who had also lost his soulmate—Katie or Diane?— and was surprisingly supportive. Of course, he'd probably take the piss if Jack were still alive and around, but at least Ianto knew someone had his back through it all.

* * *

Ianto mourned as best as he could, but it was hard with Gwen claiming the seat at Jack's side. Owen grumbled about it even more than Tosh, though he did not say anything. Yet Ianto could not have sat there long anyway. It was too hard to see Jack like that, pale and cold. He carried on as best as he could, repairing the damage to the Hub with the others and trying not to think about what his life would be like now.

Until the moment, three days later, when he felt Jack's presence in his mind once more, faint and weak but alive nonetheless. He wanted to run downstairs, to see for himself if Jack had somehow returned, but as soon as he stood, Tosh asked him to help her with a part of the Rift manipulator, and Ianto held it for her, trying to stay focused, hoping the feeling wasn't some sort of ghostly echo. It wasn't long before he knew it was real, and Jack walked into the Hub with Gwen, alive and smiling.

Tosh threw himself at Jack, but Ianto didn't know what to do. Things had been awkward between them for weeks, the trip to 1941 had been difficult even if Ianto didn't understand why, and he had betrayed Jack to help the others open the Rift and stop Bilis Manger. So he held out his right hand, feeling utterly ridiculous, but Jack pulled him into a crushing embrace before kissing him passionately. The bond flowed between them, stronger than ever, and Ianto felt a rush of so many feelings he was overwhelmed.

All too soon Jack pulled away, clinging to his hand. "I'm sorry," he whispered so no one else could hear them. "About everything that's happened. I'm so sorry."

Ianto shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he said. "You're back."

His other hand touched Ianto's cheek, a sad look in his eyes. "And I love you." It was almost as if Jack was apologizing for loving him, though Ianto wondered when they had got to that stage, given their casual relationship until that very moment. Suddenly it seemed much more; suddenly there was hope, though the thought was also slightly terrifying given their history, their lives.

Ianto was speechless, but Jack squeezed his hand with a smile. "We'll talk later," he said, and Ianto felt the brush of Jack's mind against his own, of love and affection and relief. He sent back his own regret for betraying Jack, his gratefulness at being forgiven, his joy that Jack was alive.

Jack nodded and moved away, and for the first time Ianto thought that maybe their story would have a happy ending after all.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!  
> Kidding.  
> I know. That last line kills, I'm so sorry! Because yes, the next chapter is going exactly where you think it might. The Year That Never Was. When I started writing this story, I set out to write a one or two-part story. Now it's much more, all because these two men had to go and stay in character and force the plot to cooperate.  
> I am visiting family for a week, so if the next chapter take some extra time, it's because I'm eating pizza and hanging out with my brother and taking extra care with the very complicated Year That Never Was. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Jack felt the bond snap as soon as the TARDIS entered the time vortex, and though he shouted for the Doctor out loud, hoping the Time Lord would somehow hear him inside the ship, in his mind he screamed for Ianto as he desperately tried to cling to consciousness.

He failed.

He awoke on a dark, empty planet with a beautiful woman hovering over him, which was definitely one of his better crash landings. He smiled and introduced himself, but deep down he was searching for the bond in his mind. It didn't return, and he had no sense of Ianto whatsoever, which meant he had time-traveled. Of course he had, he'd jumped onto the TARDIS as it had vanished, what had he expected? He'd gone through the time vortex, clinging to the side of the ship; he was half surprised he'd survived.

The emptiness inside mirrored the desolation around him. He regretted running off without a word, but Ianto had been out with the others, and the right Doctor had arrived, and Jack had to go. His only consolation was that Ianto had known Jack would leave someday, perhaps abruptly, and that at least Jack had told him he loved him.

Jack pondered that last thought as he stood and faced a new Doctor. Yes, he loved the Doctor…but the Doctor had left him behind. He'd been waiting for over a hundred and thirty years to meet the Doctor again and pick up with their travels, but Jack was a different man now. He'd found his soulmate, and once he had his answers from the Doctor, he would return to Ianto. No matter what it took, or how long, he would return to Cardiff.

As the Doctor revealed his newest regeneration to be a bit of a prat, Jack held fast to the thought of returning to Earth. He couldn't help but be a little excited at the thought of another adventure with the Doctor, but more than anything he hoped the Doctor could fix him so that he could return to his soulmate and live a normal life. He may have loved the Doctor when he was younger, but Jack already missed Ianto, and he worried about the Welshman he'd left behind.

It was gut-wrenching, learning the truth: that he was an impossible thing, a fixed point in space and time, immortal for eternity. Worse still that the Doctor had known all along, had deliberately left him behind on the Game Station, and had even tried to get away from him in Cardiff. It hurt more than Jack could have possibly imagined, and he wanted to beg the Doctor to take him home—to Earth, to Torchwood, to Ianto. Yet if it was one thing he'd realized in his long years of waiting, it was that he would always be connected to the Doctor in some way. He would see whatever they'd got themselves into resolved first, and then he would return home.

* * *

  
Ianto felt the moment Jack left them. He collapsed, grabbing the counter in the tourist office as the bond with Jack was ripped apart and disappeared completely. He suspected it wasn't coming back; this was not the same as his blackouts after one of Jack's deaths. Jack had traveled through time, and somehow Ianto knew it must be the Doctor this time.

Owen was there immediately, hands on his shoulders telling him to breath, helping him up, leading him downstairs. Tosh was silent and concerned by his side. By the time they stepped through the cog door, Ianto could stand on his own. He was not surprised when Gwen told them Jack was gone, that someone had taken him. He walked over to one of the computers, pulled up the CCTV footage of the Plass, and watched as Jack threw himself at the TARDIS and disappeared into time. He motioned the others over and let them watch as he went to the sofa and laid down, trying not to be sick.

They asked questions, of course, but he answered as vaguely as he could, unwilling to reveal everything about Jack, or anything about their bond, begging off with a migraine. Owen finally stopped the girls from badgering him and bundled him downstairs for a quick exam.

"You okay?" he asked quietly so that no one heard them. He handed Ianto some pills and a glass of water. "That was something to do with your bond, wasn't it?"

"Jack's traveled in time," Ianto said wearily. "The bond can survive distance, but not time. He could be anywhere, anytime."

Owen nodded silently, chewing at his thumb. "You said he would leave one day," he said, and Ianto nodded. "Is he coming back?"

Ianto sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "I asked him once, and he didn't answer. Maybe he will, one day, but who knows if any of us will even be alive when he does."

Owen snorted. "That's a cheerful thought. Try not to stay too positive there."

"I'm being realistic," Ianto replied. "Even if I hold onto the hope that he might return, I could very well be fifty years old when he does!"

Owen opened his mouth as if to say something else, then closed it. "You should go home and rest," he said. "You're in pain and you've suffered a mental trauma. Don't stay around here making it worse. We can handle things."

And for the first time in a long time, Ianto agreed with Owen. He didn't want to be at the Hub at that moment, knowing Jack was gone and might not ever come back. He wasn't sure if he wanted to come back himself, but Torchwood was all he had now.

* * *

The moment they arrived on Earth, Jack felt the soulmate bond burst back into his mind, strong and vibrant and alive. After shock he registered relief, then confusion. And then something akin to being preoccupied, as if Ianto were ignoring the bond to concentrate on something else. Jack tried to convey his own sense of missing Ianto, of wanting to be with him more than anything when everything was over, but he felt only the mental equivalent of an eye roll, touched by hurt and worry.

He tried to call, but no one answered, and though he wanted to go back to Cardiff, to make sure his team were all right, he needed to see this through and help the Doctor first. They had to find Saxon and figure out what he was up to, what he was doing on Earth. The thought of blocking the bond so that Ianto would not feel it if something happened to Jack occurred to him, but Jack felt more grounded than he had since he'd grabbed hold of the TARDIS, and he didn't want to give up that feeling. And he didn't want to send Ianto the wrong message by cutting him off again, when the last time he'd seen the other man he'd told him he loved him only to disappear.

When Saxon told them Torchwood was in the Himalayas, it started to make sense, the odd sense of preoccupied distance in the bond, the worry and fear. And when Saxon murdered the president and declared himself the ruler of Earth, Jack understood why Torchwood was in Nepal: they were out of the way, unable to stop the Master from taking over. Jack touched that part of his mind where he felt's Ianto's presence, reassuring himself that Ianto was alive, but then the Master killed him, and as he felt the blackness take him, he only hoped Ianto was safe, whatever he was doing, and that Torchwood would fight back.

* * *

The blackout happened in the middle of an avalanche brought on by an explosion they were lucky to escape. Somehow, Owen noticed immediately and got him to safety. When the snow cleared, he helped Ianto up. "Jack?" he asked quietly.

"He's back," Ianto replied. "At least he's back in this time. I felt the bond return a while ago. But he could be anywhere in the galaxy, I suppose."

"And he just died?"

Ianto nodded and let his eyes slip closed.

"Doesn't mean anything," Owen said. "He's got that parlor trick, remember?"

Sure enough, the animoré bond returned, filled with fear and panic. Ianto tried to send back any feelings of reassurance that he could, even though he was halfway up K2 and it appeared that his helicopter was buried in snow. Jack was still terrified however, and Ianto ached to be with him, to help him.

It took several hours to dig the helicopter out from the snow, and when they did, they returned to a world grossly changed. The British Prime Minister had initiated contact with a race of aliens called the Toclafane, only to assassinate the President of the United States and order the aliens to destroy one tenth of the earth's population. Every major city across the globe had been hit in some way; the casualties were staggering. Ianto knew his shock was bleeding through the bond with Jack and felt despair in return. He suspected Jack was involved in some way, but with no way to get in touch with him, Ianto could only hope he was safe.

It was quickly apparent that there was no Rift activity on the mountain. Gwen tried to get some answers about who had reported it, but was met with one dead end after another. Ianto grew suspicious, and the bond in his mind seemed to agree. He couldn't have said what it was that he felt, exactly, that made him think they all were in danger—only he sensed something was dreadfully wrong with Jack and that Jack was scared for them as a result. He brought it up with the others not long after Gwen had come back from another fruitless attempt at getting some answers.

"We need to think about our next step," he said quietly. They were huddled outside, where he hoped they would not be overheard. "We were sent here for a reason, and I'm not sure if it's safe to go back."

"But for what reason?" asked Gwen. "Why would they send us all this way only to look for a Rift that isn't here and blow up a picture of Jack? There must be something we're missing."

"They wanted us out of the way," Owen replied. "It's obvious, isn't it? If we'd been back at the Hub, we could have done something, stood up to them."

"I don't know what we could have done from the Hub, but I think Owen's right," Ianto replied. "We were sent as far away as possible from Saxon and the Valiant. That bomb on the slope could have killed us. I'm surprised the avalanche didn't. I think we need to assume that this new government doesn't want us around."

"So, what do we do?" asked Tosh. "They sent us here to die. We're still alive. Does that mean they'll try again?"

"Couldn't we offer Torchwood's support?" Gwen suggested, then held up her hands when all three of them protested. "I'm not suggesting it seriously! But couldn't we pretend to be loyal to Saxon, but secretly work against him?"

Ianto shared a look with Owen and shook his head. "I don't think we'd be any safer sleeping with the snakes. After seeing what they've done, I'd prefer outright resistance."

"Me too," said Owen. "Nothing about this is right, there's nothing to even pretend to support. This guy just murdered millions of people, Gwen. We need to start fighting back as soon as we can against these things."

"Here, here," murmured Tosh. Gwen nodded, looking frightened but determined.

"All right, then how do we start?"

Ianto had only one thought, but looked to Tosh first to see if she was thinking the same thing. She nodded, took a deep breath, and spoke.

"First we need to disappear."

* * *

  
Jack hated the chains. He hated the heat. He hated the food. And he hated dying. But more than anything, he hated the thought that Ianto was out there somewhere feeling it every time.

A part of him knew he should try to block the bond, if not sever it completely, but he couldn't bring himself to do either. The moments of peace he felt in between hunger and heat, pain and death, were all he had: moments where he felt Ianto, safe in his mind, offering comfort and strength and even love. He clung to them in his darkest moments, knowing that Ianto was still alive despite the wholesale slaughter the Master and his creatures from the end of the universe had set upon the planet.

Ianto was alive, but Jack still felt his fear, often so overwhelming that Jack ripped and pulled at his chains to no avail, only to fall forward sobbing as he prayed to whatever deity he could think of that Ianto stayed safe. Once or twice he felt immense pain through the bond, and knew Ianto had been injured, perhaps seriously. The bond didn't disappear unless the Master came to have his fun with Jack, however; knowing that Ianto felt it each time the twisted Time Lord meted out his frustration on Jack made the torture even worse. Yet every time he revived, Ianto was there in his mind, caressing him back to life.

As the months went by, Jack felt a curious mixture of both hopelessness and determination through the bond. It mirrored his own feelings: unable to stop the Master, he was still determined to hold out for the culmination of the Doctor's plan to save them all. What it was, he had no clear idea, but even now he still believed in the Doctor. Whenever Jack felt Ianto's hope waning, he tried to bolster it as much as he could, and the Welshman did the same during Jack's darkest hours.

Once or twice he felt broad waves of pleasure and wondered if Ianto was sleeping with someone, down on Earth. It made him sad only in that it wasn't him beside Ianto, warm and safe and offering comfort in dark times; he hated his isolation more each day, the lack of physical touch unbearable. Yet afterward, when he felt sorry for himself, he was sure his animoré was almost chuckling at him, for the feeling inside was one of amused affection and mutual longing.

The weeks and months dragged by. There were days Jack could barely hold his head up and open his eyes. He retreated to his mind, surrounding himself with memories of better days, of the people he'd known and loved over the years. At times, they seemed more real than the hellhole of his prison on the Valiant, than the guards who watched him with ugly sneers and did nothing to stop the Master's torture.

Through it all, more than anyone, he thought about his soulmate and held fast to the belief that one day he would be with Ianto again.

* * *

  
Ianto hated the war. He hated the running and hiding, the killing and dying. He hated watching his world fall apart around him. But more than anything, he hated the thought that Jack was somewhere out there suffering alone.

For a while it had been the four of them, struggling to stay alive under the Master's new regime, desperately trying to get back home to Wales and Torchwood. Tosh had stayed behind in Japan to help with the resistance there, but she was gone now, Japan completely destroyed—every city, every person, as if it had never existed. He and Gwen and Owen had somehow made it back to Wales after months of dodging the Toclafane, only to find the Hub destroyed, their families gone.

Rhys Williams, dead. Gwen hadn't talked for days.

They'd burrowed deep within the ruins of the Hub, collecting a few fellow fighters to help in the resistance. But what could they do, against so sudden, complete, and cruel a regime? They barely survived. They fought back when they could, saved a few lives, but they lost just as many, and watched as the world slowly ended.

Gwen went out one day and didn't return. All of Torchwood now, missing or dead, except for him and Owen.

Through it all, the only saving grace was knowing that Jack was somewhere in his time. But Ianto also knew that Jack was in pain. For months he suffered more and more blackouts, knowing that Jack had died each time, too frequent to be natural. Judging from Jack's pain, fear, and hopelessness, Ianto suspected that this so-called Master had something to do with whatever was happening to Jack. He wondered if Jack was being held prisoner, perhaps in a secret black-ops prison, or even on board the Valiant, the Master's flagship of death and destruction; either way, Jack was being tortured, dying day in and day out.

Ianto met with people…scientists, philosophers, esoterics…and began to learn more about the soulmate bond. So many people had lost their soulmates to the Toclafane that it wasn't hard to find someone who could help him in the underground society that had sprung up in secret to try and maintain humanity's sense of hope. It was one of these mystics, a kindly old woman named Talutha, who helped him begin the fledging process of blocking the bond when Jack was tortured and it became overwhelming. She helped reluctantly, believing that it was a violation of the bond to block out one's soulmate; instead she recommended he see a doctor to help manage the physical effects of his unique situation.

It was after a particularly brutal blackout that Ianto finally went to Owen for help. He had felt excruciating pain through the bond, almost enough to knock him unconscious, and it had lasted, instead of cutting off with Jack's death. He'd tried to support Jack through whatever was happening as best as he could, but it was taking a toll on them both, and Ianto knew he needed help managing it.

After several failed attempts, they found the solution: an epileptic medication used to manage seizures, that worked well enough so that Ianto felt only a prick at the back of his mind when Jack died, instead of a blackout, or worse. A part of Ianto felt guilty for it, but he didn't have to mentally block the bond, and whenever he felt the prick that told him Jack had died, he made sure to be there when Jack revived. He was more focused, more in control, better able to deal with the death surrounding him. He even began to strengthen the bond, hoping it would somehow help him find Jack one day.

And then he did, though not through the bond.

* * *

Martha Jones was back in Great Britain, back in Wales. She looked around at yet another city devastated by the Master and tried to keep hope, but it was becoming harder and harder. Her journey had been long, and filled with pain and heartbreak. Some days she wasn't sure how she found the strength to go on.

But she did, and now she was in Cardiff. The Plass was unrecognizable from the bright, open area she remembered, and it seemed ridiculous to think that Torchwood had survived somewhere beneath it. She wished she knew how to use Jack's wrist strap to contact them, if that was even possible; instead she waited, hoping she might see something, hear something, that would help.

Fortunately, they came to her.

She was sitting on a dilapidated bench, looking out over the bay. Where once she remembered a beautiful view, now it was ships and factories and missile silos, the bright shops and restaurants of the Quay abandoned or destroyed. It was an early spring morning and a cold breeze blew in off the water, spreading litter around the dirty boardwalk. Empty and desolate, it was a city under siege, like every other city she'd been to. It would break Jack's heart to see it.

"You're taking a risk, sitting out here in the open admiring the view," said a voice behind her. She gasped as she turned to find a bearded man standing tall against the wind, hands tucked into a mid-length leather jacket, red scarf around his neck. Though the sky was cloudy and grey, he wore sunglasses, removing them as he sat down stiffly beside her, one leg stretched out before him as if injured.

"Martha Jones, the woman who will save us all."

"You can see me," she replied, not sure what else to say. He raised an eyebrow. He had grey-blue eyes that expressed both intelligence and a deep sadness.

"Is there some reason I shouldn't be able to see you?" the man asked. "You are a beautiful woman, after all."

Martha rolled her eyes. "You sound like Jack, flirting through the end of the world."

The man frowned. "Jack Harkness?"

"Do you know him?" Martha asked eagerly. "He's from Cardiff, from…around here." She gestured vaguely to the area, not sure if she should reveal Jack's connections to Torchwood. Then again, if this man knew him, perhaps he was with Torchwood as well.

The man regarded her thoughtfully before nodding. "Yes, I know him."

He did not offer any other information, but Martha instinctively sensed she could trust this man. He seemed broken by the state of the world, yet still strong. He knew Jack, and though Martha had only spent a few days with Jack after finding him outside the TARDIS, she'd quickly come to trust and believe in him. This man might not feel the same—he could be an enemy of Jack's, for all she knew—but she did not think he was there to hurt her, to turn her in. Besides, she could hold her own against men like that.

"He's a good man, Jack Harkness," she said, trying to gage his relationship to Jack. The man nodded slowly.

"Yes, he is." Still no other response.

"Look, I know you're not one of them," she said. "A supporter, or a spy. Who are you then, that you know Jack? That you know me?"

"You're a legend," the man replied, somewhat mockingly. "Walking the earth, inspiring the resistance. Everyone knows who Martha Jones is."

"And how can you see me?" she asked. "I usually manage to stay under the radar, so to speak."

The man looked her up and down before focusing on the key around her neck. "Perception filter, I assume? It's good, I really want to look away and pretend I see nothing, but I was trained to recognize them at Torchwood One. I saw you immediately."

"Torchwood One?" she asked eagerly. So this man was Torchwood! "Is that how you know Jack? Jack worked for Torchwood, here in Cardiff. I'd heard they were all dead."

"Oh, we're not dead," the man replied with a smile, gazing up and across the water. "Not yet."

"Sort of like the Jedi, are you?" she teased, and earned a wide grin.

"I think you just won a piece of my heart, Martha Jones," he said with a laugh. He held out a gloved hand. "Ianto Jones, last surviving member of Torchwood."

"Martha Jones, er…storyteller."

"I like that," he said, nodding in approval. "Storyteller. So, what's your story, Martha Jones? What brings you to Cardiff?"

"I'm on my way to London," she said. "It'll be over soon, all of this." She gestured around them. "We're going to defeat the Master, once and for all."

"Ah, with this weapon you're searching for?" Ianto asked. "We've heard the stories, even here."

Martha hedged the truth; she couldn't reveal everything to this man, even if she did like him. "I'm just doing my part. I'm no hero. The real hero is the Doctor."

The man stiffened. "The Doctor?" he asked quietly, looking down at his hands. "Of course. Is that how you know Jack? From traveling with the Doctor?"

He sounded sad again, though Martha wasn't sure why. "Yes, I only knew him for a few days before all this happened. He jumped on the TARDIS, and we ended up…well, quite far away. Apparently, he knew the Doctor a long time ago and has been looking for him."

Ianto nodded. "And are they traveling again? Did they leave you behind this time?"

"This time?" she asked, confused. "No, Jack gave me his wrist strap so I could escape from the Master." She held up her sleeve and showed him, and to her surprise he reached out a hand to touch it almost reverently before quickly bringing it back to his lap with a mumbled apology.

"If you escaped, does that mean he didn't?" he asked. "Do you know where he is?"

"I'm sorry," she said. She was starting to put things to together. This man was close to Jack, cared about him. Perhaps as a coworker, perhaps as more. She hated to upset him, but if he'd been searching for Jack, he deserved to know the truth.

"He's being held on board the Valiant," she continued. "We were captured, all of us…even my family. The Master did something to the Doctor and killed Jack." The man didn't flinch, so apparently he knew about Jack's unique ability. "He gave me his wrist strap to escape, after the Doctor told me what to do."

Ianto sat back and closed his eyes. "The Master has been torturing him," he said softly. "I've tried to find him, suspected he might be on the ship, but I don't know how I'll ever get to him up there…" He trailed off and offered her a shaky smile. "Thank you for telling me. It's good to finally know."

"It sounds like you know more than I do," she said. "How do you know he's being tortured?"

Ianto stood, favoring his good leg, and tapped his temple. "Is there anything Torchwood can do for you, Ms. Jones?" he asked, sounding rather formal.

She stood with him. "As a matter of fact, I was hoping you'd offer. I need to speak to some people, and pass on my story before I head to London." The countdown was only days away, and she needed to be ready. The world needed to be ready.

"I can do that," Ianto replied. He held out his elbow. "Dinner first, perhaps?"

"And what would Jack say?" she teased, knowing she'd hit the mark when he offered her an embarrassed grin. This man was clearly involved with Jack, and she found her heart breaking that they should be separated for so long.

"If you've met him, you know he'd offer some sort of suggestive comment," Ianto replied, shaking his head with a laugh. "And if you've met him, I'd love to know how. He left rather unexpectedly, and we were all worried."

She linked her arm with his. "I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours," she said. "But are there any restaurants open around here?"

He shook his head. "Not really, but I know a rather secure bunker that serves a mean set of rations and pretty decent coffee."

"Coffee?" she exclaimed. "Lead on, Mr. Jones! I'd do anything for coffee!"

* * *

Five days later, after the paradox reversed, Martha thought about going back to Cardiff with Jack to meet Ianto Jones again. She suspected that he and Jack might have a hard time dealing with what had happened during The Year that Never Was and its effect on their bond, and another cup of Ianto's coffee was exactly what she needed after saving the world.

But she had a pediatrician to look up first.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! It might not have been what you were expecting, but I'm not sure it was what I was expecting either. I thought it would be nothing but painful angst for them during The Year That Never Was, and it was, but this chapter doesn't go into that much detail. I think TYTNW could be an entire story in itself, but I have no plans to write it in this context as it just didn't seem to fit the story. I think it would be fun to write a separate one someday, though! For now, it's time to work on the aftermath and getting Jack and Ianto through this. Penultimate chapter coming up when it's done, and unless it finishes itself, there will be an epilogue to wrap it all up. Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

The blackout happened in the middle of an avalanche brought on by an explosion they were lucky to escape. Somehow, Owen noticed immediately and got him to safety. When the snow cleared, he helped Ianto up. "Jack?" he asked quietly.

"He's back," Ianto replied. "At least he's back in this time. I felt the bond return a while ago, but he could be anywhere in the galaxy, I suppose."

"And he just died?"

Ianto nodded and let his eyes slip closed. He hadn't felt the bond for months, and though he'd missed it, he had not missed the blackouts and knowing that Jack had died.

"Doesn't mean anything," Owen said. "He's got that parlor trick, remember?"

Sure enough, the  _animoré_  bond returned, but it was followed moments later by a strange tug in his mind, as if reality were shifting, or one overlapping another. Ianto staggered, falling to his knees, as images flooded his mind, visions that felt real yet couldn't possibly have happened…

… _metal spheres falling from the sky, raining death upon the earth…Tosh, hugging him hard before running to join the resistance… the Hub destroyed, the Quay in ruins, and Cardiff a battered wasteland… Gwen, sobbing on his shoulder until she fell asleep from exhaustion and heartache…corpses everywhere, and the smell of death… blackout after blackout, knowing Jack was suffering somewhere…the sharp slice of a knife, cutting through his thigh…reaching out to Jack, offering comfort and hope…Owen, running into the night to save a child, struck down by the metal spheres…standing at the water, cold and alone …a beautiful woman who would save them all…excruciating agony like he'd never known…_

"What was that?" Owen demanded as Ianto shook his head and stood, trying to drive the nightmarish visions from his mind, to concentrate on his reality, trapped in an avalanche on a snow-filled mountainside.

"Died again," Ianto mumbled, unwilling to share what had really happened. In truth, he didn't know. The sudden rush of images that almost felt like memories was new. Were they Jack's memories? Of what? Had Jack traveled to the future? Had he somehow shared his memories through the bond? Was that even possible?

It took several hours to dig the helicopter out from the snow. Once they returned to the base of the mountain, it became quickly apparent that there had never been any Rift activity to investigate. Gwen tried to get some answers about who had reported it and called them there, but was met with one dead end after another. Even trying to get home became difficult, as there were no transports available for days.

"Why would they send us all this way to look for a Rift that isn't here only to blow up a picture of Jack?" Gwen demanded over and over. "There must be something we're missing."

Ianto suspected she was right, and couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the confusing images he'd experienced. Were they visions of something to come? Had they been sent to the mountains so they'd be out of the way? He found himself nervously glancing at the sky for the metal spheres he'd seen in his mind.

During the long wait and the longer trip home, Ianto felt Jack's steady presence through the bond. Jack did not try to block anything, and there were no more blackouts. He seemed safe, but exhausted, and touched by pain and sadness. There was concern and longing, as well, leaving Ianto even more confused and worried. If Jack was back in that time, where was he? Had he returned to the Hub and found it empty? And why did he seem so different and unwell?

When the team finally returned to Cardiff, they were shocked to learn that the American President had been killed, as well as the British Prime Minister. Ianto was almost certain their wild goose chase to the Himalayas must have had something to do with it, but he was too tired to try and understand. They checked in at the Hub, and Ianto was disappointed to find that Jack was not there in spite of the return of their bond. They didn't stay, but quickly stumbled home with vague promises to eventually come in to work in the morning.

No one did. Ianto slept for twelve hours straight, his dreams haunted by metal spheres, laughing as they destroyed the world.

* * *

When they returned the following day, it was business as usual: Weevils to track down, phone messages to return, reams of paperwork, a Rift alert in Morganstown that kept them out well into the night, and finally a blowfish hopped up on cocaine running amok with a sports car. They were still exhausted from the long flight back from the east and wanted nothing more than to go back to the Hub and head home, but they dutifully turned the SUV around and started tracking the blowfish.

For the first time in days Ianto felt something more than pain and exhaustion through the bond. He felt excitement. He wondered if Jack was about to leave again, to time travel with the Doctor, and tried to set himself for the moment the bond shattered. His mind tingled as he faced down the blowfish; when the kill shot rang out from behind him and he turned to find Jack standing there, he couldn't have been more shocked.

"Hey, kids. Did you miss me?"

It was surreal, and Ianto was struck again by a splash of strange images—of the metal spheres that had been haunting his dreams, of innocent lives cut down in cold blood, of a madman cackling in glee—and he turned away, flustered by Jack's return and the visions that mysteriously accompanied it.

Jack frowned and Ianto felt concern through the bond, but there was no time for personal reconnections. They had a crime scene to deal with and a traumatized family to Retcon. After cleaning up the house and leaving the family in the best way they could, they drove the body of the blowfish back to the Hub in silence, each stunned in their own way by Jack's unexpected appearance. Ianto felt Owen watching him closely and half-wished the doctor didn't know about the  _animoré_ bond.

Things didn't settle down at the Hub either, as everyone had questions for Jack, and Jack was exceptionally evasive in answering them. Ianto wanted to both corner Jack in private and demand more answers, and avoid him for as long as possible to escape what would undoubtedly be a difficult conversation. Fortunately, the Rift alert went off again, and they were all back in the SUV, investigating the death of a man at a car park.

And then Jack left them again. He exchanged a look with Ianto, as if hoping for his understanding or approval, but Ianto didn't know what was going on, what to say or do. He shrugged, feeling Jack's disappointment and worry in response. But Jack left anyway, and of course they followed him this time, only to run into one of Jack's former lovers.

Ianto knew that he had a tendency toward jealously, consequence of his own doubts and insecurities, but John Hart rubbed him wrong for all kinds of reasons. He was pompous, vulgar, untrustworthy, and obviously gunning for Jack—whether to shag him or shoot him or both. Ianto tried very hard to hide his feelings from Jack, however, going so far as to block the bond between them. He wasn't sure how he knew what to do, he just did; it was simple, like closing an invisible door to the imaginary room where his _animoré_ resided. Jack glanced at him in shocked surprise.

When Jack paired them up to investigate the office building for Hart's bombs, Ianto knew he couldn't avoid talking with Jack any longer. Jack, however, didn't ask him about the bond. Instead, he alternated between coordinating on the comms with the others, and asking Ianto about how things had gone while he'd been away, particularly their trip to the Himalayas. Ianto told him everything, leaving out only the part about the strange visions he'd had on the mountain and his dreams ever since. He didn't understand what they were and didn't feel ready to talk about it with anyone.

"You did good," Jack murmured. He fell silent until they arrived at the office and began searching for the bomb. Then he made one of his typical innuendo-laden comments, but Ianto sensed Jack was trying too hard, and it fell flat. He was quiet for a moment, before speaking again.

"How are you, Ianto?" he asked, sounding both exceptionally serious and unusually apprehensive.

"All the better for having you back, sir," Ianto replied truthfully. Even if he was hurt and confused and not sure what to do now that Jack was back, he was glad. Nothing had been the same without him, and adjusting to life without the  _animoré_ bond had been hard.

"Can we maybe drop the sir, now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking…maybe we could, when this is all done…dinner? A movie? " Jack looked like he was hiding behind a pillar, and he actually sounded nervous. Ianto tried to hide his surprise. What had happened to Jack that he had lost so much confidence? And what had changed his mind about being together if he was now asking Ianto on a date?

Unsure what to say but unwilling to say no, Ianto tried to deflect. "Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."

"Ianto," Jack started, but Ianto held up a hand and he stopped. Jack sighed. "Looks like we're gonna have to go through every drawer, bin, and plant pot."

Ianto was rattled, but determined not to show it. He turned away and started looking for the bomb, though he knew perfectly well he wouldn't find it under a file folder. "Right, okay. I'll do this floor. Don't want you getting overexcited. And you take the roof. You're good on roofs."

Jack looked skeptical, but nodded and turned to leave. Yet there was one question Ianto needed answered in order to continue. "Jack? Why are we helping him?" He didn't trust John Hart, and suspected Jack didn't either, and he needed to know there was a good reason to be running around the city looking for Hart's bombs.

Jack's face hardened. "He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone." Ianto sighed and nodded. It made sense, but still didn't tell him much. What kind of reminder, a good one or a bad one? What kind of past?

"By the way," Jack asked, turning around at the door. "Was that a yes?"

"Yes," Ianto replied without thinking, running a hand through his hair as he turned away. "Yes."

"Then why are you blocking the bond?"

Ianto whirled around. "What?"

"I can tell, you know. You learned how to block it while I was gone. Are you that angry at me?"

"No." It was an honest answer, but Jack clearly didn't believe him. "Jack, I knew you would leave one day. I don't begrudge you leaving, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt—physically and emotionally."

"So you don't want to feel the bond anymore?" Jack asked quietly.

"Yes," Ianto replied. "No, it's not that. I'm not angry, not really…only things were strained before you left, and you kissed me in front of the entire team only to run off with the Doctor without a word. It was hard, moving on, and now you've come back four months later only to have a psychopathic former lover show up on your heels. It's confusing, and I don't trust him, and I—"

"Good," Jack interrupted. "Don't trust him. But you don't have to keep that from me. You don't have to keep anything from me." He stepped back toward Ianto and reached out toward him. "Please let me back in."

Ianto closed his eyes. "When he's gone. I can't focus otherwise. I'm not used to this after living without it for so long."

"Okay," Jack nodded. "Fair enough. Can we talk when this is over? Just us, not the team." He cocked his head to the side. "Do they know?"

"Know what?" Ianto asked, realizing too late what Jack meant. "Right, that. Sort of. Owen knows, he figured it out after Abaddon. Tosh suspects, but Gwen hasn't a clue, she's too wrapped up in her own life right now."

"Right." Jack nodded and wiggled his ring finger. "Nice ring. She told me no one else would have her." He sounded sad, and Ianto couldn't hold back a snort of annoyance, old resentments floating to the surface.

"Because she's still waiting for you," Ianto replied, then snapped his mouth shut. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

Jack studied him silently, stepped closer and raised a hand to his face, leaned in toward his lips. "I came back for you," he said, his voice crackling with emotion. "You are my soulmate, the one I want to be with for as long as we have together."

Their lips met, tentatively at first, then with growing passion as Ianto relished the feeling of kissing Jack once more. Without even thinking of the consequences, he relaxed the block he'd somehow set up, enjoying the bond grow between them. Yet even as Jack's passion and longing rolled over him, Ianto was also flooded with more unbidden images, of running and fighting and blood and pain. He felt the scratch of a beard on his face, stabs of hunger pain in his belly, the hot prick of a knife in his thigh. With a gasp, he pulled away from Jack, eyes wide as he shook his head, trying to deny what he'd seen and felt.

"What happened while you were gone?" he whispered.

Jack stared at him, his concern flowing in waves through the bond. Ianto threw up the block, shutting the door once more and wondering again how he knew what to do, then moved away to begin searching for the mysterious bomb.

"Never mind," he said, determined to remain calm. "We need to stay focused, figure this out first."

Jack was frowning at him, but nodded. "Then we talk. I want to tell you what happened, make this right."

"Fine."

With one last look of worry, Jack turned and left through the double doors. As soon as they shut, Ianto kicked the nearest filing cabinet and swore. Jack was back, and wanted to be with him—why was this so hard? What was happening to him? How could he do something he'd been unable to do before? And why was he having apocalyptic visions of death and destruction?

* * *

After they'd sent John Hart through the Rift again,  _good riddance_ , time reset and Jack informed them that they therefore needed to avoid themselves. He suggested they spend the night at the Park Plaza, and kept looking at Ianto, as if hoping for some sort of response or invitation. Ianto simply nodded in dull agreement and joined the team, though he knew perfectly well they'd all been working so hard that day that he could go back to his flat to avoid himself. It would have given him a chance to think through things.

Owen asked for help in dressing his gunshot wound, which was apparently more of an opportunity for him to fire a dozen questions at Ianto.

"Did he tell you where he went?" the doctor asked while Ianto handed him a wet cloth and then a dry one to clean his injury. Ianto shook his head.

"Did he say why he came back?" Owen continued. "Other than for you? And then the rest of us?"

Another shake of the head. "Did you talk at all?" the doctor demanded. "Or did you shag all the way to that office block?"

That got to him. "Don't be ridiculous," Ianto snapped. "I'm not about to jump into bed with him twenty-four hours after he's just got back from god knows where."

"Why not?" Owen smirked and motioned for a clean dressing, purchased at a local chemist. "He's your soulmate, isn't he?"

"Sod off," Ianto muttered.

"I'm serious," Owen said, not looking at Ianto as he covered his wound. "You still have the bond, right? You said it came back, when we were in the bloody Himalayas. You've not said anything since."

"What do you want me to say?" Ianto asked dryly. "Did you want me to describe it hour by hour?"

"I don't want to know what Jack Harkness is thinking,  _eve_ r," Owen replied with a grimace. "Did you feel him die, when Hart killed him?"

Ianto glanced at the floor, his jaw tight. Of course he had. It hadn't been debilitating, since he'd been blocking the bond again, but he'd been driving the SUV to track down the others and had felt the pinprick that told him Jack had died. And when Jack had returned, Ianto had offered relief and reassurance, then shut the door in his mind once more when he knew Jack was all right.

"Yes," he finally said. He did not tell Owen that even though he hadn't blacked out, he'd experienced visions of Jack dying, over and over. They haunted his mind behind his eyelids, and he wondered yet again if it had happened to Jack while he was gone, or if was going to happen soon.

Owen looked up. "You all right?"

"I'm fine," Ianto told him. "Not used to him being around again, especially up here." He tapped his temple and offered a half smile. "Could probably use a good massage."

"We all could, so I'm glad Jack's paying." Owen rummaged in his medical kit and took out some pills, popped several of them dry, and grimaced. It triggered a thought in Ianto's mind.

"You know how I have these blackouts when Jack dies?" he asked the doctor. Owen nodded. "Is there something that might help with the physical symptoms, the blackouts and seizures and such? A pill, maybe?"

"I don't think medical science will ever completely understand the  _animoré_  bond," Owen replied. "Especially your messed up one."

"I don't mean drugs for the bond itself, but the symptoms I experience when Jack dies. I know that it's uniquely unusual, but maybe…" He wracked his brain, trying to follow the random thought as it zigzagged around. It was like trying to remember something from a long time ago. "Aren't there drugs that actually prevent seizures? Like for epilepsy?"

Owen glanced at him in surprise. "That's not a half bad idea. I can look into it when we get back to the Hub, since I don't usually carry anti-convulsants in my back pocket." He raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean you want to keep the bond? When we first talked about it you mentioned breaking it off, but then Jack left."

"And he might leave again," Ianto said quietly. "So I don't know. It was only a thought, the medication."

Owen stood and put a hand on his shoulder. "He came back, Ianto. That means something. You should talk to him now that he's here."

There was a pounding on the door before Ianto could respond. He hurried to answer, and Tosh and Gwen came tumbling into the room, giggling like mad.

"Jack flirted with the spa staff to get us every treatment in the book," Gwen exclaimed. "And some I'd never heard of."

"Probably kinky, knowing him," Owen grumbled.

"Are you coming, Ianto?" Toss asked. Ianto glanced around to find everyone watching him, especially Owen.

"Of course," he said. "I'm still all locked up from that flight. Let's go avoid ourselves in style."

Gwen laughed again and took his elbow as they left for the spa. Jack met them there, and they enjoyed a day of massages and facials and general relaxing. They sipped cocktails by the pool and ate until they were groaning with overindulgence in the dining room. Ianto didn't have a chance to talk to Jack privately, and he was glad. The visions he'd had three times now were confusing, and he wasn't sure how to ask Jack about it. He wanted to figure it out first.

Jack had checked them into the only two available suites, one for the women and one for the men. Owen covertly offered to sleep on the girls' sofa, but Ianto pointed out that he was injured and could use a proper bed. Owen rolled his eyes and accused him of avoiding Jack. Ianto ignored him, claimed the other bed, and fell asleep almost immediately.

He dreamed of the end of the world, and woke even more tired and confused than before.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And once again things take an unexpected turn, though it will wring a few more chapters out of this crazy story with a mind of its own! Thank you so much for the kind words on Chapter Eight, as I was rather unsure of it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Ianto managed to avoid being alone with Jack for several days. It wasn't hard; after the time shift, the Rift was unstable and the Weevils came out in droves. They were all run off their feet, taking shifts to go home for much needed rest. Yet every time Ianto managed to fall into bed, he dreamt of the end of the world. He slept poorly, and grew more and more anxious about his visions.

Much like he had before he'd left, Jack finally cornered Ianto in the archives a week after they'd returned to the Hub. Ianto was trying to find any reference to a strange word he kept hearing in his dreams, Toclafane, though he'd had no luck and was beginning to wonder if perhaps he really was going insane and the visions meant nothing. He was muttering to himself when Jack came up behind him.

"You know what they say about people who talk to themselves," Jack teased. Ianto turned and raised an eyebrow.

"That we usually get the right answer that way?" he replied. Jack grinned.

"I like that. What're you looking for that's got you so focused we haven't seen you for hours?"

Ianto shut the file drawer he'd been digging through with no results and shrugged. "Just some things I've been curious about. Not having much luck, though."

"Anything I can help with?" Jack asked, and Ianto shook his head. For some reason, he still did not want to tell Jack about his dreams or his search for answers. He was used to fending for himself, to dealing with things on his own, and this was no different.

"Nope, but I'll let you know if I need anything, or find something," Ianto added. "Anything I can do for you down here?" He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

"Well, other than the obvious," Jack grinned. "Yes. How about talking to me? We haven't had a minute alone since John left."

"It's been busy."

"You've been avoiding me. Again."

Ianto sighed and leaned against his desk. "I'm sorry, but it really has been non-stop since you got back. I guess I haven't had a chance to process everything."

Jack nodded. "I understand. I needed a few days myself. How can I help?"

"I don't know," Ianto replied. "I really don't."

Jack glanced away, then met his eyes. "What are you thinking? About us?"

"I have no idea what to think about us," Ianto admitted. "To be honest, I was ready to sever the bond after you came back from 1941." Jack's face blanched, but he nodded and Ianto continued. "But then the Rift fell apart, and suddenly you were gone. Now you're back, and you're different, and I don't know how that fits into everything else that's happened."

"I don't want to sever the bond," Jack said, his voice firm. "I want to be with you, and I will do whatever I have to do to convince you. Just tell me what you want, what you need."

Ianto pursed his lips, considered all the questions he wanted to ask. Where had Jack gone? What had happened to him? Why had he come back after four months? Instead, he found himself dwelling on something more immediate, more personal. "Why did you change your mind?" he asked. "When you came back after Abaddon, why did you say…what you said?"

"I changed my mind because after everything that happened with Bilis Manger and the Rift, there was one thing I realized more than anything. That no matter what happened to me or where I ended up, this was my home, because you were here, and that living without you was not something I wanted to do. All I could think about when I faced Abaddon was getting back to you, being with you."

"Why did you take Gwen, then?" Ianto asked, more curious than resentful as he'd long suspected the answer.

"Because I knew you would feel it, and I didn't want you to see it. I wanted you to be safe," Jack said. Ianto nodded; he'd been right, though it had still felt like being set aside. "And Gwen knew I would come back, but Tosh and Owen didn't. They would have tried to talk me out of it."

"So would I," Ianto murmured.

"I'm sorry I left so abruptly," Jack continued. "But the Doctor arrived and you were out, and I had to go. I had to know what happened to me, if he could fix me."

Jack's face was a portrait of sadness and disappointment. "What did he say?" Ianto asked quietly, then held up his hand. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"There's nothing he can do." Jack shrugged, trying to appear casual and unconcerned, though Ianto could see how devastated he felt. "I'm an impossible thing, he said, connected to the Time Vortex forever. A fixed point in time. Immortal."

"If you're connected to the Time Vortex, why can't he break that connection to stop it?" Ianto didn't pretend to understand, and spoke before even thinking about it.

"I don't think it works like that," Jack said. "When I died, the first time, there was a woman who looked into the heart of the Doctor's ship and took the Time Vortex into herself in order to stop the Daleks we were fighting. She brought me back, but she had no control over the power she was using, so she brought me back forever. There's nothing the Doctor can do to reverse that."

"I'm sorry," Ianto murmured, unable to imagine the other man's pain. Jack would live for eternity; not for the first time, Ianto wondered what it meant for them. "I know you were hoping he could help."

Jack was silent for a moment, before he took a deep breath and spoke. "Look, I know what I said about not being together, but I had a lot of time to think while I was gone this past year. I realized I was wrong. I don't care if I'm immortal and you're not. I want this for as long as I can have it. I want you."

Ianto stopped listening after he heard the words 'over the last year'. Images appeared, of Cardiff destroyed, the world in ruins. It had only been four months for Ianto, but apparently Jack had been gone far longer. Jack had been gone for a year. He had seen the future. Did that mean the end of the world was nigh? Was that what Ianto was seeing, the things Jack had experienced in the future?

"Ianto?" asked Jack, shaking his shoulder. "Ianto, are you okay?"

Ianto shook his head, then nodded to reassure Jack he was fine. "You were gone for a year?"

"Ah," said Jack, too late realizing his slip. "Well, yes. I know it wasn't a year for you, but it was for me. And I would have come back sooner, only I couldn't."

"I knew you time-traveled," Ianto said. "I felt it."

"Me too," Jack murmured, closing his eyes. "And it was awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"I'm sorry you had to go through it as well." Though he dreaded the answer, Ianto spoke again. "Did you see the future then?"

"Yes," said Jack, his voice almost a whisper. "I saw the end of the universe."

"What does that mean?" Ianto asked, frustrated and confused. "Do you know what's going to happen, here, to us, in the future?"

"I don't," Jack replied. "The immediate future is always changing. But I saw things, terrible things, and the only thought that got me through them was knowing you were safe and alive."

"You were captured," Ianto said, his voice flat. "Captured and tortured." Visions—or perhaps they really were memories—appeared in his mind's eye, of a ship floating through the sky, of a madman laughing with evil glee as he ordered the death of millions, of a tin-can dinner with a beautiful woman who promised to stop the madman and save Jack. These were his memories, not Jack's. His.

"I—" Jack frowned. "How do you know? You couldn't have felt it."

"I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice," Ianto lied. One part of his mind screamed at him to tell Jack that yes, he had felt it every time Jack had died, and that he  _remembered_. But another part of his mind refused, unable to believe that he had lived an entire year he barely remembered.

Jack didn't reply. He frowned as he studied Ianto's face, as if searching for a lie. "Yes," he finally admitted. "I was held prisoner for a year. I can't talk about it, though. Not really."

"Because it happened in the future?" Ianto asked. "Does that mean you'll have to go through it again?"

"No," Jack said slowly. "Not the future, not exactly. And it won't happen again because the man who held us prisoner is dead. Ianto, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Ianto replied. "I'm just trying to understand."

Jack took a deep breath. "I spent the last year living in a paradox," he said. "I can't talk about it because it's complicated, and it was hard, and I'm pretty sure it's classified now," he added with a forced attempt at levity.

"Right," Ianto nodded. "Of course. A classified paradox." Something was trying to come together in his mind, but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Yet he knew it must have something to do with the strange visions and memories he kept experiencing, and he needed to figure it out.

"Look," said Jack. "Why don't we go out for that dinner? If you're tired, we can postpone the movie, but there's a new French place I'd like to try, and we can talk more, I promise."

Ianto's self-preservation instinct kicked in; he wasn't ready to go on a date with Jack, not after everything he'd learned. He needed time to understand the visions he kept remembering from a year spent living a paradox. "I can't," he lied. "I'm having tea with my mum later, she had her last treatment on Monday and I said I'd take her out to celebrate." Which was true, he'd promised to take her for her favorite fish and chips, only he still needed to call her and schedule it.

Jack sighed. "All right. Another night, then?" Ianto nodded. "I meant what I said," Jack told him. "Dinner and a movie. I came back for you because I want to be with you, and I will do anything to convince you I mean it."

"I'm getting there," Ianto replied with a small smile. Jack certainly seemed earnest, and deep down Ianto wanted to be with his soulmate. But not until he understood what was happening to him.

Jack's smile was genuinely happy. "Good! Then maybe this weekend," he said. He leaned forward and kissed Ianto, quick but passionate, and Ianto felt Jack's love and desire even though the bond was blocked. And then he was assaulted by more visions, and he pulled away with a gasp, hoping Jack would assume it was a great kiss.

Jack didn't look completely convinced, but he smiled and nodded and left the archive. Ianto closed his eyes and deliberately replayed one of the visions, trying to remember more.

It was Harold Saxon who had held Jack prisoner and tortured him. It was Harold Saxon who had destroyed the Earth.

* * *

Ianto didn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned and paced and picked up his phone half a dozen times to call Jack. It should have been easy to talk to Jack, to his soulmate—to simply ask him what had happened during the year he'd been away, to confess the strange memories that were becoming more and more real every day.

For some reason, he couldn't. Ianto knew he should tell Jack, but a part of him wanted to figure it out himself and fix it rather than cause Jack any more pain by bringing up something that had obviously been difficult. He wasn't entirely sure how Jack would respond, and wanted to know more before he was forced to tell him that he knew about Saxon and the  _Valiant_.

He went in late the next day and had just made coffee when the team went out on a call. Detective Swanson had called them to a gruesome murder scene, and Ianto was glad to be left behind. Though he had more than enough work to do, he went down to the archives with a thermos and began researching Harold Saxon.

He found nothing until he began digging deeper, and then he started to worry. Maybe he wasn't going crazy after all. Maybe there was more to Harold Saxon than a presidential assassination.

The case was intense, putting Ianto on edge. He sympathized with Beth Halloran, afraid of what other memories might be buried within him. It seemed like every time he opened his mouth something snarky came out in defense, but he couldn't help it. When he looked at Jack, he pictured him being tortured by the Prime Minister,  _the Master_ , and Ianto knew he wasn't imagining it. It had really happened. He had felt it every time Jack had died.

After placing Beth Halloran in the morgue for a second time, he begged off having dinner with Jack once more and hurried home, where he began writing down everything he had seen and remembered. It painted a bleak picture of Jack's time away, and Ianto was still terrified that it was something yet to come, a vision of the future. Jack had said it was a paradox, but what did that mean?

He tried to stay calm around Jack, but more and more memories continued to surface, and Ianto knew he'd reach the tipping point any day. He hated keeping secrets again, hated not knowing what had happened or why he was remembering it, and hating putting on the act that everything was fine, that he just needed more time to figure things out with Jack. He barely slept, wasn't hungry, and suffered increasing headaches as he grew resentful of the uncertainty and fear he lived with day to day, but kept it inside.

It was a simple silver balloon that ended the charade.

He was chasing a Weevil with Owen when he saw something in the air from the corner of his eye. Out of instinct he raised his gun and took the shot, blowing it to bits. There were screams from all around him as people began running. Owen yanked the gun from his hands, swearing at him as called for Jack and Gwen on the comms. Ianto babbled an apology, his hands shaking as he sank to the curb. Owen took his pulse, shined a light in his eyes, asked him a dozen questions Ianto couldn't hear. All he could think about were dozens of metal spheres descending on Cardiff, floating between the buildings, laughing as they flew by, arbitrarily killing and maiming as they went. He'd been there, watched his city die for refusing to give in to the Master. It was as real as running through the streets after a Weevil. Ianto knew it had happened, but why didn't anyone else remember? Why did he? And why did his head hurt so badly?

"What's wrong?" demanded Jack, running up to them with Gwen behind. "Is he hurt?"

"He's losing it, that's what," Owen snapped. "He fired into the crowd, deliberately shot up some kid's balloon, and practically collapsed afterward."

Jack immediately turned to Gwen. "Crowd control. Get Tosh on a cover story. Go." Gwen hurried off as Jack kneeled before Ianto and took his hands. "What happened? What did you see?"

"I thought I saw one of them," Ianto murmured. "I thought they were back."

"Who?" asked Jack.

"The Toclafane," Ianto whispered. Jack went pale, his hands tightening around Ianto's fingers.

"No," he said. "No, you shouldn't know about them."

"I remember," Ianto replied, closing his eyes. "I remember the end of the world."

"Ianto!" Jack called, grasping him by the shoulders and shaking him, making the ache in his head even worse. "It's over. The world didn't end. They're all gone, and you're safe."

"But what if they come back?" Ianto asked. "It's the future I'm remembering, isn't it? The one you lived for a year."

"No," said Jack, his eyes wide and frightened. "No, I told you—it was a paradox. It shouldn't have happened, but it did, only we reversed it so it didn't! This shouldn't be happening!"

"Jack, what the hell is going on?" Owen demanded. "His pulse is racing, his eyes are dilated, he's pale and clammy—he's going into some sort of emotional shock. I need to get him back to the Hub."

Jack helped Ianto stand up, didn't even look back as they left the scene. "Let's go, then."

"It was a balloon," said Ianto as they walked toward the SUV. "I killed a little girl's balloon. Is she okay?"

"She's fine, and Gwen will handle it," Jack soothed him. "You were having some sort of flashback or something. We'll fix it. Right now we need to get back to the Hub and take care of you."

Ianto sighed. "I can take care of myself. I did for a year. I survived, until I was alone at the very end."

"I know," Jack said softly. "Martha told me."

"Martha Jones, the woman who walked the earth," Ianto murmured. "She really did save us, didn't she?"

"She did," Jack replied with another frown. "Although I don't understand how you can remember!"

"My head hurts," Ianto whispered, pressing a hand to his head as they reached the car. "So many memories, and none of them good. It hurts."

"I'll give you the good drugs as soon as we get back," Owen said. "Jack, sit with him in case he gets sick or passes out. I don't like the looks of him."

"You're no beauty yourself, Owen," Ianto returned, earning a chuckle from both men.

"At least your sense of humor is still intact," Jack said. "We'll figure this out. I promise." He leaned closer. "If you stop blocking me, maybe I can help."

Ianto glanced sideways at him and nodded. He relaxed, opening the door to his  _animoré,_  and immediately felt Jack within his mind, surrounding him with comfort and strength. With a sigh of longing, Ianto relaxed into it, and decided that maybe everything would be okay with Jack by his side helping him through it all.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am no longer in control of this story. I have no idea what is going to happen when I start typing. I only know where I want to go at this point. That may sound ridiculous and scary, but I have every confidence that the universe will show me the way. It's just having more fun than usual surprising me with this one. Many thanks to Taamar and DinoDina for helping me try to figure it all out!


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

When Ianto was once again aware of his surroundings, he was back in the Hub, lying on a cold autopsy table. Having been there before, he didn't panic, especially since he could feel Jack in his mind, a steady presence trying to reassure him that he was going to be okay. Ianto would have believed him, if it weren't for Jack's own confusion and fear.

He laid still with his eyes closed for a moment, listening to the conversation nearby. He must have fallen asleep in the SUV, for it sounded as if he'd been back long enough for Owen to run tests; he wondered how he'd got back into the Hub if he'd been out like a light.

"I can't explain it, Jack," said the doctor quietly, somewhere to his right. "His brain is lit up compared to what I've got on file—there are notable differences in his amygdala, hippocampus, and frontal lobes."

"Which means what?" Jack asked.

"Multiple personalities?" Owen suggested dryly. "Only he doesn't have any symptoms, and there's no medical evidence that alters present with their own brain wave patterns anyway. I'd suggest alien possession but again—there's no other signs or symptoms." There was a pause. "Although it might explain the stopwatch fetish."

Thankfully Jack ignored him. "What else could it be?"

Owen blew out a breath. "He had a touch of PTSD last year, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it's worsened quickly and dramatically. He said he remembered something—is it something traumatic he might have repressed? Something that was triggered by the balloon?"

Jack sighed. "No, not repressed…something that happened but didn't really happen. Bit like our reset after John Hart left. We were right there at the Rift opening when it happened, so we remember everything. No one else remembers anything."

"You're saying there was a time reset that none of us remember except you and now Ianto?"

"Yes."

"Bullshit."

"It happened while I was gone. You were probably in the Himalayas, but you wouldn't have noticed it anyway."

So that was when the paradox had ended and time reset, when Ianto had felt that strange shift in reality after the avalanche. Which meant everything he'd seen when he'd fallen to his knees had really happened, and everything he'd seen since…Tosh leaving them, Owen's death, the pain and hunger, death and destruction. Harold Saxon really had taken over the world, and no one knew anything about it.

They were lucky.

"How did you find out about this?" Jack asked quietly. "About us?"

"Well, it's not like you two thought to tell us or anything," Owen replied sarcastically. "But Ianto'd had some funny spells, headaches and such, and they always seemed to happen when you were in trouble. When you went back to 1941, when you faced Abaddon, when you were lying dead in the morgue. I chalked it up to some sort of stupid tech accident knowing this place. Never thought it could be a soulmate bond."

Ianto imagined Jack smiling, because the tone of his voice softened. "I never thought I'd have one, given how long I've been around. And I never dreamed it was with someone right here in Cardiff, someone I'd known for months."

"How did you figure it out? Given the rather unusual circumstances of Ianto's early tenure here." Owen was no doubt making a face; he never tried to hide his resentment over Lisa.

"I had a few suspicions that night, but didn't realize it was really Ianto until we came back from the Beacons. And boy, was he unhappy about it." Jack laughed softly, and Ianto smiled to himself, remembering that night and how angry, yet confused, he had been.

"I can only guess it had something to do with shooting his girlfriend," Owen drawled. "Never mind you being his boss and the biggest flirt this side of London."

"Points for all three, probably," Jack replied. "I didn't push it, though. He was upset, so I gave him space. Then we…well, let's just say we had a bit of an adventure that night at the Ferret. I think he changed his mind, but that's when he told me about the blackouts, and I knew it couldn't work. It would put him in too much danger."

"This job puts us in danger, Jack."

"Not to the point of blacking out in the middle of a Weevil chase," Jack pointed out. "We agreed to not pursue it. We pursued other things, but blocked the bond."

"Yeah, I don't need to know about those other things, but how do you block an  _animoré_ bond? I've never heard of such a thing."

"It's something I learned in my time, where I'm from. To protect ourselves from trauma, I suppose. Or for privacy, perhaps. In the future, soulmate pairs still bond for life, but often form other relationships as well."

There was a moment of silence. "I don't think Ianto's the type to go for that sort of thing, you know."

Ianto almost sat up in astonishment at Owen's insight alone. He wasn't surprised that Jack came from a more open time; it certainly explained a lot about his general attitude toward sex and relationships. Yet he hadn't considered the possibility that even with an  _animoré_ bond, open relationships with others were accepted by some. Owen was absolutely right that Ianto did not understand the concept nor want to practice such a thing, but he wondered if he could ask Jack to change so fundamental a belief. Then again, his own sense of loyalty and commitment had been bred into him, and he wasn't sure he could comprise his own beliefs either.

"I know," Jack said. "I'm not stupid, nor am I as loose as I look. I do understand things like monogamy and commitment."

"And is that what you want with Ianto now?"

"Yes, although I'm not sure why I'm talking about this with you and not him?"

Ianto pictured Owen shrugging. "I'm just trying to get some background for whatever might be going on here. Ianto said the bond broke the moment you left. "

"It did," Jack admitted. "And it's one of the most painful things you can imagine. But it returned when I came back to this time."

"When we were in the mountains? Ianto said you died."

"Yes," Jack replied. "And that's when things got a little weird."

"Did you block it when you came back to life? Using whatever futuristic technique you learned from your sex ed teacher?

Jack chuckled. "It wasn't my sex ed teacher, and no, it wasn't blocked. In fact, over time it grew stronger. I couldn't…I wasn't able to block it. Or maybe I could have, but I didn't want to. I needed it. I worried about Ianto, but he seemed all right. I don't think my deaths affected him as much. He was always there for me."

"He asked me about taking medication for the blackouts," Owen told him. "Not sure how he came up with that, unless it's something he remembered doing in the time you were gone that no one else remembers."

"Maybe he did," Jack replied. "That would explain some things, like how he stayed so strong and focused. I don't know how I would have survived without him." Jack sounded sad.

"You're connected by a strong bond, and an unusual one at that because you can die and he can feel it," said Owen after a moment. "Maybe it's no surprise then that he's remembering things he shouldn't remember. You remember them, so it could be triggering something through the bond that's causing him to remember as well."

Ianto frowned. It made sense, in an abstract way. Then again, none of them had any frame of reference for such a thing; it was nothing but a working theory. Jack had said something about being connected to the Time Vortex, whatever that was; perhaps that was a part of it as well.

"What do we do?" asked Jack. "He's having flashbacks, and he's obviously in pain. Will he always be like this?"

"I don't know," Owen replied, sounding frustrated. "Usually repressed memories are assimilated with intensive therapy, maybe drugs, but these aren't really repressed memories. They happened and then, what? They unhappened?"

"Something like that," Jack replied.

"So there's a wonky time element that could mess things up if one set of memories tries to override the other set." He paused. "Because both sets of memories technically happened or are happening at the same time, so it's possible they can't coexist within his brain, and it simply shuts down."

"Shuts down?" Jack asked, sounding alarmed.

"It's either that or it goes haywire—he keeps having flashbacks, essentially living in two times until he can't function rationally," Owen replied. "I'm out of my league, here, Jack. I'm not a trained neurologist, and you throw in the added bonus of time shifts and soulmate bonds, and I can only guess at this. It might help if I knew more about this reset."

Ianto again resisted the urge to sit up, but listened carefully from his bed. It was relatively comfortable, and though his head wasn't as sore as it had been earlier, he wasn't in any hurry to move. He could lay quietly with his eyes closed and try to make sense of what was happening on his own.

"When I left with the Doctor, we traveled to another time, where we met one of the Doctor's old enemies. This man came back to Earth and created a sustained, living paradox—"

"See, you've lost me already!" Owen interrupted. "What the hell does that even mean? A living paradox?"

Jack blew out a long breath. "He created a machine that allowed a paradox to form and continue existing without canceling itself out—think of the grandfather paradox. You go back and kill your grandfather, only that means you were never born so you can't go back and kill your grandfather. It's a paradox, and it can't really happen because time corrects itself. This man created a machine that allowed him to go back and, in effect, kill his grandfather, but it sustained the original timeline so everything continued as if he hadn't. Only he did it on a global scale."

There was silence. Ianto tried to piece together his memories with what Jack was telling Owen. Obviously the man he was talking about was Harold Saxon, the Master. He'd built a machine which allowed him to create the paradox that enabled his takeover of the planet. Ianto suspected it had something to do with the Toclafane. It must. But how?

"All right," said Owen. "I get the basic Star Trek reference, but what happened after that?"

"The paradox allowed this man to do terrible things, until one year later we finally managed to destroy the machine he'd created to keep it all in place. And then time reset to the point where he'd first activated it. It was like none of it had ever happened."

"We don't remember this year because it reset, but you still do?" Owen asked. "Why? Something to do with your special ability?"

"No," said Jack. "It's because I was there at the heart of it. I destroyed the machine. Everyone who was there at the moment that time reset remembers, including me."

"And Ianto," said Owen. "But he wasn't there, was he?"

"He wasn't," Jack replied. "Like I said, I think it happened while you were in the Himalayas."

"Is there a connection?" asked Owen. "I never did understand why we went on that damn goose chase."

"It got you out of the way," Jack replied, sounding weary. "So that when the paradox started, you couldn't fight back against it."

"Brilliant," Owen muttered. "All right. No one remembers this year, but are the memories actually there inside our brains? Could there be other people be having the same issue as Ianto with memories breaking through?"

Ianto imagined Jack giving a helpless shrug based on the tone of his voice. "I really don't know, Owen. I doubt it, though. I think time snapped back and erased the entire year from existence. No one should remember except those of us right there when it happened."

"So…" Owen was clearly trying to figure it out. "You remember something that didn't happen from the universe's point of view, because you still experienced it even if didn't happen. And now Ianto remembers as well."

"Yes. I don't know why, but what do we do about it?"

"Hell if I know," Owen sighed. "Wait and see, I guess. Maybe he just needs time to process the memories and work them into his psyche somehow. Does he know what happened during this paradox year? Because if he doesn't, it's going to be harder. Too much confusion may muddle his brain even more."

There was sadness in Jack's voice when he spoke. "I don't know how much he remembers, or what he understands. We haven't had a chance to talk about it since I got back. I had no idea he was going through this."

"Ah," Owen said, sounding like he understood. "He's been avoiding you, hasn't he?"

"Yes," Jack replied. "And I've tried to talk to him, I  _want_  to talk to him, but he hasn't been letting me in. He obviously learned how to block the bond, and remembered, because he's been blocking it since the night I got back."

"He's protecting himself," Owen said. "If he's been remembering things, he's probably confused and wondering what the hell is going on. As soon as he wakes up, I think you need to tie him down and tell him what's going on."

"I'm awake," said Ianto. "And you don't need to tie me down."

He glanced over at the two men. Owen actually appeared somewhat sheepish, while Jack hurried over, looking concerned. Expecting innuendo, he was surprised when Jack took his hand instead. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Ianto replied. "Head still hurts, but not as bad. What did you give me?"

"The good stuff, just like I promised," said Owen. "Along with an antiemetic. You were sick in the car."

"Oh." Ianto didn't remember anything about the car ride; the pain must have been bad. "Thanks. And sorry. Did someone—"

"Tosh took it to be cleaned and then help Gwen at the scene."

Ianto sighed. "Shit. I shot a balloon. How are they going to cover that up?"

"Don't worry about it," Jack told him. "Not your problem."

"The Weevils?"

"If they're still around, they can run them down, too."

Ianto sighed. "That leaves me and my mental breakdown."

Jack looked pained. "That's not what's happening. You're not going crazy."

"I'm remembering something that didn't actually happen," Ianto pointed out. "Isn't that the definition of crazy?"

"But it did happen," Jack said. "To me."

"But not to me," Ianto replied. "Which means we're back to me remembering something that didn't happen. Crazy."

Jack let go of his hand and tucked his hands into his pockets. "You're not crazy. I think the things that you're remembering did happen to you, but in another timeline."

"The paradox," Ianto replied. "The one you lived for a year."

"Yes," Jack nodded. "What I don't understand is how you're remembering it. You weren't there at the heart of it when it ended and time reset. You shouldn't remember."

Ianto closed his eyes, trying to shut away the nightmarish images. "I'm not sure I want to," he whispered. He felt Jack turn away.

"Owen, can we have some privacy?"

Ianto started to sit up, wondering what Jack wanted to tell him that he needed Owen to leave. The doctor nodded. "Yeah, but the girls could be back soon, and there goes your makeout session. I'd suggest taking teaboy home."

"Really?" Jack asked with a frown. "He shouldn't stay here at the Hub?"

"I'd recommend peace and quiet and rest, and he's not going to get that here," Owen replied with a shrug. "And since you're the only one who remembers this mysterious year, Jack, you need to go through it, figure out why he does too."

"What will you tell Tosh and Gwen?" Ianto asked quietly. He felt strange enough with Owen knowing something was wrong; he didn't want the others to know the details, since Gwen in particular would only badger him with questions.

"I'll tell them I sent you home," Owen said. "And that if you want to tell them anything else, it's your choice."

"Thanks, Owen," Ianto replied, stepping warily onto the floor. He found he was surprisingly stable, and started slowly toward the stairs. "I appreciate it."

"It's not all good," Owen said, stopping him. "You need to stay off field duty until we figure this out, and turn in your weapon."

It was Jack who protested. "I don't see why that's necessary," he started, but Ianto stopped him.

"No, he's right," Ianto said. "I had a flashback in the field that could have killed someone. Until I know it won't happen again, I can't go out there. I can coordinate from here."

Jack sighed. "Fine. When you're up to it. Right now I'm taking you home."

Ianto nodded and followed him upstairs, still moving slowly. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, hot and heavy with all kinds of thoughts and images crashing around his skull. Some made sense, visions of his past; others were nightmares from a life he shouldn't remember but did. A part of him didn't want to learn any more than he already had, but he knew that in order to understand what was happening, he needed to finally talk to Jack about it. He needed to tell him everything, and for Jack to tell him everything in return.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's more exposition, but it's also laying some groundwork for where I think this is heading. I am trying to go with the flow and let this develop as I write rather than plan it to death. That is unusual for me, but so many new ideas keep coming to me as the story progresses that I'm trying it out. I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, when you plan it out, you know what to write toward and can lay the clues; on the other hand, going with how the characters and plot develop over the course of the story does create a feeling of surprise and anticipation. I've said it before, but there are times when I am typing and something literally comes out that I had not thought of until that moment, and that can be exciting. The possibilities I'm glimpsing in this story are exciting if they would only stop coming in bits and pieces so I can be sure it all works! So I retain the right for this to end up a hot mess due to due a bit of experimentation on my part, but hopefully it will turn out far better than I ever hoped. And that's some insight into my writing process, if you are interested!
> 
> Also, I have gone over this again and again and must point out that I am neither a medical doctor nor a temporal physicist, so I have done my best. Many thanks to Taamar for helping me think this through, and to everyone still reading!


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Ianto closed his eyes on the drive home, in part because his head was bothering him again, but also so he could gather his thoughts. In the back of his mind, he felt Jack radiating comfort, and he sent back his gratitude, that Jack was there for him and believed in him. It still didn't erase the fact that Ianto was remembering something he clearly shouldn't remember.

They didn't talk much; Tosh called to say that they'd managed to clean up the scene with few issues. She'd cleaned the SUV, and though her and Gwen hadn't had been able to run down the Weevils, everyone was all on alert in case they showed up again.

Letting Jack into the flat felt odd; he hadn't been there since before he'd left with the Doctor. Jack gazed around, and Ianto knew he was noting the changes…a new chair and television, a different arrangement, some more pictures on the walls, pillows on the sofa. Over the months Jack had been gone Ianto had tried to make his small space feel more like a home; it had helped alleviate some of the loneliness of losing his soulmate.

Ianto tossed his suitcoat on a chair and automatically went to the kitchen to make coffee. If they were going to talk, he needed the energy, as well as the crutch of a warm mug between his hands to cling to as they tried to understand what was happening. Jack made small talk about the changes to the flat as Ianto poured him a mug, until they went to the living room and settled on the sofa, silent for a moment.

"So what did you see, exactly, out there?" Jack asked as a way to start. "Or what do you think you saw, that made you draw your gun?"

"I thought it was a Toclafane," Ianto replied. "Big silver sphere, a killing machine. But I don't know what they are, exactly." He took a sip of his coffee. "Only that they obeyed the Master."

Jack's eyes slipped closed and he clutched the mug tightly. "Yes," he said quietly. "They were his servants, his army. They came back in time with him."

"I heard you talking to Owen," Ianto said after a moment. "You were talking about Harold Saxon, weren't you?"

Jack's eyes flew open in surprise. "You know?" he asked.

"I remember," Ianto replied. "Or I'm remembering more and more, and starting to put things together. If what you say is true, and these really are my memories and not delusions."

"Owen wondered if you're somehow picking up my memories through the bond," Jack said.

"I remember things about Tosh, and Gwen, and Owen, things that happened here on Earth. You said you were held prisoner for a year, so I must be remembering things that happened to me." Ianto sighed in frustration, setting down his mug and running a hand through his hair. "Only I don't understand what it is I keep seeing, or why I'm seeing it, if it didn't really happen."

"I know," Jack said. "I'm sorry. I meant what I said when I told you it was complicated, and difficult."

"And classified?" Ianto offered dryly.

"Actually, yes," Jack replied. "I'm not the only one who was there and knows what happened. It has the highest security clearance possible; not even the new Prime Minster has been told, as far as I know."

Ianto was quiet for a moment. "How did they think they could keep such a thing secret?" he asked. "An entire year that you lived and remember when no one else does?"

"I suspect the consequences for talking are severe," Jack replied. "That or UNIT wiped their memories. The Doctor vouched for me and Martha, but we still had to sign all sorts of paperwork."

Ianto smiled as vague memories of the beautiful dark-skinned woman came back. "Martha Jones. I met her, you know."

"I know," Jack smiled in return. "She liked you. A lot. But we should start at the beginning."

Ianto kicked off his shoes and tucked one leg under him. "Harold Saxon was the man who came back in time, the Doctor's enemy—the Master. He set the paradox."

"Yes," Jack nodded in surprise again. "How long were you awake at the Hub?" he asked with a laugh.

"I heard most of your conversation," Ianto admitted. "But I'm trying to put it together with what I remember, and it's hard."

"Right." Jack took a deep breath and began his story. He told Ianto about his trip on the TARDIS, about landing in the distant future on Malcassairo, about meeting the Doctor with a new face. He talked about how different the new man was, except for when it came to getting in trouble. They'd immediately become involved with a colony of lost humans looking for refuge in Utopia, led by a man named Professor Yana.

"I think our presence somehow triggered his memory. He was a Time Lord, hiding as a human at the end of the universe. When he remembered who he really was—the Master—he reverted back to his original self and stole the TARDIS. He came back to Earth, where he set himself up as Harold Saxon and won the election."

Ianto shook his head. "And we never knew. How is it possible he managed to trick the entire country?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know. A lot of it had to do with the Archangel Network. He set up a system of satellites that sort of hypnotized all of Britain. It's why everyone voted for him and never thought to question it."

"We actually elected an evil Time Lord as the Prime Minister of Great Britain," Ianto said. "I even voted for him!"

"Of course you did, you hardly had a choice," Jack told him, reaching out to reassure him. "Anyway, it was Saxon who created a machine, a paradox machine, to hold the paradox in place. He used the TARDIS and—"

"Wait," Ianto said. "This is what I don't understand. You keep talking about this paradox, but what  _is_  the paradox?"

Ianto felt Jack's fear and disgust through the soulmate bond, and it worried him. Jack was rarely rattled by things, and he was thoroughly frightened by whatever he was about to tell Ianto.

"It was the Toclafane," Jack answered, speaking softly and gazing off into the distance, his eyes haunted. "He planned first contact with them, the day it all started."

"The day he killed the American President instead?" Ianto asked, sensing there was much more to the story. It had never made sense, especially coupled with their trip to the Himalayas. Ianto knew he was about to learn a very disturbing truth.

"Harold Saxon didn't kill the president," Jack replied, turning back to him. "The Toclafane did." He took a deep breath. "Before Saxon ordered them to kill ten percent of the world's population."

Ianto sat back in shocked silence as so many of the images in his mind began to come together: the Toclafane, descending on city after city, killing as they came. Months spent running and hiding from their cold laughter. All at the whim of the Master, Harold Saxon. And yet, he still didn't understand.

"Why does the world think Harold Saxon killed the president, and his wife killed him?" Ianto asked.

"In a way, he did kill the president," Jack replied. "And his wife did shoot him, I was there. But there was an entire year in between. A paradox."

There was another long silence. "Jack, what are the Toclafane?" Ianto sensed they were the key.

"The day Harold Saxon declared first contact, he turned on the paradox machine." Jack's voice took on a flat, detached quality, as if he were merely reciting facts. "It allowed him to bring the Toclafane to Earth from the future. From the end of the universe, in fact. They were the descendants of the last humans, the ones we tried to help find Utopia. They'd devolved into child-like killing machines, and the Master was their ruler."

Ianto looked away, images of the metal spheres crashing against his mind, filling him with horror. "You mean," he whispered, "they were us." Jack swallowed and nodded. "And that's the paradox, that the descendants of the human race came back in time to kill their ancestors."

"Yes," Jack said, his voice breaking. "And they killed millions. The Master used them as his army in order to enslave the human race. He destroyed entire cities and countries, forced the rest of the population to build him thousands of rockets in his quest to conquer the rest of the galaxy."

Ianto nodded. "I saw it," he whispered. "I lived it. The entire year, until…" He trailed off, not wanting to remember, but suspecting the truth from the jagged memories. "Why do I remember it when no one else does?"

"I don't know," Jack replied. "Do you remember much about meeting Martha?"

Ianto shook his head. "Mostly fragments. She came here to Cardiff. I think she was looking for Torchwood, but all the others…anyway, I know we had dinner, deep in the Hub. She was a legend. They said she would save us all, but she didn't tell me how, not really. We talked a lot about you, I think."

Jack smiled fondly. "That's what she said. She really enjoyed your coffee!"

"She was the one who told me you were on the  _Valiant_ ," Ianto said slowly as more memories came back to him. His head was starting to hurt, but he powered through. "She was on her way to London. She said it was almost over."

"And it was," Jack nodded. "She traveled the world, but she wasn't looking for a weapon like everyone thought. She was simply telling the Doctor's story. So that at the right time, at the right moment, everyone focused their thoughts on the Doctor."

"I remember her telling me what to do," Ianto said. "But I don't remember actually doing it." He was almost certain he'd been killed before that day could arrive; he was starting to remember—being captured, and the excruciating pain not long after—though he really did not want to remember his own death.

"The power of the entire planet focusing their thoughts on the Doctor allowed him to escape. There were others on the Valiant as well who resisted the Master; we all fought back at the same moment. I destroyed the paradox machine. It reset time to the moment the Master had turned it on, which was just minutes after the American president was killed. It was easy enough to claim it was Saxon."

Jack took another deep breath and continued. "Especially when his wife shot him. He refused to regenerate like Time Lords can do. He died, and it was over. There was no proof of anything except the word of those of us there."

"What did you do then?" Ianto asked. "After it was all over?"

Jack finished his coffee before answering. "We helped with the cleanup on the  _Valiant_. Spent some time at UNIT, a day or two making sure Martha's family was all right. Then they dropped me off here, when I was ready. I thought Martha would stay with the Doctor, but she went back to London."

"So maybe I'll meet her again someday. More coffee?" Ianto asked, not sure what else to say. He knew the story, now he had to piece together his place in it.

"No thanks," Jack said. He reached out for Ianto's hand. "I want to figure this out. What else do you remember?"

Ianto blew out a long breath. Jack squeezed his hand. "I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. There's still so much more…but right now, talk to me. Tell me what you remember."

In halting sentences, Ianto began to tell him about the visions he'd been having ever since the trip to the Himalayas. About Tosh and Japan, about Gwen losing Rhys, about Owen dying before his eyes. He remembered the long journey back to Cardiff after the Toclafane first struck and how they'd found the Hub in ruins. He talked about how hard it had been to learn their families were all dead, how difficult it had been to find food and shelter. But they'd resisted, and sometimes they'd won small victories, sometimes they'd lost major battles.

As he talked, he remembered more: the pain of injury, the sting of hunger, the despair of lost hope. He remembered strengthening his bond with Jack, being hurt so badly he thought he'd lose his leg, and long lonely nights spent in the Hub. He remembered Talutha and Martha and all the others he'd met during that year. And he remembered his last day on earth, before the Toclafane had come for him and he remembered no more; he did not tell Jack about that.

Jack was silent through it all. Though he did not move physically, Ianto felt as if Jack were pulling further and further away from him with each new memory. He could sense Jack's shame and heartbreak through the bond, but also Jack's desperate attempts to hold it in check. Finally he felt the need to address Jack's increasing sense of guilt.

"It's okay," he said, hoping Jack believed him. "It's not your fault this happened, or that I'm remembering it. And it didn't happen, not really."

"But it did!" Jack exclaimed, abruptly jumping up with the pent-up agitation he'd been holding back. "It happened, and you remember it. You heard Owen—it's reflected in your brain scans, and now you're having flashbacks. And it is my fault—my fault because I left, and probably because I came back and triggered your memory." He turned and began pacing.

"It's not your fault," Ianto repeated, but Jack cut him off before he could continue.

"Yes, it is," he snapped, slashing his hand through the air. Ianto could feel Jack's anger, though it wasn't directed at him, but at Jack himself. "Everything that happened started because of something I did. When I jumped on the TARDIS, it couldn't stand to be near me. It tried to shake me off, get away. It went to the end of the universe to try to get rid of me. That's where we found the Master and triggered his memory. If I hadn't left with the Doctor that day, none of this would have happened."

"You don't know that," Ianto tried again, but was stopped once more.

"I do," he said, stopping in place with his shoulders sagging. "I spent a year in chains thinking about it. Sometimes the Master even thanked me for it."

A year in chains. Ianto remembered what Jack had said about the year he'd been gone—how he'd been unable to come back. He'd been held prisoner, tortured. And Martha had told Ianto that Jack had been on the  _Valiant_. Harold Saxon had tortured Jack on the  _Valiant_. As hard as it was to relive the memories of a horrific year spent running, hiding, fighting, and dying, Ianto had not spent that year being tortured by a madman bent on destroying the human race.

How hard was it for Jack at that moment, reliving his own year of pain and heartbreak? Ianto stood and walked over to where Jack seemed to be barely holding it together. He took both of Jack's hands and held tight.

"It's not your fault," he said yet again, willing Jack to believe him.

"I started it," Jack whispered. "I left you to find answers, and this is what happened to you. To the world—all because of me."

"You did what you had to do," Ianto told him. "You didn't know what would happen. And isn't it possible it would have happened the same way? That the Doctor would have left Earth that day and ended up on the same planet, setting into motion the same series of events?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't know. I doubt it. I'm the reason we ended up there. The TARDIS was trying to escape from me. Because the Doctor said I'm an impossible thing, wrong. "

Ianto grabbed Jack's arms and shook him lightly. "No, you're not wrong! I don't care what the Doctor told you, he's an arsehole."

"He's a Time Lord," Jack replied bitterly. "He knows."

"He knows nothing," Ianto snapped in response. "Because he doesn't know you,  _this_ you—the man who's spent over a century living and dying, fighting for his country and protecting this planet. You are not wrong!" A sound like a sob escaped Jack's throat. "Listen to me. You told me you destroyed the paradox machine, right?"

Jack nodded slowly. "I had help."

"But you destroyed the machine, yes?" Another nod. "Then maybe the universe, or the TARDIS, or whatever deity you believe in, knew it needed you. It took you to the Master so you could be there to stop him when the time came. Think about that. None of it was your fault, not when you saved the universe!"

Jack stared at him, his eyes bright, before crashing his lips to Ianto's. And for the first time in days, Ianto let himself enjoy it, fall into it. It grounded him, the physical feeling of being with Jack. He felt the fear and the tension of the last week slowly begin to melt away as they kissed, as Jack's arms came up around him, as Ianto wrapped his hands around Jack's shoulders. He let go of his doubts and embraced the bond within him, feeling it flow stronger than ever. Jack moaned and pulled him tighter.

Which was when Jack's phone went off in his pocket, startling them both. They jumped, then broke apart as it continued ringing. Jack groaned in disappointment, but Ianto motioned him to answer, backing off and running a hand through his hair. Grabbing their empty mugs, he turned and took them to the kitchen, trying to sort things in his mind. He knew what he wanted, and wanted to be with Jack, right then and there, yet he felt like they still needed answers. Why was Ianto remembering this year that never was? Was it so important at that moment that they couldn't take an hour for themselves in the bedroom?

Jack entered the kitchen, interrupting his thoughts. When Ianto turned from the sink, he knew immediately something was wrong: the look on Jack's face said it all.

"What's happened?" Ianto demanded. Jack's mouth opened and shut before he cleared his throat.

"We need to get back to the Hub," Jack said. "That was Tosh. She's picked up some readings."

"What kind of readings?"

"There was some kind of temporal spike not long ago," Jack said, watching Ianto carefully. "About the same time you shot the balloon."

Ianto frowned. It wasn't possible, was it? Had he really seen something besides a child's balloon?

"And at the same location," Jack finished, his voice low.

Ianto shook his head. "That doesn't mean anything. I saw a balloon. Owen said it was a balloon."

Jack nodded slowly, his face stoic though his eyes betrayed his fear. "Or you really saw a Toclafane. Here. In our time."

Ianto couldn't even begin to think about what that might mean, and with equal dread, left his flat to return to the Hub with Jack. He set aside his own concerns regarding his unsettled memories; if the Toclafane had returned, they would be the last of his worries, for the world might end once more.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the comments of support for this crazy endeavor. Was that last bit a surprise? Or do you see where it's going? I'm always curious how readers see something playing out. Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

The drive back to the Hub was mostly silent, until Ianto could stand it no longer; normally he was the one who maintained the silence, but now he was too agitated to bear it.

"You don't really think—" he started. Jack cut him off with a curt shake of his head.

"I'm trying not to," Jack replied.

"Because not thinking about it makes it less likely?" Ianto asked, letting the sarcasm drip clearly from his words.

"Because worrying about it won't help us deal with it," Jack said. "We'll do what we have to do."

"Jack, this is the Toclafane we're talking about," Ianto said, pitching his voice low rather than allowing the near hysteria he felt to bleed through. "What they did—"

"Is not going to happen," Jack snapped. "Not this time. We stopped them before, we'll stop them again."

Ianto nodded and stared out the window at the bay. He remembered what it had looked like in ruins, surrounded by missile silos ready to launch war across the galaxy. Closing his eyes, he pushed the image from his mind, refusing to believe that the Toclafane could be back.

Jack's phone went off and he hit the button in the car that connected it to the comms. "We're almost there," he said without preamble.

"That's good, because I picked up another temporal blip," Tosh replied. "On the Bay, right near the Hub."

Ianto's head whipped up. "Tosh?" he said, his heart suddenly racing. "Can you grab CCTV footage from the surrounding areas and see if they picked up anything?"

"I can," she replied. "Is there anything in particular I should look for?"

"Missile silos," Ianto replied quietly, avoiding Jack's eye. "See if any kind of missile silos appeared."

Jack swore softly under his breath. "And let us know if there are any more," Jack added. "Although we're only a minute or two out."

"All right, see you in a few," Tosh replied. She signed off and Jack turned toward Ianto at the next light.

"How did you know about the missile silos?" he asked. Ianto looked out the window again.

"I remember," he replied. "Cardiff was practically a ghost town by the end, nothing but slaves fitting the last of the rockets." He paused and sighed. "I thought I saw them again, or rather—I thought I was remembering them. Right before Tosh called."

Jack swore again and pulled into the car park by the Hub. "There's obviously a connection between you seeing something and Tosh picking up a blip on the monitors."

"But what kind of connection?" Ianto asked. "Is there actually something there? Or am I seeing figments of my own imagination?"

"We'll figure it out," Jack replied. "And we'll stop it." He took Ianto's hand and squeezed it so tight that Ianto was sure he'd feel it later.

When they arrived at the Hub, Jack hurried to Tosh's station while Ianto automatically moved toward the coffee machine. Jack called him back, however, and they all crowded around Tosh.

"Anything on CCTV?" Jack asked, hands folded across his chest. She shook her head.

"Sorry, Jack," she said. "I didn't find anything, and so far there've been no strange reports to emergency services."

"What about CCTV from the first blip?" Jack asked. "Have you checked?"

"No, but I can," Tosh replied. "Is there something I should be looking for?"

"Large metal spheres," Jack replied curtly. They waited as she set the algorithm in place, but nothing came up.

"That's good, right?" Gwen asked. "That there's nothing actually there?"

"No, because that only means CCTV didn't see it," Jack replied, sounding frustrated. "Ianto still did, and Tosh definitely picked up something on the monitors, right?"

"Twice now." She pulled up the readings and pointed out the anomaly. "It's a temporal blip of some kind."

"How do you know it's not something else?" asked Owen.

Tosh glanced over her shoulder. "I don't," she admitted. "But it looks like the temporal energy we picked up when John Hart went back through the Rift."

"When time reset?" asked Owen with a snort. "Maybe our other selves are avoiding us at the St. David's this time."

"Could that have happened again?" asked Gwen, sounding worried. "Without us knowing?"

Jack was chewing his thumb and glanced up in surprise. "I think we'd know, but have you compared the two, Tosh?"

Tosh pulled up another set of readings on a monitor before answering. "They're not exactly the same, no," she said. "But they're definitely both temporal in nature. Maybe..." She turned to Ianto. "You thought you saw something, in the alley, right?" When he nodded, she continued. "And you told me to look for missile silos near the second one. Maybe it's not a reset, but a leak of some kind?"

"Like after we opened the Rift?" Owen asked, and everyone turned to him. "Wasn't that what happened after we brought Jack and Tosh came back from 1941? One time leaking into another—we kept seeing and hearing things from the past. Maybe this is similar?"

Tosh stared at him before turning back to her monitors. "If it is, we're in trouble," she muttered, typing furiously before blowing out a breath. "Only it's not like that at all. After you opened the Rift to bring us back, it became unstable and splintered, allowing history to fall through all around the world. I'm not seeing anything like that, just these minor blips here in Cardiff." She pointed out the differences between the two visuals she'd pulled up before turning around. "And nothing's come through."

"Thank god," said Owen. "I'm not prepared for another plague."

"I liked that Roman soldier, though," Jack replied. Ianto rolled his eyes and exchanged a look with Jack, who shook his head minutely; apparently, they were not going to say anything about the paradox and the things Ianto had seen. "All we can do right now is monitor it," Jack continued. "Maybe we can chase one of these blips down if it's close enough."

"What do we do until then?" Gwen asked. "Sit around and wait for something to happen?"

"Isn't that what we always do?" Jack asked, a forced lightness to his tone. "Wait for the Rift, wait for a Weevil, wait for the end of the world. Now we wait for whatever this was, and hope it was nothing."

Gwen looked skeptical, but nodded before turning to Ianto. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" she asked. Ianto was caught off guard and stuttered before settling on an answer.

"Better," he said. "Thank you for asking."

"Owen said Jack took you home," Tosh said, swiveling toward him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just a headache," Ianto replied, then remembered he'd been sick in the SUV and practically unconscious last time he'd been in the Hub. "A really bad one."

There was a moment of awkward silence, as if they wanted to ask more but weren't sure what to say. Gwen looked ready to speak, but Jack beat her to it. "Feel free to lay down if you need to," he said. "But I want you to stick around for a little while, to see if another one of these blips pops up."

"Jack," Owen started, but Jack waved him off.

"Back to work people, or whatever passes for work until something exciting happens."

Ianto caught Owen's eye and nodded, letting the doctor know he was all right and would talk to him more later. He wasn't sure why he was still reluctant to keep anything from Tosh and Gwen, but as he didn't understand what was happening to him yet, he didn't want to say anything. Much as he had done with Jack.

Tosh nodded at Jack's instructions and went back to her monitors. Gwen seemed reluctant, but returned to her station, while Owen shrugged and headed toward the medical bay. Ianto thought about taking Jack up on his offer and finding someplace to lay down, but then Jack asked him to come to his office. Which meant he wanted to talk.

Shutting the door behind them, Jack leaned against it and watched Ianto carefully. "You all right?" he asked. Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"Are you?" he asked. "You look as spooked as I feel."

Jack rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Guess I better work on my poker face. This isn't good."

"No, it's not," Ianto agreed.

"Do you think you really saw those things—a Toclafane, a missile silo? Or were they flashbacks?"

"Temporal surges don't usually accompany flashbacks, at least not mine," Ianto replied. "I'd prefer to think I didn't see anything, but if Tosh is picking up temporal energy…" He trailed off, and Jack nodded as he finished the sentence.

"Then there's something going on. What worries me is what Owen said."

"About other times bleeding through into our own?" Ianto replied. "Only I didn't see a Roman soldier or a knight in shining armor. I saw something that technically didn't happen. Something that shouldn't exist."

"Exactly," Jack said. "So what if it's the paradox that's somehow bleeding through? What if we didn't destroy it completely and somehow time is reverting?"

"But why am I the only one seeing it?" Ianto asked. "And more importantly, how do we stop it?"

"I don't know," Jack replied. "But my instinct tells me this has something to do with the paradox, that—"

He was interrupted by a loud shout from the Hub. Turning around and dashing out the door, he stopped short when Tosh immediately apologized.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to shout, but your door was shut and there's another blip up on the Plass," she said.

Without a word, Jack sprinted toward the invisible lift; Ianto followed and jumped on as Jack started it with his wrist strap. They ascended impatiently toward the Plass. When they arrived, they saw a woman standing nearby, alone and looking shaken, and they hurried over to her.

"Did you see him too?" she said, her voice trembling when they asked if she was all right. "The man in the leather coat?"

"What did you see?" Jack asked. Ianto glanced around, but there was nothing. Very few people were out, and no one else seemed concerned.

"There was a man," she said. "He looked dirty, hungry…maybe a homeless man…and he ran across the Plass screaming and waving his arms."

_Get away from her, you bastards! Leave her alone! Take me instead! I'm the one you want!_

"Then out of nowhere…it was like someone shot him," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Over and over…there was so much blood…it was everywhere…and he fell…" She glanced at them with tears in her eyes. "But now he's gone. Like it never happened."

Ianto felt his stomach clench and turned away. He knew exactly where it had happened, where the body should be, but there was nothing. No blood, no body, no young girl running for her life only to be cut down as well. Shutting it away, Ianto went into professional mode. He pulled out his mobile and called Gwen, telling her to come up with a small dose of Retcon.

"What is it?" Jack asked quietly, laying a hand on his shoulder. Ianto took a deep breath and turned around.

"It was Owen," he said, low enough that the woman couldn't hear him. "She saw Owen. He was killed by the Toclafane, trying to save a young girl right here on the Plass. Neither of them made it."

Jack cursed and looked around, but there was nothing to see. No silver spheres, no dead bodies, nothing.

"Other people are seeing things now," he said, stating the obvious.

"Which means it's really happening," Ianto replied. "It's not me."

"It's not you," Jack repeated. "Something is very wrong."

"Maybe you could call Martha Jones," Ianto suggested. "She's in London, right? Maybe she's seen or heard something, since she's connected to the paradox as well."

Jack beamed at him and nodded. "You're brilliant, you know. Let's call Martha and see if she knows anything. And if it gets any worse, we may need to bring in UNIT."

Gwen ran up to them then, and they explained what the woman watching them strangely had seen on the Plass; they did not tell her it had been a vision of Owen's death. Gwen looked slightly exasperated at their handling of the situation, but took the woman by the arm and began talking calmly with her. She would be fine with Gwen. Jack and Ianto hurried back to the Hub to call Martha Jones.

* * *

Martha was thrilled to speak to Ianto again, though she was shocked to learn that he remembered their meeting. When Jack told her about their recent temporal readings and the strange sightings that seemed to accompany them, she became very quiet.

"You don't think he's coming back, do you?" she asked. "He's dead, we all saw him die and refuse to regenerate!"

"I don't think it's that, exactly," Jack said, closing his eyes. "The most recent blip was of something that already happened, something Ianto remembered. It's more like the paradox is breaking through into our time."

"But I thought when the machine was destroyed, time reset," Martha pointed out. "It never happened. That year never happened."

"I'm not a temporal physicist," Jack replied, sounding frustrated. "I can only tell you what I think is happening, not how or why."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. "You should call the Doctor, Jack."

Jack's eyes went wide before he shook his head and frowned. "No, I'm not calling him. We can figure this out ourselves."

"Do you want me to come down there?" she asked. "Only I'm supposed to meet with someone from UNIT tomorrow."

"About what?" asked Jack.

"A job, apparently," she replied with a nervous laugh. "Never thought I'd end up working for UNIT after everything we went through, that's for sure."

"You could always come work for Torchwood instead," Jack replied warmly, and Ianto nodded in agreement even though Martha couldn't see him. Martha laughed good-naturedly at the offer.

"You have a team, Jack, and a doctor."

"But I don't have a beautiful young woman named Martha."

"Sorry Jack," she said, still laughing. "You have a beautiful young man named Ianto. Save your pick-up lines for him!"

Jack mock-whispered into the speakerphone. "I don't think he likes my lines."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "They're usually quite bad," he offered, then softened it with a smile. "But I like them. Sometimes."

"Oi, get a room you two!" Martha called. "Look, if I see or hear anything here, I'll call you. And if it gets worse, you call me, all right?"

"Will do, ma'am!" Jack replied.

"And think about calling the Doctor, Jack. He may not be the man you knew, but he'll do anything he can to help."

"Especially if it has to do with the Master," Jack replied bitterly. Ianto raised an eyebrow, but Jack waved him off. "Long story. Okay, I'll think about it. You take care, Martha. Good luck at the interview tomorrow."

They disconnected after several more promises to stay in touch and meet up. Jack sat back in his chair with a sigh.

"I don't want to bring him in on this," he said before Ianto could even bring it up.

"If he can help us, we may have to," Ianto replied. "It's all right. You don't have to worry about me." He could sense Jack's unease through the bond, though he wasn't entirely sure he had gleaned the correct source of it.

"I know, "Jack replied, leaning forward with a smile. "Because you're amazing. And while I admit that particular aspect is somewhat awkward, it's mostly personal. So much happened in the year I was away, I don't want to see him again right now. I need some time, some space. I want to deal with this on our own."

"Then we need to identify the cause if we're going to fix the problem," Ianto replied. "Last time something like this happened, we opened the Rift incorrectly and it splintered apart, allowing other times to seep through. We fixed it by opening the Rift completely and allowing it to take everything back."

"Which still doesn't make sense," Jack replied shaking his head. "Opening the Rift doesn't usually reset time. It opens portals through time and space. If the paradox is bleeding through, I don't see how opening the Rift is going to stop that from happening. It could make it worse."

"Then what else?" asked Ianto. "What about—"

Owen burst in then. "We've got another blip, practically on top of us."

"Make that two!" called Tosh from her computer. They all dashed into the Hub. "One in the car park, and one at the Pierpont building. A big one."

"Let's go," Jack said. "Owen, grab the Retcon. We might need it."

"Jack, what the hell is going on?" the doctor demanded.

"I don't know," Jack replied. "But I'm going to figure it out."

* * *

They spent the next several hours alternately chasing down temporal blips and trying to piece together what was happening and why. Or rather, Jack and Ianto tried to get to the blips before they disappeared, while Tosh stayed at the computers monitoring the readings. Owen wasn't happy about Ianto being back in the field, but admitted that the probability of Ianto's visions being flashbacks had lessened dramatically now that others had seen them as well. He and Gwen dealt with the increasing public awareness and panic, keeping in touch with emergency services and the local government and following up with Retcon when needed.

The first three situations were relatively easy to contain, but as dusk fell and a major blip appeared over the bay again, it became harder and harder to Retcon the witnesses. Hundreds of people saw a massive explosion over the water, too large to ignore and too many to Retcon. Ianto told Jack there had been an RAF squadron completely destroyed by the Toclafane during the paradox; Tosh suggested putting out a story that the strange lights had been nothing more than a bioluminescent cloud of algae floating on the surface of the water and reflected onto low thunderclouds.

They ate a late dinner at the Hub and watched the monitors. Things seemed to slow down overnight, though Jack took Owen out to run down some Weevils. Tosh picked up a few small blips, but there were no hysterical calls to emergency services, and they hoped the worst of it was over.

Taking turns resting, Ianto was glad to be able to retreat to Jack's bunker. His headache was a constant throb now, rarely letting up. He was tired and achy and wanted more than anything to collapse after a long day of chasing phantoms. He felt Jack through the bond, offering strength and comfort, and smiled to himself as a thought occurred to him. Perhaps he wasn't ready to sleep quite yet. Stripping down to his shorts, he climbed into Jack's bed and closed his eyes, thinking of all sorts of other number of things he could be doing in bed, preferably with Jack. He let his increasing desire vibrate through the bond, and was rewarded when Jack came sliding down the ladder not five minutes later.

Jack wasted no time, dropping his clothes all over the room as he crawled into bed with Ianto. It was quick, as it had been a long time for them both, but it was the physical reconnection they needed. And it confirmed what Ianto had felt earlier, back at his flat: he wanted to be with Jack. His doubts and fears after Jack's return seemed a thing of the distant past, even though it was only a matter of days; that he had once contemplated severing the bond seemed inconceivable.

He could feel Jack's joy resonating through the psychic bond between them, and let it fill him with happiness as well. They were in the middle of a crisis with the very real possibility of a deadly paradox returning, but they deserved their moment of peace. They  _needed_  it, if they were going to be strong and survive whatever was to come.

It was with great reluctance that Jack left to return to the Hub. Ianto slept for several hours, taking advantage of the opportunity to rest, knowing the next day could be bring more blips, more running, more worry. He felt Jack curl up next to him at some point and naively hoped that they could spend more time together, but they were out of bed at dawn as the alarms began going off.

After three hours of putting out more temporal fires—no, Cardiff Castle hadn't been attacked by spaceships, nor had the Quay been destroyed by aliens—they returned to the Hub exhausted. Falling onto the sofa next to Jack, Ianto was about to ask about calling the Doctor when Tosh gasped at her computer.

"There's a blip in the subbasement!" she exclaimed. "Right here in the Hub!"

Jack jumped up, his Webley in hand. "Track it, record it, do whatever you have to do," he snapped. "I'm going down there."

Ianto stood to follow him, but was stopped in his tracks by a gut-wrenching pain in his abdomen. He took a step forward but felt another sharp wrench in his leg and staggered to his knees. "Jack—" he tried to call out, but there was a stab through his shoulder, and he toppled over sideways, hitting the cold concrete floor with another rush of pain.

Tosh shouted for Jack as Owen and Gwen rushed over. There was blood everywhere; Ianto grasped at his stomach, while Owen put pressure on his shoulder, sending Gwen to the medical bay for his bag. Yet even worse than the blood and pain was the panic Ianto felt through the bond as Jack come running back and fell down beside him, his eyes wide with fear.

"No," he said. "No, no, no—Ianto, no! Don't leave me, please," he said, his face wet with tears. "Ianto, come on—stay with me! Owen, help him!"

But Owen sat back, his face stunned. He held his hands up to his face, and they were clean.

Ianto stared at the doctor, then down at his body: there was no blood, no wounds, no pain, nothing. It was as if he'd imagined it—only he remembered it all too well.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this story and enjoying it, please think about leaving a comment. I'd love to know what you think of the new developments. Most fanfiction authors put a lot of hard work into their writing. I know I do. I am constantly looking things up as research, constantly rewriting and editing, and constantly fretting over how it turns out. We don't get paid to do this, except in the occasional positive comments we get from readers. It's the only way we know someone is out there reading our stories, since we don't see our names on the bestseller list, or get a paycheck from selling a million copies.
> 
> When you read something that is in character, that is well plotted; something that is funny, or angsty, or sexy; when you read something that surprises you or moves you, take a moment to let the author know. Because I guarantee it makes their day! It keeps them going, keeps them writing. When fanfic authors put their stories out there and receive nothing but silence in return, they doubt themselves, and their story, and the motivation to continue drops more and more until they move on to a new fandom, or a new hobby altogether.
> 
> We are lucky to be able to do this; some creators ban fanfics of their work. We are lucky to be able to read it for free online. Think about it and please leave a note of encouragement and thanks for the authors you click on today. If it's not this story, then the next one. It makes a difference, especially in dwindling fandoms. And especially for the writers sharing their hard work and dreams.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Ianto sat up slowly, gingerly touching his stomach, his leg, his shoulder. He found nothing but healthy flesh; the deadly wounds were gone. With shaking hands, he reached out for Jack's hand and held tight.

"I'm all right," he said, even though he didn't feel like it.

"You're alive," Jack whispered. "You're not hurt at all! What's going on?"

Tosh dashed over to her computer. "There was another blip right here in the room," she said, typing madly before turning wide eyes toward them. "Right where Ianto was standing."

"Oh my god," Ianto said, scrambling to his feet and backing away, glancing around as if he could see it happening again and somehow stop it. "You mean, it's starting to affect us? We're not only seeing things, but feeling them too?"

"Ianto, mate, let me look you over," Owen said. Gwen silently passed him his bag, too shocked to speak. "Come on, the sofa is fine, we don't even have to go downstairs." He seemed as stunned as the rest of them.

"I'm fine," Ianto insisted.

"You were just covered in blood!" Gwen exclaimed, finding voice for her fear. "I saw it! What happened?"

Ianto stared at her, the words falling from his lips before he could stop them. "I think I died."

"No!" Jack said, stepping forward and shaking his head. "No, you didn't. I never felt you die, not even at the end."

"They found me," Ianto whispered, trying to push back the images as he remembered being attacked. "The Toclafane. I was trying to…oh my god, I was trying to get to you, to get to the  _Valiant_. It was the day of the countdown. I needed to get to you before the war started."

The others were staring at him as if he'd lost his mind; maybe he had. Owen took his arm and led him to the sofa, pushing him down as he examined him. Everyone was silent the entire time.

"He's fine, Jack," the doctor finally told them. "Except for babbling about things most of us don't understand."

"What's going on, Jack?" Gwen asked. "When were you on the  _Valiant_? What are the Toclafane?"

Jack looked like a cornered animal, his face pinched and tight, his lips set in a hard line. He crossed his arms over his chest and set his feet defensively. "Short story is this: I was gone for a year. Bad things happened, but we reset time so that they didn't. Now we think it's bleeding through. People are seeing things that happened during the year I was gone."

"Why don't any of us remember?" she asked.

"Because we reset time," Jack repeated, sounding impatient. "And I remember because I was there to help reset it," he added before she could press him more.

"But Ianto is remembering now too, isn't he?" Tosh asked, and Ianto glanced up in surprise before nodding.

"Why is Ianto remembering?" asked Gwen, only to be met with a ringing silence. Ianto avoided everyone's eyes, not sure why he was so uncomfortable. Owen knew about him and Jack, and Tosh probably knew by now as well. Ianto had no real reason to keep it from Gwen, except that he'd kept it from her for months already, and he suspected she would have a difficult time with it.

"Is it because you're connected somehow?" Tosh asked, sounding curious and concerned. Ianto looked at Jack, who shrugged.

"Maybe? We don't know. He wasn't there when time reset, so I'm not sure what's happening."

"But ever since Jack returned, I've been remembering more and more," Ianto finished for him. "And I thought I was only imagining it yesterday, but obviously it's not only me seeing these things. Something else is going on."

"Wait," said Gwen, holding up a hand and sounding confused. She turned to Jack. "What do you mean, you're connected? You and Ianto?"

Jack crossed his arms, obviously feeling defensive again. "Yes, me and Ianto."

"How?" she asked. Jack looked at Ianto, who looked away, unable to answer. He wasn't ashamed, not at all, but couldn't bring himself to say it, especially to Gwen. In fact, he hadn't talked about it with anyone except—

"They have an  _animoré_  bond," Owen answered for them. Gwen gasped while Tosh grinned.

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Tosh," said Jack, looking as relieved as Ianto felt by Tosh's reaction. "But that's not what's important right now. We need to—"

"You're soulmates?" Gwen asked quietly, brown eyes wide with hurt, exactly as Ianto had suspected she would be. "But you're immortal, and he's not! You flirt with everyone, and Ianto was with Lisa when he started. And you hated each other, after Lisa died!"

"It's not as if people have a choice in the matter," Ianto replied, trying not to sound irritated but probably failing "That's not how it works. We had no idea at first, and when we did, it was admittedly difficult to get past those things—and more. But I think we have," he added, glancing at Jack for confirmation.

"We have," Jack replied firmly. "And considering I spent decades believing I'd never have a soulmate, I couldn't be more thankful that the universe finally brought us together."

Ianto cocked his head. "Together? We haven't even been on a date yet," he pointed out.

"Not for lack of trying!" Jack laughed. Ianto grinned, but it fell from his face when he saw the look in Gwen's eyes. Jack, however, was not taking any more of her questions.

"We're all happy for you and Rhys, Gwen," he said. "I hope you're happy for us."

She swallowed, then glanced back and forth between them. Ianto saw the moment when she set aside her own feelings and accepted that Jack was bound to someone else. He imagined it was painful and he felt for her, but she had Rhys. She was engaged to be married to a good man, and it was time for her constant pushing and pining for Jack to end so that they could all be happy. Taking a deep breath, she nodded.

"I am," she said, a genuine smile slowly filling her face. "I really am. I…I can see it now. It's brilliant."

Owen snorted. "It's the most unlikely pairing I'd never wager on, but I suppose it makes a warped sort of sense."

"But how does being soulmates mean Ianto remembers if he wasn't there when time reset?" asked Tosh, bringing the conversation back on topic.

"We have a rather unique bond," Jack replied. "Ianto can feel it when I die."

Gwen gasped again, but this time in dismay and not disappointment. "That's awful! How do you manage it?"

"I'm still working on it," Ianto replied dryly. "I've had blackouts for years, and once we knew what was causing it—Jack's deaths—we blocked the bond to help lessen the effect. I think I took medication during the time Jack was gone, though."

"And we'll try it again as soon as our current crisis is under control," Owen said. "Look, it's interesting and I'd love to get you both under the microscope later, but why Ianto remembers this mysterious year is not as important as the fact that the rest of Cardiff is starting to see it as well. And from the sound of it, it was pretty damn bad."

Jack was silent. Ianto sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but Jack must have sensed his trepidation and guessed at its source.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."

"Jack," Ianto said quietly. "We need help."

"Not his," Jack snapped. "We do this on our own. We've managed the Rift before, we'll manage this."

"Who're you talking about?" Owen asked. "Because I'm with teaboy on this. We need help." He turned to Tosh. "No offense."

"None taken," Tosh replied. "If there's someone out there who knows what's happening and how to stop it, I want to meet them."

"No," said Jack. "We don't need him."

Ianto felt Jack's stubborn determination, underlined by disappointment and fear. What was Jack afraid of?

Jack whirled on him, his eyes flashing in anger. "Stay out of my head!" he snapped.

Ianto recoiled, but recovered quickly, determined to stand against Jack's anger. It was irrational, and his stubborn defiance was dangerous. If the Doctor could help them, they needed to find him.

"Then tell me why," Ianto snapped back. He glanced at the others and motioned toward Jack's office. "Preferably in private."

"No," Jack said. "It's not up for discussion. We stick to what we know and figure this out on our own."

Tosh and Gwen looked awkwardly away, but Ianto exchanged a frustrated glance with Owen. The doctor nodded almost imperceptibly, once again demonstrating a surprising sense of understanding underneath his brash exterior.

"Tosh, why don't we take a scanner downstairs and see what we find?" he suggested.

Tosh looked at him in both surprise and relief; even Gwen seemed to understand what was going on.

"I'll cover you," she said. "Come on, let's see if it's still there."

Tosh grabbed a scanner from her desk and the three of them hurried away. Jack glared at them as they left, but as soon as they were gone, his shoulders sagged. He sighed and moved away toward his office without a word.

"Jack," Ianto said quietly. "Talk to me. Please."

"Leave it alone," Jack replied. "It's not important and it's not happening."

"It's the fate of the world," Ianto replied, following him. "Which is very important. But I can tell something else is bothering you, and right now that's important too. Why does the idea of contacting the Doctor bother you so much?"

Jack whirled on him, shaking a finger in the air. "Because I don't want to ask the Doctor for help."

"Why?" asked Ianto. Jack didn't answer immediately, so Ianto decided to go out on a limb. "Is it because he couldn't help you with your immortality?"

Jack shook his head and let slip a bitter laugh. "Might be part of it. When a guy tells you that you're impossible and he can't do a damn thing to save you from eternity, it's hard to trust him again."

There was more, Ianto knew. "I can only imagine how hard it was to hear that," he said. "But if he can help us now, don't we owe it to Cardiff, to the world, to call him?"

Jack leaned against his desk and stared at the floor. "Once I would have agreed with you. I waited for years to meet him again. To find out what happened to me, and to travel with him. He changed me, Ianto. He saved me from myself. I thought he was a hero, but I don't know if I believe that anymore."

"Because of what happened on the  _Valiant_?" Ianto asked.

Jack nodded. Ianto came to stand next to him, thinking of the things Jack had said, things he had mentioned. "You were captured," he said, trying to put it together. "You were tortured." And then it clicked. "And he couldn't help you then either. You suffered for a year, chained up and alone."

Jack eyed him sideways with a sad smile. "Sometimes you're too smart for your own good. Yes, we were both caught. And for an entire year I was tortured by the Master."

"He killed you," Ianto said. "You died, over and over, and I felt it. I remember feeling it."

"And you were there for me every time," Jack replied. "I don't think I would have stayed sane if you hadn't been so strong. He enjoyed torturing the freak."

"I had help," Ianto said, remembering Owen and Talutha and the many others he'd met during those long, dark months. "Jack…I don't know your Doctor, so I can't speak for him…but it wasn't your fault, and I don't think it was his either."

Jack scuffed the floor. "I don't blame him, not really. It's more about losing faith, I suppose. He knew what the Master was doing—to me, to the rest of the planet—and yet it took an entire year for him to stop it. For him to break the Master's hold and destroy the paradox."

"There's more," Ianto said.

"Ianto," Jack started, but Ianto stopped him.

"Jack." Ianto sighed. "If you don't think we should call the Doctor because he can't help us, that's fine. I trust you. And if you don't want to tell me what's bothering you, that's fine, too. But if there's something bothering you that might bother you less if you shared it, then talk to me."

Jack was silent for a long time, his jaw tight as if he were clenching it shut to hold back his words. Finally he spoke. "He knew what had happened to me," he said. "When I died and first came back. He knew what had happened, and he abandoned me. He ran away and left me behind. I waited for over a century here on Earth to meet him again, when he knew what I was the entire time. He said I was wrong–that it hurt to look at me." His voice caught. "To a Time Lord, I'm an abomination, a fixed point in time."

He turned to Ianto, his eyes bright. "And he knew what the Master did to me on that ship because of my immortality, yet at the end, he begged the Master to regenerate. To stay with him. The man who destroyed half the planet, who put the Doctor in a cage, who sent Martha on the run and held her family as slaves, and who killed me over and over and over…" Jack trailed off, inhaling a shaky breath. "That man was more important. He didn't abandon that man. He begged him to stay. But me…I wasn't even worth a goodbye. And I died for him."

Ianto stayed silent, letting Jack work through his feelings. He could feel Jack's pain, heartbreak, and confusion through the bond and tried to offer support and understanding. Jack leaned his head on Ianto's shoulder.

"It's not a romantic thing," Jack said, his voice almost a whisper.

"I know," Ianto said. "And it wouldn't matter if it was."

"And I know I won't always feel this way about him," Jack continued. "I can't afford to, not really, because…" He trailed off with a shudder.

"He's the only one who knows what eternity is?" Ianto suggested, and Jack nodded.

"Right now, though…I need to redefine his place in my life, how I feel about him. I looked up to him for so long and I'm not sure if I should anymore, if I want to. Which is why I don't want to see him. I need more time. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," Ianto replied. "You lost your faith in him. That's a hard thing to recover from. But Jack…we may not have the time you need."

Jack blew out a long breath. "I know. Just…give it one more day? If we can't get a handle on this, then I'll ask Martha to call him."

Ianto sighed and nodded. "All right, but I don't want to go through my own death again. We need to fix this fast."

Jack was quiet for a moment. "Did you actually die that day? The day of the countdown, when we reset the paradox?"

Ianto stared at the floor, trying to piece together the memories. "I don't know for sure," he admitted. "I would have, certainly, if you hadn't destroyed the paradox machine. I was badly injured."

"I didn't feel you die," Jack said. "And I would know."

"Normally an  _animoré_ bond fades after one partner dies," Ianto pointed out. "It allows the surviving partner to adapt."

"We're different, though, aren't we?" Jack asked with a smile. "You feel it when I die, so I think I'll know when you…" He sighed.

"When I…" Ianto echoed. "Well, hopefully it won't be for a long time."

"Hopefully," Jack murmured with a sad smile. "So what happened that day? You said you were on your way to the  _Valiant_."

"The Master took over RAF Northolt for transport ships that traveled back and forth to the  _Valiant_  while it was in orbit—supplies, personnel, that sort of thing." Ianto shook his head and smiled. "I didn't really think about it, I grabbed what I could and left Cardiff the day after I met Martha. It took three days, but I managed to get there without being seen, then I spent a day watching the base to figure out the best way in. And I made it, I got in and stunned an officer so I could take his uniform. Which was when a Toclafane patrol found me."

"And shot you?"

"Yes, several times," Ianto murmured, touching his abdomen. "My stomach, my leg. I took a few out with a sonic grenade, which was when they got my shoulder…and then they just stopped." He closed his eyes, trying to remember. "I was still conscious, but badly injured. One of them grabbed me, took me to the base. I thought they were going to execute me." With a sudden shudder, Ianto remembered the rest of his story. "But they were going to take me to the  _Valiant_  as a prisoner. I remember now. They called the Master. He wanted me brought to the  _Valiant._  He knew my name." Ianto raised his eyes to Jack. "He knew I was Torchwood. I think he was planning on killing me himself."

Jack stared at him in shock. Ianto swallowed and looked away. "You saved my life by destroying the paradox machine when you did. I would have died that day, and by the Master's hand."

Jack's fingers found his and clasped tight, and they stood side by side in silence drawing strength from one another. Ianto soon felt the beginnings of confusion and concern in Jack's mind, however.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You experienced that attack again, out in the Hub earlier. But it didn't happen in the Hub, did it? It happened somewhere else."

"Outside London, near Uxbridge," Ianto replied

"Until now, all the temporal blips and sightings have been location based. The missile silos, the RAF squadron over the bay, the castle. You said Owen died on the Plass, and that woman saw it happen up on the Plass. But you were injured in London, not here in the Hub."

"You're right," Ianto said, feeling a nervous chill go down his back. "But what does it mean?"

"I don't know," Jack replied, sounding both frustrated and frightened. "If the paradox is bleeding into our time, maybe it's reached a tipping point, where the events breaking through are no longer confined to time or location."

"Anything can happen anywhere, anytime?" Ianto suggested. "That's worse than we thought. It's completely random."

"It's the nature of a paradox. Complete chaos." Jack took a deep breath. "And chaos needs order. Which may give us a way to start coming up with a solution." He stood up straight and started to move toward the door, but Ianto stayed where he was, turning over a thought he wished he hadn't had.

"What is it?" asked Jack when he noticed Ianto starting at the floor. "What's wrong?"

"There's more to this than we're saying," Ianto said, still pulling his thoughts together. "Owen didn't feel it when he died up on the Plass yesterday, when that woman saw it happen. Why me? Why did I feel it just now?"

Jack didn't answer, so Ianto kept thinking out loud.

"I've been remembering things since we were in the Himalayas. I was the first to see something with the temporal blips that Tosh picked up, when I shot at the Toclafane. Why me?"

"What are you suggesting?" Jack asked, his voice carefully neutral.

"I'm not sure," Ianto said. "But I feel as if…as if I'm a bigger part of this than we think. That it may be my fault this is happening."

"No!" Jack strode back to him, grabbed him by the shoulders, and looked him in the face. "You told me it wasn't my fault, and I'm telling you the same thing now: this isn't your fault. It has nothing to do with you!"

"Yes, it does," Ianto insisted, knowing deep down that he was right, but Jack shook his head.

"No, you're just more affected by it than others. And we've suspected from the beginning that it has to do with the bond, your connection to me and my connection to the paradox. Maybe if we block it again?" Jack suggested. "Maybe you won't…" He trailed off at the look of skepticism on Ianto's face.

"Relive my own death again?" Ianto offered quietly. "It seems unlikely. I don't think blocking the bond would stop these things from happening. It would still be there, we would only feel the effects less."

Jack stepped back and stared at him, his face suddenly pale. "Do you think we should sever it? Break it off completely?"

"No," Ianto replied firmly. "I don't. Because we don't know if it has anything to do with what's going on, and I don't want to do something like that unless I know it will actually solve the problem. I…well, I need you."

"I need you too," Jack whispered, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Ianto allowed Jack's love and support to wash over, offering his own in return. They relaxed into one another, relishing in a peaceful moment of reassuring physical contact that Ianto knew he was about to ruin. He took a breath to speak.

"Then I think we need to—"

Gwen burst in then. She stopped short at the sight of them standing so close, but recovered quickly.

"We've got another blip."

Jack stood up straight. "Where?"

Gwen's eyes drifted to Ianto, then back to Jack. "Up on the Plass again," she said. "It's different, though. Something came through."

"Then why aren't we already running it down?" Jack demanded, pushing past her. Somehow Ianto knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"Because it's…" She looked at Ianto again, and he nodded in support, dreading the words. "It's a blue police box."

Jack stopped in his tracks and turned back toward Gwen. "What?"

"I think your doctor is back," Tosh said quietly from behind him.

"And you'd better not run off on us again, Harkness," Owen snapped, standing beside her. "Not now."

Jack was speechless. And then he turned and ran out of the Hub—this time with all four of them following.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
> 
> (That's me telling myself this will work. And apologizing for what may come.)
> 
> (On a note completely unrelated to impending panic and perhaps the only thing keeping me from freaking out, thank you so much for the comments! We fanfic authors honestly have no idea if people are out there reading our stories unless readers say something, and I really appreciate knowing that there are people reading this and thinking about it and enjoying it. It makes all the difference in the world knowing I'm not completely crazy for doing this.
> 
> What I find amusing is how several people both here and at mentioned how soulmate stories aren't their thing but this one is okay. Because I totally get it! I love soulmate stories, but I understand how the marks and names and clocks and such sometimes don't make any sense at all. I personally love the romance of it, of the idea of destiny bringing two people together forever, happy and in love. And most soulmate stories are exactly that: they are about the big reveal and the ideal happily-ever-after. Not many deal in angst, which is why this one keeps throwing me for a loop. Sure, they had a big reveal, but where's the happily-ever-after?
> 
> I guess in wanting to stay true to the characters, I've also ended up with a soulmate story that takes Jack and Ianto through the inevitable difficulties that a bond between a mortal and an immortal would create. And it goes beyond a bit of emotional angst and straight to the end of the world! I can't tell you how far from my original intention—some fluff tempered by a brief flirtation with angst—this story has veered. Thank you for sticking with it so far and for the wonderful encouragement. I hope it continues to live up. But be prepared.)


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Ianto left the Hub with the others, though he wasn't sure why he felt so lead-footed and reluctant. He certainly didn't want Jack to run off, as Owen seemed to think might happen; and he wanted to be there to support Jack, who was clearly confused and alarmed by the Doctor's appearance. Yet Ianto was terrified that the Doctor's unexpected arrival could only mean one thing: they were in more trouble than they knew.

Had Martha called the mysterious alien, or had he arrived on his own? Taking a deep breath, Ianto followed the team from the tourist office and up the boardwalk to the Plass. He wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't a tall, skinny man in a brown suit and trainers, a long overcoat flowing around his legs much like Jack's greatcoat. He was glancing around the open area curiously, occasionally poking his foot at a stone; Ianto suspected the man knew he was above the Hub and was searching for the entrance. For some reason, the thought settled him, that Jack's great Doctor did not, in fact, know everything.

Jack stopped not far from where a blue police box was standing over the invisible lift. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Though Ianto could sense Jack's curiosity, he was also radiating a bristly self-defensiveness, and Ianto worried Jack might block the bond so that Ianto could not feel Jack's mixed-up emotions. He was relieved when Jack gave him a sheepish smile instead. He sent back a feeling of patience, only for Jack to roll his eyes.

The Doctor finally turned around and saw Jack, a broad smile crossing his face. "Jack!" he exclaimed, hurrying over and opening his arms. Jack looked startled but returned the embrace. "Good to see you again!"

"It's only been a fortnight since you dropped me off," Jack pointed out with a crooked smile. "Miss me already?"

"Oh," the Doctor replied, hands going to his pockets, much like Jack did when he was unsure of himself. "Well, it's been much longer for me. You've been busy in such a short period of time."

"Typical week at the office," Jack replied with a casual shrug. He seemed less on edge, but still somewhat defensive. Ianto came up and stood at Jack's right, slightly behind him with the others, hoping to offer more support. The Doctor cocked his head as he noticed the team.

"Oh, I see," he murmured, eyeing Ianto closely. "Now it all makes sense."

"What makes sense?" asked Jack. "What are you doing here, doc?"

"I wasn't quite sure, until just now," the Doctor replied, bouncing on his toes. "The TARDIS brought me, and now I see why."

"Jack, are you going to introduce us to your crazy friend?" Owen asked with false cheer. The Doctor cocked his head.

"I think it's obvious something is very wrong here," he said, waving his hand in a vague manner toward Jack and Ianto. "It doesn't take superpowers to see it."

"Maybe for a Time Lord," Jack replied. Ianto sensed his annoyance, though it was tempered with more exasperation. "The rest of us mere humans, however, don't see the same things you see."

"But you must have seen something, or felt it, or …" He looked at each member of the team. "Picked up some strange readings on your simple little instruments?"

"You would run off with a condescending prick," Owen muttered under his breath. Ianto shook his head, yet did not say anything because he couldn't help but agree with Owen.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes, then glanced around and pointed. "You're not seeing that metal sphere right over there?" Glancing around, Ianto saw a Toclafane bobbing far above them, near the tourist office. All five of them whipped out their guns, but it disappeared within seconds. "Ah, you did see it. So what are you doing about it?"

"We're working on it," Jack said. "Is that why you're here?"

The Doctor gestured at the empty sky. "You've got a problem with time. Which makes it my problem too."

"Another time is bleeding through into ours," Ianto said quietly. He was already tired of the stubborn wordplay between the two men and simply wanted to focus on the issue at hand. "Can you fix it?"

The Doctor turned towards him, studying him thoughtfully. "That depends on what you're willing to sacrifice," he said.

"What does that mean?" Tosh asked, stepping up next to Ianto. "Is that really what's happening, that this other year Jack lived is breaking through in our own?"

"That's exactly what's happening," the Doctor replied in a cheerful voice. "Have you figured out why?"

"Can you fix it?" Jack asked instead.

The Doctor cocked his head. "In order to fix it, you need to know what's causing it."

"Do we have to talk about it out here?" Gwen jumped in. "Couldn't we go down to the Hub, for a bit more privacy?"

The Doctor broke out into an almost manic grin. "The Hub? You mean your secret base? I know it's somewhere around here, I can sense it. Let's go, then! Lead the way!"

Gwen exchanged a nervous glance with Jack, who held up his hands and shrugged. Gwen pointed the Doctor toward the tourist office, while Tosh and Owen followed. Ianto walked with Jack.

"It's me," he said softly, earning a sharp look from Jack. "You saw the way he looked at me. This has something to do with me."

"If it does, then we'll fix it," Jack replied, no longer denying what Ianto knew was the truth. "Whatever it takes, we'll fix it." He stopped and held Ianto back. "Only I want you to know that I—"

He was interrupted by a shout from the boardwalk by the tourist office. They dashed over to find Tosh on the ground, unconscious as Owen kneeled over her.

"She collapsed," Gwen said, her voice shaky. "It was as if something knocked her over from behind, she just fell and lost consciousness."

There was a groan from the ground. "I'm fine," said Tosh as she opened her eyes, though she sounded unsure. "What happened?"

"You collapsed," Owen told her.

"Was that like what happened to Ianto?" She glanced down in panic at her stomach, her arms and legs. "I wasn't shot, was I?"

"No, but something got you," said Owen as Gwen helped her stand. "Come on, I want to take a look."

"And I want to check the monitors," said Tosh. The Doctor was standing silently nearby, his face serious as he watched them enter the tourist office. He raised an eyebrow at Jack and Ianto.

"She'll probably find another temporal blip," he said. "I take it this isn't the first time something like this has happened?"

Jack and Ianto exchanged a glance. The Doctor crossed his hands over his chest. "First of all, I think introductions are in order. I believe you must be Ianto Jones?"

Ianto nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Oh, don't sir me," the other man replied. "The Doctor will do. So you experienced something similar?"

"About an hour ago," Ianto confirmed. "Only it was much worse…I was shot, bleeding…and then I wasn't."

The Doctor chewed on a finger. "Do you have any idea why?"

"The paradox is breaking through into this timeline," Jack replied. "We've been picking it up for the last forty-eight hours."

"Yes, yes, but do you know why?" pressed the Doctor. They shook their heads. The Doctor took a deep breath.

"Do you have any tea?" he asked with a sudden blinding smile. "This needs a good cuppa."

Ianto's mouth opened and closed a few times before he nodded. "We can do tea, yes."

"Great. Where can we talk?"

"My office," said Jack immediately. "Alone."

"Don't want the rest of your team to know what's going on?" the Doctor asked. Ianto sensed there was more to the question, however.

"Not if it doesn't concern them directly," Jack replied. "Not yet."

"Understandable. Your office, then," said the Doctor. Ianto led him through the tourist office and downstairs into the Hub. Jack followed behind as they all walked silently, each wrapped up in their own thoughts of paradoxes and the end of the world.

* * *

One tour, two more temporal alerts, and three cups of tea later, they were safely ensconced in Jack's office, much to the annoyance of Gwen and Owen. The Doctor sat before Jack's desk, a bustling ball of energy, while Jack was in his chair, obviously using the desk as a buffer of security. Ianto stood behind him, leaning against the wall, silent and out of the way. Though he knew instinctively that he was involved, he preferred to let Jack speak with the Doctor first.

"You said the TARDIS brought you here," Jack began. "Why?"

The Doctor stirred his tea. "She felt I needed to be here. It obviously has to do with these blips you keep picking up."

"The paradox year bleeding through," Jack prompted, and the Doctor nodded.

"I'd call it more of leak, though," he said. He took a sip of his tea. "Oh, very good. Almost as good as mine."

Ianto felt Jack's annoyance but did not try to tap it down; the Doctor's ability to talk around a straight answer was frustrating. He waited for the conversation to continue with as much patience as he could, and felt Jack's amusement in response.

"Do you know what's causing the leak?" Jack asked.

"I didn't, until I turned around and saw you," the Doctor replied. "Both of you."

Ianto crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the floor. This was it. Confirmation.

"You know," Jack started in that dangerous tone of voice that sounded conversational but wasn't, "I don't have time for word games. We've been running around for two days chasing these phantoms from a year that didn't actually happen. The entire city is seeing them, and now they're starting to affect my people. So tell me what's going on and how we stop it, or feel free to let us do our job in peace and quiet."

The Doctor merely raised an eyebrow at Jack's tone. "I'm surprised you haven't figured it out," he said. "It seems frightfully obvious, after all, given that—"

Jack stood, pushing his chair back. "Never mind," he said. "We'll do it on our own." He strode around the desk and opened the door, either preparing to throw the Doctor out or about to leave himself; even Ianto couldn't tell if he was bluffing.

"Jack," the Doctor started. Ianto stepped forward.

"It's me, isn't it," he said softly. "It's something to do with me."

Jack looked like he was about to protest, but Ianto focused on the Doctor, who was regarding him thoughtfully.

"No, it's both of you," he said. "The pair of you. You have a soulmate bond, don't you?" Ianto nodded. "Yes, it's quite strong. I can practically see it."

"I don't see what that has to do with this," Jack said, though he did not close the door.

The Doctor leaned back, but Ianto answered him. "We're causing the leak, aren't we?" he asked. "Somehow, we're the reason why one time is leaking through into another."

"Oh, you're good, aren't you," the Doctor replied. He set down his cup and started using his hands to talk. "Jack is a fixed point in time. You're not. But you're soulmates, which is really just basic quantum entanglement—"

"Wait, what?" Ianto asked. "Are you saying there's a scientific explanation for the  _animoré_ bond?" Though he knew there must be, it was still unsettling to think that there was no grand design bringing destined lovers together, but there was instead an obscure theory of particle physics uniting random people.

"Of course there is," the Doctor replied. "You didn't think you were set up by some omnipotent deity playing match-maker, did you?"

"Not anymore," Ianto murmured. The Doctor waved him off.

"There are entire books of mathematical formulas that explain it, but you'd have to visit the library on Kar-Charrat if you want to read them. What's more interesting here is the nature of your particles becoming entangled. Jack's from the 51st century, you're not. I've not heard of soulmates separated by thousands of years. How did that happen?" He stood up and started pacing, stopping several times to stare at both of them.

Jack shut the door and took a deep breath. "Does it matter how?" he asked. "So our electrons are entangled. I still don't understand how it's causing these leaks in time in Cardiff."

"You didn't feel the bond with Ianto until recently, I take it?" the Doctor asked. Jack nodded.

"About ten years ago, actually."

"So recent for you," the Doctor murmured. "Only you were born three thousand years after him so how would that be possible?" He glanced up at Jack, then walked right up to Ianto and began studying him closely; Ianto thought it was entirely possible the man was smelling him.

"Rose Tyler," he said. "Only explanation. She must have done it when she looked into the TARDIS. But how? And why?" He closed his eyes and appeared to be talking to himself. "Oh, maybe she saw what was already there. Maybe that's why she brought you back, to be with your entangled."

"We prefer the term soulmate," Ianto offered dryly. Thinking of being entangled with Jack brought all kinds of lurid images to mind, ideas he probably shouldn't be having in the middle of a crisis. Jack grinned, clearly thinking the same thing.

"Soulmate, life partner, imzadi, whatever. It's the same principle the universe over. Only somehow your entangled particles were born thousands of years apart. The odds of you finding one another are astronomical!"

"You're saying the only way for me to meet Ianto was to make me immortal, then let me wait over a hundred years for him while everyone else around me died?" Jack asked. He sounded hurt and confused, and Ianto couldn't blame him; it seemed a cruel twist of fate to bring two people together in such a way when they couldn't actually be together for their entire lives.

"Well, it's not perfect," the Doctor replied. "As I told you before, Rose didn't have much control over the power, she didn't know what she was doing when she brought you back. But she did, which is how you got to earth, which is where you eventually met Mr. Jones!" He beamed and clapped his hands together. "So that solves that mystery, though I'm still not sure how the entanglement happened in the first place. And it's not quite working, is it? It's a bit…" He waved his arm toward them, making the motions of a scale. "…well, uneven."

"I don't weigh that much more," Jack protested, but the Doctor laughed. Ianto found his annoyance growing.

"No, not like that," the Doctor said. He shook his head fondly, as if he were explaining something as simple as the earth being round to a five-year-old. "You've got the time vortex flowing through you, and he doesn't. It's lopsided-looking."

"Jack," Ianto started, ready to let loose his ire. This time it was Jack offering patience.

"I don't care what it looks like, Doctor," Jack said. "Why is it causing problems?"

"Well, it's counterintuitive, to be honest," the Doctor replied. He took out a pair of glasses and squinted through them at both Jack and Ianto. "You'd think as the fixed point, you'd be a sort of anchor, pulling things toward you and establishing order. But you're not natural. You're not meant to be."

Ianto stepped forward, stopped only by Jack's hand on his arm. To both their surprise, the Doctor noticed.

"I'm sorry, Jack," he said, his voice softening. "I know it's a harsh thing to say, but in technical terms, it's the truth. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Ianto could feel Jack's astonishment. It was as if those two words were all he needed, and the hurt and resentment began melting away. Ianto knew that Jack had in that moment forgiven the Doctor for everything that had happened during the year they'd been held prisoner. That was Jack: full of infinite forgiveness. There was still an undercurrent of hurt and uncertainty that Ianto could sense had to do with the Doctor, but the anger from earlier had dissipated.

"Mr. Jones, on the other hand, is a mortal, and constantly in flux," the Doctor continued. "The universe prefers flux—entropy, change, flow, chaos. Call it whatever you want. Some people even think of it as free will. And it is strong. The free will of the universe is a determined force that will almost always win out. And I think Mr. Jones is determined." He seemed to smirk, and Ianto felt his hackles rise.

"Determined to destroy the universe?" he snapped. "I don't think so. I prefer order to chaos myself."

"Which is probably why you're naturally drawn to Jack," the Doctor pointed out. "He is a point of order in a chaotic universe."

Ianto stared at him before exchanging a look with Jack. They both grinned at the inanity of the Doctor's statement and started laughing. The Doctor looked confused.

"You do know who you're talking about, right?" asked Jack. "Because no one who knows me tends to use words like anchor or order."

"Jack is the most chaotic person I know," Ianto added. "He's trouble on two legs, a walking talking disaster waiting to—"

"Right, he gets it," said Jack.

"No, Jack may appear chaotic at times, in personality, but he himself is a fixed point in time. Time is in flux around him, and more than usual given his connection to the vortex, which is probably why it appears that Jack is usually at the root of the problem. Which, in a way, he is, only it's not because he's brash and arrogant and impulsive and—"

"Can we lighten up on the Jack-bashing?" Jack grumbled. "I get it. You're saying I'm a rock and Ianto is the river throwing himself against me?" He grinned at the reference; Ianto rolled his eyes.

"No, it's more like you're a plug in the bathtub of time and Ianto is the curious little boy who keeps playing with it to watch the water swirl away."

They both stared at the man before them, completely confused. A bathtub plug? A little boy? Jack opened his mouth to speak and shut it, obviously having nothing to say. Strangely enough, Ianto started thinking of lewd images again and had to quell the impulse to laugh out loud; the nervous energy was clearly starting to get to him.

The Doctor seemed to sense their confusion and shook his head. "Fine. Stick with the rock. Jack's the rock, Ianto's the river, constantly draw to him and crashing against him. And he's both pushing and pulling you out of place."

"And because I'm pushing him out of place—through no conscious part of my own," Ianto added, "this other time is seeping through?"

The Doctor nodded. "As Jack's rock slips from its place, things come up around it, like worms from the riverbed, leaking out around him from the time vortex."

"And in this case it's the paradox," Jack offered. "Probably because it's the most recent disruption to the timeline."

"Ah, you did pay attention at the Time Agency!" the Doctor exclaimed. "That would be my guess. I've never seen anything like this with a paradox leaking through, but it makes sense. A paradox damages time, so it's weaker now, more susceptible to further damage. When I look at you, I still see you as a fixed point, but I see Ianto pulling you out of place, and the paradox is coming in through the cracks."

Jack started pacing. "So what do we do to fix these cracks? To keep it from leaking through?"

"We need to stop the river from crashing against the rock," the Doctor said, his voice more quiet and serious as he gazed at Ianto. "So that it can remain in place as a fixed point in time."

Ianto's stomach dropped as he realized what the Doctor was saying. It was truly his fault, in the most literal sense of the word. He was the pull on Jack, dragging him out of his fixed place in the universe, allowing the paradox to seep in from the Time Vortex. Only half of which made sense to him, but he understood well enough that it would take something drastic to stop it.

It seemed Jack did as well, for Ianto felt Jack's fear as keenly as he felt his own. Jack backed away from the Doctor and came to Ianto's side, only barely refraining from taking his hand. "How?" he asked, sounding wary.

The Doctor took off his glasses and sighed. "You're not going to like it," he warned them.

"Tell me," Jack replied.

"We have to stop the push and pull of Ianto's flux state on your fixed state," the Doctor said. "The obvious solution would be—"

"No!" Jack exclaimed. "Don't even say it."

"—for Ianto to die in the Void. It's the only way to destroy the quantum entanglement," the Doctor said quietly. "There would be no pressure on you anymore."

Ianto let his eyes slip closed as his worst fear came true. The Doctor would sentence him to death to save the universe. And if that was all it took to save the world, who was he to deny it? Why was his life more important than that of billions upon billions of other beings scattered across space and time?

"I'm not letting you touch him," Jack snapped. "So don't ever suggest it again."

"I'm sorry," the Doctor reminded them. "I said there would be sacrifices."

"Not his life!" Jack exclaimed. "There must be another way."

"What if we were separated?" Ianto asked, trying to stay rational and not give in to panic. "If Jack was on the other side of the galaxy, would the effect be as strong?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Distance might slow it down, but not enough to make a difference."

"Then what if he went to another time?" Ianto suggested. "We know when Jack time travels, the bond disappears. It can survive distance, but not time travel. What if he returned to his own time?"

Ianto could feel Jack's hurt and heartache, but focused on the Doctor. It was a better solution than death, after all, and maybe Jack could be happy in his own time, back on his own planet.

"I don't want that," Jack said softly, clearly understanding Ianto's thought process. "I want to be with you, here and now."

"If I'm the one causing this to happen, however unintentionally, then maybe you need to get away from me," Ianto said, trying to keep his voice neutral. "I can't leave this time, I'd have no idea where to go and what to do, but you can. You could go home, or travel again."

"We don't know if it would even work," Jack said.

"It wouldn't," said the Doctor. "Jack's connected to the time vortex, which technically connects him to all times. Even if you can't feel the psychic bond, the quantum entanglement would still be there."

"Can we break the bond on our own?" Ianto asked, hating to suggest it, because in some ways it was as bad as death. Jack sucked in a breath, and Ianto sensed his pain.

"Enough to stop the push and pull?" the Doctor asked. "I doubt it. Severing a soulmate bond, which is quite painful, only cuts off the psychic connection, which is the tangible, conscious manifestation of the bond; the quantum entanglement remains at the subatomic level, and there is no way I'm aware of to undo it and survive, so I suspect nothing would change in this situation."

Jack's eyes slipped closed in relief. Ianto was glad that they would not have to voluntarily sever the bond which was growing stronger every day, but unfortunately it brought them back to the first solution, which Ianto desperately wanted to avoid. They were silent for a long moment as the implication of the Doctor's words became clear: the only way to stop the paradox from destroying the universe was to destroy Ianto.

"There is one other thing that might work," the Doctor offered, sounding reluctant. He slipped his glasses into a pocket with a sigh. "You won't like it either."

"What is it?" asked Jack. "If it doesn't involve killing anyone, it's a damn bit better than anything else we've got."

"No, it's quite the opposite, in fact." The Doctor waited for his words to sink in. Ianto felt Jack's shock and dismay first, then his absolute terror at whatever it was the Doctor was implying.

"No," he said. "No, you can't do that to him, to anyone!" He was so agitated Ianto could feel it flowing from Jack's skin, increasing his own alarm. What did the Doctor mean? Jack had said anything would be better than Ianto's death; the Doctor had replied that it was the opposite. The opposite of death. Which meant…

"Oh my god," he whispered, unable to move, to breathe, to even think. "You don't mean—"

"No!" Jack shouted, shaking a finger at him. "Don't even think think about it. You heard what he said. I'm wrong, I'm unnatural." He whirled on the Doctor and strode up to him, gesturing wildly. "What makes you think doing the same thing to him would fix this? Then he'd be wrong and unnatural too!"

"But he wouldn't be in flux. He wouldn't be chaos pulling at your order. He'd be a fixed point, like you. Two rocks sitting in the river."

"Together," Ianto murmured. "For eternity."

Jack stared at him, then abruptly turned and punched the Doctor on the jaw. The brown-haired man staggered back, holding a hand to his face.

"What was that for?" he demanded.

"For even thinking it, yet alone suggesting it," Jack replied. "You said you couldn't fix me, but you'd do the same thing to him? Put him through the hell I've been living with for over a hundred and fifty years? Forget it. Get out of my Hub."

"I don't like it either," the Doctor replied. "Believe me, the thought of another fixed point in time makes my skin crawl." He held up a hand when Jack opened his mouth to retort. "I'm sorry, Jack, but I'm a Time Lord. I see and hear and feel time differently than you do. I can't help what I am."

"And apparently neither can I," Jack replied bitterly. "But I can stop it from happening to anyone else. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone my soulmate. There must be another way."

"The only other way to stop it would be to destroy the entanglement permanently. Ianto would have to die, his particles scattered across the Void." The Doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Ianto felt sick. He knew he'd die in the name of Torchwood one day, though he'd half hoped it would be a heroic death saving an innocent bystander from a rampaging alien. He'd never thought it would be by his own hand, even if he would be saving the universe. It meant Jack would be alone to deal with the loss.

It was that thought that virtually stopped Ianto's heart. Yes, one day he would die and Jack would have to carry on for eternity by himself, but he'd somehow thought they would have more time together, so that Jack might carry the memories with him. Now they had nothing to remember but time wasted, spent fighting and wondering and doubting. No dinner, no movie, not even one day of happily ever after to speak of. It wasn't fair.

Ianto could feel Jack's pain and heartbreak through the bond. He glanced up to meet Jack's eyes, only to find them both wet with tears and steeled with determination. Jack wasn't accepting their fate; he was going to fight it. But he could not sacrifice the world for Ianto; Ianto would not let him.

"Jack, I—" he started, but was interrupted by a scream from the Hub. They ran out toward the work stations to find Gwen on the floor, covered in blood much as Ianto had been earlier. Owen hovered over her, trying to stem the flow from a ragged wound in her upper thigh with his bare hands, but it was clear the injury was serious. Her eyes fell shut as blood poured from the wound with each slowing beat of her heart.

By the time Tosh dashed back from the medical bay with bandages, Owen had sat back on the floor, his hands still covered in blood, his face stunned. "She's dead," he whispered. "She's really dead."

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to throw out so many gobs of thanks to Avaantares and Charlottegarlic here for their help with the Doctor and quantum entanglement. This has been the hardest chapter yet, trying to put to paper what I was thinking and feeling and imagining about this situation. I am once again quite nervous for the reception! I may have fallen into the technobabble trap, but it was necessary for my mind in order to understand and justify what Jack and Ianto need to do. And it was great fun hashing it out with Charlottegarlic. She pointed out that Jack is connected to the Time Vortex, which is why time travel may break their psychic bond, but won't break their entanglement at the subatomic level.
> 
> As for the Doctor, he belongs to Avaantares, who guided me into a better understanding of not only Ten, but of Jack and Ten's relationship after they meet, and the turning point a lot of us missed. If I could, I'd go back and tweak a few things in the last chapter, but that's okay, it stands. I did, however, try to temper Jack's anger with Ten and bring it out as more disappointment and hurt, confusion and fear. Let's face it: a lot happened to Jack on the Valiant, from being held prisoner for a year and most likely tortured, to the final confrontation with the Master and watching the Doctor beg the only other remaining Time Lord to regenerate. And now there is the growing fear of the paradox returning. There is little doubt in my mind that Jack left that ship with some trauma, but the nature of that trauma is certainly up to interpretation, as is the expression of it.
> 
> Anyway. I'm thinking three more chapters because I like even numbers. And if you're wondering, the answer is yes. But I'm not telling the question. Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

"She'll come back, right?" Tosh asked, kneeling next to Owen and reaching out toward Gwen only to pull her hands back. "It's another blip, it's not real. Ianto's injuries disappeared. There wasn't even any blood." Her voice rose upward at the end.

"Ianto didn't die," Owen answered, his voice low and broken.

Jack was deathly pale, and Ianto felt his shock through their bond. He was almost afraid Jack would collapse and moved toward him, ready to offer physical support. But for over a minute they all stood there, silent and still as statues, watching and waiting. Gwen did not move. She did not open her eyes, did not take a breath. The blood remained, pooling hideously around her.

"Doctor?" Jack whispered. "Tell me this isn't real."

"I'm sorry, Jack," the Doctor said softly, his voice filled with compassion. "I don't think she's coming back."

Jack's eyes slipped closed. Ianto moved closer until their arms were touching.

"What happened?" he asked Owen. Owen was still sitting on the floor with his knees up, staring at Gwen.

"Something ripped open her leg and she collapsed," he said. "Femoral artery. She didn't have a chance." He glanced at Ianto. "Do you remember this happening?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, but she went out one day to meet a source in the resistance and never returned. We heard she'd been killed by the Toclafane."

"Why isn't she coming back?" Tosh whispered. "These blips…they're just ghosts from another time. They're not supposed to kill people!"

"The leaks in time are getting stronger, more permanent," the Doctor said.

An alarm went off then. Tosh didn't move, nor did Jack or Owen. Ianto hurried over to one of Tosh's monitors to check the alert, and his heart skipped a beat at the news.

"A plane went down over Cardiff Airport," he said softly. "No survivors."

Jack glanced up sharply from where he was still staring at Gwen, waiting for the miracle. "Paradox year?" he asked. Ianto shrugged helplessly.

"I don't remember everything, especially when I was trying to get back to Cardiff, but I doubt it's a coincidence. Which means it's getting worse, Jack. We need to fix it now."

"No!" Jack said. "We need more time. We have to come up with another solution."

"You know how to stop it?" Owen asked, standing on shaky legs while Tosh supported him.

"No," said Jack, shaking his head in denial.

"Yes," Ianto said.

"It's not an option," Jack growled.

"What isn't?" asked Tosh.

Jack turned away and stalked into his office. Ianto felt wave after wave of grief and anger pouring off him and started toward him, but the Doctor held up a hand.

"I'll talk to him," he said softly. "You stay with your team."

The Doctor turned and went into the office. Ianto could see Jack pouring a drink from the decanter where he kept his top of the line scotch. He knocked it back in one quick gulp and poured another. Ianto's heart broke, feeling what Jack was going through—and knowing it would only get worse.

"What's going on, Ianto?" Owen asked. "How do we fix this?"

"I'm the problem," Ianto said, turning toward them and trying to maintain his composure. They looked so confused he almost wept. "I'm connected to Jack, and because I'm not immortal like him, I'm sort of pulling him out of his place in the universe, I guess. And time is leaking out around him. So if I…" He gulped and took an unsteady breath to continue. "If I die, Jack won't be affected anymore and time will go back to normal."

Tosh's hands flew to her mouth. "No," she whispered. "Ianto, you can't…"

Ianto looked anywhere but at her. "I don't know that I have a choice, Tosh."

"Bullshit," snapped Owen. "I'm with Jack on this. It's not an option. How do you know killing yourself would even work? Because some crazy alien in a blue box said so?"

"It made sense at the time," Ianto murmured.

"It's bollocks," Owen said. "What else can we do? You said Jack is popping out of place?"

"Something like that," Ianto replied. "Metaphorically speaking, at least."

"So we come up with some way to stick him back where he belongs and seal up the leak around him, even if we have to do it with chewing gum and a plaster. Tosh?"

Tosh gave a wide-eyed shrug. "I can try. I don't know much about Jack and his immortality, though, so it's all new to me."

"Tell me about it," Ianto laughed bitterly. "It was like listening to a physics lecture in another language. The only other option…well, it's just as bad. Maybe worse."

"What?" asked Owen. "What can be worse than death?"

"Never dying," Ianto replied. Tosh gasped.

"Like Jack?"

Ianto nodded; Owen swore.

"You're right, it is worse."

"Which is why it's off the table," said Jack, coming out of his office. He looked more composed, though Ianto could sense he was barely holding himself together. Whatever the Doctor had said had helped, and for that Ianto was thankful and relieved. They needed Jack to stay strong.  _He_  needed Jack to stay strong, more than anything, if he was going to do what had to be done.

"Tosh, talk to the Doctor. You'll probably understand what's going on better than the rest of us combined. Come up with some other way of fixing this. Owen, we need to take Gwen downstairs, get her cleaned up."

Owen set his jaw and nodded. "What about her fiancé?"

"Let's wait on telling him," Jack said. He glanced down at Gwen before passing a hand over his eyes, as if he couldn't bear the sight. "I want to fix this, all of it. Ianto, can you keep an eye on what's going on outside the Hub?"

Ianto nodded. "I'll get in touch with the local authorities and touch base with UNIT as well. But I'll start with some coffee, first. I think we could all use it." Particularly Jack, who'd knocked back at least one bourbon in his office. Jack gave him a grateful look, then turned toward Owen.

"Let me help," he said quietly. "I brought her here, I should take her down."

He bent over and picked up Gwen's body from the floor, heedless of the blood staining his shirt. Ianto could feel Jack holding back his silent grief and tried to take it all in, absorb as much of it as he could and offer his own strength so that Jack did not have to suffer. Because it would only get worse before it was over.

Tosh watched them go down the stairs before turning toward Ianto. He met her eyes and nodded, and then she was in his arms, crying silently for their fallen comrade. Ianto held her tight and rubbed her back, feeling absolute rubbish at offering comfort. He was in shock himself, that Gwen was dead below them, all because of him. It should be him lying there now. He was the one who had to die, in order to keep it from happening any more. Who would die next? Tosh? Owen? His family? They had to stop it, and if Jack could not accept that fate, Ianto would have to act alone.

He tried to keep his thoughts close; even though Jack couldn't read his mind, they could pick up on one another's emotions clearly enough to guess at the thoughts behind them. At that moment, however, Jack was too overwhelmed by losing Gwen, too scared to lose someone else on the team, too terrified about losing Ianto. And through it all, Ianto also sensed a growing fear of the paradox itself, and realized what that could mean for Jack: torture and death at the hands of a madman.

The computer beeped at them then, but Tosh wiped her eyes with the back of her hand to check it herself this time. "Emergency services just received a call that the entire National Assembly building has disappeared." She frowned as she continued reading. "Gone, not destroyed. Just there one moment and disappeared the next. It doesn't even make sense!"

Ianto blew out a frustrated breath. "Okay, I know Jack said to sit with the Doctor and find another solution, but I need to talk to him first, alone. Keep on the alerts, they'll be calling to blame us any minute, I should think."

She nodded as he handed her the handkerchief he kept in his pocket. Grabbing his hand before he turned away, she squeezed it tight in reassurance. "We're going to figure this out," she said. "We'll find another way."

Ianto nodded, unable to reply, then turned toward Jack's office, where the Doctor was poking around the shelves and desk. He entered and shut the door behind him, then walked straight to Jack's empty glass and poured himself a generous amount of scotch.

"I see you react similarly to Jack under pressure," the Doctor observed dryly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Do you lot always drink on the job?"

"Only on days like today," Ianto replied. "Would you like some?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No, thank you. You go right ahead." He smiled, but Ianto couldn't read him and ignored it. He sipped at his drink, trying to gather his thoughts into coherent words.

"You mean to do something," the Doctor said first, nodding to himself. "Only I'm not sure what. You hold your cards close, as they say."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "As this concerns me, it should be my decision, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"I'm not sure how much I can advise you," the Doctor replied.

"Can you answer questions?"

"I can do that," said the Doctor. "Though you might not always like the answers."

Ianto finished his drink and leaned against Jack's desk. "I understand the first option well enough, though I don't necessarily understand the bit about quantum entanglement and the Void." He held up a hand to hold back any long-winded explanation. "And I don't need to know. Dead is dead. It's the other option I want to know about."

The barest hint of a frown tipped the corners of the Doctor's mouth. "All right."

"How would you make me like Jack?" Ianto asked. "You said Rose Tyler made Jack immortal, but that she didn't know what she was doing and couldn't control the power. Can you?"

"Can I control it and use it like she did?" the Doctor asked, and Ianto nodded. "No, I can't. Rose took in the energy of the Time Vortex, and it would have killed her if I hadn't taken from her. And it did kill me. I regenerated after that." He grinned. "New body, new face, new everything."

"So how would you make me immortal?" Ianto pressed.

"Well, I wouldn't," the Doctor replied slowly. "You would have to look into the heart of the TARDIS, and she would. Maybe."

"What do you mean, maybe?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I can't say for sure what you'd see, what you'd experience. The TARDIS speaks to each person she encounters differently. She knows something is wrong here, and she brought me here to help. Whether that's by taking you into the Void or letting you look into the Time Vortex remains to be seen. And what she does if you look is up to her."

Ianto blew out a long, frustrated breath. "Your ship is sentient?"

"Of course," the Doctor replied, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"And you can't predict what it would do?"

"Not at all," the Doctor replied. "She might make you a fixed point in time, like Jack, or you might go simply go insane, like most people. It's not without its risks."

"Not without its risks?" Ianto echoed. "We're talking about the fate of the universe and my  _life_  here! I need to understand what my choices are so that I can do the right thing!"

The Doctor became very serious. He stood before Ianto and laid a hand on his arm. "Yes, you do. You heard what Jack said about his life. He wouldn't wish it on anyone. My own Time Lord reservations about fixed points aside, could you give up a normal life to live forever? Never dying, always losing those around you? I know it hurts Jack, I can see how it's changed him. Could you do that, live that life for eternity?"

Ianto thought about it and felt his heart begin to race. The thought of forever was genuinely terrifying, but if he could be with Jack, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. And maybe it would be easier for Jack as well, knowing someone was always there for him, with him, until the end of time. But Jack didn't want him to choose immortality; he'd said he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. What if Ianto were immortal, but Jack grew to hate him for it?

And yet, could he leave Jack so soon, when they'd had so little time together? Could he leave Jack alone in the universe, with no soulmate for eternity? Who would watch over him, take care of him, mend his broken heart?

"Would you look after him, if I died?" Ianto asked quietly. The Doctor studied him before nodding.

"Yes, I would."

"And it would work?" Another nod. "Would it bring back Gwen and all the others who've died today?"

"Ah," the Doctor said, this time shaking his head. "Unfortunately, it would not. Time would continue moving forward, only the issue would be fixed and there would be no more leaks. She would still be dead, and so would you."

The realization hit hard, that he could not reverse what had already happened. There had to be a way to make his sacrifice matter, to bring back Gwen and the other innocent victims of his inadvertent pull on Jack. Maybe once Tosh talked to the Doctor, she could come up with another solution, something that would make everything right.

"I need another option," he told the Doctor, feeling the tug of desperation. "I'm not going to end my life if I can't save Gwen. Maybe Tosh can—"

"Doctor!" They were cut off by a shout from the Hub, and they hurried out to find Jack and Owen standing at Tosh's station, clearly upset and in shock. Jack was typing furiously at the keyboards, searching for something.

"What happened?" Ianto demanded, looking around the Hub. "Where's Tosh?"

Owen moved his mouth a few times before answering. "She's gone. She just disappeared, right in front of our eyes."

Jack was shaking his head at the computer, in complete denial. Ianto could feel the outburst building.

"What do you mean she disappeared?" asked the Doctor. "How? Did she pop out? Fade? Teleport?"

"She…she sort of gasped and doubled over and then just disappeared. No fade, no Star Trek shimmer, nothing. Gone." He ran a shaking hand across his face. "It's killing us, and now it's taking us, too. Tosh…"

Jack slammed his hands down on the keyboard, then sent it crashing to the floor with a curse. He swept his arms across the nearest desk and threw everything on it to the ground. Hunched over, his shoulders began to shake, but all too quickly Ianto felt him bottle it all up. He stood and turned to the Doctor, his face dark.

"We need to protect ourselves while we figure this out," he said. "How?"

"Tosh was supposed to figure it out," Ianto murmured, the words slipping out before he could stop them. He was in shock, the back-to-back losses of two close friends and coworkers hitting him hard. And it was his fault, only there was nothing he could do to bring them back.

Except that maybe there was.

"The only thing you can do is stop the leaks," said the Doctor. "It's completely random, and there's no shield for this sort of thing."

Jack swore and started pacing. The thought that had slipped into his mind grew, and Ianto took a deep breath to speak into the stunned silence.

"If my past self stops this from happening before it even begins, will it create another paradox?" Ianto asked. "Or because the paradox shouldn't be returning, will it reset the timeline at that moment?"

The Doctor pursed his lips and thought about it. "Who says this shouldn't be happening, that they shouldn't have died? Maybe this is exactly what is supposed to happen."

"We have to stop this!" Owen exclaimed. "Whether it's supposed to happen or not."

"Yes, you do," the Doctor agreed. "But in the future, the past, or the present?"

"Stop it," Ianto snapped. "Answer the damn question for once and stop talking in riddles. Will going back in time to prevent Gwen and Tosh from dying create a paradox?"

The Doctor studied him closely. "It will if you go back and kill yourself. Then you won't be alive in this moment to go back and off yourself, and that's definitely a paradox. A big one."

"But if you went back and plugged the leak the other way?" Ianto pressed. "Would it fix everything?" He hoped Jack wouldn't catch on to what Ianto was suggesting, but he felt Jack's panic immediately.

"No!" he said. "You can't be serious."

"It might be the only way to bring them back, Jack," Ianto replied.

"What the hell is going on?" demanded Owen. "How are you going to bring them back?"

Neither Ianto nor Jack answered; it was the Doctor who explained.

"He wants me to go back in time and make him immortal."

Owen swore. "Ianto, mate, Jack's right—you can't do this. It's not the answer."

"It might be the only answer," Ianto insisted, "if we want to bring Gwen and Tosh back, and all those people on the plane, and at the Assembly building, not to mention anyone that's died or disappeared since. And it's the only idea we have!"

"It's not an option," Jack repeated. "You don't know what you're considering."

"I'm considering how to save not only my friends, but the rest of the world," Ianto snapped. "Tell me you don't want Tosh back. Or Gwen. Jack, I know how much she means to you. How can you let them die if I can save them?"

"Because your life—" Jack started, then literally stuffed his hand in his mouth. "You are my soulmate. I don't want to lose you. I can't."

"That's the thing," Ianto replied with a sad smile. "You wouldn't lose me. Ever."

Another alarm went off, but they all ignored it, the conversation at a standoff and Jack and Ianto stared at one other, desperate energy crackling between them. When it continued beeping at them, Owen moved off to check it. "Explosion in Bute Park," he said quietly. "Massive casualties."

"I have to do this, Jack," Ianto said. "I don't have any choice."

Jack didn't speak. A strange look came over his face, then his eyes widened. His mouth opened in a silent scream of agony, and his hands fell to his stomach. Blood suddenly erupted everywhere, splattering Ianto's suit as Jack toppled over, desperately trying to hold in his guts. Blue eyes met Ianto's, filled with pain and horror and shame; Ianto fell to his knees next to him, hands hovering for a moment over the ruin of Jack's abdomen before coming to his face. He kissed Jack on the lips as he watched the life drain from him.

"I will save you this time," he whispered.

Jack shook his head. "No, please…"

"I love you," Ianto said quietly, still staring into his eyes. "And when you come back, everything will be okay. The way it's supposed to be." He felt a strange calm come over him, knowing his words were true. He would save Jack, when he hadn't in the paradox; he would bring back Gwen and Tosh, whom he'd also failed to protect. And he would be with Jack, forever. The Doctor had wondered how they'd become entangled, soulmates born millennia apart. Maybe this was part of it.

Jack kept staring at him, his breath coming in rattling gasps until at last the life left his eyes. Ianto shut them and kissed his forehead, then stood and turned to Owen.

"Sedate him as soon as he wakes up," he said. "Although if this works, time will change, and none of this will have happened."

"Ianto," the doctor began, but Ianto held up a hand and stopped him.

"I know what I'm doing, Owen. I have to do this. For Gwen, for Tosh—for Jack. And for you and all the others out there who may die or disappear next. I can't let that happen just because I'm afraid of hanging around making coffee for a few extra centuries."

"I was going to say good luck," Owen replied quietly. He held out his hand. "You're a good man."

Ianto took his hand in surprise, even more surprised when Owen pulled him into a rough embrace. He remembered all Owen had done for him during the year Jack had been gone and they had stood up to the Toclafane together, from their harrowing return to Wales, to hiding in the Hub, to finding a way to help Ianto through the blackouts of Jack's deaths. He remembered Owen's heroic death, and vowed he would not lose the doctor like he had lost Tosh and Gwen.

Turning toward the Doctor, he nodded. "I'm ready," he said. The Doctor glanced between him and Jack.

"If you're sure," he said.

"I'm sure," Ianto replied.

"All right, then," said the Doctor. "Then I suppose I'll see you on the other side." He nodded at Owen, then glanced sadly at Jack before turning to leave. Ianto followed silently.

"I remember the way out," the Doctor offered in the lift.

"I'm coming with you," Ianto replied. The Doctor turned toward him in surprise. The lift stopped, but he did not exit.

"There's no reason for you to jump back with me," the Doctor exclaimed. "It's a bad idea to cross your own timeline."

"Don't you do it all the time?" Ianto asked.

"I'm different, I'm a Time Lord."

Ianto rolled his eyes, earning a surprised huff from the Doctor. They left the lift and walked through the tunnel to the tourist office, where the Doctor tried to put him off once more.

"You should stay with Jack," he said quietly.

"You need me more," Ianto told him, and waited for his reaction.

"I've been doing this for quite a while, Mr. Jones," he replied, his voice rather clipped.

"Have you ever tried to convince someone you've never met to look into the heart of time so they can become immortal and save the world?" The Doctor sputtered, and Ianto went on, motioning him toward the door. "I didn't think so. And I know myself—my past self. He's not going to believe you. He doesn't know you. So he's not going to do it, not without thinking about it and talking to Jack first."

"I can be convincing," the Doctor told him.

"I'm sure you have your methods," Ianto said. "But I need to do this. Because I'll believe myself. I might still need convincing, but I can do it. And then you won't have to." He glanced sideways at the Doctor and continued reluctantly. "Jack's not going to be happy when he finds out. I don't want him to blame you."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You do realize that as soon as you convince your past self to do it, you'll no longer exist?"

Ianto shrugged. "Technically, I suppose. But my past self will be alive, and none of this will have happened. It's worth it."

"Mr. Jones, you are not only a good man, you are a remarkable man," the Doctor said.

"I'm just trying to do the right thing," Ianto murmured. He was terrified of what would happen to him—both of him. Yet he buried his fear and began contemplating how best to convince his past self of what he needed to do. He motioned toward the TARDIS.

"We should go, before Jack revives and tries to stop us."

"You're right about him not being happy," the Doctor pointed out.

"He'll understand," Ianto replied. "Some day."

The Doctor nodded and opened the door to his ship. "Then after you, Mr. Jones. Let's go save the world."

Ianto stepped into the TARDIS and hoped he had made the right choice.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments on the last chapter! You didn't think I was going to throw Ianto into the Void, did you? He's not out of the woods yet, but at least we're getting closer to some sort of resolution. Thanks again, and enjoy the rest!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

The first thing Ianto felt when he stepped into the TARDIS was a gentle brush of reassurance against his mind, complimented by a rush of excitement. He wasn't sure if the ship was happy to see him or to see the Doctor, but he immediately liked it, however reluctantly. He'd thought a time-traveling sentient police box would be strange and uncomfortable, but he almost felt as if he belonged there. The ship was singing in his mind, and it was beautiful.

The Doctor studied him thoughtfully. "Interesting," he said, offering no explanation. He moved toward a large, center console.

"It certainly is," Ianto murmured.

"Yes," the Doctor replied as he studied various screens. "Although most people generally notice that she's—"

"Amazing," Ianto replied. "Beautiful and terrifying and amazing."

The Doctor huffed. "I was going to point out that she's bigger on the inside, but that's all quite true as well." He glanced up, wearing his glasses again. "You're still sure about this?"

The TARDIS hummed its agreement, and the Doctor glanced around with an annoyed look on his face. "I wasn't talking to you," he said, though it was clear he wasn't upset. "You're obviously in love with him already."

"It doesn't even know me!" Ianto protested. The Doctor shrugged.

"There's more going on here than we see. Which is a good sign, I think. Now, when did this all start, with the paradox?"

"I began remembering things when we were in the Himalayas. Harold Saxon sent us there." The Doctor's face tightened almost imperceptibly; if Ianto hadn't known who and what Harold Saxon really was, he might not have noticed. "Jack said that was probably when time reset."

"All right." The Doctor threw a couple of levers around; it looked completely random. "But what about the first breakthrough? When you actually saw something in Cardiff?"

Ianto told him where he had seen a Toclafane the previous morning, and the Doctor pressed some more buttons and stepped back while the ship shook slightly. "Then that's where we'll go, right before it begins to punch through and disrupt the timeline. You can nab yourself from the alley and bring him in here."

"And then what?" Ianto asked.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "That's up to you, Mr. Jones. You said you needed to convince yourself to do this. What if you can't? Are you prepared to force yourself to do it?"

"I won't have to," Ianto replied with false confidence. "I can do this. Both of me." It was confusing talking about himself in two different tenses; he wondered how time travelers kept things straight.

Something occurred to him then, the same question he'd asked earlier. "If I go back and talk myself into becoming immortal, I'll be changing the past. Won't I still risk another paradox?"

The Doctor stared at the floor for a long moment, as if thinking, or perhaps listening to the answer from the ship around him. He finally looked up and shrugged. "It's possible, but unlikely. It may be that the Reapers appear and destroy Cardiff until things return to the way they are supposed to be, but I think it's more likely that your paradox will sort of cancel out the first one."

"The Master's paradox?" Ianto asked, and the Doctor nodded.

"That year wasn't meant to be," he said. "A paradox that large does massive damage to space and time, and for it to be leaking back through the cracks is bad. Very bad."

"So two wrongs make a right?" Ianto asked.

"Perhaps," the Doctor replied. "And if not, I think the TARDIS will protect you, enough to do what has to be done."

"Because I have to do this, in order to stop pulling Jack out of place."

"Yes," the Doctor replied. "But like I said, I think there's more going on here than we know. I think you're meant to be a fixed point in time, like Jack."

Ianto stared at him in surprise. "I thought you said Jack was wrong, impossible."

"Oh, he is," the Doctor replied. "But apparently he's not meant to be alone." He gave Ianto a very pointed look, and suddenly Ianto understood.

He had been brought to this moment for a reason, been given this choice in the middle of a crisis for a purpose: he was Jack's soulmate, and if Jack was immortal, what was the sense in him having a mortal soulmate who would live only one short lifetime with Jack? No, Ianto was supposed to be immortal, and this was how.

Ianto knew that it would work, though it would not be easy: there would certainly be more pain and heartache along the way. For one, he himself would not experience any more time with Jack, it would be his past self who would stand by Jack's side for eternity. And Jack would be angry, no doubt. He had been completely opposed to the idea of Ianto becoming immortal from the moment the Doctor had mentioned it, and it would be difficult for Jack to understand why it was necessary when he had not experienced everything that had happened—Gwen's death, Tosh's disappearance, his own torture—in the last forty-eight hours.

"Will I remember any of this—or rather, will my past self remember?" Ianto asked, and the Doctor shook his head.

"You won't be around to remember," he pointed out, and continued before Ianto could ask again. "And your other self, your past self, will not have experienced it, so he'll only know what you tell him. You can tell him nothing or everything, keeping in mind that he has to live with this decision forever, and you won't be around to coach him through it."

Ianto took a deep breath and steeled himself. "All right. Anything else?"

"Don't touch yourself," the Doctor said, and Ianto couldn't help a bark of laughter escaping, he was that nervous. The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I don't mean it like that—don't touch your  _other_  self, your past self. Crossing your own timeline is generally not recommended. Lots of energies at play, and strange things can happen. The TARDIS will probably protect you, but it's best to stay safe."

Ianto nodded, wondering what happened when a time traveler touched their past or future self. Maybe Jack would know; he suspected Jack was the kind of person who would travel back in time and shag himself.

"Noted. Shall we go?"

"We're already there," the Doctor replied with a manic grin. "Let's go find yourself."

He led the way over to the door, and Ianto followed, wondering when they had moved. He even opened his mouth to ask, but the Doctor seemed to sense his thoughts.

"Not long and not far," he said. "It was a quick and easy jump. Now the hard work begins."

He opened the door and stepped out into the same street where Ianto had been chasing a Weevil with Owen the previous day. It was a pedestrian walkway, opening onto Queens Street, with more shops and restaurants and thus more people, which was where Ianto had thought he'd seen a Toclafane only to end up shooting a little girl's silver balloon. Fortunately, the side street had been relatively empty when Ianto had been trying to cut off the Weevil; he looked around, glad to see it was quiet and wondering what time it was.

He didn't have long to wait. He saw his past self come running up the street and stepped in front of him. The other man skidded to a stop and swore, pulling out a gun and aiming it a Ianto's head with good reflexes. Ianto held up his hands.

"I'm you," he said. "Don't shoot or bad things will happen."

"Like what?" asked his past self. "Other than you bleeding out?"

"I won't be able to help you stop what's going to happen tomorrow," Ianto told him.

The gun wavered slightly. "You're from the future?" the other man asked, and Ianto nodded, relieved his past self had picked it up so quickly.

"Tell Owen to go to the next street so we can talk."

The gun came right back up, and his past self took a step back. "Why? So you can kill me?"

The Doctor sauntered up then, hands in his pockets as he glanced curiously around. "He can't do that, he'd be killing himself in the process." He waved. "Hullo, I'm the Doctor."

The gun fell to the other man's side as he stared wide-eyed between Ianto and the Doctor. When Ianto nodded, his past self swallowed and tapped his comm.

"Owen, it's heading down toward the Firestone Pub. I'll circle around and meet you there." Ianto didn't hear the doctor's response, but his past self looked up at them and frowned. "I hope I didn't sentence someone to death by Weevil."

"It got away," said Ianto. "So I think we're okay. I need to talk to you, and I need you to believe me." He glanced around. "And we probably shouldn't do it standing out here in the open."

"There's a Starbucks around the corner," his past self suggested dryly. "Unless you've given up coffee in the future."

"God, no," Ianto replied, aghast at the very idea. "And I'm from two days in the future, so not enough time to kick a habit like ours anyway." He frowned; he'd referred to himself in the plural sense, and it was wigging him out almost as much as speaking to himself face-to-face.

"We should get you two into the TARDIS," the Doctor said, glancing around as if he were in a spy movie. "Before things start to happen."

"What things?" demanded his past self.

"Bad things," Ianto told him again. "Which I will explain inside. Hurry."

He turned and followed the Doctor back to the TARDIS, hoping his past self was following. Stepping inside the ship, he was relieved when he heard an intake of breath, and smiled to himself; it had only been a few minutes since he'd first set foot inside the TARDIS, but it was fun to see his past self experience the wonder first hand.

"This is amazing," his past self murmured.

"That's what I said." Ianto buried a hysterical laugh, focusing instead on his reason for being there and how he would convince his past self to take on the burden of immortality.

"Why am I here?" his past self demanded, beating him to it.

"You're about to see a Toclafane outside," Ianto told him. "It's the first in a series of increasing leaks in time. By the end of tomorrow, you will have experienced a mortal injury, Gwen's death, Toshs' disappearance, and Jack's torture, as well as a major plane crash and the disappearance of dozens of people as the leaks begin to overwhelm the real timeline."

The Doctor was nodding on the other side of the ship. "Straight and to the point. Good."

His past self glanced back at the Doctor, then turned back to Ianto. "You're serious?"

"Completely. We're here to stop it."

"How?"

The Doctor whistled as he walked around the console, hands tucked into his pockets. "It won't be easy," he murmured.

Ianto ignored him. "Jack is a fixed point in time. You … _we_ …are not. Because you're… _we're…_ soulmates with Jack, we're pulling him out of his fixed place in the universe, and time is leaking out around him. The year that Jack was gone, which I know you remember, is coming through. Things that happened during that year are happening again, and completely at random. Soon it will overwrite this timeline. We have to fix it by stopping the pull on Jack."

His past self took a moment to think it over before taking several steps backward. "You really are here to kill me."

The Doctor snorted, and Ianto glared at him. He shook his head and reached out toward his past self, remembering at the last minute not to touch him. "No, I can't do that. If I kill you, I'll create a massive paradox that will probably only make things worse."

"Definitely worse," the Doctor agreed

"Shut up," Ianto hissed at him. "You're not helping."

The Doctor waved his hand to carry on.

"What's the solution, then?" Ianto's past self asked, clearly wary of whatever Ianto was going to propose. He thought back to how he'd felt two days ago, and how he would have reacted to his future self showing up and asking him to give up his mortality and live forever. He'd have probably marched right back out the door. He motioned the Doctor toward the exit just in case.

"Right now…" Ianto took a deep breath to push through. "Gwen is dead, she bled out in the Hub. Tosh disappeared. A plane crashed at Cardiff Airport. People are dying and disappearing. Because you are connected to Jack at a quantum level—that's the  _animoré_ bond—the only way to stop what's happening is for you to become immortal like him, because that will stop the pull on Jack. You'll be the same."

The other man stared at him with exactly the expression Ianto would have imagined; he also started to back away toward the door, just as he had expected. "You're joking," said his past self, shaking his head. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I work for Torchwood!"

"None the less, it's true," said Ianto. "All of those things will happen tomorrow if we don't stop it today. So I've come back to convince you that it's truly the only solution, and that I've accepted it."

"I haven't!" his past self exclaimed, voice teetering on hysteria; Ianto was slightly embarrassed for himself.

"You will," he pointed out. "Tomorrow, after Gwen dies, after Tosh disappears. After you watch Jack die from torture at the hands of Harold Saxon."

"I'm not that you yet, am I?" his other self tossed back. "And if you're me, you know well enough that I—that  _we_ —don't like to do things because someone told us." He glanced at the Doctor with barely disguised contempt. "Especially people we don't trust."

"That's why I'm here," Ianto replied. "Because I know that, I understand."

"You're still with him," his past self pointed out, jerking his head toward the Time Lord.

"He has the time machine," Ianto retorted. "He didn't want me to come, but I insisted that I had to be the one to talk to you, to do this."

"To do what, again?" His past self was being remarkably difficult, and Ianto wondered if he was always like that.

"Look," Ianto said, sighing in frustration. "I need you to believe me. I need you to trust me. I need you to—"

"Give up my life for you?" snapped the other man. "Without any reason, any proof? Maybe you don't know yourself as well as you thought if you thought I'd do something so insane so easily!"

"Christ, I knew I was stupid but not willfully ignorant and spiteful!" Ianto snapped back. "Give up  _your_  life? Do you have any idea what that would mean for  _me_? If I'm from the future and you change the past, what does that mean for me?"

His other self was silent, his face a stubborn mask. "I die. I will no longer  _exist_. Right now, right here, I disappear—I will no longer have a future, I will never see my family again, and I will never be with Jack. You, however, will get to spend the rest of your life with him." Ianto stepped closer and motioned to his dirty suit. "This is Jack's blood. The Master eviscerated him right in front of me, and he died an agonizing death in my arms. All because of me, which means I have to stop it.  _We_  have to stop it. Before Owen dies, before Rhi and kids die, before Jack is forced to die over and over and over again!" He wanted to grab the other man's shoulders and shake him, but fisted his hands in anger instead.

"We're running out of time," the Doctor murmured from the door. "Once the paradox starts pushing through more and more, it will become more and more difficult to stop it." He paused. "And we can't go back and try again. Doesn't work like that."

Ianto's past self turned and stared at the Doctor. "You're serious. This is all really happening."

"This is quite real," said the Doctor. "And I'm very sorry, but you need to make your decision."

There was a profound silence, and Ianto began to panic.

"I know you love him," Ianto said quietly. "Because it was the last thing I said to him before I left. And I know that for you, the thought of living forever is terrifying. For me, so is the thought of dying. But we can do this. We have to. There's no other choice."

His past self dropped his head. "Forever?" he whispered. "That's so…long."

" _Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality_." The both turned to look at the Doctor, who shrugged. "It's somewhat cliché for most humans, but I think it's rather apt for you."

"I don't think I can do this," his past self whispered, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but I can't, not without—"

There was a shout from outside, the sound of a gunshot from nearby. The Doctor ran to a nearby monitor and frowned. "It's starting. Jack's seen the Toclafane outside."

Ianto twitched his head as his memories started to realign. Jack had shot at the Toclafane, had been almost hysterical when Ianto had found him…no, that wasn't right, Ianto had been the one to see it, to shoot it…but hadn't it been a balloon…

"Oh god," he said, glancing up at the Doctor in panic. "Time is changing, isn't it?"

"We need to do this now, Ianto," he said, his voice more serious than ever.

His past self was rooted to the spot, so Ianto nodded and moved forward. "What will happen if I do it instead?" he asked. The Doctor glanced up in surprise.

"It won't bring them back," he said. "And considering we've already changed the past by bringing him inside, it could destabilize the timeline even more."

"No, I'll do it," said Ianto's past self, stepping forward with clear resolution. "I'll do it, whatever I have to do. Promise me one thing."

Ianto shrugged helplessly. "I can't. I won't be here."

His past self turned toward the Doctor. "Don't tell Jack."

Ianto's eyes slipped closed. It was exactly as he would have done, which made perfect sense since it was him. The Doctor studied them both before nodding. He motioned Ianto's past self forward.

"You'll be looking into the very heart of the TARDIS, into the Time Vortex. You'll see things and feel things like you've never experienced before." He bent down and began to undo a panel in the center console. "It may hurt, it may tickle, and it is entirely possible, however unlikely, that you'll feel nothing at all." Before his past self could ask, the Doctor held up a hand to explain. "The TARDIS has a mind of her own, Mr. Jones. She brought me here, and now that you've made your choice, it's up to her whether or not it becomes reality."

"So there's a chance I might not…" His past self trailed off, sounding both worried and relieved.

"Again, I think it's unlikely," the Doctor replied. "For what it's worth, I think you're making the decision you are supposed to make. I may not like it, but I've got used to Jack, so I can get used to you, too. Especially if you can reign him in a bit."

The thought of this other version of himself being with Jack forever filled Ianto with sadness and longing, and he stepped away, almost tripping over a nearby step. The sound caught their attention. His past self turned and looked at him with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I know what you're giving up."

"I know you do," Ianto replied. "But it's worth it."

"Thank you," said the other man. "For coming back."

"Thank you," said Ianto, his voice cracking. "For believing me. And for saving the world."

His past self cocked his head and smiled sadly. "You know I'm not doing it for you, or for the world. Not really. I'm doing it for—"

"—for Jack," they finished together.

"Take care of him," Ianto said, his heart breaking. With a silent nod, his past self turned around. The Doctor caught Ianto's eye and held it as he opened the Heart of the TARDIS and stepped away. His past self took a deep breath and settled his shoulders before he moved closer and gazed into the golden white light.

Ianto felt the song of the TARDIS burst into glory around him. She was ecstatic, for she had finally closed the circle that Rose had started so long ago. Yet she was also mourning, and Ianto knew that it was for him. Even as she reached out and wrapped his past self in the ethereal energy of the Time Vortex, she surrounded Ianto with another song, singing him into oblivion as time swirled into darkness around him.

His last thought was that at least Jack would not be alone for eternity, and for that she loved him forever.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every so often I write something that genuinely makes me sad, and this is one of those things. Tissues all around, and my thanks for sticking with it.
> 
> The quotation is from an Emily Dickinson poem.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Ianto came to on the floor, surrounded by dim lights, a strange hum, and a feeling of concern brushing against his mind that wasn't from his bond with Jack. For a moment, he was both confused and frightened, until he remembered where he was, and what he had done. And then he panicked, sitting up fast and gasping as he was blindsided by a sharp pain in his head.

"I'd take it easy, if I were you," said a voice. Jack? No, it was Jack's Doctor. He'd just met the enigmatic alien, but Ianto already found him frustrating.

"I noticed," he grumbled. "My head feels like it might roll off if I move it too fast."

"Oh, I doubt that," replied the Doctor. "Though I have seen stranger things. You might have a bit of a headache, however."

"A bit?" Ianto asked sarcastically.

"Well, you did look into the Time Vortex," the Doctor pointed out. "I'd be surprised if you didn't. Are you still feeling sane?"

"So far," Ianto replied. He started to stand, moving slower than he liked, but he felt stiff and tired, as if his body had gone through something traumatic and needed a week to recover. Which maybe it had. The TARDIS hummed in his mind, offering him comfort and strength.

"Did it work?" Ianto asked.

"How do you feel?" the Doctor countered.

"Like hell," Ianto snapped. "So did it work or was it was all for nothing?"

"Oh, well, in terms of the leaks? I'm not sensing anything about the paradox anymore. I think it fixed the problem."

"Does that mean I'm…" He trailed off, trying to imagine using the word. The Doctor cocked his head.

"How do you feel?" he asked again.

"I don't feel much different, if that's what you mean," Ianto replied. "Tired and achy is about it." He gazed at his hands, his body, and shook his head ruefully. "I don't know why, but I was expecting to glow."

"Oh, you did," the Doctor chuckled. "But not anymore. Still, you look different to me."

"Oh." Ianto swallowed. Maybe it had worked. Maybe he was like Jack after all. Which meant…

"What happened to the other me? The one from the future?"

The Doctor actually looked sad, which surprised Ianto for some reason; he had the distinct impression that the Doctor could be even more ruthless than Jack at times.

"He's gone. Faded back into the time stream."

"He's dead?"

"For lack of a better term, yes," the Doctor replied. "But he knew what would happen when he came back and changed time."

"He was far braver than I'll ever be," Ianto murmured, thinking of how hard it would have been to sacrifice himself, even if it was to save Tosh and Gwen, even if it meant another version of himself still lived.

"Oh, but he was you," the Doctor pointed out. "And I think you are remarkably brave for what you've done."

There was a loud pounding on the door then, and they both jumped. Hurrying over to a monitor, the Doctor glanced up at Ianto and grinned. "Jack's here, and he doesn't look happy!"

"You can't tell him," Ianto hissed, as if someone could hear them outside. "Please, you gave your word."

"And I'll keep my word," the Doctor told him. "Because you should tell him yourself."

"I will," said Ianto. "Eventually."

The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and looked down his nose at Ianto. "You're more scared of him knowing you're immortal than actually being immortal, aren't you?"

"I am," Ianto replied honestly. "He won't take it well."

"Probably not," the Doctor agreed, confirming Ianto's worst thoughts. "He didn't want to choose this path."

"There was another choice?" Ianto asked in surprise. Why had his future self chosen this one then, when he'd known he'd die?

"You—your future self—would have had to die in the Void," the Doctor explained. "Look, since he couldn't explain everything, I'll give you the quick version. Soulmates are two people entangled at the quantum level—basic physics. You and Jack are entangled, although how that happened when you were born three thousand years apart is beyond me. I should look into that." He stopped as a thoughtful look came over his face. It was interrupted by a continued pounding on the door. "Next time, perhaps."

"What does any of that have to do with me being…like this now?" He couldn't say it; that would make it real.

"Right. Because Jack is connected to the Time Vortex and you were not, your mortal self was pulling him out his fixed place in the universe. I know it sounds like it should be the opposite, only—"

"Doctor!"

"The paradox year was leaking out into this timeline from around Jack. The bond needed to be broken—completely destroyed at the quantum level—or equalized in order to stop the pull on Jack and close the leak. The only way I know of to break a quantum bond would be to send it into the Void. But then your teammates started dying and disappearing, and you—your future self—decided the only way to stop what was happening  _and_ save them was to come back and change time by making you—his past self—like Jack. Connected to the Vortex."

"Immortal," Ianto murmured.

"You're the same now, which means that there's no more pushing or pulling on Jack. You're both fixed points in time. Equal and stable. There's actually some balance to it, I must admit," he added.

Ianto wasn't sure what to think. He barely understood half of what the Doctor had said, aside from the part about Jack disapproving. So his future self had come back in spite of Jack's protests. Which meant he definitely couldn't tell Jack what had actually happened.

"I know you're worried about Jack," the Doctor said, as if reading his mind. "But maybe you're not giving him—or yourself—enough credit. He's not the same Jack that your future self left behind. He might be angry, but he won't be angry forever. He's your soulmate, Ianto. He loves you, and more than any man I've met, he forgives those he loves."

Ianto thought about the Doctor's words. The thought still terrified him, that when he told Jack what he had done, what he had become, Jack would reject him completely. If he were to live forever, he wasn't sure he could do it alone. And Jack had forgiven him so many transgressions already that Ianto wasn't sure this wouldn't be the one that ended everything.

"Thank you for explaining, even if I don't completely understand," Ianto said. "And I will tell him, someday. When I'm ready."

"You may have forever, but I wouldn't wait long. He deserves to know, and I think he'll be okay with it," the Doctor said. "Speaking of which, it's time to go. He's getting anxious." He strode toward the door. Ianto hurried to follow.

"Doctor?" Jack said as they stepped out into the street, then stopped and frowned when he saw Ianto. Ianto could feel both Jack's surprise and dismay through the bond. "Ianto? What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing to worry about. I needed to talk with your—with Mr. Jones, that is," the Doctor replied. He strode up to Jack and embraced him warmly. Jack looked gobsmacked. "Good to see you, Jack."

"That's not what you said last time," Jack replied with a nervous laugh. "Seriously, what's going on?" He looked to Ianto for answers this time, but Gwen and Owen came around a corner then, panting.

"Weevil's gone, Jack," said Owen. "Hopefully for good." Seeing the TARDIS, he groaned. "Oh shit, you're not running off again, are you?"

"Jack," Gwen started, her voice rising in fear.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," Jack replied, sounding peevish. "What are you doing here, Doctor? And what does it have to do with Ianto?"

"Who says it has anything to do with him?" the Doctor asked, failing completely at lying.

"You said you needed to talk to him," Jack replied. "He came off the TARDIS with you."

"It's all right," Ianto finally spoke up. "I'm fine."

Jack narrowed his eyes, and Ianto could feel the deep fear underlying his suspicions. "Then what happened? You didn't time travel, did you?"

Ianto held back a laugh. "No, I don't think so. The Doctor said he needed my help with something."

"And what would that be? A cup of coffee?" asked Owen. Jack glared at him before turning back to Ianto.

"Please tell me what's going on," he said softly. "I can feel how confused you are and it's scaring me."

"I'm not entirely sure," Ianto shrugged helplessly. "I was running through the street when…when he jumped in front of me and told me bad things were going to happen." He glanced at Gwen and Owen, remembering what his past self had said about Gwen's death and Tosh's disappearance. "Really bad things."

Jack looked at the Doctor. "In the future? Are you meddling with the timeline again?"

"You know me," the Doctor replied with a bounce of his heels. "You'll be glad of this one, though."

"Why?"

Ianto glanced at the Doctor, who nodded at him to answer. "He told me that the year you were gone, the paradox year, was leaking through, taking over," Ianto replied. "That tomorrow people would die and…and other things would happen as the paradox grew worse."

Jack took a step back and glanced at the sky. He looked pale and Ianto felt a spike of fear. "So was that …Doctor, I didn't actually see one, did I? A Toclafane?"

"What's a Toclafane?" asked Gwen, but everyone ignored her.

"Yes," the Doctor replied. "It was the first breakthrough of the paradox year leaking into this timeline. I came back to plug the leak before any more of that year became reality again."

Jack was clearly rattled. "The paradox year came through?" There was a beep on the comms, and he tapped his earpiece. "What, Tosh? Yeah, we're on it. Everything seems to be okay so far. Keep watching, though. Tell me if anything else comes up."

He turned to Gwen and Owen. "That was Tosh. She said she picked up a temporal blip, right about the time I thought I saw something…was that the paradox, Doctor?"

"Yes," the Doctor nodded. "Should be sealed away nice and tight now."

"How?" asked Jack. "Why did you need Ianto?"

Ianto shook his head helplessly, not sure how much to reveal. The Doctor rolled his eyes and stepped forward.

"He was actually the one who first saw the Toclafane, before I came back in time. I pulled him into the TARDIS because I needed a stable anchor in this time to lock onto while I stitched up the leak at the point of the breach."

Jack looked thoroughly skeptical. "Ianto?"

"I have no idea, Jack," he said, pushing back any feelings of guilt and shame. "Like he said, he pulled me into the TARDIS, babbled about paradoxes and leaks in time, and pushed a bunch of buttons. Everything went a little weird, and then we heard you pounding on the door."

"See, stable anchor," the Doctor repeated, pounding Ianto on the back with a false smile. "Good man. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome, I suppose," Ianto murmured. He was still stunned by all that had happened in the last several minutes; gratitude had never occurred to him.

"Well, I should get going," the Doctor said abruptly into the awkward silence. "Probably another problem somewhere I should be solving, can't stick around here once everything's back to normal."

"Do you need to refuel?" Jack asked. "You could come by the Hub, make sure everything is all right with the temporal leaks." He paused and looked pointedly at the Doctor. "Tell us what really happened."

"We stopped the paradox year from leaking through, and you shouldn't have any more problems," the Doctor replied. "I have full faith Ms. Sato will find everything in order with her readings."

Jack frowned, and Ianto wondered if the Doctor had slipped, or if perhaps Jack had mentioned Tosh before. Maybe Jack didn't believe the Doctor. Before Jack could say anything, however, the Doctor bustled over and shook Ianto's hand, holding it tight.

"I've said it before, but you're a remarkable man, Mr. Jones." He leaned closer. "We will certainly meet again, and hopefully under more positive circumstances."

Ianto swallowed and nodded, feeling something strangely akin to jealously from his bond with Jack. The Doctor walked over to Jack and embraced him, whispering something in his ear that made Jack pull back in astonishment, then smile gratefully. Ianto panicked; had the Doctor told Jack what had really happened in the TARDIS? Ianto sensed only happiness and relief from Jack, however; had he known Ianto's secret, he would have certainly felt more anger and hurt.

The Doctor waved to them one last time before entering his ship. Ianto was sure he felt the TARDIS once more; he could feel her singing in his mind. Jack came to stand beside him, a smile on his face.

"You hear her too, don't you?" he asked softly, and Ianto nodded.

"It was only minutes, but it was amazing."

Jack glanced sideways at him but did not say anything as the blue police box began to dematerialize. When it was finally gone, Owen ruined the moment by speaking.

"Care to tell us what the hell just happened, Jack?" he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jack motioned them to follow and began to head back to where they'd parked the SUV. "Not sure I can, Owen, but I don't think there's anything to worry about." Ianto could tell, however, that deep down, Jack was still worried about him.

Apparently, Owen was as well. "You all right, teaboy? Because you're awfully quiet. I would have expected at least a few jabs at all this."

Ianto gave him a weak smile over his shoulder. "I'm fine. It all happened so fast, and I'm still not sure what exactly happened." He shrugged, remembering the Doctor's story. "I've never been an anchor before."

"And I've never heard of one," Jack replied cheerfully. "He was totally making that up."

Ianto glanced at him in alarm; clearly Jack had seen through the Doctor's explanation. "What do you mean?"

Jack shrugged in reply. "I think the Doctor meant well and probably did save the universe from a leak in time. I don't buy that story about you being an anchor. What else did he say?"

Ianto shook his head. "He's a manic blur, Jack. I don't think I'd remember if even if it made sense."

"I want to check you over," Owen said. "You're too pale and quiet. You too, Jack. You saw something—"

"That the Doctor said was real," Jack replied. "Tosh picked it up on her monitors, too, remember?"

"Don't know, don't care," Owen replied. "Something strange happened so as the team medic, let me play doctor."

Jack exchanged a grin with Ianto, who rolled his eyes. Gwen shook her head as they climbed into the SUV.

"Do you think we'll ever know what he really did?" she asked, buckling herself into the back seat.

"I trust him," Jack replied. "Although I still wish I knew what had happened." Ianto sensed that while Jack did trust the Doctor, he was also covering up a deep sense of concern for Ianto's involvement. He was silent as they drove back to the Hub, clearly wrapped up in his own thoughts. Gwen tried to ask more questions, but was met with dull answers and gave up. Ianto closed his eyes and tried to sort some of his feelings into compartments where Jack could not sense them; he was sure he was failing miserably from the way Jack would turn and watch him.

Owen dragged them both to the medical bay and pronounced them perfectly healthy. They gathered around Tosh's station while Tosh showed them the blip she'd picked up near the street where Jack had he'd seen the Toclafane. Which prompted a quick explanation of what a Toclafane was and what the Doctor had meant when he'd claimed a paradox year was breaking through.

"I was gone for a year," Jack told the others. "And a lot of terrible things happened, all of them the result of a massive paradox. The earth was taken over by mechanical creatures called the Toclafane, until we managed to stop the man in charge of them and destroy the paradox. Time reset to the moment the paradox began, so that none of it actually happened." He held up a hand as both Gwen and Tosh started to ask questions. "And that's all I can tell you. It's far more complicated than that, but it didn't really happen anyway, so you don't need to know. It was bad, not to mention it's classified now."

"Why don't we remember but you do?" Tosh asked.

"Because I helped reset time," Jack replied. "Anyone who was at the eye of the storm, so to speak, when the paradox ended remembers the entire year. From what the Doctor said, this paradox year started to break through somehow, and the Doctor stopped it." He glanced at Ianto, clearly wanting to ask more, but Ianto was relieved when he didn't. What would he say? That it was his fault, because he was Jack's mortal soulmate? That the Doctor had made Ianto immortal so the leaks would stop? That he remembered the Toclafane, and many other things from the paradox year Jack had experienced? He still didn't understand the nature of the paradox itself, didn't understand why he remembered, didn't know what to do now that he had forever to think about it and he couldn't talk to anyone because he was so confused and scared and worried and—

"Ianto?" asked Jack. "Ianto, are you okay?"

Ianto nodded automatically, trying to focus. "Yes, I'm fine, what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything," Jack replied with a frown. "You kind of zoned out on us."

"Sorry," Ianto said. "Maybe some coffee will help. It's been a long day." He excused himself and hurried toward the coffee station. Behind him he heard Owen murmur to Jack.

"Something's going on, Jack. Talk to him."

He didn't hear Jack's reply and hoped he would at least have a chance to pull himself together before Jack accosted him for more information. A part of him wanted to talk to Jack, but a bigger part of him was still too terrified—of the truth, of Jack's reaction, of eternity.

With a sharp intake of breath, Ianto realized his was going to live  _forever._ He stared at the coffee machine, his mind a complete blank. He felt the walls of the Hub closing in around him and he had to get out, get away. With an abrupt turn, he hurried toward the cog door; he had to get coffee.

"I'm heading to Costa," he called. "Back in a few."

Jack's mind flared with concern, and Ianto knew he would never get away in time. Indeed, Jack caught up with him as he was leaving the tourist office, pulling him to a stop on the boardwalk.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Ianto shook his head, the words stuck in his throat. Jack sighed with frustration and worry.

"Ianto, I know something's going on. There's something you're not telling me, I can feel how much it scares you. You can tell me. Please." He reached out for Ianto's hand, and Ianto felt a spark pass between them, energy and warmth and love and affection. Jack's eyes widened in surprise, and Ianto tried to pull away, but Jack would not let him, imploring him once more to tell him something, anything. So Ianto said the first thing he could think of, something he could tell Jack to avoid telling him everything.

"I remember," he whispered. "The year you were gone, the paradox— I remember it."

Jack shook his head in denial. "That's not possible," he said. "You weren't there when we destroyed it, you can't remember."

"I do," said Ianto. "Ever since the Himalayas. Bits and pieces keep coming back to me, including the Toclafane."

Glancing around, Jack pulled him toward a bench nearby, and they sat down, legs touching, leaning forward to maintain privacy.

"What do you remember?" Jack asked, sounding wary.

"I remember Harold Saxon," Ianto replied bitterly. "And his ship, the  _Valiant_ , and the Toclafane. I met Martha Jones here, toward the end." He motioned around the bay. "This was all gone, nothing but missile silos. Cardiff was a ghost town, the Hub destroyed except for the lower levels. We hid out there, until one day Gwen disappeared, and then Owen died, and I was alone. It was like living in a nightmare, for an entire year. And I remember."

"Did the Doctor trigger it?" Jack asked, and Ianto shook his head.

"I told you, I started remembering in the Himalayas."

"That was weeks ago!" Jack exclaimed. "Why haven't you said anything?"

Ianto sat back and rubbed his face. "Because half of me thought I was going crazy. And the other half wanted to figure it out on my own and avoid telling you. I know it was hard for you."

Jack was silent for a moment. "Why do you think you remember?" he asked. Ianto shrugged helplessly.

"It must have to do with our bond," he said. "At first, I thought it was your memories, until I realized I was remembering things that could have only happened to me. Maybe because you remember, it triggered my memories to return as well." Jack looked skeptical. "It's as good a theory as any."

"I know," said Jack. "But I wonder if it had something to do with the paradox breaking through. I wish we could have asked the Doctor. He'd know. I think there's more to this leak than he's telling us."

Ianto suppressed a flare of panic, but not quick enough. Jack gave him that look, the one that said he knew Ianto was hiding something and he may as well get it over with and confess now. Turning toward him and leaning one elbow on the back of the bench, Jack affected a friendly tone, but underneath it was steel.

"You know, this bond works pretty well. I can tell you're still upset about something. So you may as well tell me now, before things get worse."

"Jack, I'm fine," Ianto started, waving him off even though he knew it would never work. "I mean, I'm tired and confused and—"

"Why?" Jack pushed. "What aren't you telling me?"

Ianto looked away and decided he would tell Jack as much of the truth as he could—or as much as he understood. "It wasn't the Doctor who took me into the TARDIS," he finally confessed. "It was me—my future self. He came back in time with the Doctor. He was the one who said bad things were going to happen."

Jack's eyebrows about flew off his forehead. And even thought Ianto clearly felt Jack's surprise and confusion, out loud Jack only said, "Two of you in one room and I missed it?"

"Very funny," Ianto replied, unable to keep the peevish tone from his voice. "Have you ever met another version of yourself? It's bloody strange! He told me the paradox was breaking through—that people were dying and disappearing and that he needed to stop it. And he did." Ianto swallowed hard, thinking about his other self and the sacrifice he had made by coming back in time. "He died to stop it. Right there, on the TARDIS. He came back in time with the Doctor to stop it from starting, and because he changed time, he died. Disappeared."

Compassion radiated from Jack, along with a sense of fear, that Ianto had died, coupled with relief, that  _his_  Ianto had not. It was hard not to laugh hysterically, given that he'd never die now; and though it might be a good moment to say something, still Ianto could not bring himself to confess this last, most damning secret.

"You feel guilty," Jack started slowly, and Ianto glanced at him in surprise. "That you lived while he died. That's survivor's guilt. That's normal."

Ianto stood and paced, trying to work off the nervous energy. "I know that, Jack! I went through the exact same thing after Canary Wharf, remember? But this is different. This was  _me!_  My future self came back and died to save us. But I get to live, to be with you, and he doesn't. How is that fair?"

Jack seemed unsure what to say, until he stood and came to Ianto's side, taking both his hands. "Maybe it's not. But he was you, and you are now him. He didn't die, not really. He's still alive, right in front of me. And I am so grateful that he was brave enough to do whatever he had to do, so that you could be here with me."

Ianto had no response; what could he say? That he still felt guilty, because he wasn't sure if he could ever do what his future self had done? That he felt even worse because not only did he get to live, but he got to live forever? The threat of hysteria couldn't seem to leave him alone. Jack sensed it, and raising a hand to Ianto's face, he smiled. He leaned forward and kissed him, gently at first, then with increasing passion. Ianto could feel Jack's relief and affection radiating from him, and realized in that moment, that his future self was right about something.

"I love you," he murmured, pulling away to look into Jack's eyes as a feeling of wonder came over him. Jack looked stunned, but in a happy way, and pulled him back for another passionate kiss that resonated intensely through the bond between them.

"You must know I love you too," Jack said when they broke apart. They were standing with their foreheads together, hands roaming, hearts racing. Once again, Ianto almost told him about his immortality, but fear held him back, and it would ruin the moment for sure. Fortunately, Jack didn't seem to notice; he smiled, kissed him again, and took his hand.

"Come on, let's go get that coffee," he said, and Ianto laughed.

"All right, but I think I'd like to be alone for a few minutes," he said. "To sort things out before going back downstairs."

Jack seemed to study him, as if looking for the truth of his words, before he nodded. "All right. I understand. Just coffee, right?" he asked. "You're not going to keep freaking out and run off on me?"

"Nope," Ianto said. "I'm going walk over to Costa and head back with coffee and pastries."

"We'll be waiting," Jack grinned. He kissed him again, quick and light. "Don't take too long."

"Jack?" Ianto asked as Jack turned away. He raised an eyebrow in reply. "Please don't tell the others…about my future self, that is. I don't think I could stand the questions."

"That's fine," Jack said. "Although be prepared for Gwen to ask anyway."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "I'll get her an extra muffin to put her off," he replied, and Jack laughed. Before he went back into the tourist office, he asked a question of his own. "Ianto? What did your future self come back to do, exactly?"

Ianto pretended at helpless ignorance. "I don't know. All he said was that there was a leak in time, and that he needed to stop it."

"So you weren't actually an anchor of some sort?" Jack asked. Again, Ianto shook his head.

"Maybe? I think I had something to do with it, but I'm not sure what."

"Time travel is like that," Jack said, sounding both nostalgic and curious. "And time travel with the Doctor even more so. Sometimes it barely makes sense."

"And sometimes you end up living forever," Ianto murmured. Jack sighed sadly.

"Sometimes you end up living forever."

 _But not alone, not anymore,_ Ianto wanted to tell him, yet he held back. Someday he would tell Jack, but not that day. Maybe he wasn't immortal. Maybe it hadn't worked. Yet now that he'd made his choice, the thought of not being there for Jack hurt, and if it turned out he would die one day, Ianto would regret his chance to be with Jack forever. And his future self would have died for nothing.

"Tell the others I'll be back soon," he said. "And Jack? Maybe tonight we can do that dinner and a movie? At my place?"

Jack's smile could have powered the Hub, and he practically skipped back into the tourist office, radiating joy and happiness. Ianto turned and began walking toward the coffee shop.

As he walked, he thought about the sense of happiness he'd felt from Jack. Jack loved him. He'd said it before he'd left, and he'd said it again; Ianto knew it was true and loved him in return. Why then, was he so afraid of telling Jack that he'd be sticking around a lot longer than either one of them had ever expected? Ianto was terrified by the thought of eternity; the only thing that kept him from gibbering in fear was knowing that Jack would be there too. Couldn't that bring the same sense of peace to Jack, knowing that he wouldn't lose Ianto one day, that he wouldn't be alone?

Ianto knew how Jack felt about immortality. It was a burden, a curse, and he'd repeatedly said he wouldn't wish it on anyone. He'd be devastated when he learned Ianto was now cursed to the same fate, and angry that Ianto had chosen it in spite of knowing how hard it was for Jack. The Jack in the future hadn't wanted Ianto to become immortal, and Ianto's biggest fear was that his Jack would be angry with him as well, and for a long time. Or worse, that he might grow to resent or even reject Ianto; maybe Jack did not wish to be tethered to another person for all of time. When Ianto was gone, Jack could shag his way across the galaxy, like he probably had before meeting his soulmate. The thought was unworthy of either of them, but Ianto couldn't help it; the pressure to be enough for Jack through all eternity was suddenly overwhelming. He was barely worthy of being Jack's soulmate for a few short years, let alone an immortal partner.

What if wasn't true, and the Doctor was wrong? What if Ianto told Jack he was immortal, yet was mauled by a Weevil the next day? Ianto couldn't imagine anything worse. He couldn't do that to Jack, which meant he had to know.

Stopping in his tracks, he felt in his back pocket for the Swiss Army knife he often kept there, particularly when he went out in the field. He glanced around, then walked over to the railing overlooking the water, away from any CCTV cameras. He opened the knife and held out his left hand over the water. If it didn't work, at least he wouldn't be mutilating his dominant hand. He'd have to come up with an excuse for the injury, but he was good at that; he'd already deflected Jack twice.

Taking a deep breath, Ianto closed his eyes and drew the knife across his palm, hissing with pain as he felt the skin break and blood well up between his fingers. He let his head fall to his chest and counted his breaths, focusing on anything but the stinging pain. For well over a minute he waited, his heart racing with both fear and hope; blood dripped into the water, until Ianto was sure he was wrong, he was still mortal, and with a sliced palm to show for it. But then he felt a tingle in his hand, and he couldn't help but open his eyes and stare.

The deep cut began to close. The skin knit back together like magic, leaving no trace whatever of the injury. He flexed his hand, and it moved as it had always moved. It was sticky and covered in blood, but it was healed. Like Jack.

He let his head fall to his chest, then set his anxiety aside as he took out a handkerchief and cleaned his hand as best as he could. He started back along the Quay toward the coffee shop, his mind struggling to accept the reality. He was immortal. He was like Jack. He could heal from any injury.

And he couldn't tell anyone, especially Jack. Not until they were both ready.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for idiot Ianto ahead. Thanks for still reading. Three chapters to go!


	19. Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Things like telling Jack the truth got away from him after that. He and Jack plunged headfirst into a real relationship, as if all the fear and uncertainty about their bond over the previous months had dissipated with the end of the paradox. They had their dinner and movie, and told the rest of the team, and began to explore both the physical and emotional intricacies of their  _animoré_ bond. Ianto talked to Owen about taking an anticonvulsant to help with the blackouts when Jack died; he knew he needed to tell Jack that the situation was quite likely to happen in reverse now, but things quickly settled into something so normal, so right, that he couldn't. He didn't want to lose what they'd finally found together. So he made sure he didn't die; fear was a good motivator to fight hard and stay alive, especially when he was tied up with a gun pointed at him.

Their relationship weathered enough difficulties as it was: Jack's trip to Hell at the hands of a madman; the appearance of yet another one of Jack's former lovers; and the return of Bilis Manger, bringing back the memories of old hurts. Fortunately, Martha Jones came to Cardiff not long after, and Ianto enjoyed meeting her again, finding her just as charming as he had the first time. But then Owen died, and Ianto was more shell-shocked than he'd thought possible.

"You all right?" Jack asked after Owen had defeated his demons, Martha had returned to London, and everyone had left the Hub to return to some semblance of normal life. "You seem upset."

They were back at Ianto's flat, which was rapidly becoming  _their_  flat as more and more of Jack's belongings found their way in and stayed. Ianto didn't mind; in fact, he rather liked it.

He poured them both a drink and leaned back against the counter. "Of course I am. Aren't you? You are the one who went after a second glove, after all."

"You're mad at me," Jack said, sounding wary. "Because I brought Owen back or because of  _how_  I brought Owen back?"

Ianto sighed, thinking about his immortality and wondering if he should tell Jack right then and there so he didn't try something equally asinine to bring Ianto back when he was mortally wounded. Yet deep down, that wasn't what was bothering him; this was about Owen.

"I'm not angry," Ianto said. "I'm remembering the year that never was. I saw Owen die that year, and there was nothing I could do. You saved him this time, but I'm worried about him. He's not really alive, is he, and I think that's going to be hard for him."

Jack leaned back against the counter next to him. "He's pissed off right now, and I don't blame him. It's not what any of us signed up for. But I have to believe that he'll come to terms with it. Because that's what we do in Torchwood. We accept the unacceptable."

Ianto was about to tell him, he really was, when Jack pulled him close, laying his cheek alongside Ianto's.

"I'm so glad it wasn't you," he whispered, his voice shaky. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack, rubbing his back. "Would you have brought me back?" he asked.

He felt Jack's sadness and guilt through the bond. "I would have," he said, then pulled back to look Ianto in the eyes. "But look at Owen now. I don't think I could bear sentencing you to live forever, especially like that. You deserve better."

"So does he," Ianto managed to croak.

"So does he," Jack echoed. He ran his hand along Ianto's face and pulled him close again. "But I'm so glad it wasn't you."

Ianto closed his eyes and bit his lip; perhaps one day Jack would accept his immortality, but today was not that day. Jack was too wracked with guilt about Owen, and Ianto was not ready to take the risk, that Jack would never forgive him.

"Let's go to bed," he said instead, and for another night he put off the inevitable.

* * *

Gwen finally got married, and Ianto couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when it was all over. Not only had Gwen survived her alien pregnancy, but she was now formally bound to Rhys Williams, whom Ianto thoroughly believed was a good man. She'd been shocked when they had told the team they were soulmates. Owen had known, of course, and Tosh had squealed in happiness at having her suspicions confirmed, but Gwen had stayed strangely silent, as if trying to figure out what it meant. Which had been frustrating, given that she was engaged to be married. Her feelings for Jack clearly still weighed on her mind, and even though Ianto could sense Jack's feelings for  _him_ through their bond, he still sometimes worried about Jack's relationship with Gwen.

He'd been out of sorts until Gwen had asked him to lunch, and they'd had a surprisingly open conversation about both him and Jack as well as her and Rhys. It had resulted in too much hugging and perhaps a bit of oversharing, but at least he was not uncomfortable or resentful anymore, and both their personal and professional relationship was much better for it.

He was thrilled to see her married and happy, and as he danced with Jack, he couldn't help but wonder if such a thing—married life—was in his future. And if so, when? Jack was over a hundred years old; even with a soulmate bond, was he even interested in something as formal as marriage anymore? They'd never talked about it. Maybe Jack didn't see the need for it with the bond. And given that he was immortal, what did getting married even mean to him, but a piece of paper tying him down to inane rules and expectations?

Jack went back to the Hub that night, and Ianto went home to his flat, alone. He tried not to think about it, yet he couldn't help but feel sorry for himself. Then he told himself that marriage wasn't everything, it wasn't for everyone, and that he and Jack had a perfectly good relationship without it. But he still dreamed about it when he went to sleep. He wanted a dog.

When Jack showed up early the next morning and surprised Ianto with breakfast and the story of his own first marriage, Ianto set aside his longing and listened, captivated by the story. And when Jack casually asked him about things like marriage and houses and dogs, he allowed himself a tiny bit of hope and imagined a future for them like that, someday.

* * *

Although the others thought Weevil hunting was some sort of code for sex, it was actually their code for a date. Which almost always led to sex, but it started more mundane. It might be dinner at a nice restaurant, or a movie, or even an occasional concert or show. Ianto took Jack to a club once, but it hadn't been their thing; when Jack took Ianto swing-dancing, it somehow felt much more natural. Sometimes they stayed in and simply cooked dinner or watched television. Ianto's favorite had been an overnight stay in Pennarth.

He felt the need to reconnect with Jack after an exceptionally busy month. The holidays had been trying and stressful, and January had blown in cold and grey. Ianto decided they deserved an early night and some quality alone time. He made reservations at a French restaurant in town, with plans to see a World War II movie afterward before retreating to his flat to try some new ideas he'd been considering for a while.

Jack told Gwen they were going Weevil hunting when she pressed him for information about a missing boy on his way out. Unfortunately, there really was a Weevil alert halfway through dessert. They were the closest, so they paid their bill and ran down the Weevil. As they often did, they separated to corner it. Ianto came around from behind, hoping to force it toward Jack. But it saw Jack, looked back at Ianto, and quickly decided the better way out of the alley was through Ianto.

It barreled into him, knocking him hard to the ground, leaving him too dazed to push it off. It raised a claw and slashed at his chest before a gunshot rang out and it sprang up to run away. Ianto rolled over with a groan as Jack came running over, panic flaring through their bond.

"Ianto!" he exclaimed, falling to the ground next to him. "Are you all right? Are you hurt?"

Ianto looked up into Jack's terrified face and shook his head. "Knocked the wind out of me," he said. "I'm okay. Go after it."

Jack refused, but Ianto insisted. "I'm fine. I can catch my breath while you finish it off."

Still clearly reluctant to leave him, Jack nodded and stood up to leave. As soon as he darted from the alley, Ianto turned over and lay flat on his back, holding back a groan. The Weevil had actually got him hard. He wasn't holding anything in, but if his injury was any deeper, he'd be reviving on the street. Instead, he felt the strange tingle that told him the wound was already healing and bit his teeth; it was not pleasant. He'd only experienced it a few times since the day he had cut his palm to test it, and he'd still not got used to it. He had, however, managed to hide it each time by begging off on a near miss. It looked like he'd be doing the same once more.

Unless he came clean and told Jack about his immortality. It was hard keeping it secret, especially with the bond. Ianto had always been good at compartmentalizing, hiding, or flat out denying his feelings, but the last six months had been an exceptional challenge. Why didn't he confess everything? Then Jack would know, and Owen could stop fussing over him whenever he thought the teaboy was hurt, and Ianto could take more risks in the field without hiding his injuries.

Sitting up, he felt gingerly at his chest, relieved to find it healed. His shirt was ruined and sticky with blood, however, and he knew it would require another story unless he told Jack the truth. Yet when he felt the soulmate bond dissolve, he knew Jack had died, and he set it aside as he forced himself to stand and hurry in the direction Jack had run after the Weevil.

He found him quickly, lying next to the body of the dead Weevil. It may have got Jack, but Jack had taken out all his fear and anger on the beast as well. Ianto arranged Jack's arms and legs so that they would be more comfortable and took Jack's head in his lap while he waited for the bond to return and Jack to revive. He didn't see much blood and hoped it would be quick. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the Hub, clean up, and collapse; so much for their date.

The bond returned moments before Jack woke with a gasp. Ianto smiled down at him. "Welcome back," he said. He'd held Jack once or twice when he'd died, but somehow, with his own death so close, Ianto was more anxious than usual and didn't let go. Jack must have sensed it, because he pulled Ianto down for a rough kiss.

"I'm all right," Jack said. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," Ianto practically began to babble. "I know it hurts, Jack. I know how much—"

"Shh." Jack sat up and put an arm around Ianto, pulling him close. "Yes, it hurts, but it means I can come back to you." He frowned, glancing down at Ianto's body. "Are you really all right?" He began moving his hands up and down Ianto, as if checking for injuries. He felt the tear in Ianto's shirt; in the dark he could not see the blood, but his hands came back covered in it, wet and sticky. His panic flared once more.

"You're hurt!" Jack cried, pulling Ianto up and dragging him back toward the SUV before Ianto could even start to protest. "We have to get you back to the Hub, call Owen and get you cleaned up before—"

Ianto pulled him to a stop. "Jack! I'm fine. There's nothing there." He brought Jack's hand to his chest and let him feel the smooth skin.  _I'm like you,_  he almost said. Instead, what came out was, "It didn't break the skin."

Jack's eyes were wide and white. "Where did all the blood come from?" he whispered. Ianto had grown adept at lying quickly, and without Jack noticing it through the bond.

"The Weevil," he said. "You shot it on top of me." Which was true, after all.

He sensed Jack's doubt and kissed it away. "We should get the body," he said quietly. "And then go back to the Hub to clean up."

Jack's hand drifted back to Ianto's chest. He stared at it, then shook his head. "I can't believe you don't even have a scratch," he murmured. Ianto laughed nervously.

"Maybe I did and I heal fast, like you," he offered. It was as blatant a hint as he had ever given, as if he were testing Jack to gage his reaction. As usual, it was swift and negative.

"If you were like me, you'd be wrong," Jack said softly. "I like you the way you are."

"You're not wrong, Jack," Ianto told him, frustrated as they walked back toward the Weevil. "I wish you'd stop looking at it that way."

Rather than returning Ianto's ire, Jack only radiated curiosity, touched with bitterness. "But it's true," he pointed out. "I'm not meant to be a fixed point in time. Humans aren't supposed to live forever. Therefore, I'm wrong."

Which meant Ianto was wrong as well. And he was wrong because he'd made the choice to be wrong, to save the timeline. He clung to the day when it would finally  _feel_  right, because at times like this he despaired. How could he ever tell Jack the truth when Jack only saw immortality as a curse?

Pushing Jack up against a nearby wall, Ianto got in his face, his own fear and insecurity bursting out in anger. "I don't care what some Doctor says about you," he growled. "You are the only right thing in my life now. You may be immortal, but you are my soulmate, and that will never, ever be wrong. Remember that, Jack. Because if you're wrong, then I'm wrong, too."

Which was true, though Jack did not know how wrong Ianto was. He stepped back with a sigh and ran a sticky hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Jack looked stunned, but the look was quickly replaced by a sad acceptance. "No, I'm sorry. You're not wrong, Ianto. Just because you got stuck with me doesn't make you wrong."

Ianto rolled his eyes, hoping to lighten the situation. "I'm not stuck with you, Jack. I'm lucky to be with you, and I want to be with you for as long as I can."  _Forever,_  he thought to himself. He'd sensed Jack's doubts and would do anything to cast them down, but he knew if he told Jack now, shock and anger would drive them apart.

Jack held out his hand and Ianto took it. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?" he chuckled.

"We're both utter prats," Ianto replied with a laugh. "Which is probably why we work so well together."

Jack smiled and stepped closer to embrace him. "Yes, we do. So let's get this guy back to the Hub and clean up together, what do you say?"

"I say we have some fun while we're there," Ianto murmured, pressing his lips to Jack's. He'd had other ideas for back at his flat, but maybe he could make them work at the Hub. There were rooms they hadn't explored, after all, and it could be the perfect way to forget a difficult confrontation.

"I like the way you think," Jack murmured back. They shared another sloppy kiss before cleaning up the scene and driving back to the Hub. They showered down in Jack's bunker, Jack once more growing concerned about the tear in Ianto's shirt and the blood soaked in around it. Ianto assured him he was fine, not even bruised, and distracted him when Jack frowned at his unmarked chest.

After a quick shag to reassure one another that they were both alive, Ianto decided they still needed something to take their mind off the conversation and near miss in the alley. He gathered some supplies and told Jack to meet him in the archives. He knew perfectly well he was distracting himself as well as Jack; it had been his closest call yet, and though he should tell Jack what had happened to him— _I wasn't kidding, I'm like you, I was practically ripped open but I healed_ —he couldn't. So sex it was.

Maybe next time they had the Hub to themselves they could try the hothouse.

* * *

When Jack was taken by John Hart, the bond snapped abruptly, leaving Ianto doubled-over at the unexpected shock of it. Jack had traveled in time, but Ianto knew that he would see Jack again, even if it was hundreds of years in the future. The thought of living without Jack for so long was painful, but knowing he'd be with Jack again one day made it bearable. Ianto felt the moment Jack returned to them, but his joy was short-lived, for Tosh and Owen were dead, and Jack's grief was almost overwhelming.

Tosh was really gone; there was not going back to reset time. And Owen…Owen had died for a third time, screaming and alone in the dark. In some ways, his death hit Ianto even harder. He'd almost died the first two times, but like Tosh, this time Owen wasn't coming back. He'd been the first to know about the  _animoré_ bond, and in spite of his exceptionally abrasive personality and endless teasing, he'd always been supportive.

By unspoken agreement both men blocked the bond, so that they could mourn in private without overwhelming the other. Ianto quickly set his grief aside and pushed on, refusing to think about it too much for fear of collapsing from the pain of it all. He was going to live forever, and Tosh and Owen were only the first of all those he cared about that he would lose over the long years. The thought of having to experience the ache of such loss over and over was as overwhelming as knowing he'd never see Tosh again, never snap at Owen, never see them together.

He and Jack slowly drifted apart, until a call to join Martha Jones in Geneva sent them deep underground, where Ianto was forced to face his feelings. Jack, too, seemed to reach a turning point, and they finally wept together for all they had lost and found their way back to one another.

"Someday I'll lose you," Jack murmured that night, when they'd reopened the bond and held one another close. "You, and Gwen, and everyone else…" He trailed off, and Ianto felt the overwhelming grief of loss weighing on Jack's soul.

"I'd stay with you, if I could," Ianto offered quietly, waiting for the inevitable rebuke.

"And I couldn't imagine a better eternity," Jack replied, surprising him with heartfelt honesty. Maybe this was the moment. Maybe he could mend Jack's broken heart by promising to stay with him forever.

"But this is my burden to bear," Jack said, stopping the words in his mouth. "I couldn't imagine a more painful fate for anyone, to live forever, always watching those you care for leave you behind. It's the worst sort of living hell, and I couldn't bear to see someone I love suffer the same thing because of me."

Ianto wanted to shake him and shout at him that he would do it anyway, that he already had, that he'd made his choice and was proud to have made it. His only regret was that he had kept it from Jack for so long, and yet he felt Jack's deep sorrow through the bond and knew that Jack's anger would not let him accept Ianto's sacrifice. He would never forgive Ianto for giving up a mortal life, when he'd had a choice; and the guilt would consume Jack for sure.

And so Ianto simply nodded, and kissed him, and showed Jack how much he cared as well, and hoped that one day he could tell Jack the truth about his meeting with the Doctor and his time in the TARDIS.

* * *

When Jack was infected with the Good Thinking virus, Ianto thought about letting Jack shoot him, but couldn't bring himself to let Jack think he'd killed his soulmate; when Jack did shoot him, Ianto told Jack he'd barely been grazed. When Jack left to be with the Doctor again and save the Earth from the Daleks, he wanted to tell him so that Jack wouldn't think he had died, and so that they could meet again in the future if Jack didn't return; instead he only whispered good luck as he placed the greatcoat on Jack's broad shoulders and hoped the world didn't end.

When Jack was felled by the strange effect of the telephone line and Ianto sat by his bed, waiting for Jack to wake up, it was all he could do to keep it inside. He wasn't sure why he hesitated, given that Jack was in a coma and probably wouldn't remember; at the very least it could be a practice run. Instead he prattled about nonsense, revealing his deep insecurities. Because Ianto couldn't set aside the fear that once he said it— _I'm like you, I'm immortal_ —he'd lose Jack. That he wasn't good enough and never would be, even with the soulmate bond. Every day he called himself a coward for keeping the secret. Then he told himself that there was never time anyway, never a good opportunity, and that when the first one arose, he would tell Jack everything.

But then he walked into Thames House at Jack's side and died in his soulmate's arms, and he lost his chance—and quite possibly Jack.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. Yes, he should tell him. We know that. He knows that. But he's terrified, and sometimes things get to a point where once you've buried something so deep and for so long, it becomes almost impossible to do it. Ianto is not perfect, as much as we love him.  
> The next chapter deals with Children of Earth and sticks to canon except for one thing. You can probably guess what that is. Enjoy…but know that the story's not over. Two more chapters and an epilogue. Thank you so much for reading and for all the comments and reviews! And thank you to Avaantares for some suggestions on this chapter.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Ianto did not know what to expect when it came to dying and reviving; he'd been careful, or exceptionally lucky, in the year since he'd looked into the heart of the TARDIS. He knew it would be painful, but other than that, he had no idea how long it would take, whether he would wake up gasping like Jack usually did, or more quietly, like coming out of a coma.

When he came to, he found that it was like waking up in the morning, one of those mornings where he'd not had enough sleep and felt like closing his eyes and staying in bed for another six hours. Only he quickly realized that though he was covered in a sheet, he wasn't in a bed. He was on a hard floor, and the sheet was pulled up over his head.

It all came back to him in a terrifying rush: the 456, the virus, his pathetic last words as he'd died in Jack's arms. There was little doubt Jack had died beside him; hopefully he was nearby.

Slowly removing the sheet from his head, Ianto glanced around and tried not to panic: he was in a large room, surrounded by red sheets, each one presumably covering a dead body. How long had he been there, among the dead? How was he supposed to find Jack? Then he noticed an empty sheet next to him; either someone had claimed the body, or Jack had already revived and left. Of course he would leave. He didn't know Ianto was immortal.

Stamping down more panic, Ianto tried to rationally plan some course of action, but all he could think about was getting out of the makeshift morgue and away from the dozens of corpses surrounding him. He lifted his head and glanced around the dark room; there was no one else around but the dead, and there was a door in the back that he felt he could get to quickly and quietly.

He was exhausted and wondered if reviving felt that way to Jack, who'd always seemed to return to life ready to fight. Ianto had been poisoned—rather stupidly, he might add—by an alien virus. Did it take longer for his body to recover from something like that? And why hadn't they gone in with masks? He should have put it together, that the 456 had threatened Earth with a virus the first time they'd been there and might do so again; he should have got them some kind of protection. But they'd been blown up and chased across the country and forced into hiding, and even now he could barely think straight; was his body struggling to heal as well?

It was probably why he hadn't realized that the bond with Jack was back, though it was very faint. Jack was definitely alive then. Was he blocking it? Why? Did he think Ianto was dead, and had decided to isolate himself from the typical fade of the  _animoré_ bond when one partner died? Or were they still too weak to feel it completely? Ianto thought about trying to reach out to Jack, but if Jack was back in the thick of things with the 456, then Ianto couldn't distract him. Jack needed to focus, which could also be why he'd blocked the bond.

He knew he should find Jack, to continue the fight against the 456. Yet he had no idea where to even begin looking for Jack if he'd already revived, and for some reason Ianto was terrified of being discovered. The government had put a bomb in Jack's stomach; they had encased him in concrete. They knew Jack was immortal and had gone through incredibly cruel lengths to stop him. What would they do if Ianto walked out of the morgue alive and well? Cut him open to see what made him tick? Bury him alive? Shoot him into the vacuum of outer space?

No, he needed to get out of there and hide, then quietly find Jack and Gwen. Crawling toward the door, he reached it without being seen and hurried out. Standing straight and tall and taking on the air of someone who knew exactly where he was going, he strode down a corridor toward the nearest exit, somehow managing to avoid being seen by ducking into an empty room whenever he heard footsteps.

As he stepped out into the twilight, he took a deep breath and rejoiced in the feel of clean air in his lungs. He was alive, and he was free. And he was both exhausted and starving. Hurrying away from the scene of his first death, he decided his best course of action was to retreat to the warehouse where they'd set up their second Hub. Perhaps he'd find the others there, perhaps not; either way, he hoped it would be safe, so that he could come up with a plan before trying to find Jack.

The warehouse was empty, the equipment gone. Ianto frowned as he glanced around, wondering where everything—and everyone— had gone. If he and Jack had died at Thames House, what had happened to Gwen and Rhys? Had they been captured? Arrested? Killed? He wished he had a mobile phone to try and find out what was going on in the outside world, but he had nothing; he only hoped he could scrounge up some food from their short stay in the warehouse. As long as it wasn't beans.

After finding and devouring some crisps and water, Ianto collapsed on the battered sofa, his arm flung over his head. He was exhausted, and suspected that while his body had come back to life, it was still fighting off the effect of the virus. What about Jack, then? He'd been blown up, covered in concrete, and then killed by the virus as well. Maybe he hadn't actually revived yet; maybe he was still back in the room of the dead from Thames House. Had Ianto left him there to wake up, alone?

No, he felt the bond, however faint, which told him Jack was alive somewhere. He needed to find Jack. He tried to get up to start his search, but his tired body would not move, and he fell into a deep sleep instead, haunted by dreams of three-headed aliens and the end of the world. He did not even notice the bond with Jack growing stronger as he slowly continued to heal.

* * *

When Ianto awoke a second time, it was light outside, late afternoon by his best judgement. He'd been asleep for too long; he needed to get in touch with Jack and Gwen somehow. He'd wasted too much time in the warehouse, and worried that something terrible might have happened.

Leaving the warehouse behind, Ianto nicked a wallet on the street, then ducked into a nearby pub to clean up as best as he could and watch the news on television. He almost fell off his bar stool: the 456 were gone. It was over. Jack had won. Which was when he realized that the bond with Jack was no longer blocked, and Jack was consumed with grief.

Thinking quickly, Ianto dashed outside and hailed a cab, giving the address of Jack's favorite hotel in Westminster. It was where he stayed every time he was called to London to meet with the Queen, or the Home Secretary, or even UNIT. Ianto would wait there for him, for as long as it took. He tried to send out feelings of strength and of comfort so that Jack could sense him through his grief, but he had no idea if it worked.

He stopped for clothes and food, then booked a room and hurried up to take a shower. Returning to the lobby, he grew more and more agitated when Jack failed to show up. Had he been injured? Arrested? Taking several calming breaths, he tried to concentrate on the bond, and felt the moment that Jack's grief changed to shock. Which was when he opened his eyes to find Jack standing on the other side of the lobby, staring at him as if he were seeing a ghost.

* * *

Jack had been through all manners of death over his long years on earth. He'd been shot and stabbed and burned, beaten and poisoned, frozen and drowned. And most recently he'd added blown up and sealed in concrete to that list. Some deaths were harder to recover from than others; gunshots healed quickly, but bleeding out left him tired and weak. Regrowing skin and bones from the bomb placed in his stomach had been excruciating, and he was still recovering mentally and physically from essentially being buried alive.

Which was probably why the alien virus hit him hard, and he woke with a small intake of breath instead of a loud gasp. He knew, beyond a doubt, that Ianto was gone, and for a moment he laid there, eyes shut tight as the loss of the bond broke him inside. Ianto was dead.

His soulmate had died in his arms, and it was his fault. He had been the one to march into Thames House with nothing more than words to fling at an alien bent on destroying the future of the human race. He'd gone in half-cocked, without a real plan, confident he could talk his way out of the lethal deal the government had agreed to, not even stopping to consider the consequences. Of course the 456 had fought back. Of course they had made a show of strength and fear. And because of that—because of him —Ianto was dead, along with dozens of others.

Ianto had once told him that the  _animoré_ bond faded when one partner died, allowing the surviving partner to adapt to the loss. But theirs was not a typical bond, and Jack had died as well; he sensed nothing, no gradual fade. The emptiness was painful, a crushing weight in the center of his chest. He sat up and saw Gwen sitting by Ianto. Crawling over to her, his body burning with exhaustion, he held her shoulder and cried. It was over.

Jack managed to convince Frobisher to let Gwen go to Ianto's sister, to bring her the terrible news. He begged her to somehow save Ianto's niece and nephew from the 456; accepting his own fate, he went to jail. What else was there to do? He had nothing. As he was led away, he felt the bond with Ianto return. A surge of hope sent his heart racing, but it was faint, and he knew it was probably only an echo, fading gradually, allowing him to mourn. Ianto was dead, and now the memory was tormenting him. So he blocked it, because he could not deal with Ianto's death, not now.

He went to jail while the world ended, but at least it wasn't a concrete tomb. He slept for hours, letting his battered body recover, trying not to think of what would happen to him now that Torchwood was gone and Ianto was dead. He was shocked when Agent Johnson broke him out. The equipment they'd been using earlier had somehow been transferred to Ashton Down, and before Jack knew it, he was back in the game, trying to defeat the 456. They had taken his soulmate, and he would destroy them for it.

Only he was forced to make an even greater sacrifice to save the world, and he would never forgive himself for sentencing Steven to such a gruesome, painful death. Alice would certainly never speak to him again, and he couldn't blame her. He'd killed her only son, his grandson, in order to save millions of other children. Even Ianto, had he been alive, would have been disgusted and disappointed with him. He would have insisted Jack find another way, any other way, because that was Ianto, always trying to protect him from his guilt and grief. But Ianto wasn't there, and so he did what he had to do. The 456 were gone, leaving behind a world wracked by anger and distrust, but a world whose children were safe.

The generals wanted to debrief, but Jack refused. He growled his story to Oduya and left, and no one stopped him. Of course they didn't. He'd saved their sorry arses from their own mistake, and he'd sacrificed everything to do it. He would have killed the man who'd stood in his way and tried to stop him.

He didn't know where to go, what to do, and ended up on a park bench, broken and alone as the day darkened around him. He was tired and hungry and completely shattered. Closing his eyes, he relaxed the block on the bond with Ianto, hoping that memories of his soulmate might ease his weary soul. He did not expect to feel the bond so strongly. It was more than the fading reminder of a lost love. It was an active bond, not an echo, and Jack felt Ianto's life and longing as clear as day.

Somehow he knew where to go; somehow, in spite of his hope and confusion, he got there. When he stepped into the elegant lobby of the Savoy in Westminster, it was all Jack could do to stay upright. There sitting on a blue sofa was the one man he thought he'd never see again, alive and dressed in a black pinstripe. Jack almost laughed out loud; of course he was dressed in a suit. Even if it was a ghost, Ianto Jones would walk into the afterlife in style.

Ianto stood and stared at him, and like a scene from a movie, they walked slowly toward one another, shock and hesitation, guilt and fear resonating between them. They stopped a foot apart, the lobby disappearing around them.

"Ianto?" Jack whispered. He reached out to touch Ianto's face, but pulled back, afraid his hand would pass through empty air, that he was only seeing things. "Is it really you?"

"It's really me, Jack," Ianto replied, his voice choked up. "And I'm sorry—I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was afraid you would be angry, that you'd hate me, that you'd leave."

"Hate you?" Jack asked. "Why would I hate you? You're alive! How is that even possible?"

Again, Jack felt a rush of fear through the bond; Ianto was genuinely afraid of him. Why?

"I'm immortal," Ianto whispered, his eyes closing as if he couldn't bear the look on Jack's face. "Like you."

"What?" Jack asked, shaking his head and stepping back. "No, no…that's not possible. There must have been a mistake, and they thought you were dead but you weren't and you—"

"I died, Jack," Ianto said. "I felt it. And I woke up, alone under a sheet. There was no mistake."

Jack didn't know what to say, what to do. He simply stood there and stared at Ianto, his entire body numb with disbelief. The silence grew thick around them, until Ianto looked up, his eyes filled with despair.

"Say something," he croaked. "Please."

"Not here," Jack said, finding his voice. "Anywhere but here."

"I have a room," Ianto offered, and Jack would have laughed hysterically if he'd had the presence of mind to appreciate such words. Instead he only nodded, and after a moment's hesitation, Ianto led him upstairs.

He'd taken a standard king room, though it looked like he'd barely used it. Jack walked in and stopped awkwardly in the middle of the carpet, still in a shocked daze; Ianto stood before him, equally as uncomfortable. After a few moments, Ianto cleared his throat. "Er, would you like coffee? I can try to get something drinkable out of—"

Jack stepped forward and stopped him, finally reaching out to touch him, to feel that this was real, that Ianto was standing before him. He ran his hand down Ianto's face, along his neck and jaw before leaning in to kiss him. It was tentative at first, because Jack still didn't believe it was real; he kept thinking he'd wake up and find himself alone. But he didn't, and Ianto pulled him close and deepened the kiss, desperation vibrating between them.

Jack returned the passion, his grief for Ianto flowing away. This was real—Ianto was alive, he was standing before Jack, kissing him after dying in his arms at Thames House. Ianto was immortal…which was when it finally hit Jack what had happened.

Ianto was like him. Cursed.

Pulling away with a sharp gasp, he let Ianto feel the hurt and anger through their bond. Ianto had lied to him, had died without ever telling him, had let him feel the pain of losing his soulmate. And Ianto hadn't been there to help him, to stop him from sacrificing his grandson to defeat the 456. He pulled his hand back and let it fly with a hard right hook to Ianto's jaw. The Welshman staggered backward, his hand coming to rest on his face.

"What the hell was that for?" he exclaimed. "Other than the obvious."

"The obvious," Jack snapped. He moved away, shaking out his hand. "You know, the part where you didn't tell me about yourself—about any of this! How could you not tell me?"

Ianto rubbed his jaw. "I wanted to, I did…I tried, only…"

"Only what?" asked Jack. "You died first? Do you have any idea of what I went through when I woke up and thought you…when you actually…in my arms…I thought you were gone forever, Ianto! I thought I'd lost my soulmate!"

"I know," Ianto said. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" Jack turned and began pacing, before turning abruptly back and shaking a finger at him. "You said you tell me everything. You lied. Why didn't you tell me this?"

Ianto stared at him, an almost defiant look on his face until it crumpled. "Because I didn't want to lose you," he replied. "Because I knew you would be angry and upset, and I didn't want you to hate me for being like this. Like you."

"For being like—" Jack exclaimed, cutting himself off. "How could you ever think I would hate you for this?"

"Because I know how much you hate being immortal!" Ianto snapped, moving closer and waving his arms in agitation. "How many times have you called it a curse? How many times have you said you wouldn't wish it on anyone? How many times have you been glad it wasn't me that died and came back changed?"

Jack felt his fury only grow rather than abate. "This is not about me," he growled, pushing Ianto away. "Don't you dare try to blame me!"

"I'm not blaming you!" Ianto shouted, pushing him back. "I'm telling you why I was so scared, why every time I tried to tell you, nothing came out. Because I didn't want it to mean the end."

"You didn't trust me," Jack replied, his voice flat. He felt a cold disappointment and deep hurt, that Ianto had trusted him so very little to stay once Jack knew. He walked away and took several deep breaths to calm himself before turning back. "How long have you known?"

Ianto stared at him. "Since the Doctor stopped the paradox from breaking through." He turned and walked into the bathroom, leaving Jack standing there speechless. It had been over a year since the Doctor had saved the timeline from being overwhelmed by the paradox. And Ianto had kept it from him the entire time. A part of him wondered how hard that must have been, keeping such a deep secret, but he was too upset to think about it.

The Welshman returned, holding a wet washcloth to his face. Jack felt bad about the punch, but not bad enough to apologize, not yet. He took another deep breath and tried to reign in some of his anger. "Are you hungry?" he asked. Ianto glanced up in surprise and shook his head.

"No, not really," he said.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "I'm usually starving after coming back."

"I know," Ianto said with a shrug. "I was. Too nervous now."

Jack sighed. He could feel it through the bond, how scared Ianto was. He wanted to reassure Ianto, but he was still angry about so many things. He needed to understand what was happening. Moving toward the window, he sat down in one of the armchairs and let his elbows fall to his knees as he tried to process it. Ianto was like him. Immortal. After a moment, Ianto came and sat next to him.

"How?" Jack simply asked.

"It was the day the Doctor came back with my future self," Ianto began. He set down the flannel and clasped his hands in his lap as if to stop them from shaking. "They came back to stop the paradox year from leaking through into our timeline."

"I know," Jack said. "The Doctor said he fixed the leak, but you said you didn't know how he did it."

"He didn't fix the leak," Ianto said softly. "I did, because I was the one causing it."

"What do you mean?" Jack remembered that day clearly, how strange it had been to see the Doctor in the middle of the street, how frightened he'd been for Ianto. He'd always wondered what had happened, especially after Ianto had told him about his future self, but he'd also trusted the Doctor, that he knew what he was doing and would tell them what they needed to know. Now it appeared that the Doctor had been keeping a secret as well.

"Because we're soulmates, we're connected at the quantum level. You're a fixed point in time, and I'm not—or, I wasn't." Ianto took a shaky breath. "Apparently, I was pulling you out of place, and time was leaking in around you—the paradox year. To stop it from happening, the Doctor said the leak needed to be fixed—that I needed to stop pushing you out of place."

Jack nodded, trying to take it in. It made a sort of sense, in a very metaphysical kind of way, but he knew there was more. "Go on."

"The Doctor said he either needed to break the entanglement between us, which had something to do with dying and the Void, or he needed to equalize us. Make me a fixed point in time as well."

"And you…your future self chose immortality?" Jack asked, unable to keep the incredulity from his voice. "Even knowing what that meant?"

Ianto scrubbed at his face, clearly miserable. "I'm not him, so I can't explain exactly why he chose that path! He told me that Gwen died because of the paradox coming through, that Tosh disappeared, that people all across Cardiff were disappearing and dying. He said you began reliving Harold Saxon's torture on the  _Valian_ t. The only way to reverse everything was to come back in time before it started."

"But he couldn't kill  _you_  because that would create another paradox," Jack murmured, and Ianto nodded miserably.

"He said the way to stop it was for me to become immortal, because then we would be the same and there would be no leak. I had to do it, Jack. I couldn't let more people die—let Tosh and Gwen die! The Doctor opened the heart of the TARDIS and I looked into it. She sang to me…it was incredible… and when I woke up, I was different."

"You saved the world," Jack said. Despite his anger, he couldn't help but feel a great wonder and respect for the man before him. He'd made a tremendous sacrifice, one that he would have to live with forever.

Ianto hung his head. "But I couldn't tell anyone," he whispered.

"You could have told me," Jack said, the hurt returning full force. "You should have told me."

Ianto stood and started pacing across the lush carpet. "I wanted to, I did! But there were so many times when I was ready to tell you, and you'd say something about how cursed your immortality was. How you didn't want it for me, how you liked me the way I was." Jack opened his mouth to speak, but Ianto waved him quiet. "I know it was stupid. It was ignorant and immature. But I was scared, Jack. So scared. I can still feel how angry you are."

"I'm angry because you didn't tell me," Jack replied, though that was only part of it. Ianto turned toward him, clearly skeptical.

"That's the only reason?" he asked. Jack considered his thoughts.

"Of course I don't want this for you," he started. "Immortality really is a curse. You've already been through so much, lost so many people…imagine losing everyone, decade after decade, century after century…" He trailed off, remembering Steven's face as he died, the pain and hatred in Alice's eyes as she'd walked out of his life forever. He closed his eyes, trying to bury the grief, but Ianto had already felt it.

"What's wrong?" he demanded, returning to the chair and leaning toward Jack. "What's happened? Is it Gwen?"

"She's fine," Jack said after a moment. "They let her go back to Cardiff. She went to help your sister."

"Rhiannon?" Ianto asked. "Are they all right? Are the kids okay?"

Jack shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. We stopped the 456. They should be safe."

Ianto studied him, his concern vibrating through the bond. "Then what happened? I can tell something's wrong."

Jack leaned his elbows on his knees and tried to find the words. "I killed my grandson," he finally whispered. "We needed a child to send a constructive wave back to the 456 to destroy them, and Steven was the only child there…and I had to do it, to save millions of others. I sacrificed him."

He felt Ianto's shock through the bond, followed immediately by waves of grief and sadness as Ianto reached out and held his hand tight. He said nothing; to Jack's surprise, he sensed nothing but sympathy from Ianto. It made him feel even worse, that he had killed his grandson and was receiving pity for it. He should be damned to the depths of hell.

"You did what you had to do, Jack," Ianto said, his voice quiet. "Like you always do. Like I did. I know it's not the same, because Steven died and I…well. You both made the ultimate sacrifice, and he died a hero."

"He was nine years old," Jack replied bitterly. "And he didn't have a choice. I killed him."

"And you saved millions of other children," Ianto told him. Jack knew that, but it didn't make up for the one who had died.

"But not mine. My child hates me, and my grandson is dead." He hung his head. "I wish you had been there," he whispered, the resentment returning. Ianto would have stopped him, would have helped him find another way.

He sensed Ianto tense and pull back from him, clearly feeling Jack's anger. "I'm sorry," the other man replied, sounding miserable. "I don't know what I could have done, but I wish I had been there for you."

Jack felt the urge to lash out at Ianto, to shout at him that if he'd been there, they'd have found another way, together. It was unfair, and untrue, but he couldn't help it. He had sacrificed his grandson to save the world, all alone, believing his soulmate was dead. Why hadn't Ianto told him earlier? He could have spared Jack so much unnecessary pain. And the fact remained that while Ianto genuinely feared Jack's response, he hadn't trusted Jack enough to accept him. It hurt, more than anything else they'd gone through.

The room began to feel small, stifling. He loved this hotel, and on any other occasion he would have given anything to spend the night with Ianto there, exploring one another late into the hours as they gazed out the window over the river. But at that moment he needed to be alone. He felt the ghosts of the past coming for him and needed to leave, to run as far from them as he could, until he could lay them to rest.

It was his fault that the 456 had returned for more children. It was his fault that Steven had died to stop them. It was his fault that Torchwood was destroyed and the world left in confused chaos. He had nothing to return to, nothing to do with his life now.

Except Ianto.

It was his fault that Ianto had died at Thames House. It was his fault that Ianto was immortal. It was probably his fault that they'd ended up soulmates despite thousands of years between their birth. Ianto deserved better, he deserved a normal life.

Jack stood, his path clear. He couldn't stay. He knew it would hurt, but he had to leave. He had to make peace with everything that had happened over the last week…the last year…before he could move forward. He only hoped Ianto would understand.

As if reading his mind, Ianto stood with him, nodding sadly. "You mean to go. You're leaving."

"I can't stay here," said Jack. "I need to deal with everything that's happened. I keep burying things deeper and deeper, and they keep coming back to haunt me. I need to get away, vanquish the ghosts of my past. "

Ianto blew out a breath. "Somehow, I knew this would happen," he said. "And I'm sorry that it's my fault, that I brought us to this."

Jack stepped forward and took Ianto's hands, holding them tight. "It's not your fault. Yes, I'm angry that you didn't tell me, and I'm…I'm worried about what this means for you. But I don't hate you because of it. That would be hypocritical of me." He offered a small laugh that was not returned. "It's not easy, Ianto. It's a dark and lonely path, filled with endless pain and loss."

Ianto ducked his head down, his sorrow clear and painful. Jack gently tilted his chin back up. "But maybe it won't be so lonely anymore," he said softly.

"Will you…" Ianto swallowed. "Will you come back someday?"

"Soon," Jack promised.

"I'll be here for a while," Ianto replied, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"You should probably lay low," Jack told him, suddenly worried for both him and Gwen. He would do what he could to protect them, but given the government's sudden turn against him and Torchwood, he wasn't sure what he could do. Perhaps he could talk to the Queen directly.

"I have no plans to out myself," Ianto said. "Dead or alive," he added, and Jack smiled.

"Where will you go?" Ianto asked after a moment of silence.

"I don't know. Someplace I've never been," Jack replied. "Someplace where I can deal with my demons, alone."

Ianto nodded and took a deep breath. "If you leave the planet, please tell me, Jack. You don't have to tell me anything else—where you are, what you do, who you meet—but if you leave Earth, I need to know." He swallowed, clearly holding back tears. "Because I don't how long I can wait for you to come back from the stars."

"I'm not leaving Earth," Jack told him. "I'll be back in six months, maybe a year. And I'll be in touch when I can."

Ianto nodded, and Jack reached out to pull him into an embrace, trying not to let his own tears fall. He wanted to hold Ianto forever at that moment, take him to bed and show him that even though he was angry and upset, he still loved him, still wanted to be with him. To be honest, the thought of spending eternity with his soulmate filled him with as much wonder and joy as it did fear and apprehension. It would be hard, but Jack wouldn't be alone anymore. He would have Ianto by his side for many years…he hoped.

"I'll be back," he promised. "I want to be with you, but right now I can't."

"I know," Ianto said. "I hope you find the peace you're looking for. Stay safe."

"You know me," Jack replied with a forced grin. Ianto smiled weakly in return; they were both close to tears.

"I'll keep an eye on the news, then," he said, and they laughed, however slight.

"I should go," Jack said.

"Yeah," said Ianto, his voice cracking. Jack leaned forward and kissed him, quick and chaste or else he'd never leave.

"I came back for you," Jack murmured when he stepped back. "And I will  _always_  come back for you." He made it to the door before Ianto pulled him around and kissed him passionately, the bond between them wide open and flowing with heartbreak and love. Jack gasped and wrapped his arms around Ianto, their faces wet with tears.

"I love you," Ianto said when they stopped, breathlessly moving apart.

"I love you too," Jack whispered, running his hand across Ianto's cheek one last time. He turned and left the room, hurrying from the hotel without looking back. He needed to find someplace where he could finally, completely, break down and howl out his anguish to the universe. He'd lost too much to do anything other than fall apart.

And when he was finished, he'd pull himself together and leave it all behind until he was ready to begin a new life with his immortal soulmate.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what there is to say. I'm sorry if that was hard to read, it was hard to write too. I did say it would be mostly canon. I only hope I've covered all my bases and not made any stupid mistakes like last time. Penultimate chapter coming this weekend. Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Ianto sighed and ran a hand through his hair; he needed a haircut. It felt long and unruly, and even for a pseudo-disguise, it was unflattering and annoying. Bad enough the color was off; it had taken weeks to get used to going unshaven. He'd settled on a neatly trimmed beard, and had to admit it made him look slightly more mature, particularly with the glasses. But his hair curled when it was too long, and no amount of product seemed to keep it in place.

Sitting on a bench on the grounds of Conwy Castle, Ianto finished a cup of coffee from his favorite local shop. He was due at work, but having a hard time facing the day. It had been exactly six months since he'd last seen Jack, and it seemed a milestone of sorts. Six months since they'd parted in London after Jack had finally found out about Ianto's immortality. Six months since Jack had said goodbye and left the country. Six months since he'd promised to return.

After several weeks in Cardiff secretly raiding both his flat and the innermost vaults of the Hub—as well as chasing down the occasional alien since Torchwood had been disbanded— Ianto had packed his small number of belongings and left town for a new start. Legally, he was dead. His flat, his possessions, and his bank account had all gone to his sister, and he was fine with that. He had what he needed, and she could use it more.

He wished he could tell her he was alive, though, and that he was moving across the country to start a new life with a new name; yet even if he hadn't learned that the government had declared Torchwood  _persona non-grata_ , Ianto would have been wary and reluctant to reveal himself. He was not only Torchwood, but he was immortal, and he had seen firsthand what the government had done to Jack and his family, from blowing him up to kidnapping his daughter and grandson. Ianto didn't want that to happen to Rhiannon and the kids, and so he stayed away.

Even more than Rhi, he wished he could see Gwen. He'd watched as she'd drifted into the shadows, as UNIT took over the remains of the Hub and she was forced to leave everything from that life behind. But she had Rhys and the baby, and he couldn't put her in danger any more than he could put his own sister in danger. And it was better this way: she was starting a family, living a normal life, and Torchwood only ruined normal lives.

Jack was gone, trying to outrun his demons. Ianto had only asked Jack to tell him if he was leaving the planet, and Jack had promised that he wouldn't leave. Though they'd both blocked the bond, they'd kept in touch, of sorts. After several weeks, Jack had contacted him from South America. After that it had been Sydney, then Beijing. A recent email update had put Jack somewhere in Africa. He'd promised he'd come back, but it had been six months of traveling the globe, and Ianto was losing hope.

Still, life wasn't all bad. Ianto had taken everything he owned—including some fairly sophisticated Torchwood equipment he probably shouldn't have—and moved north, as far from Cardiff as he could. He'd drifted for a while, much like he had after university, until he'd come to Conwy. It was almost as far from Cardiff as he could get in Wales, but the castle and the water reminded him of home. He took a job in the visitor center, putting his degree to some use outside of Torchwood, and settled into the kind of life he'd given up years ago, but which he found himself unexpectedly enjoying for what it was: simple and uncomplicated, if somewhat dull and routine.

Which wasn't to say he didn't miss things about his old life. He missed Gwen, his family, and the Hub. He missed the excitement and danger of saving the world, exploring alien tech, even chasing Weevils. And more than anything, he missed Jack. He missed seeing the other man, hearing him, touching him, feeling him. His worst fears had come true, that Jack had been so angry with Ianto he'd left. Some days he wasn't sure what the point was, living this life, hidden behind a beard and a made-up name; then he remembered that this was his forever, and he walled off the despair and soldiered on.

Sometimes he daydreamed about his next life, when he'd have to move on and change names and start over once more. He thought about all the things he might try, the places he could go. He wondered how Jack had managed to stay in Cardiff for over a century, never changing his look, his name. Then again, he'd been with Torchwood, and that probably explained a lot. Maybe Ianto needed to hook up with some other mysterious agency so he'd have a cover story as well. What was the American agency again? The MIB? They were so secret there was a movie about them.

He liked this life, well enough. For now. After all that had happened in the fall, a quiet life in north Wales was exactly what he needed. He felt like he was finally starting to recover from everything he'd lost since the day Torchwood One had fallen, as well as everything that had happened since he'd met the Doctor and then died at Thames House a year later. The only thing missing was Jack. Jack who had needed something very different than him. Who had left.

"Bore da, Peter!" called a voice from nearby. He glanced up to find Katrin Roberts walking toward him, a museum badge swinging around her neck and a smile on her face. Katrin was only a year or two older than him and worked similar hours, so they had struck up a quick friendship. She'd even helped him move out of the dingy bedsit he'd started in and find a proper flat, down the street from where she lived with her husband, Ewan. They were good people, both of them, and he was grateful for their friendship. It made his time in Conwy less lonely.

"Good morning," he called back. He stretched and stood to walk up to the castle with her. It would open to visitors soon, and in spite of the unusually cold March weather, they had a large group coming through that afternoon.

They chatted easily as they walked. As they neared the castle, Katrin glanced sideways at him and grinned. "I have some news!" she announced.

He raised an eyebrow. "Personal or professional?" he asked. He knew that she and Ewan wanted children and would be thrilled with such news. It would almost make up for not being in Cardiff for Gwen's pregnancy.

"Professional," she replied, wrinkling her nose. "As if I'd announce something personal like that!"

"What's this big news, then?" he asked, even more curious now.

"The National Trust is looking for more curators," she said. "In North Wales. And you're applying!"

He stopped in his tracks. "What?" he asked. "What are you talking about? I'm not applying for anything, I'm—"

"You're wasted as a custodian," she said, linking her arm through his. He was once more painfully reminded of Gwen; Katrin even had long brown hair. "You're too smart, too organized, too good. You've got the background, the experience—it's like they're looking for you!"

He shook his head as they continued walking. "You're crazy. I'm fine here. I like what I'm doing."

"And you do it well—too well. We need you, Peter," she said. "You're exactly the kind of person we need protecting our sites!"

He ducked his head and grinned as he remembered protecting other sites—Cardiff Castle, the Millennium Centre, the Pierpont Building. Yes, that was something he could do, although most of his protecting had been against alien threats. He wasn't sure he wanted to take on the bureaucracy in order to preserve their heritage.

Then again, he'd lost his purpose when Torchwood Three had fallen and Jack had left; maybe it was exactly what he needed.

"I'll think about it," he said. "You know I went through a lot in London. I like what I'm doing now. There's no pressure to save the world or anything." He'd not told her much about London, only that he'd lost someone he cared about there.

She snorted. "Something tells me you'd do fine saving the world. So save a bit of Wales with us. Please, Peter? I've already put your name in."

"What?" he asked in surprise. They let themselves into the visitor center and began getting ready for the day. At times, it reminded him of his small tourist office on the Quay in Cardiff, only he was no longer interrupted by Rift alerts or sex with Jack. He liked what he was doing, but had to admit, it did get boring. He was definitely capable of much more, but he wasn't sure moving up the corporate ladder in the Welsh National Trust was what he wanted.

"I recommended you," she repeated. "Highly."

He shook his head, pleased at her recommendation nonetheless. "Thank you," he said. "I'll consider it, all right?"

"Good," she said, clapping her hands together. "Because then we could—"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Katrin hurried over while Ianto rearranged a shelf of books, thrown back on the shelves by a particularly loud and overbearing group of tourists the previous day. He half listened as Katrin spoke to the early visitor.

"I'm afraid we're not open yet, sir," she said. "The castle opens at 9:30 today."

"I know," said a very familiar voice. "I saw it on the sign. I was hoping to speak to someone before the day started."

Ianto whirled around in shock. Jack stood in the doorway, looking right at him. He was smiling hesitantly.

"Hi," he offered.

"Jack?" Ianto practically stuttered, embarrassed that his coworker and friend was seeing him so flustered. Of course it was Jack, he'd recognize that voice anywhere. And the greatcoat. And then he felt Jack drop his guard on the bond, as if inviting Ianto in.

"How are you, Ianto?" he asked. Katrin glanced over at Ianto, the question clear on her face.

"Middle name," he replied automatically.

"Right," she said, drawing it out. She grinned. "I'll go see if James and Lily are in yet so you two can catch up."

"Thanks," he murmured. Jack watched her leave, a curious look on his face. As soon as the door closed, he grinned.

"Now, she's cute. What's her name? Is she—"

"What are you doing here, Jack?" Ianto asked. He didn't mean to sound harsh, but it came out that way, and Jack flinched.

"I'm here to see you, obviously," Jack replied. "I mean, the castle is nice, but there's one in Cardiff. But not you. In Cardiff, that is. You left." He sounded as nervous as he had when he'd come back from traveling with the Doctor.

"You left first," Ianto pointed out. "And I told you I left Cardiff, I don't see why you're so surprised."

"I know," Jack said, tucking his hands into his great coat as he walked around the visitor center. "But you didn't tell me where you went."

No, he hadn't. He couldn't say why, but on the few occasions he'd talked to Jack over the months, he'd not mentioned anything about settling in Conwy and working at the castle; he'd only said he'd gone north. Perhaps it was because Jack had never offered more than a vague locale during his travels; perhaps it was because Ianto had wanted to make it on his own, cutting ties to his old life without judgement.

"How did you find me?" he asked. He had a mobile—it was how they stayed in touch—but he'd also snuck onto the Torchwood servers and installed an anti-tracking program on his phone to protect himself should the government come after him. Jack tapped his temple.

"Followed the breadcrumbs," he said. "Peter, huh? I thought your middle name was David."

"It was my grandfather's name."

"And Prescott? Peter Prescott?"

Ianto shrugged. "Read it in a book. Liked the superhero feel of it."

Jack laughed. He moved closer, watching Ianto with clear affection. Though Jack was wearing his traditional blue trousers with a shirt and suspenders under the great coat, Ianto was wearing khakis and a polo. He suddenly felt naked without a suit and tie and nervously rubbed at the back of his neck.

"You look good," Jack said. "I like the new style."

"I need a haircut," Ianto murmured. Jack reached out and ran a hand along Ianto's face, then took off his glasses and placed them in his pocket.

"I missed you," Jack murmured. "And I really want to kiss you."

"Don't people usually talk first –" Ianto started, but was interrupted by Jack's lips pressed hard against his own. His first impulse was to step back, to stop and talk and make sure Jack was there to stay.

Then he felt Jack's deep regret through the bond, followed by so much love and desire that he knew Jack meant what he said and had come back for him. He opened his lips to Jack, reveling in the touch and feel of his soulmate after so many months apart. Jack's hands came up to his face, brushing against his beard and tangling in his hair, and it was all Ianto could do to hold back a groan. He pulled Jack closer, kissing him with all the pent-up passion of the last six months, and grinned against Jack's lips when the other man couldn't hold back a breathless moan.

"Told you I missed you," Jack murmured.

"I missed you too," Ianto told him. "And I'm—"

They were interrupted by a cough behind them, and turned to find Katrin and several of the museum staff standing there watching, all with grins on their face; one or two even clapped. Ianto stepped away, immediately embarrassed, running a hand through his hair to tame it once more. Jack handed him his glasses, but Ianto didn't bother. Katrin shooed the others away before coming up to them.

"Hi, I'm Katrin Roberts," she said brightly; Ianto could tell she was only holding back a squeal for his sake. "I work with Peter here at the castle."

"James Harper," Jack offered, holding out his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

She cocked her head to the side. "Not Jack?" she asked.

"Middle name," he replied with a wink. This time she did grin.

"That was like something from a film, Peter," she said. "We're due to open in a few minutes, though, so you might want to take it elsewhere."

"Right," Ianto practically stuttered before turning to Jack. "I'm sorry, I'm obviously working today—"

She slid her arm into his and grinned at Jack. "Only he doesn't start until this afternoon. We've got a tour group coming in. One o'clock, right?"

"Katrin, I—"

"You clearly need to catch up," she said, then leaned toward him and lowered her voice. "We all saw that kiss, Peter. That needs a follow-up." He flushed hard and opened his mouth to protest, but she rolled her eyes. "Not like that, although go for it if you have time. I take it this has to do with what happened in London?"

"You could say that," Ianto muttered, still slightly in shock at seeing Jack, and even more surprised to be let off work.

She hugged him, standing on tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "He's your soulmate, isn't he?"

Ianto nodded, his throat tight.

"He's a lucky man," she said, her voice slightly louder, clearly intended for Jack to hear.

"You have no idea," said Jack. "I'm the luckiest man in the universe, I think." He took Ianto's hand, grabbed his coat from nearby, and began to move toward the door. "I'll have him back this afternoon," he told her. "Thank you!"

"You owe us a proper story, Peter," Katrin called. Ianto wondered how he could possibly explain his and Jack's story, but decided it would not be difficult to make up something equally as unbelievable as the truth. "And you're both coming to dinner!"

Jack led them outside and away from the castle. He was radiating so much joy through their bond that Ianto thought Jack might pick him up and spin him around. Which probably wouldn't be much more embarrassing than being caught by his coworkers snogging his long-lost boyfriend, but now there were strangers approaching the castle, and Ianto didn't feel like letting the whole town see him.

Then again, why not? Jack had been gone for six long months, and he'd finally come back. He seemed lighter and happier, and Ianto couldn't help but hope that maybe they could be together without any more secrets between them. He reached out for Jack's hand and held tight. Jack smiled contentedly at him.

"Where should we go?" he asked. It was growing windy, and the skies threatened drizzle at any moment. Ianto was determined not to let the weather upset his mood. He might have wanted a beautiful, sunny day for their reunion, but he would take what he could get.

"Depends," Ianto replied. "When did you get to town? Are you hungry?"

"About twenty minutes ago," Jack replied. "Anyplace around here have good coffee?" Ianto grinned.

"My place does," he offered. Jack laughed in delighted surprise.

"I thought you wanted to talk!"

"Oh, I do," Ianto replied. "I want to know as much as you're willing to tell me. I want to know if you're here to stay." He pulled up the collar of his pea coat and glanced sideways at Jack. "But I also want to throw you down on my bed and try to convince you never to leave."

Jack sighed happily. "You don't have to convince me," he said. "I'm not leaving without you. And I'll take being thrown down on the bed any day. It's been a long time!"

"A long time since you slept in a bed, or a long time since…" He stopped, the words slipping out before he could stop them. He'd said he wouldn't ask questions when Jack had left, and here he was asking within minutes of seeing Jack again.

"The latter," Jack replied, squeezing his hand. "So throw me down first, and then we'll talk!"

They walked to Ianto's new home, a small flat on the second floor of an older building not far from the castle. They'd barely stepped through the door before Jack was kissing him again, fumbling with Ianto's coat and pushing it from his shoulders to the floor. He threw his own coat off as well, pressing Ianto against the wall, murmuring the entire time about how much he'd missed Ianto, how glad he was to be back, how excited he was to see Ianto and touch him again. Ianto could feel Jack's incredible desire through the bond, the physical evidence clear against his thigh as Jack pressed against him. He couldn't hold back a moan, but forced himself to try and speak coherently.

"I have," he started, gasping when Jack licked his ear, working his way down Ianto's neck. "I have a bedroom," he said. "With a bed and everything." He felt Jack smile against his jaw as he sucked a love bite into one of Ianto's favorite spots.

"Is that an invitation?" he asked. Ianto smirked.

"If you can make it that far," he murmured. He pulled Jack's lower lip into his mouth, initiating another long, passionate kiss. He thought he might come from kissing Jack alone, it had been so long and felt so intense. It was different—Jack was different. He had obviously vanquished some of his ghosts, for Ianto sensed little darkness in the man who before him.

"I could come right here," Jack gasped, as if reading Ianto's mind. "But I'd much rather see your bedroom." He began to pull at Ianto's shirt and undo his belt. "I'd much rather see you."

Ianto expertly turned them around, leading Jack toward the bedroom in the back with the promise of his mouth. As soon as they stepped into the small room, they began tugging at clothes, leaving them scattered everywhere as they tumbled onto Ianto's bed. He'd been there for two months and had started to wonder if he'd ever share it with Jack. Now he wrapped his arms around his soulmate and pulled him close, reveling in the feel of skin against skin, the taste of Jack's lips on his own, the sound of Jack's breathless moans.

"God, I missed this," Jack said. He turned Ianto onto his back and began moving down his body, leaving a trail of hot kisses, pausing now and then for longer ones that left a mark. "I missed you."

Sex with Jack had always been incredible; sex with Jack after months apart was even more amazing, as they came together in a physical connection they had both gone without for so long. It was fast but intense, and after they caught their breath and cleaned up, they took their time exploring one another. Teasing to the brink, slowly opening up to one another, Ianto exploded with one of the most passionate orgasms he had ever experienced, the bond wide open between them and thrumming with love and desire. He wasn't sure how he was going to make it back to work.

They laid in silence afterward, tangled so close together it was as if neither wanted to let the other go. Jack's hand ran up and down Ianto's arm, and Ianto half-entertained the idea of having another go in the shower. Jack, however, seemed to have other ideas.

"I meant what I said," he began softly. "I came back for you, because I will always come back for you. You do believe me, don't you?"

Ianto smiled from where he leaned against Jack's shoulder "Yes, I do. And you know I feel the same, right?"

"I kind of hoped so," Jack laughed. He grew serious quickly, however. "Thank you for waiting for me."

"I will always wait for you," Ianto murmured, realizing it was true. No matter what happened, how long they were separated, he would always wait for Jack. By some accident of quantum physics they were soulmates, but Ianto had made his choice with his heart. He loved Jack and wanted to be with him. Forever.

"What did you do while I was gone?" Jack asked, flippant once more. "Besides grow a beard, move to north Wales, and start working in a place that looks suspiciously like our old tourist office?"

"It's a visitor's center," Ianto laughed. "And that's about it. I wandered some after I left Cardiff, but I've been here for a few months now. I like it well enough."

"Well enough to stay?" Jack asked.

Ianto smiled to himself. "Depends on if I had a better offer," he replied. Jack was surprisingly quiet in his response.

"I've obviously had some time to think about things," he said. "And I did. Sometimes that's all I did—think about what my life was, what it could be. Had a few run-ins here and there, but I mostly traveled quietly, on my own. Believe it or not," he added, obviously sensing Ianto's skeptical amusement.

"Right," Ianto said, laughing through his nose. "Go on."

"I can't say I had any major insights," Jack continued. "No big epiphanies or anything. Just…acceptance. Of my past, and my future. I can't change my past, but I can shape my future. My future is with you, and I wouldn't change that for the world."

Ianto smiled as he recalled Jack's words to him the day they'd unfrozen Tommy Brockless. It seemed to be Jack's way of expressing that he was content with his life at the moment, and Ianto was relieved to know Jack was in a better place after everything that had happened in London.

"So, you're okay with me being…" Ianto trailed off; it had once again become a word he didn't like to use. "Like you?"

"Immortal?" Jack said, obviously amused. "You can say it, you know. And to be honest, it's complicated. At first, I was scared."

"Really?" Ianto asked. "Of what?"

"I was terrified of what it meant for you," Jack replied. "Devastated, to be honest. I know I've said it already, but it's hard. It's not something anyone should have to experience—so much pain, so much death. So much grief and loss. I hate that you have to experience that now."

Ianto nodded, not sure what to say. He was suddenly worried about where the conversation was going; sensing concern, Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto and pulled him down to the bed so that they were laying on their sides, propped up on elbows, facing one another as he ran his hand along Ianto's hip.

"But then as I started to think about what you told me, about what happened that day, I realized what an incredible thing you did. What a difficult choice you made, what a terrible sacrifice. And I was awed. You saved Tosh, and Gwen, and me. You saved the world. That didn't deserve my anger, or my fear, and especially not my hatred. That deserved my respect and admiration and love."

Jack took a breath and continued. "But most of all, I realized that I would never lose you.  _Ever._  I've always been scared of losing you one day, and as terrible as it sounds, knowing I won't—that I can be with you forever—is an amazing gift. It still scares me," he laughed nervously. "I won't be easy to spend eternity with, but I'm excited to spend it with you. Even if you weren't my soulmate, I couldn't imagine living forever with anyone else but you."

He kissed Ianto then, light and quick, before reaching over the side of the bed for something. Apparently he was looking through the pocket of his trousers, for he turned back to Ianto after dropping them back on the floor, holding a ring in his hand. Ianto's heart about leapt into his throat. Jack had come back after six months away, and he was already offering a ring?

"So," Jack said, trying to sound casual, but his voice was shaking. "Want to make it official?"

Ianto stared at him. He could have asked Ianto to rob a bank and retire to Brazil, and Ianto couldn't have been more speechless. Jack took his hand as if to place the ring on his finger.

"Not in the legal Earth sense or anything," he said, then grinned. "But that's only because I don't plan to stick around here long enough."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed, pulling his hand away. "Are you insane? You're asking me to – and then you're going to – what?" he asked again.

Jack laughed and moved closer. He slipped the ring onto Ianto's finger and wrapped his hand around it. "This is a promise ring. A Boeshane promise ring," he added. "They were given between friends, lovers, soulmates. It was a pledge of love and commitment. If you can believe it, I found it in a pawn shop run by a Navarino in Italy."

"What?" Ianto whispered again, looking down at the ring. "How is that possible? You said Boeshane won't be founded for thousands of years!"

"It's not," Jack grinned. "Which means either someone stole it and slipped back in time with it, or it fell through a crack in the Rift somewhere. Think of all the flotsam and jetsam that's constantly washing up in Cardiff. We've had jewelry come through before."

"But something from your home planet?" Ianto asked. "Something that you know and recognize?"

"It gets even better!" Jack laughed. "My parents had promise rings, but they lost them. Well, my mother lost hers before I was born. I don't remember what happened to my father's. They told me they replaced them when I was born."

"You don't really think this one—"

"—is one of theirs?" Jack asked. "Stranger things have happened, but no, I don't think so. I can't help but believe I was meant to find it, though. Sort of like I was meant to find you, across time and space."

Something niggled it the back of Ianto's mind at Jack's comment, but he was too surprised by the ring to give it much thought. It was a plain silver band with two rings of darker silver along the edges. If it had been from Earth Ianto would have guessed it was tungsten; being from another planet in the far future, it could be made of anything. It was clear and unmarked, its sheen flat yet not cloudy. And it fit perfectly.

"Did you have it sized?" Ianto asked curiously, and Jack should his head.

"No, it's smart metal," he said. At Ianto's skeptical look, he explained. "That means it expands or contracts to fit the wearer. Very common by the 51st century."

Ianto liked the way it looked on his hand: strong, sturdy, striking. It was a symbol of his relationship with Jack, and Jack's connection to Boeshane. But it didn't feel right, that he had one and Jack didn't. And what was the point if Jack wasn't planning to stay? He sat up and started to slip it off before he became too attached to the idea of it.

"I don't understand why you would give this to me if you're not planning to stay," he said. "In fact, I don't understand why you're here, saying all these things, if you're only going to leave."

Jack shook his head fondly as he joined him, sitting against the headboard. He enfolded the ring in Ianto's hand. "I came back for you, and I'm not going anywhere without you."

"What do you mean? You just said—"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go look for another," Jack said. "With me."

He didn't understand. "You want to look for another ring," he said, and then it clicked. "From Boeshane."

"I do," said Jack, and grinned at the double meaning. Ianto shook his head fondly.

"But…don't they come in pairs? How would we ever find the ring that matched this one if it's from the future?"

"No, they don't come in pairs. Like I said, they symbolize a pledge of love and commitment, between friends, spouses, soulmates, even triads and larger family groups. Sometimes they were part of a legal binding, but not always. And while people often bought them to match, there's no magical property that links them. It's the meaning of the exchange that matters, not the symbol."

Ianto thought about what Jack was saying and decided to tease him a little bit. "So I could walk into Daniel Prince and find a nice diamond ring for you? If that's what you're actually looking for, of course."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "If you've got some serious money to burn," he said, then shook his head and laughed. "And if I was a diamond kind of guy. Look, I'm doing a terrible job at this. I'd love for us to both have rings from Boeshane, as impossible as that sounds, but what I really want is to take you to the stars. This is our chance, our moment." He was clearly growing excited thinking about it. "Torchwood is dead. The government wants nothing to do with us, so it's not coming back anytime soon. And I've been here for one hundred and forty years, Ianto—I'm ready to do something different. To be free of Torchwood."

"To go back to the stars?" Ianto asked.

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed, grabbing his hands. "It's amazing out there. I know it's not the 51st century, but there are still entire worlds out there with whole civilizations Earth won't contact for decades, even centuries. We could explore all of that, start a completely new life together!"

It sounded exciting, it did; it was also slightly terrifying, the thought of not only leaving Britain, but the planet. Ianto barely traveled much on Earth; he couldn't begin to imagine exploring the vastness of outer space.

But it would beautiful too, wouldn't it? Jack loved the stars, loved traveling. Ianto had seen so many amazing things working for Torchwood, but they always came to him. Now he could go to them, discover the beauty of the universe for himself.

Jack was right: Torchwood was dead. And after what the government had done to them, Ianto wasn't sure the country deserved them. Perhaps one day it might return—in fact, when a refugee from the future had fallen through the Rift, she had inadvertently confirmed it when she'd told them Torchwood existed in 2069. She'd not said anything about meeting Jack in the future, but Ianto was suddenly struck by the insane thought of working for Torchwood for another sixty years. He wasn't sure he wanted that, and Jack had already done over one hundred; maybe he needed a break. Maybe they both did, together.

Still, the thought of leaving his home planet was upsetting. He might not be in contact with his family given that they'd gone to his funeral six months earlier, but he still thought about them, looked them up and harbored the irrational hope that one day he might go back to them. He felt the same about Gwen. If he left Earth, he would be leaving behind everyone and everything he ever knew, most likely for years, if not decades. All for Jack and a ring. Could he do that?

Yes. He could.

"All right," he said, slipping the ring back on. "Where do we start looking for this ring, and how do we leave a planet that hasn't developed interplanetary space travel yet?"

Jack laughed joyously and threw his arms around Ianto, squeezing him tight. "We find a ship passing by and go where the wind takes us. When can you leave?" he asked in return.

"I'd prefer to give notice," Ianto replied. "My last job literally killed me, but I don't feel like disappearing on the people here. They're good people."

Jack nodded. "That's fine. It gives us time to take care of some things."

"Like what?" Ianto asked. "Don't tell me you've actually thought this through?"

"I have," Jack replied, sounding surprised himself. "If we're going to be gone for any length of time, we need to make sure we've taken care of things here…storage, finances, that sort of stuff. I've got contacts so I can take care of it, leave things so that if we come back in a year, or ten, or a hundred, everything will still be here for us."

"Okay, that sounds practical," Ianto admitted. The thought of having something to come back to was immensely comforting. "What else?"

"I heard from there's some rumbling in the Rift. I think something's going to try to come through next week." Jack offered him a crooked grin. "I want to close it for good."

"What?" Ianto exclaimed. "We can do that?"

"No idea," Jack replied. "But I have some ideas, and if there's no one around to keep an eye on it, let's close it."

"What about UNIT?"

"We'll be doing them a favor," Jack said. "Last thing, I need my vortex manipulator before we go anywhere. Gwen has it."

Ianto frowned. "How do you know?"

"I called her when I got back to Wales," Jack replied. "I wanted to know what was going on with the Hub. There were some things we could use in the secure archives, but it sounds like UNIT has cleaned it out."

Ianto snorted. "I bet she loved that. You calling to ask about work and not her and the baby!" Jack actually looked sheepish; Ianto could almost hear Gwen calling him out. "I spent some time in the archives," he told Jack. "I nicked a few things I thought might be useful, but I didn't see your wrist strap."

"She's holding it hostage," Jack replied, wrinkling his nose. "She wants me to meet them to get it."

Ianto cocked his head. "Maybe we should both go?"

"You didn't tell her, then?" Jack asked. "I wasn't sure, so I didn't say anything."

"I didn't want to put her in danger," Ianto replied. "I figured if everyone thinks I'm dead, including the government, it's probably best to stay dead for a while, as much as I'd like to see Gwen or Rhi again." He once again wondered, as he had many times over the last six months, what had happened when the government discovered his body missing; had they explained it away somehow, or simply ignored it? Had they tried to find him? It was another reason he'd chosen to remain hidden.

Jack sighed sadly, obviously understanding. "I told you it was hard," he murmured. "I'm not sure how she'll take it, if you show up now only to leave the planet. She was really upset in London." He paused. "And really, really pissed off I didn't go to your funeral."

"What would you have done?" Ianto asked. He wondered how he'd even had a funeral when there had been no body. "Faked it? She would have seen right through it and accused you of not caring."

"She did anyway," Jack muttered. "I think she only wants to see me so she can hit me!"

Ianto laughed. "Just like old times. Maybe I should be there to stop her. Can we think about it? I wouldn't mind one connection to my old life."

"What about me?" Jack asked, pretending to sound offended.

"What about you?" Ianto teased, pushing Jack down and onto his back with a playful grin as he straddled him.

"I'm a connection to your old life," Jack pointed out.

"No, this is my new life," Ianto replied, leaning down to kiss him, hoping his meaning was clear.

Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist. "So we're really doing this?"

"We really are." Ianto laughed and kissed him again. "God, I can't believe I'm going into outer space!"

"It will be amazing and incredible," Jack murmured. "Like you."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You can be quite soppy sometimes, you know that, right?"

"Don't worry," Jack said. "In a few hundred years, you will be, too."

For perhaps the first time, the thought of being around in a few hundred years didn't bother Ianto. He was still worried about outliving everyone he ever knew, about dealing with the long years of pain and loss, of leaving everything he'd ever known behind to start all over again. Yet knowing that Jack would be there, would be with him, made it easier—made it worth it. They were soulmates, and they could finally be together with no secrets between them, no doubt and confusion, no fear and anger.

"I guess we'll find out," Ianto murmured against Jack's lips.

"Together," Jack replied. He pulled Ianto close and hummed happily. "Thank you."

"What for?" Ianto asked in surprise.

"For being my soulmate," Jack replied, punctuating it with another kiss. "For still being my soulmate after everything that's happened. For taking a risk and exploring the universe. And for staying with me, forever."

Ianto ducked his head, embarrassed; Jack was really laying it on thick. What could Ianto possibly say? Jack tilted his face back up, eyes bright as his fingers trailed gently along Ianto's jaw. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Ianto replied. They kissed once more, and at that moment Ianto knew he was where he was meant to be, with the man he was meant to spend the rest of his life—and eternity—with.

His soulmate.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed their reunion! I did a lot of research, so I also hope it paid off. I'm not an expert on Wales, Boeshane, or even Jack and Ianto. Many thanks to Summerstar for helping me with the first, though! Any mistakes are my own.
> 
> There is an epilogue which I hope to finish this week. It jumps ahead quite a bit, so there are even more details to research and work out. It's not necessary to the story, but if you've been paying attention, there are a few things left unanswered that I do want to address. It should be fun, maybe surprising, and hopefully a worthy finale—though as immortals, Jack and Ianto have many, many long years together. Some happy, some not, but for the first time in one of my stories, Ianto is truly immortal. Not another version of him, and not sort-of immortal, but really, truly immortal. Which was not what I set out to do when I started this story. Remember, it was going to be a quick one: one or two chapters, three at the most. Only they started acting all noble. And then they hooked up anyway. And then they got all noble again. And then Jack left and The Year That Never Was happened and things took off from there. I'm just glad they've finally worked things out and can be together. Forever.
> 
> Thank you for reading this story, and for all the comments and reviews along the way. I hope you enjoy the epilogue!


	22. Epilogue

Epilogue

Ianto leaned back and let the ship's autopilot take them into the spaceport. He watched with interest, for this was Jack's birthplace, and it was the first time Jack had returned to the planet he'd left thousands of years before.

Which was probably why Jack was a nervous wreck. He couldn't even bring himself to watch the approach and had instead holed up in their cabin, packing and repacking for their brief mission. It was probably a coping mechanism he'd picked up from Ianto, one Jack rarely employed, but he was clearly rattled by being back, and Ianto couldn't blame him. It would be like returning to London for him: so many good memories, but touched by so much pain and loss.

Ianto still wasn't convinced they should even be there. The Doctor had strongly advised them to avoid the years of Jack's life before he became immortal. He was clearly concerned about them creating changes to the timeline, and Ianto had to admit it was tempting to think about. Perhaps if Jack's brother hadn't been taken, he wouldn't have come back to enact his horrific revenge on Jack; both Tosh and Owen and hundreds of others might still be alive, and the nightmare with the 456 might have gone differently for Jack, his grandson, and Torchwood. But Jack would be a completely different person then; it's entirely possible he would have never left Boeshane, never gone into the Time Agency, never met the Doctor and become immortal.

And then he never would have met Ianto.

And so on those rare occasions that the Doctor let them jump around using Jack's wrist strap (and Ianto understood now how much that burned, to be held in check by a man who hopped all over time and space changing things as he went) they avoided the fifty-first century. They'd had no reason to go there anyway, until now. Now they were searching for something, and it seemed strange to Ianto that it was the Doctor who had sent them after it, after spending so many years telling them to be careful.

A dog came bustling into the front then and started nosing around. Ianto had repeatedly tried to keep Untitled from the pilot's cabin, knowing the canine's propensity to get into trouble. He was Jack's dog, through and through, that much was certain. Like Jack, Ianto felt like he was constantly keeping the dog in line, though like Jack, he did it with a great deal of love and affection.

Jack came in behind the terrier mix, whom they'd found starving and alone in an alley on Canis Major while tracking down an artifact they needed for their collection. Ianto immediately sensed a change in him. The nerves were gone, replaced by a barely contained excitement. Ianto raised an eyebrow and pointed at the dog, now nosing at a batch of wires Jack had wrapped together and tucked out of the way; Jack grinned insouciantly.

"He never gets to come in here, and I didn't feel like telling him no."

"You never tell him no," Ianto grumbled good-naturedly. Jack taught the dog to fetch and do other tricks, while Ianto was forever disciplining the animal. Still, he was generally a good dog, even if Jack's choice of name was as ridiculous as it was mysterious.

"What's got you doing a one-eighty?" Ianto asked curiously as Jack took the seat next to him and gazed out the large forward window with interest. The ship was descending through the atmosphere, locked onto the planet's single spaceport for landing. "An hour ago, you looked ready to be sick when we entered the system."

"And once it was up and out, I felt much better," Jack replied. "I decided it was pointless being nervous or afraid. This is where I was born! I haven't been back here for thousands of years. And it's not my birthdate yet, so we don't have to worry about timelines, not really."

It was the year 5068, and by Jack's reckoning, he wasn't due to be born for several months. They'd jumped to the 51st century to collect an important artifact for the archive they were setting up on the other side of the galaxy. While Ianto would have preferred to teleport directly to Delta Eris, the Doctor had suggested they jump to a nearby system and find a ship instead. He'd gone on and on about jumping too close to Jack's birthdate and creating ripples and bubbles and blips in time; Jack had rolled his eyes and teleported them to the neighboring system of Bahati, where they had found the  _Myfanwy_ , one of their first ships, and one of their first major loses after it had been sucked into an artificial black hole. Jack had been thrilled, but Ianto suspected they were being manipulated to some unknown end.

In spite of Ianto's reservations, they had taken their time fixing it up, keeping an eye on the calendar so that they didn't run into Jack's own timeline. It had been a nice break, and Ianto half wondered if that wasn't part of the Doctor's reason for sending them. They'd been working hard for decades, and enjoying a fortnight on Bahati fixing up their old ship while exploring the lush planet had been a wonderful way for them to reconnect.

Now they were about to land on Delta Eris. Jack's family lived on the Boeshane Peninsula, in a small community far from the planet's spaceport. He had assured Ianto that his parents rarely made the trip; it was an isolated area, yet strong and self-sustained, and they had been happy there until the attack that had killed his father and taken his brother. Since Jack and Ianto planned to find their artifact in the flourishing town surrounding the spaceport, they didn't anticipate any problems. Yet Ianto still worried, and hoped it went better than most of their other recovery missions.

Jack seemed to be thinking the same thing as the ship docked.

"Remember the last time we did this?" he asked, leaning back with a grin.

"You mean, when we ended up in jail for over a month?"

"Good times," Jack chuckled.

"Especially when you have to seduce your jailers to escape," Ianto replied dryly.

"Hey, you had a part in that too," Jack protested. "I still think you enjoyed yourself a little too much."

Ianto turned away and smirked. Jack was right. It hadn't been the first time they'd had to con someone to get out of jail over the years, but it had definitely been the most pleasurable. He'd never imagined multiple limbs could be such a turn on. It was like having several partners at once, only without the confusion, noise, and mess.

"Well, we needed to get out, didn't we?" Ianto asked. "And it was your idea."

"Still didn't think you'd enjoy it so much," Jack grumbled.

"You loved it too," Ianto teased him. "Especially watching."

Jack snapped out of it. "You're right, of course. It was hot." He reached over and tugged on Ianto's hand. He let himself be pulled into Jack's lap. Jack nipped at his neck and ear.

"We're about to disembark," Ianto told him. As if punctuating his sentence, the ship landed with a small bump in the docking bay.

"So?" asked Jack, sucking a love bite below his jaw. It was as if a simple conversation about shagging their jailers had got him all stirred up. Or else he was working off the nervous energy he hadn't quite got rid of; both were typical for Jack, even after a thousand years together.

"So let's get this over with, and maybe we can take the  _Myfanwy_  to that place you're always talking about, that pleasure planet in the Orom Cluster."

"Oh, very naughty," Jack said, and Ianto felt the twitch on his thigh that told him Jack was  _very_  excited about the idea. "You know we have to go back to our own century, though. Doctor's orders."

"What the Doctor doesn't know…" Ianto replied, leaning down to kiss Jack. He was getting excited thinking about it. He'd heard stories over the long years of traveling with Jack, but they'd never actually gone and visited. Now that they were in the right century, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to indulge in some unusual pleasures not found in their own time. "We can take a few more days without disrupting the timelines, and be back before anyone knows we've gone."

"Deal," Jack said, then began undoing Ianto's trousers anyway. "I want a preview though."

They left the ship quite a bit later than they had anticipated, finally stepping outside the spaceport to find the sun low in the sky. Jack grinned like a little kid as he hoisted a rucksack over his shoulder.

"I only came here a few times with my dad," he said, "but it's exactly like I remember! Let's walk around, maybe get something to eat before we track down the pendant."

"Don't forget about a ring," Ianto told him, waving his hand at Jack. "We've been looking for an awfully long time—it'd be nice to finally find one."

Jack glanced around and took Ianto's hand. "This would be the place, then. We'll find it."

Ianto relished the chance to see some of Jack's home planet. Apparently Delta Eris was a relatively new colony by 51st century standards. The town of Kairos was still relatively clean and well kept, crowded with travelers of every species, some Ianto still didn't recognize. Ianto knew full well after traveling with Jack that every city had its dark underbelly, but Kairos seemed vibrant and full of life. It was a shame that it would soon be destroyed by the aliens who had changed Jack's life so long ago.

They enjoyed their time exploring the city, though they did not find a ring to match Ianto's that they both liked. After a few hours, they had dinner at a café near the center of town. The food was good, and Jack was clearly enjoying the memories of his early life. He talked about his childhood more than he had ever before, remembering things he said he hadn't thought about for years, and Ianto was disappointed when dinner ended and the real mission began.

"So where did the Doctor say we'd find the pendant?" Jack asked as they strolled hand in hand through the streets of the city. It was lit up like something from a fair, twinkling lights dancing in the dry heat as people continued to bustle about. This was what Ianto loved about traveling with Jack: exploring those places that were both alien and familiar, so alive and beautiful. He wasn't sure it would ever get old. There was still so much more of the galaxy to see.

"The local equivalent of a pawn shop, apparently," Ianto replied with a wrinkled nose. "I can't believe humans are still pawning their junk in the 51st century!"

"It's not a human thing," Jack told him, pointing toward a side street. "It's universal. Every culture has some way to pass on what they no longer need or value, and make a quick profit doing it. It's the nature of the galaxy."

"It's a shame the practice hasn't evolved," Ianto replied.

"Who says it hasn't?" Jack replied. "Trust me, trying to pawn something in 21st century Cardiff is completely different than 51st century Kairos. Besides, think of how many times a good pawn shop has saved our arse, or how many artifacts we've found tucked away in some dark corner of the galaxy."

"Including my ring," Ianto replied. "Doesn't mean I have to like them. I hate haggling."

"That's why I do it, " Jack grinned. "It's a game, and I like playing to win. Come on, Peter Prescott, let's start shopping."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Do we really have to use another set of names?" he asked. He knew perfectly well they should; he'd even brought his alternate identification with him. He couldn't pass up a chance to give Jack a hard time, though.

"Yes, we do," Jack replied. "We're too close to my timeline to be dropping any hints."

Ianto snorted at him. "Like the name Jack Harkness would mean anything right now. You haven't been born yet, and it's not even your real name!"

"I'd like to think it's still fairly well known across space and time, though," Jack replied cheekily. "So today I'm Jannick Hardin." While Ianto preferred to keep a few well-rounded identities, Jack liked to make up a new one every few years; Jannick Hardin was yet another new one.

"I like James Harper better," Ianto muttered.

"I do too," Jack replied. "But Jannick fits in better here."

"And Hardin sounds like hard on?"

Jack laughed. "Not what I was thinking, but it does, doesn't it? I like it much better now!"

"Someday someone is going to figure out your pattern," Ianto pointed out. "Jack, James, Jacob, Jannick." Jack shrugged, unconcerned. "Maybe next time you can try a good old-fashioned Joe. Or Jerome. Or Julian, that's kind of sexy."

"No, it's not!" Jack pulled a face.

"Jasper, since you're ancient," Ianto continued. "Or Jax, that sounds very intergalactic."

"Hey—you can't talk, you pick your names based on superheroes!"

"At least I branched out and included superheroes from other planets," Ianto pointed out. Even after thousands of years, he still enjoyed bantering with Jack. They'd used several names over the years, always explaining away slips to Jack and Ianto as their middle names, or even nicknames. It was most useful when they crossed timelines, or ended up somewhere Jack had somehow earned a reputation. It was fun at times, oppressive at others, but in the end he liked being Ianto and Jack best.

They continued talking about increasingly outrageous names as they combed the pawn shops of Kairos. It wasn't until they came to the fifth shop—far more dark and dingy than anything else they'd encountered— that they found what they were looking for: the damning pendant known as the Last of Erebus, or the Red Key. Ianto knew it as Object One at Torchwood London. Both men remembered how much trouble it had caused on Earth, and wondered how it had managed to survive three thousand years to end up on the other side of the galaxy.

Ianto asked as much after Jack had successfully haggled the shop owner down to half the price she'd originally asked for, and with minimal flirting. Jack wrapped it in a dark cloth and placed it in the box they had brought for the object, locking it securely. He shrugged as he placed it into his rucksack.

"No idea. Probably the Committee. They spent years messing with it."

"And how did the Doctor know it was here, now?" Ianto asked. "He never properly explained that, you know."

"I have no idea," Jack replied cheerfully. "It's one of those things you don't ask him about. He knows things. He probably knows a lot more about this necklace than he's letting on."

"Great," Ianto muttered, thinking of all the trouble it had caused in the past.

"That's why we're collecting these things," Jack reminded him, sensing Ianto's feelings about it. "To keep them out of trouble."

"I know," Ianto replied. "This one makes me especially nervous, though."

"We can contain it." Jack sounded confident. "It'll be safe, and so will we." He kissed Ianto on the cheek. "Come on, want me to buy you some  _coox cre_ now that we're done here _?"_

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Depends on what it is. Every so often you feed me something my 21st century body still can't handle."

Jack laughed and pulled him close. "It's ice cream, or the local planetary equivalent, anyway. It's good. Wait until you see the flavors!"

They made their way back toward the spaceport, where Jack hoped to find a local shop and sit outside for a while before they left. They were walking down a crowded street when Jack suddenly froze in his tracks, and Ianto felt shocked surprise bordering on panic through the bond. "Jack, what is it?" he asked, his hand going to the weapon in his back pocket. "What's wrong?"

Jack didn't have a chance to reply, because a massive explosion erupted not far in front of them, blowing the entire street apart. Ianto was thrown backward, landing hard against a building as debris rained down around him, choking the air with ash. He vaguely heard people screaming; he glanced around and saw bodies lying everywhere.

"Jack!" he called into the chaos. He tried to move, but a large piece of timber lay across his lower legs. Fortunately, nothing was broken and after a few tries, he managed to push it off. He was scratched and bruised and his head hurt, but he was otherwise uninjured; he was lucky. Standing up in the dust and darkness, he called for Jack again and followed the sound of his partner's voice as his hearing recovered.

He found Jack sitting up against a pile of rubble, bleeding copiously from a cut on his head and holding his lower leg. "Broken," he gritted at Ianto. "Shouldn't take long to knit back together, though."

"What happened?" Ianto asked, gazing at the destruction around them. Jack shook his head, holding back a groan when pain lanced through his leg as it began to heal. Ianto sent comfort and strength through the bond, which Jack returned with a smile and a gentle mental caress.

"Some kind of bomb, maybe, although I don't remember any kind of internal violence when I lived here. It was a safe place for a long time."

"I should help," Ianto murmured. All around him he heard the sounds of people shouting, trapped and in pain, but he didn't want to leave Jack, hurt and alone. Even after a thousand years and countless resurrections, he still worried about his soulmate. What if something else happened?

"Go ahead," Jack told him, once again accurately reading his confused emotions. "You should help if you can. I'll be fine. Back to normal in a few."

Ianto still hesitated, even though he had a strange feeling that he needed to get up and help someone. Finally he leaned over and kissed Jack. "Don't go wandering. Contact me when you're walking."

"Yes, sir," Jack murmured. He closed his eyes and leaned back, and Ianto stood. The dust was settling, and a few lights were coming on to illuminate the destruction. The groans of the trapped and injured filled the air; nearby a man was calling urgently for someone to help his wife.

Ianto hurried over to find the man trapped beneath a large metal beam. Part of it had also fallen across a woman not far from him, who appeared to be unconscious.

"Please," the man cried when he saw Ianto moving toward him. "My wife is trapped, and she's pregnant. She needs to get free!"

Ianto turned toward the woman, who was face down beneath the beam pressing across her upper legs. He felt for a pulse; it was weak, and he wasn't sure if she was breathing.

"Are your arms free?" he asked the man, who nodded. "Okay, maybe together we can get it off both of you. Ready?"

They pushed and pulled at the heavy metal beam, but it barely moved; they needed more help to balance the weight of it. Ianto tried again, then noticed Jack stumbling through the rumble toward them, limping but healed. Ianto set him on the end, and together they heaved the metal away from the injured couple. The man tried to go to his wife, but he was clearly too injured and gasped in pain.

"Don't move, you're hurt," he told the man, checking his injuries. "Jack, can you help her? She's pregnant."

Jack had already moved the injured woman, turning her into recovery position on her left side to take the pressure off her belly. Now he was staring at her as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Jack?" Ianto pressed. "Is she all right? I don't know if she was breathing earlier."

"Help her, please!" the man beside him exclaimed. He tried to move again, but he'd clearly broken several ribs. Ianto went to kneel next to the woman.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Ianto felt the same shock and dismay that he'd felt right before the explosion. "Do you know her?"

"It's my mother," Jack whispered, slowly backing away. "I remember this now. They told me about it."

Ianto glanced down at the woman, who was still unconscious. He checked her breathing once more only to find she had stopped completely. Her pulse was almost non-existent. If she was Jack's mother, that meant she was pregnant with—

"Oh my god," Ianto gasped, and he turned her onto her back and began to blow air into her mouth. He did not do any chest compressions, but continued to hold her nose and give her air until he felt her chest begin to rise and fall on its own. When he stopped and sat back, he was dizzy and weak, though he wasn't entirely sure if it was from the rescue breathing; he felt like something far more important had just happened. Something cosmic.

"We should go," said Jack. Ianto glanced around to see if anyone else could help before they changed the timeline, and noticed a tall man watching them nearby. The stranger was covered in dust but looked familiar, though he turned away as soon as Ianto saw him. Ianto put it from his mind when the man he'd helped grabbed his hand. He had crawled over to his wife in spite of the pain.

"You saved her," he said, squeezing tight. "Thank you. What's your name?"

Ianto stared at Jack's father. "Peter," he finally managed, though it came out completely wrong, like he was stuttering.

"Thank you, Peter," he said. The woman moaned quietly, and the man turned to cradle her head in his lap, running his hand gently across her bruised cheek. "And your name?" he asked Jack.

Jack had rarely looked so spooked. Ianto took his hand, lending him support.

"Javic," Jack replied, either forgetting his false name or deliberately letting slip his true identity. Not that it mattered; technically he hadn't been born yet, though he may have just named himself.

"Good names, both," the man replied. "My name is—"

"Franklin Thane," Jack whispered. The man looked at him curiously.

"Yes. Have we met?"

"No," Ianto replied before Jack could inadvertently reveal something he shouldn't. "We were, er…"

"Walking behind you," Jack cut in. "Your wife mentioned it."

The man frowned but nodded. "We were on our way back to the transport for Boeshane. Do you know what happened?"

Around them, others were beginning to stir, with authorities arriving to secure the area and help the injured. "I think it might have been some kind of chemical explosion," Jack answered after a moment. "I remember my—" He cut himself off, ducking his head down. He forced a smile when he looked up. "You're having a baby?" he asked. When Franklin nodded, Jack continued. "A boy?"

"Yes," Franklin replied. "Not long now."

"Three more months of constant kicking," the woman murmured, her eyes fluttering open. Ianto was immediately struck by how much Jack's eyes were like his mother's. "Although I won't complain ever again as long as he's all right."

"He'll be fine," said Ianto, the words slipping out before he could stop them. "He'll be a strong boy, and grown up to be a good, good man."

Jack made a strangled noise beside him, and Ianto squeezed his hand again.

"Thank you for your help," the woman said. She sounded tired, but strong. Ianto sensed she was a vibrant woman, and imagined she had passed that spirit to Jack. "What was your name again?"

Ianto started to answer for both of them, but Jack dropped his hand and moved closer to her. "Javic," he said, then inclined his head toward Ianto. "And Piotr." It sounded like Ianto's name, though more clipped and accented. He took her hand and smiled at her, and Ianto could feel Jack's heartbreak, touched with awe, as he gazed at his mother after thousands of years apart.

"Javic was my grandfather's name," she said, smiling up at Jack. "You look a little like him."

Ianto could tell that Jack was close, so close, to saying something to his parents, something that might change the timeline. He placed his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"We should go see if anyone else needs help," he murmured. Jack seemed to understand the unspoken warning and moved back. Franklin held out his hand in gratitude; Ianto took it first, and then Jack, with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you," Franklin said. He frowned, looking down at Jack's hand, then glancing at Ianto. "Only one ring?" he asked. Jack froze, his hand still clasped with his father's.

"Er," he stuttered.

"It's a Boeshane promise ring," Franklin said. "You should have two, as you are obviously promised to one another."

"We lost it," Ianto offered, wondering how this man whom they'd just met could see that they were partners. "We were hoping to find another here."

Franklin took the ring from his finger and held it out to Jack. "Take this, as our thanks, and renew your promise together, as a celebration of life."

"No, I couldn't," Jack began, moving back. Franklin held fast.

"My wife lost hers as well," Franklin told him, and she nodded in support of her husband's offer. "We hope to find a new pair before the baby is born."

"I knew they came in pairs," Ianto murmured. Jack shook his head vigorously.

"I can't take it, it's yours, you can sell it and use the money to find another," he babbled. Franklin insisted.

"You saved her life—both of our lives. Please, it looks like your partner's ring. It's a good match, a good ring."

Ianto glanced down at his finger in surprise, then at the ring Jack held in his shaking hand. They were exactly the same. But it couldn't be, could it? It wasn't possible. It had to be a coincidence.

Jack closed his hand around the silver ring. Ianto felt the moment Jack's nerves settled, and he leaned forward to embrace his father.

"Thank you," he whispered. Franklin looked surprised, and Ianto held back a smile; he wished he could take a picture, of the father meeting his grown son. Too soon Jack pulled back and wiped his eyes. "You have no idea what this means to me—to us."

He murmured something in another language that Ianto knew was from Jack's childhood. Franklin smiled in surprise. "You are well versed in our blessings!" he said. "Your father would be proud."

"I hope so," Jack said, his voice thick with emotion. They made their farewells, promising to send a doctor, then hurried off into the darkness. There were more people working now, rescuers walking among the ruins. Jack was clearly too rattled to do anything but clutch the ring in his hand, moving as if in a trance. Ianto directed an official toward Jack's parents, emphasizing his mother's pregnancy and injury. He held tight to Jack's hand and finally led them toward an area untouched by damage, into a quiet street away from the crowds.

So that Jack could finally fall apart.

To his surprise, Jack did not collapse in his arms, or break down in tears. He took several deep calming breaths, leaning back against a brick wall with a crooked smile.

"You met my parents," he said, his voice shaky, but in awe.

"They seem like good people," Ianto replied, watching him carefully. "I can't imagine what you're feeling right now."

"Sure you can," Jack laughed, tapping his temple. "I'm…well, I'm so glad I had the chance to see them again. It's been so long, especially my father." He opened his hand and stared at the ring on his palm, amazement clear through the bond. "And I can't believe we have another ring."

Ianto reached out to take the ring from Jack, turning it around and gazing at it with an equal sense of wonder. He placed it next to his hand, where the ring Jack had given so long ago in Wales still rested on his fourth finger. They were perfect matches. "You don't really think this one was your mother's, do you?" he asked, wiggling his finger.

"You know what?" Jack replied with a grin. "I think I do. I don't know how explain it, because it's the most improbable coincidence ever, but I think it might be. And now I have my father's ring. I can't imagine anything better."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. Slowly he took Jack's left hand, and with a smile, he slipped the ring onto Jack's fourth finger. "I can," he said. "Want to make it official?"

Jack grinned even broader and kissed him hard. "I thought you'd never ask!"

Ianto laughed against his lips. "And I thought we already were, but now we have two rings. Officially official, a thousand years later."

"Yes, yes," drawled a familiar voice nearby. "It's all terribly romantic, isn't it?"

The Doctor came walking over, hands tucked into his pockets as he spoiled the perfect moment. It was the brown-haired regeneration, the one who wore sneakers with his suits; one of the more exasperating ones Ianto had met, though that might have been down to the fact that he was also the one who had taken Ianto onto the TARDIS back on Earth and changed his life. Ianto didn't resent him for it, not exactly, but there was something about his way of thinking and speaking that still made Ianto uncomfortable at times. He much preferred the older version of the Doctor, and in particular, the female regeneration; she had been much more understanding of their unique situation in the cosmos and her role in it.

Jack narrowed his eyes at the Doctor and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly on the defensive. "Some of us happen to like a little romance now and then," he pointed out.

"Oh, don't get me wrong," the Doctor replied. "I'm all for it. It's why you're here, after all."

"What do you mean?" asked Jack. Something started to coalesce in Ianto's mind…the Red Key, the  _Myfanwy_ , Jack's parents, the ring…

"Happy anniversary!" the Doctor exclaimed, clapping Jack on the shoulder. "Today's the day that changed both your lives."

"What?" Jack asked again.

Ianto stared at the Doctor, then glanced over his shoulder, as if he could still see Jack's parents somewhere in the chaos far behind them. He couldn't, of course, so he turned back to the Doctor and shook his finger in the man's face.

"You did this!" he exclaimed. "Them…us…you!" He was almost speechless. Jack looked confused.

"No, I didn't," the Doctor explained. "I saw it happen, so I went back to make sure it did. You know, sort of like the third Harry Potter book."

Ianto frowned, not sure the obscure reference was the right one. Jack stepped closer to him, obviously feeling Ianto's confusion and growing irritation. "What's going on? What did he do now?"

Ianto waited for the Doctor to answer, but the Doctor merely grinned his annoying grin. Ianto turned to Jack and tried to put it into words without sputtering.

"He knew what would happen…the explosion, your parents. That's why we're here."

"Well, you also need the Red Key," the Doctor replied. "Keep it secret, keep it safe and all that."

"Stop making pop culture references that are three thousand years out of date!" Ianto snapped. He turned back to Jack. "He knew there would be an explosion. That's why we're here—to save your parents."

Jack turned toward the Doctor. He was taking it remarkably well, far better than Ianto. "Why us?"

"I did say I was going to try and figure out how two people born thousands of years apart could end up entangled at the quantum level," the Doctor replied, watching Ianto carefully. He gasped again.

"You mean…when I…" He couldn't believe it; it was too incredible, practically impossible.

"I saw you rescue her, bring her back," the Doctor replied, his voice surprisingly gentle. "That's how it all started. I simply made sure you were here to save her—and Jack—so that it  _could_  start."

"Wait—you set us up?" Jack demanded. "You manipulated us?"

"No, I merely ensured that the last several thousand years happened exactly as they've already happened for you." He paused and looked between Jack and Ianto. "I made sure you'd become soulmates."

"That's how we became entangled," Ianto murmured in a stunned voice. "When I saved your mother. She was pregnant with you, and when I saved her, I saved you, and now we're soulmates."

Jack stared at him in shock. "What?"

The Doctor clapped his hands. "Amazing, isn't it? It took me months to figure it out. I thought it would have happened on Earth, when Ianto was born, since that was where Jack was. I watched you both for months. But no! It happened three thousand years in the future, before Jack was even born. When you saved him and his mother."

Ianto rubbed his head, trying to straighten it out in his mind. "But…but that's a closed loop, isn't it? I'm here because I'm immortal. I'm immortal because Jack's my soulmate. I wouldn't be here to save her and create the entanglement if we hadn't  _already_  been soulmates."

"Touché," the Doctor replied, touching his nose. "And a rather nice causal loop, I must say. I do love it when these things work out so neatly."

"You didn't cause the explosion, did you?" Ianto asked sharply, the thought sending a spike of anger through him. He felt Jack's hand on his arm, a gentle brush of calm against his mind.

"I remember my dad telling me about this," he said. "It was a chemical explosion. There were a lot of injuries, but only a few casualties. My parents were fine, and obviously so was I. My father only made a few trips back here after that day. He told me about it my first time in the city."

"Did he mention us?" Ianto asked. Jack shook his head.

"He said the kindness of strangers was an amazing thing," he murmured. He eyed the Doctor curiously. "What about the rings? What do they have to do with it?" They showed them the two Boeshane promise rings and explained how they had come by them.

The Doctor shook his head. "Nothing but a coincidence, I'm afraid, unless the TARDIS is interfering again. She was the one who brought us here." He paused. "Almost as if she already knew."

He gazed into the distance, obviously thinking. Jack literally waved a hand in front of the man's face. "Doctor? Knew what?"

"How you became soulmates," the Doctor replied. He shook his head with a fond laugh. "Of course she did. She's even more of a hopeless romantic than you, I think. Although, I was the one who suggested you fly in. I knew the  _Myfanwy_  was in the Bahati system and thought you might enjoy a sort of pre-soulmate trip together."

"Why?"

"Because then you came over here and became soulmates!" the Doctor replied cheerfully.

"We were already soulmates," Ianto said, starting to grow confused.

"And yet you weren't, not until you saved Jack's mother," the Doctor pointed out.

"Which I couldn't have done if I wasn't—" Ianto sighed. "Never mind. My head hurts thinking about it."

"Causal loops can do that sometimes," the Doctor offered. "Or explosions. I was following Jack's parents when the explosion happened. Knocked me off my feet, too. After I got up, I watched as Ianto breathed life in your mother, entangling his particles with yours at the quantum level. It was rather remarkable, really."

"I saw you," Ianto told him. "I didn't think anything of it at the time, though."

"Yep," the Doctor replied, bouncing back and forth on his heels. "That was me. I went back to your current century and sent you off after the Red Key, saved a small planet from extinction, and made sure I was back here in time to explain."

"Hang on," said Jack. "How did you know the Red Key was here in Kairos?"

"He must have left it that pawn shop, of course," Ianto replied, rolling his eyes. "It's all a set-up, remember?"

The Doctor shrugged unapologetically. "You really are going to need it for your archive. And I was expecting a bit more along the line of thanks, but maybe the explosion knocked you around."

Ianto looked away, wrestling with the idea of his entire life being manipulated. It had been so long since he'd thought about how he and Jack had become soulmates, or why he had become immortal, that it was hard to imagine it might be part of some master plan. Jack, however, grinned and swept up the Doctor in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," he said, clearly meaning it.

"You're welcome, " the Doctor replied. "Both of you."

"I still don't understand," Ianto replied. "If you saw it happen and went back to tell us so we were here when it did, how did you see us here if you hadn't told us yet?"

Jack put an arm around his shoulder and squeezed. "It's another loop. Don't think about it too much, you'll only make it worse."

"Jack, I've been traveling through time and space with you for a thousand years!" Ianto exclaimed. "I understand causal loops and bootstrap paradoxes and everything in between. We could write a book on it! But this feels like…like something more."

"Bad Wolf," the Doctor murmured.

"What?" Jack asked, head snapping toward him. "What do you mean?"

"It was Bad Wolf that made you immortal," the Doctor pointed out. "The power of the TARDIS combined with the heart of Rose Tyler. Because you were immortal, you were able to live through the years until Ianto was born. When you finally met, you realized your bond together. Because of that bond, Ianto became immortal. Because he's immortal, he lived long enough to save your mother, which is how you became entangled—soulmates."

"It's still a damn loop!" Ianto exclaimed, trying to wrap his mind around it.

"Time works in mysterious ways," the Doctor replied. "And the TARDIS can be even more mysterious. Who's to say she didn't see this happening first, and made sure Jack was immortal so that he could meet Ianto in order for it to happen?"

Now Jack was finally starting to show signs of uncertainty and even confusion. "Rose brought me back to become Ianto's soulmate?" he asked.

"Or she saw that it would happen, here, today, and made sure you would live long enough to meet Ianto in the past and arrive at this point in the future with him."

Jack turned toward Ianto with a cheeky grin. "So it's all your fault!" he announced. Ianto stared at them both.

"I'm not apologizing," he told them. "Since I have no idea what I'm apologizing for."

"No one needs to apologize," the Doctor said. "It's just one of those—"

"Wibbly-wobbly, time-whimey things?" Jack and Ianto finished together; Ianto punctuated it with an eye roll. The Doctor huffed at them.

"Well, I was going to say something completely different and much more poetic about soulmates and destiny, but yes—that will do. Now, since we're done here, what do you say we all take a little trip somewhere? The Dundra system is acting up again."

Ianto glanced at Jack and minutely shook his head, though the gesture was hardly necessary. He could sense Jack's lack of interest, as well as his desire to travel on their own; they had a lot to talk about, after all, and things they wanted to see and do.

"I think we need some time alone," Jack said, and Ianto nodded. He coughed as a spike of desire shot through him; Jack was telegraphing his feelings on purpose, hoping it would affect Ianto. Ianto in turn let Jack feel his own increasing desire, knowing that Jack was terrible at hiding it. "Like, right now."

The Doctor glanced back and forth between them and made a face. "Oh, don't tell me you've evolved to the point of being able to have psychic sex. You're not doing it right now, are you? In front of me?"

Jack's ears literally perked up. "We can have psychic sex with an  _animoré_ bond?" he asked.

"We're aren't at the moment," Ianto told the Doctor. "But we are definitely going to work on it." Beside him, Jack's shoulders shook with silent laughter at the look on the Doctor's face.

"You two have been together too long," the Doctor said. "Maybe instead of sending you off to Bahati, I should have put you on opposite sides of the galaxy for a timeout."

Jack and Ianto both burst out laughing. They had spent time apart over the years, and every time they had always come back together stronger than before. Eventually they'd accepted that they needed breaks and were better for it. But the Doctor's suggestion was not timely; they had reconnected on this trip and learned the truth about their bond. Ianto couldn't wait to get back to the ship and be with Jack, alone, to celebrate their relationship. It truly was unique in the universe.

They made more excuses for not traveling with the Doctor, who finally seemed to understand and shook both their hands. Ianto almost felt bad, leaving the Doctor on his own when he clearly wanted company, but he'd met other regenerations and knew the Doctor would be okay.

"Well, I'll let you two go, then. But you're heading back to your own time soon, right?" He gave them a very pointed look, like a strict father might look at his misbehaving sons. It was Jack who rolled his eyes this time.

"We might make a stop or two along the way, but at this point, we've older than you now, so we know what we're doing."

"All right, all right," the Doctor replied. "Then go enjoy yourselves and be sure not to tell me about it. You've probably earned it."

"Yes, we have," said Ianto.

"And keep an eye on that artifact, it's sneaky."

"Yes, we will," said Jack. He took Ianto's arm and turned him around, waving over his shoulder at the Doctor. "See you back in the 31st century," he called. "Be careful!"

"I'd say the same, but I know you two!" the Doctor replied. They left him shaking his head, Jack hurrying them through the streets, though he was clearly heading away from the spaceport.

"Where are we going?" Ianto asked. "Why aren't we going back to the  _Myfanwy_?"

"Ships will be grounded," Jack replied. "Standard procedure—no one's going anywhere while authorities investigate and clean up. So we're spending the night."

"Again – why aren't we going back to the ship? We could spend the night there and leave when they reopen the spaceport. And we need to feed the dog."

Jack made a face, but turned back toward the spaceport. "Fine, we'll feed him, but we're still going out. We're soulmates now. This is where it happened, when it happened. That deserves something special."

"We were soulmates before," Ianto grumbled. "No matter what your crazy Doctor says."

Jack laughed. "My crazy Doctor? He's yours now too."

"Only because I don't know any other Time Lords," Ianto replied. "And that particular one is yours—I like the others better."

"Jealous?" Jack teased, and Ianto snorted.

"Hardly. But that's not the point—where will we go?"

"I saw a nice place not far from here, a hotel of sorts. I bet they have nice, big beds. And I want to go back to one of those shops we stopped at when we were looking for rings."

"We have a second one now," Ianto pointed out.

"My parents don't," Jack replied. "But in the morning, they will."

Ianto laced his fingers with Jack's. "That's actually a good idea."

"It's a  _brilliant_  idea," Jack replied.

"Very romantic," Ianto agreed, holding back a smile at Jack's enthusiasm. "Will you tell them?"

"I'm sure they'll figure it out," Jack replied.

Ianto squeezed his hand. "You said they replaced the rings when you were born."

Jack nodded. "That's what they told me."

"So why not have them delivered that day?" asked Ianto. "Make your birthday even more portentous."

"Good idea," Jack laughed. "And maybe it'll jog their memory so they give me the right name!"

Ianto groaned. "We're in another loop, aren't we? You're going to name yourself after yourself."

"Something like that," Jack said. "That's why I love time travel!"

Ianto pulled him to a stop and kissed him. Jack looked surprised, but before he could say anything, Ianto took his hand and started walking again. "And that's why I love you."

"Even after all these years?" Jack teased.

Ianto pretended to think about it. "Technically, this is only the beginning."

"So we've got plenty of more time together," Jack replied.

"An eternity," Ianto murmured, once more filled with amazement at the thought.

"Lots of things you can do with eternity," Jack suggested, wagging his eyebrows. Ianto bumped his shoulder with a smile; the line never grew old, even after hundreds of permutations.

"I can think of a few."

"There's quite a list."

"Starting with feeding the dog," Ianto laughed. "And we can grab some things for this night of hedonism and debauchery you have planned."

"Who said I was planning hedonism and debauchery?" Jack asked. "I was thinking more along the lines of sentimental and romantic."

Ianto gave him a skeptical look; Jack grinned. "We can do the other stuff too, though."

They laughed as they walked, the bond between them flowing with wonder and love, affection and desire. Ianto shouldn't feel any different now that they had come full circle and become soulmates, and yet he did. He felt complete. He'd never really wondered how he and Jack had become soulmates; he'd simply been thankful that they were, and that they'd had so many long and happy years together. Knowing how it had happened, and that they were meant to be together in the past so they could be together in the future, was both confusing and amazing.

More than anything, it confirmed what Ianto had felt since the day Jack had come back and offered him a promise ring in north Wales: that he was truly where he was meant to be, with the man he was meant to spend eternity with.

His soulmate.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> (Really.)
> 
> If you have any questions, please ask, because I may actually have an answer! I know this probably jumped ahead much farther than many of you were anticipating. There are also several references to the Big Finish stories, and of course time travel can get confusing.
> 
> Which brings me, once again, to my wonderful consultants. Many thanks to Avaantares for helping me with the Big Finish bits and the names (seriously: we spent a lot of time talking about variations of Jack and Peter!); to Taamar for looking over my causal loops; and to Summerstar for her awesome moral support. I couldn't have written this story without them, as well as CharlotteGarlic and DinoDina, my particle physics and soulmate consultants.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this accidental epic. I hope you enjoyed the twists and turns and ultimate destination: Jack and Ianto, together forever. I really appreciate all the kudos and reviews; they make all the scribbled notes, all the research, all the late night conversations, frantic writing, and endless editing worth it! Thank you!


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